Barrel's rant
Right laddies and lasses, here is another instalment of what the trio think of the world. This time, lovely little Barrel speaks his mind This isn't much of a rant, come to think of it...)
LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP OOH LOLLI LOLLI LOLLI LOLLI LOLLIPOP!
What was the question again? I forgot. Oh yeah, the world thingy. Umm…I'm not sure. The world is quite big, I know that. My favourite bit of the world is our bathtub. I often sleep in it. It's my favourite because…umm…well, I get to be the pilot! I drive it a lot. In fact, no-one else sits in my special spot at the front of the bath. That spot is mine alone. And the bath goes where I want it. I'm not sure if it's responding to me, but I grab the taps sometimes and swerve and it gets the hint. It doesn't do that for the others. In fact, when they tried it, water spurted at them. That might have been because they misunderstood me and turned the taps, but I like to think the bath loves me. Speaking of love, have you tasted this lollipop? What? No, if you haven't then you won't. This lollipop is mine. I don't know what flavour it is (I may be an expert candy taster, but this lollipop is only made in Halloween town) so it's got this sense of newness in it. It reminds me vaguely of snake and spider stew. But snake and spider stew has got nothing on this! I mean it. Lock starts groaning when he gets his hopes up for snake and spider stew, and Shock becomes a real meanie, and starts throwing knives and stuff…(But I'm ok, I'm used to it) but I'm always fine. I wouldn't say no, I definitely wouldn't say no, but I'd rather have a dozen lollipops! Can you imagine that? A dozen lollipops? :D :D :D
Shock says I'm fat enough already. I don't think I'm fat. It only seems that way because of my size. I'm really about the same width as the other two, just I'm shorter, so it seems like I'm tubbier. When Shock says that, Lock starts shovelling Lollipops at me, in a way that says ha ha ha I'm feeding him food! He's going to get even fatter! To Shock. She just purses her lips. What is up with her? I try to be nice. I laugh at their pranks, even if they're on me (which they usually are) I try to make evil schemes of my own, but to be honest, I don't want to. I just don't want to feel left out. The other two always include me, every single time. Even though I might not get the this-trip-wire-empties-this-bucket-onto-the-mayors-head side of things (though that was pretty funny) if we're pranking anyone besides each other, we never leave out anyone. We always plan as a three. One thing I find strange though is during Halloween, when we visit the mortal world. It's odd to see all those children being guided by mummies and daddies, and I look down at my unusually pale hands and see no parents in them.
"Lock? Shock?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you hold my hand?"
"Umm…ok…"
And that's mainly how we travel around. If one of us died (I think we're already dead, but for the purpose of this conversation) then I don't really know if I would cope. Shock may act like a bossy frog-face, but when jack did that pull-corners-of-mouth-out-and-scream face she threw her arms out in front of me and Lock. I saw it, and Lock enjoys taunting her about it. Lock himself, may be an evil little demon, but he was the one who saved me the last lollipop. He likes them too, not as much as me, and he knows it. He let me have the last one. Okay, he fought me for it, but he let me win. I know he did.
Wow, I'm going really mooshy here. Jack Skellington is quite mooshy. I'm scared of Jack. He's usually quite nice, and then we start fighting or something (like when Shock started strangling Lock for choosing the Easter door. I was on Lock's side, because Shock was strangling him. She started it!) and he turns mean. I love Christmas. I'm scared of admitting it, but it's a nice change from 'Trick or treat!' The others scoffed at it, but I liked it. One thing I didn't like was sandy. He may be a children's Christmas hope, but he reminds me of Oogie, and I really really hate Oogie. I had a nightmare about him once. I was in his casino, eating a lollipop (yay!) when then Sandy, who was dressed in a sack, dangled me above the lava pit filled with candy-coloured snakes. And he said 'I'm going to drop you in my Christmas joy!' and when he spoke it was a mix of low Oogie laughter and calm smooth Sandy. I liked his voice, his voice seemed understanding, but that didn't seem to change anything. Besides, Jack could handle Christmas fine. I liked the toys he made. The mortals were so ungrateful.
I don't really want to talk about Oogie. But I was with the other two forever, and they were ok at serving Oogie, so I guess I had no choice. I was with them a) because I followed them and z) because I was hoping for a reward as well. So that's it. He frightens me, and that's all you need to know. If us, Oogie and Halloween town were the only people ever to exist ever, than I don't think us serving him would mean anything to him. We're not fond of him either though. We'd be away in our tub faster than…Shock at bath-time.
Oh yes, and I've read the fan fictions too. You people are creepy. I thought we were maniacs, but you are something else! How come I'm never the main character? It's always about how Lock and Shock love each other (ewwwww!) or how I and Lock are perfect together (weird) never about our adventures or anything…well, not the ones that came up on the first results page. I really couldn't be asked to read more. I like the ones that discuss our origins, those are interesting. I try to discuss them too, but they'll just shrug it off with 'Oh please!' or 'That's ridiculous!' or 'Put this lollipop in your mouth and shut up.' In the ones were we are grown up, I never seem to change. That's ok though. It means you got my character right.
Oh well. I don't really know what else to say…apart from LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP OOH LOLLI LOLLI LOLLI LOLLIPOP! (Ba dum dum)