Note: Wade is 16 in this.
"Tony."
"And how did this even happen! Happy, you're supposed to be watching the kid!"
"Hey, I told the kid to stay away when he first ran into Deadpool. He never brought him up again so I figured he'd actually listened for once."
"The kid never listens!"
"Are we still just going along with the kid not being Tony's?"
"Rhodey!"
"Just saying, Pepper."
"He's a teenager. He's probably just going through a rebellious phase. It will pass."
"Didn't for Tony."
"Thank you, peanut gallery."
"Don't push him, Tony."
"Yes, dear."
"I'm ser-"
"Kids are getting out."
"Time to go!"
"Tony!"
"Love you!"
"Like father, like son."
"Goodbye!"
Tony ended the call then turned to look out the window as MSST's academic decathlon team wondered out of the doors. The first four were… unremarkable. Smart, sure, but not worth Tony remembering their names.
Next, Eugene "Flash" Thompson came strutting out with a swagger Tony recognized from his own early days. Flash was high on MSST's hierarchy, both intellectual and social. He's the son of a surgeon and DJ's using a self-designed set up in his free time alongside being on the school's robotics and AcaDec teams. He also had a few warnings on record for vocal harassment, mostly against Peter, which was the only reason Tony had looked into him in the first place.
Finally Peter stepped out of the school with Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones at his side, the former waving about enthusiastically and the latter with her nose pressed into her book appearing to be completely ignoring those around her. Those were also two Tony had looked into. Ned Leeds was Peter's best friend, his Rhodey. Unlike Pepper and Happy, Tony wasn't surprised when Peter told them Ned had found out his secret. He was more surprised it took that long. Michelle, on the other hand, had only really been a tagalong until recently, more by her own preference than the boys'. She was extremely smart and a social activist. Tony didn't know if she knew Peter's secret, but he wouldn't put it past her to put the pieces together at some point, especially now that she's spending more time around him. Not quite Peter's Pepper. Banner, maybe. Or Natasha.
He's getting off focus.
Tony leaned forwards to tell Happy to pull up so they could grab the kid, only for his words to be cut off by a loud roar.
A motorcycle shot past them, coming to a squealing halt in front of the school. Most of the kids shuffled back towards the doors, looking a few seconds short of fleeing into the building, while Peter and Jones braced themselves for a fight. Her book disappeared into her bag while his eyes darted about looking for a place to change.
"Tony?"
"F.R.I.D.A.Y., get me audio. I wanna know what's going on over there," Tony said as he looked over the newcomer. They were completely covered from head to toe between the black pants tucked into their knee-high boots, the motorcycle gloves peaking out of their baggy red school hoodie that boasted a wolverine mascot, and the black motorcycle helmet who's tinted visor had to be too dark to be legal.
"Right away."
"-ate property!" Jones was yelling.
"Sorry, gorgeous, could you repeat that? The readers at home missed most of it," mystery guy - or girl with a masculine voice? Eh, Tony was gonna go with guy until corrected - said.
"What?"
Peter dropped his battle stance, though he stayed tense. "W-Wade? What are you doing here?"
"Wade? As in that Wade?" Leeds gasped.
"What do you think I'm doing here? I'm kidnapping you from this nerd palace!" Mystery guy reached back to the bag strapped to his bike. Tony thought he was going to grab the shiny metal bat peeking out, but instead he pulled out a second helmet. He tossed it at Peter and ordered, "Get on, bug!"
The kid caught it easily, but Jones stepped in front of him. "What's up with this guy, dork? Do I need to tase him?"
"No, he- Wait, tase? You have a taser? Is that legal?"
Jones shrugged. "Probably."
Mystery guy laughed. "I like you! What's your name again, Mary? No, wait, that was the other guy's MJ."
Jones gave mystery guy an incredulous expression.
Peter waved it off. "Ignore him. He likes to say weird things to confuse people sometimes. MJ, this is Wade. He's a… uh…"
"He your boyfriend?" Thompson sniggered.
"You got a problem with that?" Wade asked, grabbing the bat's handle.
Thompson's eyes widened and he staggered back.
"Wade, no. And he's not my boyfriend. I'm just… just tutoring him. Long story."
"Too long for this story at least. So you coming, bug?"
Peter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, give me a sec. Ned, see you later for movie night?"
"If you live that long."
Peter sent him a glare and Leeds sent a concerned one right back.
"I'll be fine Ned."
"I trust you."
The kid gave him a look before pulling on the helmet and walking over to Wade. In a lower voice that was obviously only supposed to be heard by Wade, he said, "What are you doing here?"
"Thought I'd surprise you. Plus, I wanted to see where you go to school. Should have known you went to a nerd factory!"
"Why didn't you call first?"
"Don't you know the definition of surprise? Besides, you would have said no."
"For good reason."
"Don't be like that, bug!" Wade revved the bike as Peter swung on behind him. "Hang on!"
Tony leaned back in his seat as the two rode off. "Did the kid say anything to you about tutoring?"
"No. The way he always talks during his calls, I always thought he spent all his free time patrolling."
Honestly, the same went for Tony. Tutoring did sound right up the kid's alley though. "He must be branching out. Good. F.R.I.D.A.Y., contact S.I.L.K. I wanna-"
"Karen."
"Oh not you too!" Tony groaned.
"Karen?" Happy asked.
"Kid named the AI in his suit and now she refuses to go by anything except Karen. I gave her a perfectly good acronym - Spider Interactive Learning Keeper - and this is what I get in return."
"Should I be worried it's going to be a repeat of-"
"No, no, she's rebellious and a bit trigger happy, but she's fine. F.R.I.D.A.Y., let Karen know I want to be informed the moment the kid activates his suit. We can talk then."
"Right away."
"Karen? Kid couldn't be more creative than that?"
"Like Dum-E."
"He knows what he did to get that name."
"- on. Get o-"
Tony's eyes widened as he heard Peter cut off with a groan. He dropped down into the alleyway F.R.I.D.A.Y. had led him to and prepared his repulsors to give the kid some backup.
His brain immediately shorted out at the sight before him.
Seeing Deadpool wasn't at all surprising. He knew the mercenary was working out of NYC and had taken to prowling areas near Queens recently. He was beneath the Avengers paygrade though since he had no connections to big crime rings and his targets all favored more the more dubious walks of life.
Seeing Deadpool pinning the kid against a wall wasn't too surprising either. They had a run in before and despite Happy's protests, Tony knew the kid wouldn't keep his nose out of things, even though Deadpool was above Spidey's paygrade, what with the killing and his reported overall ability to walk off anything and everything. The mercenary had also made it pretty clear Spidey had his attention as well, considering the notes that had brought Tony to town in the first place.
The kissing was… definitely surprising. Sure, the notes had clearly been meant to be interpreted as love notes (or the modern teenage texting equivalent at least), but Deadpool was reported to be absolutely insane and just as mouthy in a fight as the kid, if only with a darker sense of humor. Tony had assumed the notes were some sort of joke, not signs of an actual crush. Or more.
Peter actually reciprocating the kiss, with one hand looped around the mercenary's neck and the other clenching the front of his hoodie though? That was the mind breaking part.
The two jerked apart as Tony landed (harder than intended thanks to his brain rebooting) and spun to face him. Both had their masks pulled up to their noses to accommodate the kissing so Tony could see the flush that overtook Peter as his mouth gaped open and his mask's eye lenses widened. He could also see the hard line Deadpool's mouth fell into as he stepped between Tony and Peter and reached for one of the swords strapped to his back.
"Do you mind?"
"M-Mr. Stark! I-I-I can explain!"
Brain finally functioning well enough to speak, Tony said the first thing to come to mind.
"What the f-!"