Hello there, this is just another song-fic from my whimsical mind. Listened to this song a couple of times and suddenly I thought of Ron...
Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch.
Dear mother, I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
Dear father, forgive me. 'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up.
In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone.
Ron had always loved them and he knew that they loved him... even if they never showed it sometimes. When he was younger there was always another sibling who needed their attention more than he did and even when he grew up and befriended the great Harry Potter, another sibling still took prevalence over him and even Harry Potter seemed more important to them than he, their own son, did. But he could never hate them.
For Molly, he was just the youngest son, the son that should have been a daughter.
For Arthur, he was just another son, the son that should have not been.
In his heart, he always wanted to show them what he could do.
In his heart, he always wanted to be the son they wanted.
In his heart, he always wanted to be the son they could truly love and respect.
In his heart, he always knew he wasn't quite right for them.
In his head, he always knew they never really cared.
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
Because I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
Because I remember everything.
As he sat alone with the rain beating down on the window pane he sat in front of, he remembered all of the haunting moments from his so-called-childhood. When he had ran and hid from his mother's terrible rages and his father's obsession with things other than his children. It had hurt him so much then and it hurt him even more now.
They had beaten him mentally and physically. He had received broken bones from enchanted bludgers and mental scars from enchanted teddy bears.
They would never fully know how much they had hurt him and how much they had really affected him.
But maybe they would know. Maybe now they would feel his pain.
Dear brother, just don't hate me. For never standing by you or being by your side.
Dear sister, please don't blame me. I only did what I thought was truly right.
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone.
He had never fitted in with his six brothers. Never.
Bill and Charlie had each other.
Fred and George had each other.
Percy had his books and even Arthur sometimes.
Ginny had Molly and the attention of every Auntie and female family member.
Ron had no one.
He had had his pets only until the twins killed them. His brothers could never quite understand him. Only when he grew older did Ron finally understand why.
That's why he could never fully put all of his efforts into protecting them from what he was going to do.
He didn't want them to hate him now; he never wanted them to hate him. They probably did now but there wasn't much he could realistically do about it. He could try and change them, like he had changed, but it didn't think they would – they had been loved them.
He had always tried to look after his younger sister, Ginny. He thought she needed his help but she didn't. She was perfectly capable of looking after herself and even in those small moments when she did need help, she would run to Harry Potter – the best friend of her older brother. But never the brother.
He had always been alone but he had never truly realised it until recently.
Recently he had changed his life forever.
Recently he had changed the course of history forever.
He finally felt like he was not alone.
He finally felt like someone understood.
He finally felt like someone cared for him.
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
Because I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
Because I remember everything.
He wished he could make them forget what he had done to them and to everyone else. It had seemed like a good idea. It would show them that he was alive and that he had feelings too.
He wished he could have felt safe, loved and cared for without having to what he had done.
He regretted what he had done.
But nothing could change that now.
I feel like running away, I'm still so far from home.
You say that I will never change, but what the fuck do you know?
I'll burn it all down to the ground, before I let you out.
Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now.
I remember everything.
As he sat in the great, dark hall, he was so far from the Burrow. The atmosphere was cold and almost unwelcoming here. The Burrow was happy, maternal and warm. But strangely here he felt loved and appreciated.
He had run here in the early days and there had always been shelter and warmth for him – things he had never received when he had run to the Burrow, his "home".
Hermione – ha, remember her? – had said that he had 'the emotional range of a teaspoon' and that it would always be that way. How could she have said such a thing?
He had been through so much as a child and he still managed to act normal and happy with all those memories creating nightmares as he slept every night.
He had changed because of that. He really had.
He could never forgive the times when she would insult his intelligence level or work effort – maybe one day he would learn to forget.
Part of him wished that part of her could forgive him for what he had done. At least she wouldn't be insulting his intelligence or effort any more.
He would remember those times forever.
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
Because I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
Because I remember everything.
The pain still lingered in his mind and he knew it always would. It would still nag him every second of every day of every month of every year – just like she had.
If only it wouldn't be so sharp then maybe he could cope.
He now knew no one would forget him and what he had done. He used to think he wouldn't achieve anything in life and would die a Nobody – that had actually been one of his greatest fears, up there with spiders.
But now he was a Somebody.
He regretted some, not all, of it now but maybe he would learn to cope with that burden. There would not be constant reminders of the fear and hate from his childhood and Hogwarts years. They were finally behind him.
But he would always remember them.
Even though I confess, I still can't the past.
I always will remember everything.
If we could start again, would that have changed the end?
We remember everything.
Maybe this was his new start to life, maybe now he could be free.
He wondered if he had changed the course of the world and he thought he probably had.
For better or worse?
Probably worse but maybe it would turn better.
Someone new would come along and try their best. Maybe he'd let them beat him, maybe then he could forget what he had seen, what he had done.
'Ron, the meeting is about to commence.'
'Coming, Dark Lord.'
'Please, call me Tom. We are friends, allies.'
'Yes Tom.'
No.
He would always remember.