2012- author's note- If you're here looking for Castle then this is not it!
I actually did read through this one because I know it was never posted back in the day when i was posting J/7 fics in another community and so it was untitled. And i have to say it's rather appropriate for my life right now... interesting the cycles we find ourselves in... anyway, for those that are interested in this stuff this is the last of the J/7 fics from a lifetime ago.
Moving On
For five years a holophoto has sat beside my bed. An image from the past, captured and held frozen in time.
In the beginning, that photo was the first and last thing I looked at each day. My memories of home drove me onwards and gave me strength. I do not remember when I ceased to notice that it was there.
It would catch my eye occasionally and I would wonder at the changes in myself since that day in the park. My hair is shorter now, and I no longer have to look as hard to find the grey which hides amongst the red-brown of my youth. I am sure there are more wrinkles and more scars. We have been through a lot, my crew and I.
But my smile is just the same. It reveals more of myself than a captain might want to display so openly. I have never considered it a weakness.
My strength as a captain has always been my passion; my love of exploration and science, my lust for adventure and the simpler of joys of living. Perhaps, most importantly, the love I share with my crew. My family.
The solid timber frame is smooth in my hand as I lift it from its place beside my pillows. It was a gift, as was the holoimage. Once, I would have happily spent the rest of my life cradled as I was in this photo, my dog curled at my feet.
"To remember us by," Mark had said.
I still remember the kiss we shared that morning, before I left our house in Indiana to make my home on Voyager. The familiar warmth, gentle and unhurried, full of tenderness and love. So much like our life together had been.
"I loved you very much," I whisper, surprised by the harshness of my voice.
I can not remember when I last sat and looked at us together, the way we were before Voyager. In truth, I can not say I have even thought of Mark this last year. There has been much to occupy my time.
I am not sure why I sit here now. Or perhaps I am.
Opening the narrow drawer below my night-stand, I rearrange the few items I keep close-by. With the smile of one who has finally allowed herself to move forward, I place the photo face-up on the shelf and slide the drawer closed.
I will continue to hold the memories close to my heart, they are no less special now that I have others I hold just as dear. But it is no longer Mark's face that I wish to see each morning. His voice and his touch no longer comfort me in my dreams.
Another occupies my thoughts. So very different to all I have known in the past. Her strengths are my weaknesses, her weaknesses my strengths. We are sun and rain, earth and sky.
I find I am alive in her presence, my step is light, my smile more ready. The feeling is strange in its newness, both comforting and unsettling in its intensity, and I know I have never felt quite this way before.
Her laughter is like a precious gift that I would gladly give my soul for. To hold her in my arms, to run my hands through golden hair, to feel her skin slide against my own, I would die a thousand deaths.
Some may find it strange that I have not told her. I think perhaps she already knows. I suspect she finds it as hard to keep the love from her eyes as I do mine.
The passing star-field catches my attention and I stand, moving to the window that almost fills one wall of my bedroom. The glass is cool as I lean against it, watching the colours that seem to swirl and streak past the ship, illuminating the black of space.
We continue to travel towards the Alpha Quadrant, as the place of my birth, it shall always be my home. But here, in the Delta Quadrant, this is where I live.
Each day is a blessing, filled with something new. Each night I thank whatever power is guiding and protecting Voyager for the privilege of working and living beside the fine men and women that are my crew.
I am unsure where our travels will take us or which path will be the right one for me to choose, but I know in my heart that, regardless of our destination, it is the journey together that is important.
For now, my bedside table will remain empty. The light from stars so very far away will reflect off its surface.
But perhaps tomorrow there will be another photo to greet me each morning. Or, even better, another love to hold me close each night.