Here per popular demand, the aftermath of ides of march!
Ezekiel didn't sleep that night, despite his best efforts. He couldn't stop thinking about what Jake had said, what Jake had done. He was terrified of going to work in the morning, but knew it would only make things worse if he avoided it. He eventually managed to drag himself to the Library, heart pounding as he walked down the steps.
Please have forgotten, Ezekiel begged mentally. Please have forgotten, please - better yet, please don't even be there when I enter the room! Maybe I can avoid you all day if I go deep enough -
But he was not so lucky, not this time. Jake was sitting at the table, head bowed, doing nothing. As if he was waiting for Ezekiel, who froze in the doorway. Nobody else was in the Annex. Suspicious. Almost as if Jake had asked them to go. Jake rose his head as he sensed his presence, haggard eyes widening as they came to rest on a pale Ezekiel. Ezekiel swallowed, throat suddenly dry. Now he was the deer caught in headlights. He almost wished he was drunk. This might be easier if he was intoxicated. Jake's face was somber as he stood up, approaching Ezekiel. With every step towards him, Ezekiel could feel his blood running colder and colder. Jake's eyes were as deep and unfathomable as the ocean.
"I am so, so sorry. You shouldn't have had to see me like that." Jake swore, voice tight. Ezekiel swallowed again, glancing towards the Back Door.
"Everyone gets like that sometimes. We're all human. It's no big deal. Just don't drink like that and drop off the face of the earth, man, it's scary..." Ezekiel said awkwardly, reaching to rub the back of his neck. Jake pursed his lips, palms clammy.
"None of the others were that concerned. Nobody else came to check on me. Except you." Jake said softly, causing Ezekiel to look down at the floor as his heart started to hammer.
"None of the others get bored and stalk their friends digitally." Ezekiel admitted, hoping it would make Jake angry at him, and then things would go back to the way they were supposed to be. Jake blinked at the top of Ezekiel's head, but then he just huffed, smiling softly. Then his smile fell, as the gravity of the emotions they'd shared last night pressed upon his back. There was one thing he had to try, had to know. Something he'd restrained himself from trying, but...after pouring his own heart out, he had to make sure who he was in love with, before he decided to risk it all.
"Friend, huh? I thought you weren't our friend. But we're yours, right?" He asked, in a perfectly casual tone, but held his breath afterwards. Would Ezekiel fall for it?
Ezekiel furrowed his brow at the floor. "That's not- you're taking that out of context -" He started to deny, before freezing as he realized what he'd revealed. Jake's eyes widened as Ezekiel's whipped up to stare at him. Ezekiel then opened his mouth, to try and backpedal, but Jake held up a hand to halt him in his tracks.
"Don't. I won't tell the others. I understand." He promised. Ezekiel's mouth snapped shut, and his face flushed. His frame was riddled with tension.
"I'm sorry." Jake said earnestly, before Ezekiel could think of anything to do. Ezekiel narrowed his eyes.
"For last night?" He asked.
"No, for the loop. For everything you went through. And i'm sorry for adding to the idea that you needed to hide it. And I know I did. I know I was being an idiot. You didn't turn into anything, you weren't a different you. You where you, and I should have acknowledged that a long time ago. And about last night -" Jake's tone started to get even more strained as he went on, and Ezekiel's panic spiked.
"Jake, we don't have to -" He started to say, hoping to intercept what he feared was coming, but it was too late.
"-I meant it. All of it. I have feelings for you. Some pretty intense ones." Jake admitted, face red as a stop sign, but determination and honor in his eyes. Ezekiel's worst nightmare had been realized. He'd really done it. He'd fooled this guy into caring about him. This was a mess. His chest ached, yearning and raging against his restraint. Yearning to kiss Jake again, to take the easy way out and enjoy the illusion for as long as he could. It might last a few weeks, maybe a month or two. It would eventually go away once Jake quickly realized the truth about him, but wouldn't it be worth it?
No. He couldn't do that. He couldn't be selfish anymore. He was a Librarian, and he'd admitted in front of everyone that he was essentially going to put his foot down more and try to be some sort of hero. He was finally dedicating his vapid existence to something real, to something bigger than himself. And he really cared about these people, more than anything in the world. He had to put Jake's well being before his own selfish desires. He had to nip this misguided idea in the bud, so they would all be better off. He clenched his hands into fists, to steady himself towards the route ahead.
"Uh...i've sure noticed some strong feelings. Annoyance, comradery, frustration. Right back at you." He said, hoping maybe it would give them a chance to just steer past this whole thing. He watched Jake's face intently, praying he'd catch a break. But Jake just clenched his eyebrows together, obviously having none of that. Fuck.
"Well, yeah, but, along with that there's some romantic stuff. And some sexual stuff." Jake said, more sternly, trying to drive the point home. "I feel that way towards you, and I have for a while, and I know I must have freaked you out last night, but that was me being drunk and overstepping boundaries and i'm sorry. But, shoot me if i'm wrong, I can't help but feel like I might not be alone in feeling that way?" He asked, gulping visibly. Oh, god. He was really confused, wasn't he? And he was putting himself so far out there, he was prostrating himself, potentially humiliating himself as he rode on the distant hope that Ezekiel liked him back. Ezekiel took a moment to note how far Jake had come, in opening up and being honest with himself. It was really admirable.
It was almost tragic how mistaken Jake was about his own feelings. This was probably going to hurt him, which was going to suck, but it would be better in the long run. Ezekiel swallowed again, grimacing and glancing away.
"Shit, man, that's some pretty big stuff. Are you sure you aren't still drunk? Are you sure you don't want me to pretend I didn't hear that?" Ezekiel asked, voice cracking a little. Jake feverently shook his head.
"No, i'm telling you, I mean it. Ezekiel, I lo-" Jake took another step forward, reaching up to put a hand over his heart. Oh, no no no!
"Jesus Christ, man!" Ezekiel shouted suddenly, throwing his sweaty hands into the air. Jake froze, fear stabbing him like a spear to the torso.
"Don't you know how to take an out when you see one?" He exclaimed. Jake's face fell. They were both silent for a minute, as Ezekiel crossed his arms and stared at the empty space behind Jake's shoulder.
Jake looked down, suddenly a reserved, defeated man once again.
"Sorry I bothered you. I'll take the out. It's not that big of a deal anyways. Thanks for checking up on me, but i'd appreciate if you never did it again." Jake said coldly, turning and leaving the Annex without another word. Ezekiel turned to watch him walk away, feeling like he'd been gutted.
So what, you drive the people around you away? Doesn't mean you're a bad person.
Maybe he shouldn't have spoke so soon.
It took another week of Jake not coming to work to finally mustered up a reluctant Eve's attention. She trusted Jake out of everyone to take care of himself, but she knew he had problems, and this had been far too long to be away with no explanation. Not with the way they were running things now.
Not to mention, Ezekiel was acting weird now. He seemed more distracted, more retracted into his identity than usual. They may be in a lull of peace now, but soon enough another big asshole was going to try to destroy the world, and they all needed to be together and on their game.
So, here she was. At Jake's apartment. She'd never been here before, she'd never been to anyone's place besides Flynn's. It just...wasn't how their dynamic worked. Yet. She raised her fist and knocked curtly.
The door ripped open faster than she expected, and an exhausted looking Jake was standing their with wild, somewhat desperate eyes. And when he saw it was her, he deflated like a balloon. She raised an eyebrow.
"Looks like you were hoping for someone else. Could it be you were hoping to see the thief that's been moping around my Library?" She asked, as if she didn't already know the answer.
This time, Jake's eyes widened in fear.
"What did he tell you?"
"Are you kidding? Ezekiel never tells anyone anything!" Eve scoffed, to which Jake nodded somberly. Then Eve's eyes softened.
"What happened?" She asked. Jake looked down at the threshold, swallowing.
"I fucked up, that's what happened." He muttered miserably.
"You don't look very good, Stone. We're all going through stuff, so I thought i'd give you some space...but I think you've had enough space." She said sincerely.
Jake looked up at her, gaze heavy, and nodded.
"Do you, uh, wanna come in and have something to drink?" He asked, voice rough. Eve nodded, and followed him into his apartment. He lead her to the kitchen, but she managed to spare a glance into the living room, which was torn apart. Everything was overturned and scattered around, and there were long slash marks in the wallpaper. Her heart twisted in her chest. She should have come to see if he was alright sooner. Eve sat down at the counter, and Jake opened the fridge.
"Beer?" He asked. She shook her head, pursing her lips.
"Sounds like you've had enough alcohol. Got any tea?" She asked. Jake looked down in shame, but then just swallowed and nodded, turning to his cupboards. Eve watched him, mind worrying over all of this as he made them both some green tea.
Eve sipped hers graciously after he set it down in front of her. He came to sit next to her, resting his elbows on the counter as he stared down into the steaming mug of tea. Miles of silence stretched between them.
"My mother left when I was 14, and my old man said it was because of me." Jake stated roughly, shattering the stained glass windows of his soul.
Eve turned to look at his downcast features, her own twisted in the throws of empathy. Her heart beat with a sense of I knew it, but in the most disappointed, aching way. She bit the inside of her cheek, considering what to say.
"I'm sorry. It wasn't because of you, I know it wasn't." She said softly, voice loving and assuring, yet dripping with unavoidable sympathy. Jake closed his eyes, and just shook his head. He always looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Or maybe the weight of the sky.
"I figured that out eventually. But, still…" HIs voice wandered away, and Eve knew. She understood. Something like that never leaves, it's always scratching at your soul. She reached out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and some of the tension left his frame.
"But, uh. No matter how far I come, every year the anniversary of her leaving gets closer and I…" He sighed, burdened still, "I try to forget about it, but I can't, and I just spiral downward until i'm a mess and lock myself away somewhere. It usually doesn't take this long to come out of, the actual day was like two weeks ago, ago, but…" Jake shook his head, reaching to rub his eyes with one hand. Eve's heart broke a little more.
"I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that alone anymore, I should have made sure you were alright sooner. Someone should have..." She suddenly felt like she'd failed him. Failed him as a Guardian, and as a friend. Hell, she'd failed him as family, and she didn't know how she could fix it. And she couldn't help but feel like she was responsible for the others failing him as well, she'd made them think he was alright…
"Someone did. Ezekiel." Jake said, voice even heavier now. Eve blinked. Oh, so that was where it had started. Whatever it was between them now.
"Ezekiel? That's…"
"Surprising? Yeah, I thought that too. And that's a problem. Even after everything we still underestimate him." Jake said sternly. Eve was silent for a mullet, taking that with a grain of salt, nodding.
"Yeah... but you know, it's because that's what he wants. What he does. It might be his greatest gift. Making people overlook him." Eve said, mind sifting back through far too many instances to count.
"Yeah, you might be right about that." Jake said, with a huff.
"So, what happened between you and Ezekiel?" Eve asked, and Jake's slight smile fell again. He took a deep breath, before going on to explain what had happened. Not in so many details, but he got the important stuff out, and a general overview of the event. Then he went on to - albeit awkwardly - explain the confrontation they'd had at the Annex the next day. Eve's eyes got progressively wider as he talked, until when he finally was finished, she had to take a few moments to blink as she considered all the information. She had to play this right, not be insensitive, but try to fix a very easy to fix problem, from her perspective.
"Stone, I understand you must be hurting right now -" She tried to start off gently.
"Hurting?! How can I ever go back there again, how can I ever face him!" Jake lamented miserably, and she just clenched her hand into a fist. Part of her just wanted to start laughing, and she had to make sure that part of her was restrained. Skip the formality, go right to the touchdown, Baird.
"What you think happened isn't what really happened, I'm pretty sure. So sure, i'd be willing to bet my favorite shirt on it." She stated. Jake looked over at her, squinting.
"What are you talking about?" He demanded.
"Jake," She started, trying to make her voice as unironic as possible. "This is Ezekiel we're talking about. He doesn't lie, but he doesn't tell the truth. Did he directly say that he doesn't like you back?" She asked. It was Jake's turn to blink at her, and she could see the wheels start to spin in his head.
"...no…" He said slowly. She nodded along, putting a hand in the air.
"He diverted you. Pulled the wool over your eyes. Turned you down without lying about anything. Made you're own insidious thoughts do the work so that he doesn't have to take any responsibility for it. Because that's what he does, remember?" She explained. Jake stared at her, realization dawning over his visage. Then confusion set in once more, but this time of a new brand.
"But...why?" Was all he could ask, in the smallest, most lost sounding voice. Eve sighed, this time in unadulterated pity.
"Because he's scared of being loved. He's terrified of it. He is so afraid of being close to people, of admitting it and taking responsibility for any real relationship, that he lives in outright denial of the fact that we care about him." Eve stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Truth be told, while her own observations lead her to her understanding of this, some of Flynn's Sherlock-esque commentary had filled in the gaps. And she knew that Jake had a fondness for taking things at face value, so, she couldn't exactly blame him.
Jake just sat there, staring at her as his brain whirred into action. Then, suddenly, he was standing and heading for the door. Eve turned to watch him go with surprise, but didn't bother to get up.
"Are you - yup, you're leaving. Aaaanndddd he's gone." She turned back to the counter once Jake was out of sight, and casually carried on sipping her tea. Once she was done with it, she'd leave.
After she'd taken all of the alcohol in the apartment with her, of course.
If Cassandra had been with him, she would have told Jake that his journey to Ezekiel's apartment had taken ten minutes and twenty three point four seconds. But Cassandra was n't with him, so when he stood in front of Ezekiel's door, he felt like it had taken a grueling eternity. He took a deep breath, summoning all of his courage, before he knocked.
When Ezekiel opened the door, he didn't look surprised. Jake had a feeling he had some secret camera system rigged, but that didn't matter right now.
"What's up? Is something wrong?" Ezekiel asked in concern, crossing his arms in the doorway. Jake clenched and unclenched his fists.
"Yes. Someone very wise just informed me that you and me might have had a bit of a misunderstanding." He said bravely. Ezekiel's eyes widened.
"Jake…" He said, at a loss. Jake's jaw clenched.
"So it's true. You really pulled that shit on me." Jake said, trying to control the emotion in his voice. Then he shook his head, rubbing his hands over his face and taking a step back. Ezekiel flinched.
"Look, Stone, I was doing you a favor." Ezekiel said, voice rough. Jake raised his head, shaking it slightly as he looked at Ezekiel imploring. Wishing to understand.
"You really believe that, don't you?" He asked. Ezekiel frowned quizzically at him.
"Believe it? Of course I believe it! It's the truth! People - people and me don't go well together. More than one night and things go south. Is that what you want, one night? That works for me, bend me over and work this daydream out of your head so we can go back to normal." Ezekiel said, spreading his arms invitingly, but with a slight sense of panic. Jake thought his heart had broken over the last few days, but that was nothing compared to the agony in his chest right now.
"No, Ezekiel. I don't want to fuck you. I mean - I want to fuck you, but that's secondary, I just don't want to be a fling. I want- I want to make love to you." Jake said, a little lower, even though they were alone in the hallway. Ezekiel's eyes widened, and his face went bright red, and he ripped his eyes away from Jake's as if he couldn't bear it.
"Jesus Christ, Stone! You - you can't just say stuff like that, you can't just throw that word around!" He whisper yelled in something in between mortification and terror.
"What word?" Jake asked in confusion, thinking over what he'd said.
"The freaking big L, man." Ezekiel flung his hand a little to emphasis. Jake's eyebrows raised.
"Love?" Jake exclaimed. "You think i'm throwing that around all of the sudden? Ezekiel, that's what i've been saying this whole -"
"Stop!" Ezekiel suddenly exclaimed, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. "Stop it, go away! Go away before I slam this door in your face!" He said loudly, still not looking at Jake. Jake took another step back at the sudden aggression. Damn, Eve had been right. He was like a cornered animal.
But Jake wasn't one to back down from a brawl. Even if it was a brawl of hearts. Okay, that sounded dumb.
"No, i'm not leaving until I get a straight answer out of you. I'm going to ask you a question, and I need you to answer me honestly. No distractions, no vagueness, no running away. The whole honest answer, straightforward and without any bullshit. I know you won't lie to me." Jake said sternly. Ezekiel slowly turned back to meet his gaze, looking petrified. But he said nothing to protest Jake's decree, so Jake took a deep breath.
"Do you have romantic feelings for me, yes or no?" He asked, staring Ezekiel down. Ezekiel stared back, wide eyed, frozen. This drew on for a few long minutes, as fear crept across Ezekiel's face in increasing degrees. Finally, pale as a sheet, he managed to say something.
"Please…" He asked, just the slightest of a whisper, but it enraptured Jake's whole being. "Don't make me answer that…"
It was said so softly, but had so much weight. Jake's shoulders sagged a little. It was all the information he needed,
And now he knew just what to do. Ezekiel had always been a man of action, anyways.
Jake took a few steps forward, slowly, keeping his eye contact with Ezekiel as he did. Then, he started to step into Ezekiel's space, tilting his head slowly as he did, never breaking eye contact. Going so slowly, and watching for any sign it was unwanted. Ezekiel made no movement, and as Jake started to draw closer he began to lose confidence. Just as Jake was thinking about pulling back, something changed. It seemed to finally click with Ezekiel that this was really happening, and it was something serious. It blew open the storm shutters of Ezekiel's soul, and he pressed forward to meet Jake at the final stretch.
Their lips met like relief from a drought, a long awaited meal after famine. Water poured over the scorched earth, and something new began to grow. Something frightening, but also brimming with potential.