Author Note: Hi everybody. I haven't written a fanfic in ages. And to tell the truth I wrote this with a heavy heart. I haven't watched House since the end of season 7 and I have to admit I haven't been able to read any House related fanfiction for a few months now. I always became sad and well, there is this uneasy feeling in my stomach. Anyway, I hope who are still able to read about them will enjoy my story. This is my closure I guess.

The hospital held an eerie silence. She stood in front of his door. Not daring to go in, afraid of what she might see. She is a doctor so she knows what to expect, but it does not make things any easier. Patients, nurses and doctors are mingling around her, but she doesn't pay any attention to them, she doesn't seem to hear anything, doesn't see anything, doesn't feel anything except her painfully beating heart against her chest. She wonders if she would finally get a stroke. Leave it to him to manage that after all these years. Her hand trembles as she reaches for the doorknob, but before her hand could make contact with the cold surface she pulls it back hastily. She heaves a sigh and scolds herself for being such a coward. She has known this man half her life what the hell is she afraid of. Oh yes, the same man made her life a living hell for 20 years and just to make his feeling clear for her he drove a car into her house. That's right, how could she forget it. Another sigh escaped her lips contemplating what she is doing here. Again. She had the same conversation with herself when she packed her stuff after Wilson called her, then when she was on the plane, and when she was on her way to the hospital from the airport, and about a hundred times since she has been standing here. So about nearly an hour now. It's a good thing that she doesn't care about appearances right now because she would be surely embarrassed that her formerly staff and patients saw her standing there like an idiot for what seemed like eternity and not making an actual move. Okay. She can do this. She has to. She is not going to get another chance. But what is she going to tell him? What is he going to tell her? And would he be happy to see her? Or angry? Or just indifferent? And would she be happy to see him? At that thought she mentally slapped herself for even thinking being happy and House in the same sentence. She nearly snorted at herself for even entertaining the idea of a happy reunion. Happy. That's what they never managed. Plain and simple happiness. How hard is it? For them it was nearly impossible. Then why was she here again? Oh right. He is dying. And if she didn't go in now, she would never get the chance again. But why would she want that chance? Oh yeah. Because she is an idiot. And confused. And sad. And so utterly scared. He is going to die. Of cancer. Of all the things he could die of it had to be cancer. Come on what the fuck is wrong with this world. Can't it give them a break? What had she done in her previous life to deserve this? Because it sure as hell wasn't in this life. She had to get herself back together. This is pathetic. Standing outside his room for an hour, if he knew he would never let her live this down. Another shaky sigh. Why is it so hard? Why? She is not supposed to care about him any longer. She is supposed to hate him. She does hate him, she tells herself. Then why did she come? Because he was a part of her life, and she felt she had to say goodbye. Then why doesn't she go inside. That's easy she tells herself. She is afraid. But of what? She doesn't let herself dwell on that, because she has a feeling that the reason would be pitiful. Idiotic. Painful. Heartbreaking. Suicidal. Yes, it is best if she does not dwell on that. She was startled out of her thought by a hand on her shoulder. She whipped her head to the side so fast that she was afraid of some internal damage.

- Hey – Wilson said softly – Sorry, I didn't want to scare you.

- Oh no, that's all right. – Cuddy replied with a tight smile.

- So? Do actually plan on going in or are you just going to stand here the whole day? – he asked with some humor in his voice.

- I am planning on going in, I just… I don't know what to say to him.

- Maybe you will get lucky and he won't wake up at all.

- Luck. Yeah right, because luck has been on my side since I knew him- she snorted at the mere idea.

- Well, then just get on with it. Some might say that you are afraid of meeting him. – he raised one of his eyebrows in a questioning manner, though his voice was anything but.

- I am not afraid, why would I be?

- Mhm maybe because you are going to say goodbye to the one person you have been in love with for your entire life, and whom you haven't seen since he drove a car into your house? Hey, don't look at me like that, I would be afraid too. – he said, his hands rising in a surrendering manner.

- I am not in love with him.

- If it helps you sleep at night.

- I don't!

- Okay. I am sorry, I don't want to make you angry, but Lisa, he doesn't have much time left. Maybe the next day but… maybe not.- his eyes watering slightly at the admission- so I think if you want to go in and I don't know make amends with him then you should do it now, before it's too late.

- I know. And I am sorry for snapping at you. I just… I'm…- she finished with a sigh.

- It is going to be all right. – he shot her an encouraging smile and started to push her slightly toward the door.

Before she reached the door, she turned around suddenly grasping his white coat.

– I don't want him to die. Oh God Wilson. I can't just go in and say goodbye. I can't. I have been spending the past years telling myself that I hate that man, that the worst thing that happened to me was meeting him. I am not sure I am capable of going in there and play the part of the…the… I don't even know what role I have in his life anymore. Am I the girlfriend from the past? You know The One? No no… that title should go to Stacy. Then the idiot who pined after him for years? Maybe… but I think I will be generous and let Cameron have that… tell me Wilson what I am? No… tell me instead what the hell is wrong with me for even thinking about such things. I don't need a title… oh wait I know I will go with being his boss. That's it, that's perfect and I will be able to just pretend that the greatest mind I have ever met is passing away so that's why I might seem a little bit said. Good…that's good…- she muttered to herself wringing her hands together, while Wilson just looked at her as if she had completely lost her mind. Finally he shook his head and put his hands on hers to keep her from breaking a finger.

- Hey. Come on. It is normal that you are worried and scared. With House it is never easy but you know that already. And if you must have a role then go with his own personal she-devil, he would approve. - he said to lighten the mood but when he saw the look Lisa shot him, he quickly put his hand up in surrender and said- . I am sorry I will try not to make fun of your state. You know what? Go with the one who got away. That should fit perfectly.

- Thanks for the support Wilson- she said while slapping him slightly on the shoulder.

- Ouch. You are welcome. But now get yourself together and go in. – he gave her a little push and an encouraging smile.

- If this backfires and one of us ends up in tears or dead you are to blame, just so you know. – with that she turned the doorknob and slowly pushed open the door and disappeared behind it leaving Wilson standing there with a sad smile on his face.

- He will die Lisa. No matter how things will turn out. I just hope you can have the closure you both so desperately need.- he whispered to the already closed door.

She just stood there. Not daring to look at the hospital bed. She wanted to turn around and run but she supposed that would be too childish, though the idea was really appealing. Finally, she mustered up the courage to just glance at the damn bed and realized that his eyes are open are watching her intently. Now she felt like an idiot. Real smooth Lisa, why don't you write it on your forehead that you are TERRIFIED from him, the situation, everything. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and finally turned towards him. He was thin. So very very thin. She has seen him in some shitty situation and after near death experiences but this… she was not ready for this. He was fading in front of her eyes and she had to blink the sudden tears away as she realized for the first time that this is really going to be the last time she ever sees him. No more fantasy about meeting in the future where they could make up and be friends or whatever it is they were. No more daydream about how he is or what he is doing. Nothing. After this, it is over. And the thought hit her with such a force that she nearly recoiled from the bed. She took in a sharp breath and pulled herself together.

- Hi. –that's it. That's your over practiced line that you have been rehearsing since that dreaded phone call. HI? What the hell is wrong with you? Oh God...

- His eyes softened a notch and kept studying you curiously. – Hi - he said after a minute. Possibly the longest minute of your life.

- Umm… I… Er… Wilson… he called and told be about… the cancer. How are you?- there she said it. More like squeaked out, but that was not the point.

- With a sigh he put his head back on his pillow and looked up at the ceiling.- I told him not to call you under any circumstances. I should have known that he would start to meddle with things as soon as I am not capable of putting up a physical protest.

- I am glad he called. - and she really is. She couldn't imagine standing over his casket without a proper goodbye.

- Well, I am not - he said petulantly.

- I don't care – she said, shrugging her shoulders and sitting in the chair next to his bed.

- That's great to know. It really is a pity when you don't even have the decency to leave me alone on my death bed.

- I never could, but you should know that by now - she replied with an ease she did not feel.

- Why are you here? Why did you come? And please do not tell me that you came for a happy reunion with rainbows and unicorns…- he turned his eyes from her face not bearing to look at her anymore. He was overwhelmed. He didn't want to see her. He wanted to die peacefully without her hovering over him and making him feel things he wanted to bury forever. And his forever was just out of reach now, he thought bitterly. He should have died yesterday; he wouldn't have had to face her now. But nooo, he can never have any luck with this woman.

- I… Because… I don't know. – she said finally. He was so surprised by this admission that he had to look at her again.

- You don't know? - he asked incredulously.

- No. I don't. I thought that I am over whatever I was feeling towards you. The anger, the resentment, sadness, pain, love. Pick one. But when Wilson called I just packed my suitcase without a thought and came here all the while wondering, what the hell I am doing. But I think that I need this. We need this. We never really got a closure.

- Closure? I got my closure thanks. In prison you know. So you can find you closure elsewhere because it is not here I can assure you. Bye. – and with that he tried to roll on his other side but the pain was to intense for the movement to be successful.

- She couldn't settle on one emotion since she has been here but now anger started to win out. – It is the last time we will ever see each other, and maybe you don't have anything to say and don't feel anything but I do. So instead of closing off yourself you could show some interest. – she was fuming by the time she finished her monologue.

- What Cuddy? What should I be interested in? That you never forgave me for driving into your house? That the worst thing that has happened to you was meeting with me. Or that you are glad that we didn't work out because you have the perfect life now with the picket fence. What is it that I should be interested in? – he was out of breath by the time he spit out his words.

She pushed aside her hurt and need to get up and leave him again and took a deep calming breath. She should have expected it, the hostility the bitterness, everything.

– No. You should be interested in that I am sorry, for this whole mess we are in. That the best thing that has ever happened to me was meeting you as I wouldn't be who I am today without your impact on my life. That you are someone I hated and loved at the same time with such a force that I didn't know it was possible. That I will cherish and condemn every memory I have of you because you hurt me so much so many times that I shouldn't be able to forgive and forget let alone want to do it. But here I am. Again. At your death bed pleading with you to give me closure because I don't want to look back on my past with so much pain. I want to be able to remember only the good parts, but it is never the way with us, is it? I loved you House. With everything in me. I don't think I will ever be able to not love you. But love… It was never enough for us, was it? Neither of us believed in it enough to pull us through the hard times. And I admit I am at fault here as much as you are. And I can't help but feel sad that we were too proud to admit defeat. But maybe it is not too late. I am here. And I am ready to forgive you if you are ready to forgive me. And maybe we could just see each other as we did once. Without fear. - her voice cracked at the end.

She waited for him to say something. Anything. But he just kept facing away from her. She felt defeated. Damaged. Hurt. He didn't want any of those things. He really had his closure. He didn't want anything just her gone. Well, she could give him that. With a heavy sigh she pushed herself up and away from the bed and made her way towards the door. Casting one last look in his direction she said.

- Maybe we will have that chance in another life. Goodbye Greg. –she hasn't called him Greg in 25 years. And she did it only when they met for the first time. She had decided then and there that Greg is too soft for him, House is much more fitting. Starting with Greg and ending with Greg, maybe that's the way it should be.

- I want to forgive you but I don't know how. And I am not sure I want you to forgive me. But I can admit that I never hated and loved anyone as much as I love and hate you. – she slowly turned around and looked at him intensely.

- We agree on something? That has to be a first. But it is a good place to start. – she slowly sit back on the chair and tentatively reached for his hand, which he hesitantly let her.

They stayed that way till late at night.

In the morning Wilson came in to find the pair on the hospital bed. Clutching each other hands. He looked at the heart monitor realizing that it has been shut down. He made his way slowly over to the bed and felt for a pulse on House's other arm. There were none. Cuddy started to stir and when she looked over at Wilson she knew. She exhaled slowly and put her head back on House's shoulder and wept silently. Tear after tear rolled down her cheek till a muffled sob tore through her throat. Wilson stood there helplessly on the other side of the bed, tear streaks on his face as well, while he still clutched his friend's hand. As he looked over at Cuddy he only hoped that he did not make anything worse.

After the funeral they sat together by his grave. Both of them lost in their thoughts.

- It is a good thing that you came- Wilson said finally, breaking the silence.

- Is it? – she asked with melancholy in her voice. She wasn't able to stop crying since that morning.

- You had your closure didn't you?

- Maybe.

- Maybe? What do you mean? I found you on his bed. I thought that you made up. What happened?- he asked apprehensively. He was afraid for the first time that thing did not go as he had previously thought.

- What happened? We talked.

- Then you got what you wanted, didn't you?

- Maybe.

- Maybe? Lisa, I don't understand. What do you mean maybe?

- House, he always got what he wanted, didn't he?

- I am not sure what you mean.

- He didn't want me here. Or did he?- she asked while turning her body in his direction.

- I… er… no?

- Do not play dumb with me. He wanted me to come. And you helped him. We all knew I wouldn't have come if he asked me to. He wouldn't have gotten to finish saying hello. I would have hung up on him immediately. - At least Wilson had the decency to look sheepish.

- Lisa… I am sorry for playing you. You are right. You wouldn't have come. But you needed it. He needed it. He got his happy ending. – he said with a sad smile.

- Yeah, he got his, didn't he? - She murmured to herself. -The only sad thing is that I never got mine. – with that she left a dumbfounded Wilson near the grave.

She never got her happy ending, living a happy life with her daughter and the man she has loved in her entire life.

Thank You for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please, leave a comment if you can. :)
FannyK