Chapter Zero: Introduction
"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the universe. That makes us something very special."
-Stephen Hawking (as are all subsequent chapter quotes)
Wands, it is commonly known, are not strictly necessary if one is to perform magic. Nor are words, for if a witch or wizard is powerful enough, magic can be shaped with the mind alone. And of course, there are all manner of enchanted artifacts—rings, amulets, and the like—that allow the user to accomplish magic without a wand. Alan Baker was not a particularly powerful wizard, and conscious enough of his own absent-mindedness not to rely purely on artifacts, lest he leave them somewhere. And yet, Alan Baker had no use for wands.
If one were to prior incantato his outdated, duct-taped rod of walnut wood and dragon heartstring, its most recent use would have been the enchantment of the long-lived neurons in Alan's own mind. This enchantment, possible only for those who were capable of seeing themselves as a complex amalgamation of neural impulses, allowed him to bypass both wands and words. Alan did this, not for show, not for power, but because wandwork distracted him from his reading.
Unfortunately, there was no legal spell to get rid of barflies.
"Hey- hey mate, you gotta- gotta minute to-"
Sobrius, Alan thought, placing one hand on his neighbor's forehead without looking up. He pondered whether or not to cast a silencing barrier, even in violation of the Leaky Cauldron's safety code.
"Thanks," said the now-sober man, "Readin' more of that Muggle trash, I see."
Alan closed his eyes and counted to three, but when he opened them, the man was still there. Alan lowered his "Muggle trash" in defeat, meeting the baggy, bloodshot eyes of the wizard sitting across from him.
Alan leaned forward, placing his hands steeple-like on the table. "Mr. Fletcher, do you know why time turners don't send you into space?"
"The sky, y'mean? Cause they're fer time turnin', not apparation."
Alan had to take a deep breath. "No," he replied, "If time turners weren't anchored to anything, the Earth's rotation alone would be enough to ensure a time traveler's demise. But someone at the ministry was clever enough to anchor them to a carefully guarded object that never moves relative to the Earth."
"Fascinat'n," slurred Mundungus, whose eyes had glazed over once it became clear that Alan didn't actually have a time turner on him.
"But time turners are still very limited," continued Alan, more to himself than to Mundungus, "They can't go more than seven hours back, and not forward at all, and only in increments of one hour, and they only work on Earth… no, they're very clumsy, if one truly pauses to think about it."
"What's yer point?"
"My point is that while wizards are slowly stagnating in their backwards remnant of the Dark Ages, Muggles are making progress, ever reaching for the light. Do you know that they don't need magic to craft a hand of living silver?"
"Bah," was Mundungus's only reply, "You'd be best mates with that Weasley nutcase at the ministry, you would."
Alan stood up, silently casting an infantes gelata to check for paradoxes. "I don't know why I bother with you," he sighed, "you've just wasted another two minutes of my time. Perhaps I bother because I have time to waste."
And he twisted, as if to apparate, but instead faded out of existence with a distinct vworp. The air swirled in the wake of his departure, blowing back Mundungus's straggly ginger hair.
"Muggleborns," the short wizard muttered, then turned back to his drink.
• • • • • • • •
Thirty minutes earlier, Alan lounged contentedly within his quieting barrier, stirring his cup of tea absently and rereading one of his favourite Muggle books. He wondered, vaguely, which planet held the nearest sapient life, and what their magic would look like…