Suffering In Silence
This story is set after The Magnificent Adah continuing on after Ben, Adam and Hoss leave the saloon. Ben says "Come on, let's go see Little Joe."
Little Joe sat at the table, listening to his brothers discuss the various tasks that needed to be done around the ranch. He pushed his eggs around his plate, barely eating enough to keep an eighteen year old alive. He wondered where he would be working today, hoping that his brother's would assign him to chores around the house. Somehow staying close to his Pa helped him cope with the growing fears within him.
Adam and Hoss knew the next few weeks were not going to be easy. Without their father's help they would have to rely on the experienced hands to keep the ranch going. With the added responsibilities of running the ranch, they didn't notice that their little brother was withdrawing further and further from them each day.
Three weeks earlier...
Ben, Hoss and Adam walked through the saloon swinging doors satisfied with themselves. They had punished the man who had badly beaten Little Joe; almost blinding the boy. "Let's go see Little Joe." Ben said to his sons as they walked over to the International House.
They found the doctor leaning over Joe, who was still lying on the settee, cleaning his face. The bruising was making a spectacular appearance and his left eye was almost closed due to the swelling.
Ben knelt down next to his youngest son. "Can we take him home?" Ben asked the doctor as he stared at his son's face.
"You can, but I wouldn't recommend riding." The doctor told Ben as he cleared away the basin of bloody water and used bandages. "Keep him quiet for the next two days...Make sure he drinks plenty of water and soup...nothing solid for a while till the swelling goes down."
"I'll hire a buggy from the livery stable," Adam told his father and left the hotel.
"You'll need to keep him warm and as still as possible." The doctor recommended. He snapped his bag shut "I'll come out and see him tomorrow," he told Ben and also left the hotel.
Joe's face hurt and his head felt like it was going to explode. He could hear his Pa and Hoss talking softly; at least he thought they were talking softly. It was hard to tell since his ears were buzzing. He tried to open his eyes but only his right eye partially opened. Everything was blurry but he could make out his father's grey hair through the haze. He thought he heard Adam's voice and flinched when a large figure bent over him and picked him up.
"Buggy's all set!" Adam told his family as he entered the International House. His brother Hoss lent over Little Joe and picked him up. He felt his little brother flinch, and froze.
Ben having seen his son flinch also placed his hand on his son's chest, "We're just going to take you home to the Ponderosa son." Ben told Little Joe as Hoss cradled his little brother in his arms. Ben looked on in concern at the still figure whose face was hardly recognisable due to the swelling and bruising. Adam picked up the blankets that the hotel had given them for the ride home. They said their goodbyes and made their way out of the hotel.
The cool night air made Little Joe shiver. His face sent sharp stabbing pain down his neck. Tears fell silently in the darkness leaving pink trails down his cheeks. He felt himself lifted higher and then placed on a seat next to the familiar bay rum scent of his father. A blanket was placed over him; the warmth and security of his father allowed him to relax and drift off to sleep.
Joe woke up with a start, dreaming of a fist constantly pounding into his face. He couldn't open his eyes and his head was throbbing in time to his heartbeat. Moving his mouth even hurt. It took him a few minutes to get his thoughts together and to remember what had happened to him. He remembered what the tall man had said to him before he continually hit his face. 'My name is Reagon...John C Reagon...Remember that when your Pa asks?' Joe heard movement around him and he flinched, not knowing where he was.
"Little Joe, can you hear me?" Ben called softly to his son and watched closely for movement. He grabbed with both hands his son's rising hand, as if searching for him.
Joe heard his Pa call him and raised his hand up searching for his Pa. His father took hold of his hand and held it tightly between both of his large hands. The security of his Pa holding him gave him respite from his uncertainties. He couldn't move his mouth so he squeezed his Pa's hand to let him know he was aware of him.
"I have some warm broth, son...You need to drink some to keep up your strength." Ben told his son as he gently raised Joe's head and put the cup to his lips.
Joe tried to part his lips and felt the warm liquid pass through and swallowed. It hurt to move his face so he kept his expression featureless. His face felt so swollen that he doubted anyone could see an expression even if he tried. After drinking the broth, the warmth in his stomach helped him drift off to sleep. He had no idea what time of the day or night it was but since he couldn't see or talk he thought that sleep was the best thing to do.
Two days later Joe was able to open his right eye and, although still blurry, he could at least see the images around him. He was able to speak and eat soft foods. The headaches were the worst he had suffered in his short life. During the day he was allowed to sit down on the settee in front of the fire and Ben fussed over him and kept him company. There wasn't much that Joe could do, reading was out of the question because he couldn't see that well. He found himself dozing and listening to the household noises.
Of a night Adam would read to him, enjoying broadening his little brother's mind. Joe listened to Adam read; his rich expressive voice was soothing. He was always disappointed when Adam would finish but knew that his brother needed to sleep. Dozing through the day made it hard for Joe to sleep at night and the nightmares of a fist pounding his face woke him up constantly throughout the night. The persistent headaches also made it hard for him to get a deep restful sleep.
It wasn't long before everyone noticed the dark circles forming under Joe's eyes and that he was losing weight. Ben worried about his youngest son who seemed to jump at the slightest loud noise and was also noticeably avoiding his brother Hoss.
Two weeks later Joe was standing by the coral talking to his beloved horse when Hoss jokingly crept up behind him and suddenly picked him up in a bear hug. Joe's reaction was immediate; he kicked his brother in the shin and elbowed him as hard as he could. Hoss dropped him and grabbed his leg. Joe ran to the house not looking back. If he had looked back, Hoss would have seen the terror in his brother's eyes.
When Hoss recovered he walked into the house calling his brother's name. Ben was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up. He turned around when Hoss came in calling. "What in tarnation did you do to your brother?" he asked his middle son angrily.
"What did I do? All I did was picked him up in a bear hug and he kicked me!" Hoss told his father grimacing as he rubbed his shin. Ben frowned and looked back up the stairs as if waiting for Joe to make an appearance and apologise to his brother.
He turned back and looked at Hoss "Maybe you hugged him too hard!" Ben said frowning, not understanding Joe's behaviour lately.
"Pa all I did was come up behind him and lift him off the ground...Dadburnit...I've done it a hundred times." Hoss said. Ben frowned in answer to his son's statement.
"Well I suggest we let him be and just let him calm down...then we'll talk to him." Ben told his son and placed his hand on his shoulder.
"I hope so Pa cause all he does is avoid me...and I don't know why!" Hoss told his Pa despairingly. He missed his little brother.
"I think we need to just give him time Hoss. That beating he took really hurt him... just give him time...Soon he'll be back to himself again" he slapped his son's back trying to reassure him. Ben suspected that Hoss's size was what Joe was afraid of, not his brother himself. He decided to go into town and see the doctor and talk to him about it.
The boys were sitting in their usual places in front of the fire when there was a loud knock on the door. Adam got up and answered it and was surprised to see the sheriff standing in the doorway. "Adam...It's your Pa...There was an accident and your Pa and a another couple were hit by a runaway wagon...You need to come into town...Doc's with him," the sheriff told him with the hint of urgency in his voice. The three sons grabbed their hats and walked out of the house. Joe held back, he hadn't been in town since the beating. He didn't want to go into town but he wanted to see his Pa. He slowly walked towards the barn; his heart was racing and one of his headaches began to make itself known.
Adam could see his little brother's hesitation and called "Joe! You stay here and we'll bring Pa home. If he's real bad, one of us will come back for you." Joe nodded his eyes thanking his perceptive brother, although he did feel foolish feeling this way. Adam, Hoss and the sheriff rode out leaving Joe alone in the yard. He walked back into the house and without even thinking he was standing in his father's bedroom. He was scared that he may never see his Pa again and sat down on his bed. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.
The loud bang of the front door opening startled Joe awake. It took him a few seconds to realise where he was. He ran down stairs only to see his brothers carrying his Pa into the downstairs bedroom. Both his legs were bandaged and his left arm was in a sling. He had a bandage on his head. Joe walked into the bedroom, joining his brothers tentatively. He looked at Adam for reassurance.
"Pa's legs are broken, his shoulder's sprained and his got a bad bang on the head...He'll be alright...but it will be a while before he's up and around again." Adam told his little brother who looked at his Pa in horror. Adam put his arm around Joe's shoulders, noting the thinness, "Joe he's going to be ok...he just needs to rest...the doctor gave him something to make him sleep so why don't you head off to bed...I'll take first shift and you can take over from me around midnight."
Joe looked up at his brother; he chewed his bottom lip and nodded agreeing with his brother's instructions. "Goodnight Adam...Hoss." He walked over to the side of the bed and looked at his father's face, "Goodnight Pa." Joe said softly not wanting to wake his father.
Joe took over at midnight and Hoss took over from Joe at sunrise. Joe didn't go back to bed he helped Hop Sing in the kitchen. During breakfast Adam passed out their chores. Joe was given the cleaning of the stalls in the barn and round up some strays in the south pasture. He was busy cleaning the stalls when one of the older hands approached him.
"Hurry up there if you're goin' to join us out in the south pasture."
Joe turned around and frowned at the hand. "I'll be there...I just have to finish this first," he told the hand. Joe never liked him but he had been working at the Ponderosa for some years. He was a big man and had a scar over left ear to his chin.
"See that you do...your brothers might put up with you...but I ain't so I suggest you hurry up!"
"My brothers don't put up with me...I work just as hard as they do!" Joe told the hand, his temper rising. The hand took a step forward and Joe flinched. He stepped back into the stall and looked for a way out.
The hand grabbed the front of Joe's shirt "Listen hear...Your brothers put up with you for your Pa's sake...All us hands know how they really feel...we hear them talking saying how you're lazy and try to get out of chores all the time. If it wasn't for Hoss covering for you by finishing your chores all the time your Pa would have tanned your hide by now...but he won't be around for awhile so listen up...us hands won't be covering your laziness so get working or you'll find yourself at the end of this fist!" Joe went pale and felt his legs start to shake when the hand put his fist close to his face.
"Ok" Joe said in a small voice, staring at the fist next to his face.
"Good see that you do!" The hand left the barn.
Joe tried to calm himself down and hurried to finish the stalls. Five hands would be going out to the south pasture and he didn't want to be on the wrong side of any of them. He skipped lunch and headed for the south pasture as soon as he finished the stalls.
Adam frowned at Hoss as they sat at the table to eat lunch. "Where's Little Joe?"
"I don't rightly know Adam...He finished the stalls...must have gone straight out to the south pasture." Hoss told his brother as he tucked into some fried chicken.
"He doesn't eat enough." Adam stated remembering how thin Joe's shoulders were.
"He's right puny if you ask me?" Hoss declared.
"Well we'll make sure he eats his supper tonight...I don't want him sick too." Adam told his brother.
Joe approached the hands slowly and asked them where they had already searched this morning and how many were still missing. The hands looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. The older hand from the barn spoke up, "We're missing ten head...over there and there needs searching." He told Joe. Joe looked around and chose the furthest away to search. He wanted to get as far away as possible from the hands. Everyone went their way and Joe found himself alone. He looked in all the usual hiding places and finally found a couple of steers and led them back to the herd.
Joe looked around; the hands were nowhere to be seen. He headed back to the area he had been searching and found another steer. He led him back to the herd and still couldn't see the hands. After searching the whole area he made his way back to the herd. The hands were sitting by a camp fire having a cup of coffee.
"How many did you find...I found three?" He told the hands.
"We found the rest of them...You head on back...wouldn't want to miss supper in that big house of yours," one of the hands said. "Three steers...call that putting in a hard day's work..." The hands shook their heads and laughed loudly as Joe made his way back to the house.
'Would Adam think he was lazy?' he wondered. When he got back he rubbed Cochise down and took Sport and Chubb in and did the same for them. It was still too early for supper so Joe decided to chop some kindling for Hop Sing. He took the load into the kitchen through the back door. Hop Sing was grateful and told him to wash up because supper was nearly ready.
"Hop Sing?"
"Yes Little Joe"
Joe was going to ask his friend if he thought he was lazy but worried that it was true, he changed his mind. "It doesn't matter...I'll go wash up." He climbed the back stairs and heard Hop Sing talking Chinese in the kitchen.
Joe joined his brothers at the table. He greeted them and started to put food on his plate. Adam watched his brother and was happy to see him at least put a good serving of food on his plate.
"Did you find many strays?" He asked his little brother.
Joe chose carefully how he answered "I found three in the area I was searching...the hands found the rest in their areas." He told his brother hoping Adam would be happy with him.
"So the herds all together in the south pasture?"
"Yes Adam...the hands said there was ten strays and when I caught up with them in the end...they said we have them all." Joe told his brother. "How's Pa?" He hoped the change of subject would stop Adam's questions.
"He's in a lot of pain Joe...He's sleeping mostly...Best thing." Hoss told his little brother. Joe nodded acknowledging his brother but avoided eye contact. He knew his brother would never hurt him but he couldn't help feeling anxious around his large brother.
Joe only ate half his meal and went straight to the bedroom his Pa was in. He looked down at his Pa and was surprised how frail he looked. Gone was the strength that made Joe feel safe. Joe was almost afraid to touch his father but he put his hand on his fathers and was rewarded with a squeeze. He wished he could have told his Pa how much he needed him right now but instead said "Just rest Pa and get better."
Joe left the room feeling lost in his own home and very alone. He said goodnight to his brothers and walked up to his room. Adam watched his brother climb the staircase and thought that his brother was quiet because he was worried about his Pa.
Little Joe sat at the table, listening to his brothers discuss the various tasks that needed to be done around the ranch. He pushed his eggs around his plate, barely eating enough to keep an eighteen year old alive. He wondered where he would be working today, hoping that his brother's would assign him to chores around the house. Somehow staying close to his Pa helped him cope with the growing fears within him.
He had not slept well. Apart from having a headache he had dreamt of several fists hitting him in the face. The same dream had repeated itself throughout the night. Adam had not noticed the dark circles under his little brother's eyes. Hoss didn't notice that Joe ate next to nothing. The one person who would have seen all of this was asleep in another room unable to focus on anything but his injuries. Little Joe sat in silence vowing to do whatever his brothers asked him to do and more. He didn't realise that his strength was gradually being diminished from not eating and sleeping.