A/N: Thanks to wojelah and daisycm83 for looking this over and helping me work out the kinks.
This is for the absolutely wonderful inlovewithnight on the occasion of her birthday.
"I think I'm going to have to go with McKay on this one, Sheppard. We're screwed." Ronon glanced up from sharpening his knife.
"What? No! You are not allowed to take his side after what I did for you after last week." John glared at Ronon, then switched his glare to Rodney when he heard him sputter. "McKay! Get your mind out of the gutter – I just helped him rearrange his furniture."
"So that's what the kids are calling it these days. I wasn't thinking about whatever it is you two do when you're 'running' or 'exercising' or, apparently, 'moving furniture' I was too busy thinking about what a colossally bad idea this is - I mean, it might have been okay if we'd been able to pick our own teams, but we got totally screwed though the random lottery, if it was random. I wouldn't put rigging it past Zelenka." Rodney was skimming the papers John had given him with the rules for capture of the flag.
"Oh, come on. It's going to be fun!" John was staring at the topographical map of the mainland laid out on the table. The playing area was larger than he'd expected but it seemed to be pretty evenly divided topographically for both team playing area. Zelenka and Rodney had agreed on a neutral geographer to map out the playing zone. Neither trusted the other and they needed a party who wouldn't gerrymander the playing area to their side's advantage.
"John, while I appreciate your enthusiasm, we are going to have to be very careful. Dr. Zelenka is a very crafty man. Nor should we underestimate Elizabeth or Doctor Beckett. With Major Lorne leading their side they will be a very capable opponent." Teyla sat serenely on the bed sewing Athosian good luck symbols on their team flag.
"Teyla's right. We'll have to find a good spot to hide our flag. And we can only tell people we really trust where it is. I mean, we pulled Simpson to be on our team, but she'd totally sell us out to Zelenka for the right price." Rodney walked over to John and starting making notes on the diagram.
"I thought you thought we were screwed?" John snatched the pencil from Rodney. He was ruining their nice clean map.
"I do. We're stuck with the bottom of the science barrel and and a bunch of Marines. However, we can win this - I will not lose to Zelenka. We just need to find a way to compensate for the lack of brains on our side and kick their butts." Rodney snatched his pencil back and started drawing grid-lines on their territory.
Ronon finished sharpening his first knife and pulled another out of his hair. "No one else needs to know where the flag is - I'll guard it. No one will get through me."
"First, everyone will guess we put you on flag protection detail so they'll automatically look for you to find the flag. Second, the point of this game is to capture the other teams flag while protecting our own. Not to send as many opposing team members to the infirmary as possible. As much as I would love for you to kick some of my subordinates around a bit, it just wouldn't be fair. No, no, it can't be one of us." Rodney grabbed his laptop from the table and pulled up the team manifest.
"Rodney's right, Ronon. We'll need you for recon and jail breaks anyway." John grabbed a marker and started making lists on the wipe board. They had thirty people on their team, and things would probably go easier if they all had assigned jobs. When Elizabeth had proposed "Atlantis Field Day", John had been all for it. He'd helped her pick the activities, trying to find a nice mix between physical and intellectual. John had been surprised when almost 60 people had signed up to play capture the flag. He had thought it would just be his team, plus Major Lorne (who, unsurprisingly, used to be a Boy Scout and apparently loved capture the flag) and a few Marines. He hadn't expected it to be the most popular event, although dodge ball came in a close second.
"Why would I want to break someone out of jail?" Ronon said in a surly tone. "If they're weak enough to get caught in the first place, we don't want them back."
"Ronon, if I understand the game correctly, I believe it is supposed to be purely for recreation. While I am sure there will be some sort of competitive spirit out there, there is no need to harm anyone or punish our team members. We are supposed to work together to achieve a common goal. Doctor Heightmeyer was very excited about the entire expedition bonding."
"What good is the game if I can't rough the Marines up a bit?"
"It's a strategy game, Ronon." John grinned. "And if you happen to trip a few opposing teams members or knock them into walls while executing that strategy, I'm sure it will be okay. Our reputations are at stake here - game or not, we have to win."
Teyla gave John a small smile. "I'm sure if it's an accident, no one will say anything."
"No, no, no! You cannot put Zenner on jail patrol. That man cannot walk down a hall without tripping over his own feet. No, he needs to be a lookout." Rodney scratched Zenner's name off the list John had just put him on and moved him to the every growing lookout list."
"Rodney! We can't make all of the soft science people lookouts. Besides, doesn't Zenner have 20/100 vision? Not exactly what we want for a lookout" John put Zenner's name back on the jail list.
"The rules say no outside technology other than the provided walkie-talkies." Teyla handed the relevant rule page to Rodney, who was currently attempting to modify a frequency jammer. John and Ronon didn't really have a problem with playing a little dirty, but Teyla wasn't too happy about it.
Rodney brushed the page aside with his hand and kept working. "Oh please. I'm sure Radek is making one of these for his side right now."
"You do not know that for sure. I am sure Elizabeth will not allow Doctor Zelenka to cheat. Even if they are cheating, will it not be more fulfilling to beat them fair and square?" Teyla gave him the look she usually reserved for trading partners who she felt were being unfair (or for John, when she felt he was being unreasonable).
"Fine." Rodney grumbled a bit, but he put the parts aside.
"I don't see why I can't keep my gun. I'd leave it set to stun," Ronon growled.- John could tell he didn't care for all of the rules that had been laid down for the game, but this wasn't a training exercise. (Though the fact they'd been locked in a room strategizing for over four hours was proof to the contrary.)
"No weapons, Ronon - it wouldn't be fair." John would have confiscated Ronon's gun, but he knew Ronon wouldn't use it. Besides, there were some things that fell on the list of 'really stupid things to do' and attempting to take Ronon's gun from him was one of them. He liked all of his body parts in their current locations.
"I think Doctor McKay is our best choice as flag guard." Teyla was currently laying on the floor doing impossible stretches.
"That is the best idea we've had in hours!" They been arguing for the last hour over who to trust with the location and protection of their flag. John was getting rather frustrated. Rodney had thought of reasons to disqualify everyone else on their team.
"What? No! I don't want to guard the flag." Rodney's protest was half-hearted, which explained why Rodney had protested against using anyone else. He had wanted the duty for himself. John didn't understand why Rodney hadn't just said something, but sometimes Rodney's brain worked in mysterious ways.
"Think about it, Rodney, you are the best choice - no one will expect it, you can still monitor the radio chatter, it doesn't require a high amount of activity, and we do not have to tell anyone outside this room where the flag is." Teyla was clearly stroking Rodney's ego, but from the way Rodney was beaming, it had been the right tactic.
"I think we're ready to go brief the troops. Any last minute changes?" John rolled the map up and stored it in a carrying case. They had decided the map was his responsibility - they wouldn't want it falling into enemy hands.
"No." Rodney was in charge of the team paperwork and rules.
"Nope." Rononwas currently destroying the white board, in case Zelenka had found a way to bring the ink back out. Elizabeth would probably be mad at them for destroying property, but the game had been her idea.
"I think our plan is very sound." Teyla was in charge of the flag until it was placed in the chosen spot on the mainland.
"Let's do this!" John lead the team out of his office and down to the large conference room where, hopefully, their entire team was gathered.
"And once you tie the vine off around the tree you should conceal the middle portion under leaves or shrubs. No point in making a trip-wire if everyone can see it." John hadn't known that Ronon was going to give a quick and dirty lesson in using things found nature to create defensive traps, but since it didn't technically break the rules, he didn't stop him. From the way the Marines were staring in awe and taking notes, John figured there would be quite a few requests for Ronon to teach the next SERE course.
"We get six radios. Obviously Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, and I each get one. I've decided to award the other two to Simpson and Sergeant Stiles. Simpson will be posted right outside the jail and Stiles will be posted as high as he can climb in a tree, keeping lookout. Radios are only to be used in case of emergency." Rodney had been almost reluctant to give a radio to Simpson because of her closeness with Radek, but she was the best option. John had seen Stiles on the ropes course before and he was practically part monkey. He was their best option for a high lookout.
"You all have your border zones," Teyla pointed to multicolored border of the map as she spoke. "Do not cross over the border under any circumstances. Leave that to Ronon and Colonel Sheppard. Our mission is to capture and protect. We want to prevent as many of their people from coming over to our side as possible." It had been Rodney's idea to mix the weakest scientists and marines with some of the strongest and put them on border and capture duty - they didn't need that many lookouts and if they hid the weaker players along the border, they could reach out and tag the enemy before they were spotted. The strong runners could chase the ones that got away.
"Does everyone understand their assignments? If you have any questions - see your squad leader. Ronon is in charge of recon and jail breaks, Teyla is on border protection and capture, and I'm in charge of acquiring the flag. If you have any communications problems or any technical issues, see McKay. If you get the flag - run as fast as you can to Colonel Caldwell - we don't win unless he is personally handed the flag. Bragging rights are at stake here - we need to win!" His team gave him a look that said maybe that hadn't been the best motivational speech - but none of them had been any better.
"That went well. At least we're all in one piece." John was sitting on a bed in the infirmary, waiting for a nurse to finish cleaning out his cuts and scrapes. The infirmary was rather heavily populated with members of their team, all being patched up.
"Speak for yourself. I have at least five abrasions from where they roped me to a tree, Colonel. A tree. I told you I had issues with trusting Simpson! You should have let me play dirty." Rodney had looked so indignant when John had finally showed up to untie him from the tree when the game was over. Rodney hadn't seen who tied him up, but John was pretty sure Lorne was responsible. No one was talking.
"Rodney - I don't even think playing dirty would have saved us this time. What's that Survivor motto - 'outwit, outlast, outplay? We were outwitted, outlasted, and outplayed. And totally and completely PWND."
"PWND?" Teyla looked rather confused.
"It's something that grown men pretending to be twelve year old girls say." Oh yeah, Rodney was still pissed.
"I've heard you say that before, McKay - does that make you a twelve year old girl?" Ronon was sharing a bed with John. Ronon claimed to be fine, but Carson was pretty sure he was concussed. He had gotten hit on the head with a coconut. John really wanted to know where they had found the coconut. It wasn't exactly indigenous.
They had started the game off so well. Their plan was totally working. And then somehow the other team had turned into stealth ninjas or something and the next thing he knew, he was cornered, Teyla was in jail with half his Marines, most of the scientists were staying hidden in their bushes, Rodney was tied to a tree, and Elizabeth was smiling innocently and presenting Colonel Caldwell with John's team flag.
Next time, and there would be a next time, he was totally letting Rodney and Ronon cheat.