Love and the Space Between
Rose drops off Adam in the guest quarters. He's given a small room, scarcely furnished and with a sliding door. It has no handles, no knobs, no windows. Rose hasn't seen this before but when she bids him goodnight and steps back, it seals shut.
She feels a mental nudge that leads her to the kitchen. It's empty now but the water is just about boiling so she takes out two cups because she knows she won't be alone for long.
Just as she's setting them down, she feels the Doctor behind her, hesitating just inside the doorway. She doesn't acknowledge him and instead pulls the biscuit tin from one of the upper cupboards.
He shuffles in, grumbling something and looking generally miserable.
"Something wrong with the TARDIS?" She offers by way of greeting.
"Bloody thing won't even let me touch the temperature modulator!" Rose is a little taken aback by his tone. Even from where she's standing, she can see the tension in his jaw and his shoulders. She glances at his fingers, curled painfully around the top of the chair.
"Right. Can't imagine why." She pauses but he doesn't move. She gestures towards the table. "Why don't you sit?"
"I don't..."
"Don't care. Sit." The Doctor closes his mouth abruptly. He tries his best to glare at her but it crumbles into a tired sigh. He drags the chair out loudly and drops into looks absolutely pitiful.
Rose slides his cup closer and takes the lid off the biscuit tin. They settle into the quiet for a few minutes. When they aren't discussing the amazing sights and foods and species and alien tech - when the days don't go so well, when things are rough enough that they're both surprised to be alive, she and the Doctor tend to go ground. She hides in her room and him under the console where it's safe but right now, it feels immensely important so she she stays when she wants to run. Besides, Rose thinks, I've got the TARDIS on my side and that's a force to be reckoned with.
This is brand new territory - confronting the Doctor in their place of residence (because she won't call it home, not yet). But he's always liked stating the facts first so she decides that's how this going to go. Sitting back and taking a sip of her tea, Rose begins.
"Today..." She pauses, scoots a little closer so that their knees are touching and starts again. "Today was awful."
"Yeah." He's looking right at her and his eyes are endless. It feels like he's staring right into her soul and maybe, she thinks, maybe he is.
"I almost died."
He swallows uncomfortably and looks away. "Yeah."
"You would have killed that Dalek."
"Yes."
"I wouldn't have let you."
The Doctor sighs heavily and leans forward, his head resting in his hands. "I know."
"Do you know why?"
He thinks he should tell her the truth, at least his version of it, that she's a better person than him. But he's not quite ready to accept that, not yet, not out loud.
His silence drags on. Rose lets it. The lights dim, just a little, and she rubs a comforting hand across the table top. Summoning her courage, she moves her chair closer still until she's sitting right next to him. She rests her fingertips gently at the nape of his neck. He goes completely still but he doesn't pull away.
"Because despite what you think, you're not a murderer."
"You don't know what I am." He spits the words out bitterly, like he can taste them in his mouth. Her fingers move in small patterns across his skin in an effort to comfort him, even if she feels like she's courting danger.
"I know that you've lost everything. I know that you're angry and that you think you're alone in the universe. I know that you think there's nothing left."
She stays calm, almost whispering the words to him. It's uncertain and complicated, these things she's saying but they're just truths, things that they both know, that's it.
There's always the chance that he won't listen. She might frighten him, trap him like an animal and he'll lash out or run. Rose takes that chance. She doesn't let her sadness come to the surface, doesn't let the pity make it to her fingertips. She continues gently tracing wayward patterns. He doesn't seem to mind and because it feels so right, she leans in and places a chaste kiss on his cheek.
"But you're wrong." She pulls back slowly, just enough to give him his space.
They sit for some time, not speaking, just breathing and listening to the soothing hum of the TARDIS. She waits with him, waits for him in this very important moment because he needs her to.
He drops one hand and uses the other to cradle his chin. He gazes at her softly. Rose finds herself falling into the depth of those beautiful blue eyes.
"Tea is getting cold."
"Top of the line ship. Think she can take care of it, yeah?" The Doctor is surprised when Rose receives an obvious response from the TARDIS.
"You're talking to my ship?"
"She started it. She's a very good teacher." His eyes are smiling at her, full of an affection that Rose has become accustomed to.
"Rose Tyler, you truly are amazing."
"You're not so bad yourself." She slides her hand over his shoulder and over the length of his arm. She pushes his mug so that it touches his fingers. "Now, drink your tea and tell me more about Sirelis 4. Some thing about helium nights?"