Disclaimer: I do not own the world of HP or Clifford the Big Red Dog. (or red hair dye, thank goodness.)
A BOTTLE OF RED DYE.
It was a few days before Harry's hearing. Everyone was taking a break from cleaning and Harry was going to go check up on his godfather. He passed a picture of a beloved Black family dog, then backed up and looked at it a second time. The dog was a silky brown color. Harry widened his eyes, ran to find Sirius, and on the way wondered where he could find some dye.
(Several minutes later, Sirius was in the other side of the house)
Sirius had just finished feeding Buckbeak and was washing up in the bathroom. But then, of course, suddenly his godson ran into him. He let out a yell and dropped the bar of soap on the floor.
"Sweet Merlin, Harry! What are you doing?"
Harry took a few seconds to catch his breath and then started talking.
"Sirius, you don't have to hide! I have a brilliant idea! It's about how you can get by without people noticing you!" he said eagerly.
"Speak up, Harry. I'm sick of this place," Sirius replied bitterly, picking up the soap and replacing it. Harry then ran out of the room. Sirius decided not to stay waiting for him in his mother's bathroom (many bad memories there) and went out into the corridor.
(15 minutes later, Harry had poked around for some time for a better dye color but had not found one)
"Okay, here's the solution!" Harry exclaimed happily, shoving a small box in Sirius's face.
Sirius grabbed it and skimmed through the words on the box.
"Er...thanks for the bottle of...red hair dye?" he said, puzzled.
Harry's grin faltered when he noticed Sirius's confusion.
"Oh, right. You see, Voldemort expects a large black dog! If a red dog-"
"NO! Oi, you think a big red dog's inconspicuous?" Sirius asked, handing the dye to Harry and backing away.
"Better than a dog that looks like the Animagus of a supposed murderer." Harry replied.
Sirius sighed and headed to the kitchen with Harry.
(A minute later, Sirius was taking his sweet time)
"Harry, dear, why'd you take my hair dye?" Molly Weasley asked as Sirius and Harry passed her in the hallway.
"This is your hair dye?" Sirius asked back, somewhat unsurprised.
"Of course, it's not like I'm going to be a full redhead forever! she replied, her face tinged pink.
"Mrs. Weasley, I'm going to dye Sirius's hair so he can come with me to my hearing!"
Her face lit up.
"Why, that's a great idea! Brilliant! You'd think Dumbledore would've thought of it,"
"Dumbledore probably realized I would look horrible as a redhead," Sirius muttered, brushing away his silky black hair.
"But you want to come with me Sirius, right?" Harry asked.
Sirius nodded. He was beginning to think he sacrificed a lot for his godson.
(An hour and an entire dye job later)
"Okay, Sirius, just wash your hair in 15 minutes and then you'll have a nice orangey auburn color!" Mrs. Weasley chirped, wrapping Sirius's ragged hair in an old towel.
Sirius immediately hopped off the kitchen stool.
"That took FOREVER! I don't see how you can stand ruining your hair all the time like that, Molly," he said, glancing at her mixture of naturally colored and dyed hair.
Mrs. Weasley huffed and went to go prepare dinner.
"I'm going to go tell the others all about this, Sirius!" Harry said, bolting out into the large living room, where the Weasley boys were having a Quidditch match, along with Ginny and Hermione cheering them on. Sirius was awfully tired. This morning had been hectic, and he needed a good nap right now. He dozed off on the living room couch, sure that one of the kids would notice and wake him in a while...
(Approximately three hours later; Sirius has had a chance to wake up, look in the mirror, yell a lot, and cool down slightly)
"I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY FIRE TRUCK!" Sirius shouted furiously.
Molly was shaking her head ("You really thought taking a nap while waiting for the dye to set was a good idea?"), while the children were trying hard not to laugh.
"You look like you could be one of us now..." Fred said cheerfully.
"...definitely! You're part of the Weasley redheads! It's a sacred club...and an unofficial Quidditch team!" George added.
"...as demonstrated earlier! Although we must say our Weasley heads aren't a shade as vibrant as yours." Fred finished.
Sirius groaned.
"Thanks a lot, Harry. We have a meeting tonight! This won't wear off for another two weeks!"
"No one's going to laugh at you, Sirius! Tonks has crazier colors than that," Hermione said.
"There's a difference between me and Tonks, mind you-" Sirius protested.
"-Let's see how you look as a dog!" Ginny said suddenly.
(Basically an instant later)
Sirius transformed into his dog self. The bright red hair didn't look much better as a full coat of fur.
"Forget what we said earlier, mate-" Fred began.
"-Now you can be our family dog," George finished.
"Clifford!" Hermione added.
Everyone in the room stared blankly at her.
"Oh..right...it's a Muggle children's book...my mum always had a copy in the waiting room at their dental place!" she said awkwardly.
The others continued staring.
"Come on! Harry? Haven't you read it?"
"Dudley didn't read as a child and that one certainly wouldn't have caught my eye,"
"What's it about, Hermione?" Ginny asked, trying to show an interest.
"Um...a big red dog that helps out around the neighborhood, I recall," she said.
Hermione didn't mention her childhood dream of owning a giant dog and being able to ride on its back and slide down its tail and buy it huge dog bones and...
She absentmindedly stroked Sirius's fur. Hermione then widened her eyes, as she always muttered to herself while daydreaming, and likely had said that certain dream out loud.
As a matter of fact, the others had heard;
"Wish...I could...have big dog...ride...slide down tail...huge dog bones..." and several other mutterings.
"That's ridiculous!" Ron said, choking with laughter along with the others.
"It's-it's not funny!" she sputtered, turning red.
"Maybe Sirius can help out around the neighborhood now he doesn't look like a man with a bounty on his head!" Harry said, grinning.
The big red dog growled and then put its head between his paws, whimpering sadly.
Ron and Harry then played catch with the dog to make it feel better.
(A few hours later, the exact amount is hard to say because they were having tons of fun)
The red dog barked joyfully, chasing the two boys into the main corridor. The door then swung open and the Order members walked in one by one.
"...Sirius? Is that you?" Lupin asked, laughing good-naturedly at his best friend. Lupin patted the dog's head.
"Harry, was this your idea?"
"Yeah...it was meant to be a bit less...red. It was so I could bring Sirius to my hearing,"
Lupin nodded amusedly, laughed some more at the dog and went through the kitchen door.
"Nice fur, Sirius!" Tonks said as she tugged her caught shoelace out of the mail slot. Her hair changed into a identical shade of red as the dog, and she had a goofy grin as she passed by.
"Great disguise, Black," Moody said, dragging Mundungus through the door as the other man attempted to remove the gold door hanger.
Sirius barked and changed back into human form, scowling.
(5 minutes later, waiting patiently in the corridor for more Order members to show up)
"You see, Harry! I'm a laughingstock!" he said as Kingsley walked past, chuckling.
"Sirius, it's not-" Ron began.
"I see Sirius has been...improving his appearance in his large amount of spare time. It doesn't seem to have worked, however," Snape said as he walked in the door with a nasty sneer.
"You git! This clown hair beats your grease mop, Snivellus!" Sirius shouted.
"Are you trying to mock the Weasleys, Sirius? Or perhaps Lily Potter?" Snape asked with a steely gaze.
"At least I didn't call Lily Potter a mudblood!" Sirius shot back.
"Why you little-" Snape replied angrily, pulling out his wand.
"Bring it on, you filthy snake!"
"Sectum-"
"Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled, grabbing Snape's wand.
Snape suddenly noticed Harry and Ron. He glared at Harry, although his gaze seemed to soften after a moment. He turned away and smirked at Sirius.
"Well..." Snape said, sneering again. "Good luck with the cleaning, Sirius. And good luck with your hearing, Potter,"
He spat the last word like it disgusted him to say it, and went after the other Order members.
"I hate Severus..." Sirius said, his eyes flashing angrily.
"Don't worry, we hate him too," Harry and Ron both said.
There was a knock on the door.
"Wow, someone with the courtesy to knock," Sirius muttered. "Go help Molly in the kitchen boys, but listen when she tells you to get out."
They nodded, but then decided to go tease Hermione instead.
(15 seconds later)
Sirius opened the door, revealing Dumbledore.
"What brings you here, Albus?"
"I heard the news about...your hair." Dumbledore said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
"Not you too..." Sirius groaned.
"Now, I had auburn hair when I was younger! Oh, and perhaps you could lend me the dye you used," but seeing the look on Sirius's face, he added, "It's for Fawkes. His feathers haven't been as bright lately and I imagine red dye would make it better..."
Dumbledore talked on and on explaining it.
"Alright, then!" Sirius snapped after a full minute. He went to the bathroom, grabbed Molly's hair dye, and handed it to Dumbledore.
"Thank you, Sirius. Take care of Harry. He might be feeling stressed at the moment, and I'm afraid I'm not able to help him."
Dumbledore Apparated away.
"Not stressed enough to not give me a new hair color," he murmured, slamming the door.
Sirius then ran to the bathroom, stuck his head in the sink, grabbed a shampoo bottle, and began scrubbing extremely hard.
(Tomorrow!)
"Thank goodness..." Sirius said the next morning, tossing his shiny black locks and scarfing down his breakfast.
"Sirius..." Harry said, staring sadly at his godfather's non-dyed hair as he ate toast.
"It's alright, Harry. I'll come with you part of the way."
Harry grinned.
"Okay! Red's a good color though...maybe in a lighter shade..." he said.
"No way, I am never, ever again-
"SIRIUS BLACK!" Molly Weasley's voice screamed from the bathroom. "WHERE IS MY RED HAIR DYE?"
"I'll be right back..." Sirius said, dumping his bowl in the kitchen sink.
Sirius wondered how he would, exactly, explain to Molly that he gave her hair dye to the white-haired headmaster of Hogwarts.
(2 hours later)
"SIRIUS BLACK, STOP HIDING, IF YOU DON'T COME UP HERE RIGHT NOW-"
"ALL RIGHT, STOP GETTING YOUR GREY HAIRS IN A TWIST!" Sirius yelled, crawling out of Kreacher's space in the staircase.
"THAT'S NOT FUNNY, OH, WHAT I'M GOING TO DO TO YOU..."
In the kitchen, everyone was finishing up their breakfast.
"I think I'll leave. Molly isn't a lovely sight when she's angry." Lupin said, Apparating out. The rest of the Order members who'd stayed overnight did the same, leaving the kids, who were munching breakfast.
"This is the maddest we've seen mum, even more than that time when we sent great-aunt Muriel's panties to the Minister of Magic!" Fred said.
"And that's saying something!" George added, remembering the screaming Molly did.
"You sent your great-aunt's underwear to the Minister of Magic?" Hermione asked, disgusted.
They nodded eagerly.
"Tell me how you did it!" Harry said, deciding they all needed to block out the yelling upstairs.
Fred and George began telling a long and exaggerated story.
"So, we were snooping in Muriel's drawers, don't ask why, we were going to prank Ron,"
"WHAT?"
"Nothing, dearest ickle Ronnie! Anyway..."
They continued storytelling, as Sirius and Molly fought upstairs over that bottle of dye.
"YOU ARE NEVER TAKING MY HAIR DYE AGAIN!"
"I DON'T WANT YOUR HAIR DYE, I LOOK STUPID WITH RED HAIR!"
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT-"
"OH, SO YOU'RE SAYING I'M STUPID!"
"YOU SAID IT YOURSELF!"
"YOU AGREED WITH ME, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!"
"JUST BUY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF HAIR DYE!"
"I CAN'T, I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY IN THIS PLACE!"
"THEN WRITE TO DUMBLEDORE AND TELL HIM TO GIVE BACK THE HAIR DYE HE USED FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT!"
"OKAY!" Sirius yelled, stomping up the stairs to fetch a scrap of paper.
"...and he thought it was from the Muggle's Queen!" George finished, bowing.
The others clapped.
"So, your mum seriously screamed less than right now?" Hermione asked.
"Definitely. I could hear it 50 paces away from the front door." Ginny answered.
Harry, who had been absentmindedly looking out the window, turned towards the others.
"Do you guys think Sirius would be a good blonde?" he asked.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Sirius yelled from the kitchen door, gripping his quill so hard it broke in half.
THE END.
Notes...uh, Sirius happens to be a redhead in the HP movies, so he has no idea what he's talking about when he says he would suck as a red head. In the books he has black hair though, and I find that a better look than a wavy haired red head. Also, I'm not sure if I got all the British wording and stuff right. Oh, and this is in the beginning of Order of the Phoenix.
R&R!