A/N This is my first shot at writing for orphan black.
TriggerWarnings: Suicide.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It's raining, of course it is. She's not really surprised, she's just disappointed. Beth deserves better than this, she deserves sun on a day like this. The day they lay her to rest, finally. Cosima is there standing on her right and Sarah's standing on her left. They knew, of course they new, Alison and Beth were a thing. It hurts Alison to think about it. Still, it's been nearly a year and it's still feels worse than getting shot in the foot.
Sarah knew when she first met Alison by the way she talked about her. Cosima didn't find out until she accidentally walked in on them 'making crazy science',a few months after they found out she found out that she's a clone.
Alison is sick of it all. All the small talk.
'I'm sorry about what happened'
'I wish I could have done something to help her'
'I really liked her'
'It's really unfortunate about her, she had a bright future'
'My sincerest apologies'
She's sick of it. They won't even say her name. Beth's name. They treat Alison like she will break at the mention of Beth's name and she hates it.
She goes up to Beth's coffin, they're going to lower it soon. She doesn't have long to say one final goodbye, so she keeps it short.
"Beth, I'm sorry I didn't see that you were so unhappy, I'm sorry I wasn't better." She manages to choke out. " I love you so much, Beth. I will be with you soon, very soon" she promises " I will be better, so much better when I see you again" she whispers, making sure only Beth can hear her "then we'll be together again." She finishes, wiping away stray tears.
She goes back to Sarah and Cosima and they give and awkward, but reassuring hug. As they lower Beth's coffin Alison let's sobs takeover her body, Sarah and Cosima manage to keep her standing up.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Alison cries over and over again.
By the time the Alison has stopped crying, everyone has left, and she's sitting in the mud at the cemetery with a worried Cosima and surprisingly worried Sarah by her side.
"Oh god, Alison, are you okay?" Cosima asks with an alarming amount of fear in her tone, never seeing the other woman like this.
"Yeah, I'm fine guys, sorry to worry you. Go home, I'll be fine" she says with an amount of conviction that she almost believes it herself. So they do, with offers of help if ever needed.
As soon as Alison gets home she goes straight to the bathroom and locks the door behind her, she's not sure why. Donnie and the kids are at his parents for the day.
She opens the cabinet and takes out her sleeping pills and pulls out a note from she jeans. She puts the note on the basin. She opens the bottle of sleeping pills and empties them into her hand, 38 in total, she take 2 at a time until they gone. She's starting to feel dizzy so she sits on the floor and waits for Beth to come and take hear away.
"I love you, Elizabeth Childs" is the last thing ever uttered by Alison Hendrix.
Donnie and the kids come home a few hours later.
"Mom, we're home!" Shouts an unknowing Gemma Hendrix, when she gets no answer,she shouts again ,when she gets nothing again, she shouts to her Dad, telling him something wrong, because Mom should be home, she said she would be. Donnie starts opening doors, trying to find Alison. She not in the garden or the kitchen or any of the bedrooms or downstairs or upstairs. When he finally gets to the bathroom, her goes to open the door, but it doesn't open.
"Ali, are you in there?"
But he doesn't receive an answer. He tries to open the door again, still nothing. He decides to open the door himself, he kicks tries to kick it open, it takes a few goes to finally get it down. When he finally does, the first thing he sees is a lifeless Alison on the floor, next to the runs in and shouts a terrified
"Call an ambulance!"
To the kids, they don't question it, they just do it. They don't like seeing their Mom this way. Once the paramedics arrive they hastily make their way to Alison and they try to revive her, as Donnie had been doing when the paramedics were on their way.
"We're very sorry sir, but your wife is dead. We did everything we could, but it seems that she has been for quite awhile. We are very sorry for your lose" one of the paramedics said to Donnie,in a very somber tone, after what felt like hours.
"But we found this." He said, handing Donnie a note.
"Thank you." He said, darkly. He read the note.
'Dear Donnie, Gemma, Oscar, Sarah and Cosima,
I am very sorry, but I had to do this, I have to be with Beth. Everyday without her is worse than the last and I couldn't do it anymore.
Donnie, I'm sorry, I know that you know about everything and I know you'll be fine with the kids, you could be a really good Dad if you tried. I'm sorry and I love you.
Gemma and Oscar, I want you to always remember that Mommy loves you and she is in a better place now. I will see you again, but not for a very, very long time. I'm sorry and I love you.
Sarah and Cosima, I really loved get to know you, even though it may not have seemed that way, I really did. I'm sorry this happened to us, it's really not fair. I'm sorry and I love you.
Sincerely,
Alison Hendrix
Mother, Wife, Friend, Clone.'
Cosima and Sarah are back at the same place that they were almost a month ago, struggling to face the fact that another one of their clone sisters has fallen. They are there with Alison's family and friends, comforting each other. As they all had lost a beloved Mother, Wife, Friend or Clone and that made everything just a little bit easier.