Author's Notes:Valentines Day is approaching… and lucky me, writer's block disappeared. So now I have a pretty little story to tell you. (My first time writing in third person in months, this'll be interesting)
also, my 'confession' did not get as um.., complicated as Demyx's.
Sugar Coated Confession
For once, the sides of the castle weren't being viciously beaten by the storm that seemed to be permanently stuck above The World That Never Was. The castle was in a wonderful mood, no missions today, no chores, no annoying rain… it seemed to be a very good day.
With everyone in a good mood, Demyx found his spirits brighten. Perhaps, maybe today he would have enough courage to do the unthinkable. To do the one thing that had been running through his head for ages. He knew he would be crossing invisible lines if he ever did it, but his best friend in the whole world deserved to know. The blonde neededhim to know.
If Demyx didn't tell him, sooner or later he'd go crazy from the pain it caused him every time he held back, and went along with the lie his friend always seemed to fabricate. Demyx had confessed to his friend before, told him 'it' more times than he could count. But his friend Zexion had always shrugged it off, thought he was joking, or just saying it to fill the silence. The way the sitarist acted, its not a shock his confessions werealways overlooked.
He looked at the doorway from his spot on the stairs. Zexion was just through there, probably lying on the couch or reading a book at the table. Suddenly… Demyx wasn't so confident anymore.
He'd planned this day out many times before, but who knew if it would turn out in his favor. Chances were all he would do is scare Zexion away. Possibly it could turn his one friend into another enemy. No,he had to do this. Demyx needed to know, and he knew he'd never forgive himself if he backed out now. But… what if it did make Zexion angry. What if it made his best friend… hate him?
He took a few deep breathes, this was it. 'Just do what was planned,' he thought. IX walked down the stairs on the balls of his feet, entering the lounge. He was sporting a carefree smile.
Zexion was sitting on the sofa, as expected, flipping through the channels on the TV. Nothing interesting seemed to be on. With his eyes glued to the screen, Zexion was very shocked when a pair of lips touched his cheek.
The lilac haired boy jumped and spun around to face the nobody who dared do that. His glare became less vicious as he realized it was just Demyx, this sort of thing was expected from the musician. "Why did you do that?!" he hissed, feeling a migraine coming on. Demyx was the only member that could annoy him to no end.
The blonde leaned back so that he wasn't so close to those piercing eyes. It was hard enough to say this everyday, no need to make it worse. After a few moments, he replied quietly, his face looking up sincerely. "….. I love you."
His voice was small, normally when Demyx said this he was always squeaking happily, playfully. This time was different. The way he was looking at Zexion, it reminded him of something.
"Why must you always say that?" Zexion asks, more saying it to himself. His tone is annoyed, like he's tired of hearing it.
The younger blinked. He couldn't believe his friend! Zexion was treating the short sentence that summarized his entire non-existent heart like it was just an over used joke. His insides quivered, regretting ever coming up with the idea in the first place. Funny, he didn't know why it hurt so much thistime. Zexion has said that line before, with the same annoyed edge to it. So why was it that it only hurt now? Because this time I really meant it.
"I always say it because I do."
His friend just chuckled, such a funny joke. "So you're delusional?" He laughed as he said it.
Screw his insides quivering; they'd just been sliced open by a sharpened blade! Demyx was desperately trying to gather his thoughts. In his plan, Zexion had believed those words right away. But in real life, Zexion was being difficult, and Demyx hadn't planned on what to do about it before now.
His frustration got the better of him. "Is it really so hard to believe that I really, truly love you?!" Demyx blurted out. He never planned on confessing so openly. He had just accidentally exposed himself to further pain. Perhaps it was for the better.
Zexion stopped his chuckling, his face momentarily empty. Then all of a sudden it became cold, like he was attempting to hide something that had just tried to surface. Demyx thought it meant that indeed, his plan had failed.
He looked at Zexion with concerned, intent eyes. He knew it wouldn't matter whether or not he tried to shelter himself. At this point, it wouldn't make any difference. Or maybe he was still trying?
Maybe some part of Demyx still hoped that Zexion would accept what he had said. Maybe some part of him was still foolishly believing that Zexion might love him back… he didn't want to believe anything else.
Zexion cleared his throat, so he did plan to respond. And here Demyx thought that he might just walk away and never speak to him again. "Demyx," he paused, trying to keep his voice from cracking," don't feed me your sugar-coated lies; I'm tired of hearing them." He turned away, hair falling into his face. He choked back what sounded like a sob.
He had said that sentence with such hate, such malice, was it really so hard to believe the truth? Demyx hesitated, is Zexion crying? No…it hurt him even more when Zexion was in pain. Why was it so hard to prove to him that I'm not lying?
"… Zexion, I would never lie to you. I love-"
"Don't finish that sentence, you can't love, remember?" Zexion growled at him.
Then he whispered something else in a broken voice, it was pained. "…If you keep saying such lies, I might actually start believing them."
Demyx could swear he saw a drop of water escape Zexion's eyes before he completely turned away, hugging his legs tightly to his chest.
The blonde had never seen his friend so broken like this. He could feel his insides twist up and knot, then rip as he took in his weakened love, sitting, hurting, in front of him. "… Zexion," he whispered uncertain. He didn't know what to do.
Zexion choked back another tear, "… just… leave Demyx."
Demyx did as he was told, exiting the room and walking to the top of the castle in silence. His thoughts as well, were empty. His senses were shut off as he walked, he didn't see the white walls, or hear Vexen ask for his assistance. He was focused on only one thing, a thing that was rooms away and probably just as torn up as he would be if he were concerned about himself. There was no pain comparable to seeing his best friend curled up on the couch, so hurt by his words.
Zexion thought his confession had just been a sugar-sweet lie. Zexion had interpreted his statement of conditional love and affection as an evil little monster. A demon that just wanted to see him cry.
Why was it that, even after Demyx had gone through all that planning, that his confession had fallen through? Why was it that no matter how hard he tried to prove his love, it was twisted by the receiver into a terrible weapon? The musician had just realized something.
No matter how hard he tried to love Zexion, the love always became pain. It was so simple really, why Zexion could never accept the love. The love waspain. The love wasthe monster. It wasn't Zexion being stubborn, it was just simple fact. Maybe the only way to fix this would be to give up his love. Maybe then he could cause Zexion no more pain. An idea sparked inside his head.
Demyx reached the top of the stairs. He walked out onto the marble balcony and sat down on the edge. From here he could see the entire city. The unnatural glow of lights radiating all the way to where he sat, allowing him to see despite the pitch black clouds that always eclipsed the sun.
Demyx smiled in spite of himself. He took out a small piece of paper from his pocket, along with a pen. He knew this was going to hurt him, he knew that giving up his love would not be an easy task. But he could try; it would be worth it if only it would spare Zexion. His entire being agreed that nothing could hurt as much as seeing his Zexion hurt, weak, not even rejecting his own feelings.
He knew what he would write, he would write on this paper his emotions, to put it bluntly. Then he would re-read them over and over. He would read them until he was ready to say goodbye to them. Then he would destroy the paper, and he would never think or feel those things ever again.
He started scribbling down words onto the paper, constantly scribbling out lines and writing different ones. In order to let go of this monster love, he had to be honest and he had to be blunt. Eventually he felt it was finished, and read it over.
'I am a nobody,
But I can still feel.
When I say I love you
It makes you still.
So don't get angry
Or start to cry.
I love you, I promise
This is not a lie.'
That pretty much summarized how he felt. He had to accept that he was a nobody, and nobodies don'tfeel. He had to give up his love, give up trying to convince Zexion it was real. If he didn't, he would only cause more pain. No that's not true. Its not me causing him pain, it was never me, it was love.
A tear ran down Demyx' cheek, He felt like shattered glass. He took a deep breath and read it again, he felt his heart being ripped from him a second time in his existence. He read it again, more tears streaked down his cheek. Again, he read it, his body shaking.
After about an hour, reading it no longer had any affect. It was like another person had written it. Eventually the feeling of hollowness, something he had first felt when he'd become a nobody, overcame him. The words no longer held any meaning to them. The only thing he thought of was the monster as he looked over the words that had been his.
It began to rain, the water splashing onto Demyx gently. He smirked, what better way to destroy the words then to let the rain wash them away? Demyx got to his feet, and threw the paper in to the wind, then without any regrets, walked back inside, not bothering to say one last good bye to his love.
As Zexion walked down the black paved streets of the city, he slowly began to feel calm again. It had definitely been a good idea to leave the castle. He could barely stand it, being in there. As if being emotionless wasn't bad enough, did they have to cage him too?
He stumbled, pain shot up through his body. He growled, stop thinking about it, otherwise the pain will get worse.When Demyx had 'confessed' his love, Zexion had felt the first surge. Now the pain was staggering, but at least it was bearable. Truth be told, Zexion was probably acting irrational. How can love hurt? Zexion just couldn't accept what the sitarist offered. Nobodies can't love! Demyx was just offering dressed up lust, possibly just more friendship. Hell, Demyx was probably joking like he always did. It always bugged Zexion when he said 'I love you,' but when Demyx said it like he meant it, everything cracked.
Demyx can't love, he can't! Yet he always says he loves me.Zexion cringed. Why does he always say that when he knows he can't even love? Why does he always feed me that same sweet, tempting lie? Does he like to manipulate?Zexion was sucking in deep breathes, more out of anger than pain, although it had escalated quite a bit in the last few moments.
Zexion walked over to the side of a building and punched it, hard. His knuckles stung, somehow that made him feel just a little bit better. He threw himself at the wall this time, trying hard to knock himself out. He could use some nice, dreamless sleep.
Eventually Zexion gave up. He wasn't blacking out any time soon. Sighing, he started to head back up the castle. Just as he reached the bridge into the floating 'cage' it began to rain. He looked up, in acknowledgement before making his way up.
The rain was light, so it was a bit of a surprise when something much bigger, but just as light, blew into his face. He stumbled for a moment, and then grabbed the object that had impaired him, if only for a second. At first he glared at the flimsy, damp piece of paper. Though the scent it was covered in made him curious. It was covered in that vanilla water scent Zexion knew all too well from countless unwanted hugs. It was Demyx's.
Zexion raised a silver eyebrow and unfolded the abused paper, dodging into the castle as he did so. There were words scrawled messily onto it, clearly in the blonde's handwriting. He couldn't help but read the words laid out in front of him.
He stared at the paper, his hands tightening their grip. His mouth was slightly open, in shock. When had Demyx written this? Obviously it hadn't been meant for his eyes to see, it was too sloppy. But it was Demyx's writing. Why did he write this?Despite the rage towards IX moments ago, when Zexion tried to find an answer to his question, he came up with only one answer.
Demyx did love him. He was foolish to, but he did. Demyx would never change his mind about loving him, no matter how fake the love had to be. Did it have to be fake? …Yes. Did the Cloaked Schemer want fake love? He wanted real love. But that was an impossible wish.
Zexion supposed he could live with Demyx's sugar coated love, just as long as the lie would always be convincing enough to keep him believing it was real.