I do not own PLL, its characters, circumstances. This is how I reimagined the story during my midnight hospital shift as a medical intern.
Spencer is not feeling that well that day, not a good week to start with, it's almost 11am and she's still in her blue pajamas with no definitive plan of leaving her bedroom. Earlier the week, Yvonne confronted her in a not so passive-aggressive way that Toby is engage. She understands her, but as what she told Emily, a dull ache comes in her heart, then there is the whole Hanna and Caleb kissing thing.
She could have just walked away right then and there or ask him to pick her, but her pride gets in the way. Everything is a blur, uber A coming after all of them. Her mom winning the election but a part of her just wanted to go back to where her life had been a year ago, before all the Rosewood mess. After Hanna came back, everything changed, he's distant and it's hard to assert herself when she knew in her heart, Hanna Marin is his first love. Pick the battle that you can win, she told herself and maybe she lost this one.
He moved out of the barn four days ago and she is not mad but more like betrayed. That's how she is feeling right now. Tears started flowing in her eyes when she turned and looked at the framed picture of a dog. That still hurts. She has not been in the barn for the past four days, she cannot bring herself to sleep in the same bed they snuggle together or use the shower they share a lot on naughty weekday mornings, his very own idea of 'saving hot water' for the greater good of humanity. The morning cups of coffee, toast and eggs that for a brief moment reminded her of what kind of normalcy she craved. She cannot sit on that couch without thinking of the first night, she is ready to tell him her deepest secret. He knew and with their hands clasps together, they gave in with the desires that they withheld for a long time. The way their eyes looked each other filled with passion that unleashed as they kissed.
The craziness and the constant fear of being set-up by A or whoever sicko that is just did not matter anymore. For a few months after a long time, she felt free to love and the experience is everything she dreamed about. She did remember what it's like to be happy again, her happiness that feels like it's going to burst in her chest, with Caleb. It felt surreal to be inlove again but more so with the one person she trusted the most the past couple of years.
For the past couple of years since that run in in Madrid, Caleb is the only constant person in her life. She was trying to run as far as Rosewood as possible and he is on that same race with her. The drunken nights in Madrid to the weekend sleepovers in her cramped up apartment in DC, Caleb is with her. Every now and then, she would remember the horrors of the dollhouse in the middle of the night and when she would grab her phone and call him. Some nights, he will come over to her place and he will sleep in the couch, he knew how to calm her down.
Spencer remembered the awful week last year, her team is crunching deadlines and some of her staff already quit the project. She is so stressed about losing her proposal and needed a Friday night out. She took her phone and scrolled for a familiar name in her message box. She started typing.
Hey, Friday night, are you free?
Yes, what do you have in mind?
Dinner or movie or drinks, people here are driving me crazy.
Spencer Jill is cracking under pressure, Houston we have a problem haha let's just meet 7pm?
I hate you, don't second name me. Bistro at the 7th?
I'll see you tomorrow and since you ask me first, you're paying, right?
Hello, you're the one with the high paying job haha and you still owe me bet at the Philly game
Fine Hastings, I'll buy dinner but you pay for drinks
Sure thing Rivers, just don't drink your bodyweight, see you.
Caleb waited in the bistro for almost two hours because she got off late from her last meeting and he paid for dinner and movie afterwards. He find it amusing that a small framed person like Spencer will make a bee line to the movie house concessioner for large four cheese popcorn, nachos and large iced tea. She can barely hold everything together. And this is from a person that has just eaten ribeye pasta for dinner.
"Spence, do we really need all this food?" He inquired while taking the two tumblers of iced tea. She would usually buy so much food and she will end up giving up halfway and Caleb has to finish it, he knows the drill.
"I need food when I get nervous." She said while taking her change from the cashier.
The movie is supposed to be action-filled. They settled in their seats and Spencer felt all the stress of the week started melting off her back. Caleb is trying to finished off their food while glued on the screen. He felt her head leaned lightly on his shoulders. Spencer fell asleep. He leaned a little over towards her side to make her more comfortable. She very tired and somewhere between the wild car chase on the screen, he felt his muscles relaxed a little and he closed his eyes.
They woke up with a flashlight on their faces.
"This is a movie house not napping place. Movie ended half an hour ago" the annoyed usher said.
Spencer is combing her hair with her hands and laughing under her breath. They got off their seats and head towards the exit.
"Hey, I'm sorry. You know I don't usually fall asleep in movies. I can't believe I dozed on a testosterone-y action movie about car thieves." She said once they are outside the theater. She's still touching the loose curls on her hair.
He glanced over his wrist watch, "we slept for about 90 minutes." He shook his head in disbelief.
"Do you want to call it a night?" She is crossing her fingers that he would say no.
He walked over her and put his arms around her, "no, grandma you still owe me drinks." Now he started messing her hair. She flinched and jokingly punched him in the upper arms.
"Caleb!" she squeaks as he has not stopped attacking her hair that now turned into a mess.
He stopped and let go of her head. Now she's pouting trying to salvage her messy hair.
"There's a bar down the road, remember what you told me in Retiro? Spencer Hastings always pay her debt? I now blame you that I obsess about that show too." he said and she started laughing again.
She is touched that he remembers little things like that. She egged her into watching the series and after the second episode he is hooked. They marathon the first season on his new apartment last year and she loved his reaction. She sensed his fears and when some hero got his head chopped off , Caleb went on a ten minute rampage on how he will kick the blonde king on the ass. She has seen the series and read the books before and she loved how his reaction is priceless.
They arrived at the bar a few minutes later. As promised she paid for the drinks. She has gotten tipsy after the third round and she could feel her vision spin a little. She took a deep breath looked down on the floor. Some thoughts run in her, what if she tells him how she felt? But she reasons out in her head that this is too risky. The thought of rejection and losing him scares her most these day, not A or the torture she went through.
Caleb, sitting beside her asked if she's okay? He put his arms around her shoulders to steady her balance and she could feel his breath at the side of her neck.
Goosebumps are all over her arms. She lifted her head, and his hot breath is on her temples. She is drunk, but that time her heart wanted to say, she's inlove with him, freaking crazy head over heels for the past year or so but before she could start any alcohol induced confession spilling in her mouth, she hurled on his shoes.
She woke up that morning in her bed to find him sleeping peacefully on her couch, he is wearing her university t-shirt and a Spongebob boxers, he gets comfortable around her apartment and Spencer is not complaining. They got home past 2am and she is too drunk to remember but smiled at how she dropped her keys to the floor while having laughing fits with him. She cannot even remember, what is that thing they are laughing about in the first place.
Nothing in her apartment seems displaced although she saw the soiled shoes at the door and instant guilt flooded her, she brewed coffee and took cereals off the cupboard. Then she showered, changed into a black skinny jeans, shirt as quietly as possible. Before she left, she took a yellow post it and stick it on his phone.
Be back with bagels or if I'm late, lunch. Wait for me. Cereals, bread and coffee in the kitchen –Spencer.
She is frantically running in the stairs with shopping bags on her hand, she was gone more than two hours. It's not her fault that the sizes is not available at the first mall, she has to go to another. But it is easier that she expected. She followed her guts and trusts her instincts on what to get. Hopefully, Caleb is still asleep because she forgot to bring any food with her.
She gently open the door and he is nowhere in sight. "Caleb? Where are you?"
"Spence? I'm in the kitchen." She could hear him down the hall.
She is hoping that Caleb will not make fun of her embarrassing night at the pub. He is halfway eating cereals while sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. For someone who had a rough night drinking and babysitting his drunken friend, he looks good. The sight of him takes her breath away, he is indeed a beautiful man. He has been there for her, throughout the torturous ordeals of her past and can she really be blamed if she fell in love with him?
"So found your note, where have you been, I don't think you went to the bakery to buy bagel? His brows are slightly knitted looking at the big paper bags from the mall ten blocks away.
A smile broke into her face, "I came bearing gifts." And she extended her hand with the bags to him. A breath of relief flooded her when he did not make a comment on how she stared at him when she walked in the kitchen.
Still confused, Caleb just looked at him. "What are you doing, Spence?"
"I saw the state of your shoes when I woke up, I'm sorry if I ruined it." She was blabbing now, "I don't usually get drunk that fast, but I was so stressed all week and everyone is giving up on our project and that's my lead now it's gone. I feel like a mess, a complete failure. I can't keep up with the pressure and it's seems like everything is out of control and I screw up and now I managed to ruined your shoes. I'm sorry" tears flowed freely in her eyes. She's not usually the crybaby type but there is something beautiful about her vulnerability.
He stood up from where he was sitting. And took her into his arms, she started sobbing like a kid. He remembered him crying like this when he took her to the bullfight more than a year ago but after a few minutes decided to pick a fight with the drunken crowd. "Shhh, it's going to be okay. You will figure out things with your job and you really don't have to buy me new shoes since it's chucks, I will just brush it and it will be okay, it will survive and so will you." He is half laughing while holding her head on his chest.
She moved away, wiped her tears with her left hand and pouted. But later those pursed lips said, "Rivers, I ran into two malls to get your shoe size right, I'm not going to let you walk out my apartment with dirty shoes" she said stubbornly.
He laughed and took the shopping bag from her hard.
"Spence, you don't have to, this is very expensive," he said while pulling out a box of RL navy blue loafers.
"Caleb, please. I have the same and it's comfortable and it's a small treat for making me feel a little better last night, all other nights in Madrid, the night terrors, it's a thank you note for watching over me all these time." She thought about what would she be without him? A mess, drunken mess with chronic anxiety problems. She knew how to keep things fluid on the surface but beneath the glossy surface is a broken person. Caleb understands this he held her hand during her weakest and most vulnerable times after Toby.
He looked at her and for a moment he understood. All the times he spent with her and he thought he would gladly do it all over again. A smile formed in his face, he knows he is at the right place with her. He toyed about the thought of Spencer as being more than his bestfriend but there is that Hanna and Toby baggage in the mix. Several moments he found himself wanting to kiss her but resisted the urge and it pains him that he cannot act on how he feels about her.
She turned her back, took the kitchen tv remote and started surfing the weekend programming.
"Caleb other one is just another blue chucks like what you had on. And you know that I will never take a 'no' for an answer, right?" She stopped flicking at the documentary about starving children.
He is still hesitant about getting these gifts, but Spencer is stubborn. And there is no use fighting with her.
Spencer felt an arm gently headlock her neck, "Hastings, thank you for the shoes but I don't see any food in the bag."
She felt something swell in her heart, his warm skin or his smell or is it the morning stubbles on the side of his face rubbing on her temples. This is her kind of Saturday morning. But this is dangerous uncharted water and he may not feel the same way about her. Why complicate things, she thought. But Spencer is also think what she wouldn't give to kiss Caleb that moment. She told her heart to be still.
"Sorry, I forgot but I'll call the pizza place" she said as she grabbed her phone.
He moved away and started putting the bowl into the sink and started doing the dishes.
"Hey, have you eaten anything?" his voice is concerned. He was well aware that she most of the time forgot about eating or sleeping when she get her mind into something. He just put the bowl back into the dish dryer.
"Nope, but I will in a while." She said to him in between conversation on the phone with the pizza place. It's almost 12 noon. He is thankful that pizza place in DC are open 24/7 or people like him and Spencer will go hungry on the weekends that they don't want to do anything but chill. "Pizza and chicken won't be here until 1pm since delivery is clogged but if you want I'll go out and buy lunch at the café downstairs."
No response. He started moving and opening cupboards, taking pans out. Spencer is watching him curiously but not saying a word, he seemed like making grilled cheese sandwich since butter searing is making her mouth moist. Well maybe, cereals are not enough, she thought, so he let him be. She is starting to get engrossed with what's on tv and her attention shifted when a plate is pushed in her direction and then a cup of coffee.
"Not really lunch idea but if pizza won't be here for another hour, you need to eat something." He said as she smiled weakly at him and mouthed a silent thank you.
Butterflies are flying on her stomach right now. This is the best sandwich she ever had, she could get used to this. She shrugged those complicated feelings under the rug and went on eating.
"Hey, do you know if I have left some clean shirts here? I think I need to shower" he asked her while putting pans away.
She is halfway through with her sandwich, "yes, bottom drawer to the left and bath towels to the right. " She remembered those shirts were packed in her bags during a weekend retreat they attended in Montauk last August. He needed to bring a guest and she needed a time off. So it is win-win free weekend for her. Bestfriends, maybe and there is something lingering in her heart that wishes for more or at least the circumstances are less complicated.
"Spence, I'm going to use your girly shampoo again okay?" He said. She looked at him for a second and she broke into laughter, hunky Caleb Rivers using her berry scented shampoo and rose petal bath gel. This is too much for her, but she doesn't mind. He smells nice all the time and smelling him during hugs reminded her of waking up to the smell of Christmas mornings. And why can't Santa Claus let her have 365 Christmas mornings with Caleb? She could really get used to that one.
He looked at her quizzically on why she is laughing, that flicker in her eyes is so captivating. But decided that he would give Hastings this one as he smiled at her. She looked too pretty when she laughs.
He is holding a towel on his hand and some stuff in a pouch from his backpack. He looks at her and realized that he like this kind of Saturdays. "What are we going to do today?" He asked her.
Spencer turned her stool to face him. And moved her shoulders up, "I don't know, what do you have in mind?" She is rarely the kind that has no answer to offer but she liked this weekend bubble, it's one of her favorite moments.
"Movie, chill in pajamas and we will not judge each other with the amount of beer we will consume before 3pm?" he said.
"And pizza." She said smilingly. And they both laugh because it's like their routine, a comforting routine.
He disappeared into her bedroom and she could hear the shower streaming. A smile never left her face. But she also needed to keep her feelings in check. But today, she just wanted to chill with him.
She took her phone and took a picture of her half eaten sandwich and half full mug of coffee. And on her social media account, Spencer Jill Hastings posted that picture #perfectSaturday
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Her phone has not stopped buzzing all morning, she received multiple text from Aria saying she's with Allison and Emily chasing some clues Mona gave them the night before. All she can muster was a reply that says, okay. She has been an emotional mess and even for Spencer that is an understatement. Aria is worried that she has not seen her and days and she assured her that she is okay. Spencer refused her offer to come just to check on her, she said that paperworks in the post campaign kept her slumped. She is not even sure if Aria believed her but she resigned and told her to let her know if she needs anything. Guilt hangs over her head now, lying to the girls is not something she wanted to do but what can she do?
She glanced at her table and saw that she barely touched the food Veronica brought her before she left for a press brunch at the Radley. Spencer tried eating earlier, but it seemed like her sadness makes her stomach funny and she would just throw up everything. Maybe the sadness combined with stress that makes her vomit ten minutes after she ate anything the past three days. Even the smell of coffee that cheers her up most of the time makes her dizzy now. She weakly smiled at the possibility her heartbreak with Caleb just made her hate coffee. Pickles, she has been eating a lot of that the past two days and ice cream, two things that does not make her barf, a very weird food of choice for someone like Spencer.
The girls are busy all over town with the latest development but she reasons out her absence at SOS. She has not seen Caleb or the girls in almost five days. So far, it's also good that A has not done anything to shake them. The look of her old bedroom is still the same and found the irony that she would rather sleep in the room that reminded her every inch of the dollhouse than be in the barn and be reminded of Caleb everywhere. Heartbreak and trauma, she chose the latter. She remembered what it's like to be with Toby and lost him before but somehow with Caleb is felt like someone twisted a dagger in her heart. It hurts so bad that she threw up a lot after crying.
Spencer is not ready to face Hanna yet. She loved her but she also wanted to ask why she let that happen? If she doesn't feel like her going for Caleb, she could've said no from the start. The feelings she had with Caleb is something that she initially planned to be taken to her grave and she is fine with loving him from the safe distance of their close friendship, she did it for three years. It sucked that she let her experienced the freedom of loving Caleb but took him away the moment she had a chance. Spencer loved Hanna, she can never be truly mad at her and that's what hurt the most.
She closed her laptop lid and went back to her bed. She curled into a fetal position and she could feel the sadness in her heart. There is a void in her heart when Caleb left. Before she knew it, Spencer is crying again.
Her tears and sadness lulled her to sleep; Caleb is the last thing on her mind before she closed her eyes.