I do not own.
The sun is bright outside of my closed lids. I revel in the heat, feeling the perspiration slide down the sides of my face. We have only been out of the water for a few minutes, a testament to the searing Texas heat. I hear him approach before I see his shadow block the sun from my eyes. I open them to reveal the beautiful being standing over me. He is smiling his perfect smile, green eyes gleaming, bronze hair dripping, naked as the day he was born. Our secret place allowing us a freedom we would never know anywhere else.
I bite my lip and motion for him to come closer and he does without hesitation. He straddles me, arms on either side of my shoulders, bringing his face mere inches from my own.
"I love you", he whispers. His lips move against mine as he speaks.
I respond with a deep kiss, caressing his tongue with mine.
We both know our time is nearly up. We must part and return to the lives we are expected to live. Our sporadic meetings take a toll on both of us yet when we reunite it's as if we've never separated. Although we are young we both have the responsibilities of grown men as a war ravages our country and we must fill the roles of fathers and older brothers who have joined the military. I have yet to tell him I've enlisted, knowing his stance, I fret to tell him I've joined the confederacy. Fearing that this may be the last time we will ever be together I remain silent, striving to make him feel my love and devotion through my touch.
As he cries out in his release I feel the weight of longing and regret settle on my shoulders, a weight I fear will never be shed. My thoughts beg him to forgive me, to remember me, remember my love for him and my eyes must convey my thoughts because his expression turns forlorn but he says nothing. It's as if he's heard everything my mind has said and begrudgingly accepts the decision I have made, making our probable last meeting one to remember. Hoping against hope that he can in fact hear my thoughts I silently scream. Edward, I love you.
Mere months later and I have been promoted twice. Military life is much easier than I thought. I suppose being the son of a Colonel has molded me into a disciplined, obedient soldier.
Not wanting to lose me in direct warfare, my superior tasks me with evacuating a small town before an eminent battle.
At dusk I stop at a river to water my horse, Gallagher, and myself for that matter. As I splash cool water on my face my horse spooks. I am erect, revolver at the ready before anyone would have a chance to approach. I whip around pointing my weapon at the trees.
I am in an open field, the treeline about 100 yards from where I stand. I squint as the twilight makes sight difficult. My horse is panting and beating his front hooves on the ground, his head moving up and down as if he's contemplating an escape. I attempt to quiet him, speaking in the soft voice, channeling my feelings of calm as I do not see any immediate danger and I really don't want to have to chase my horse.
Keeping my gun pointed toward the treeline I very slowly approach Gallagher.
Just before I can get a hold of his reigns a gust of wind hits, causing my hair to cover my eyes and at the same moment, Gallagher bolts running faster than I'd ever seen him run. Before I can gather my wits he has disappeared into the trees. Goddamnit! As I begin to trudge in the direction of my damn horse I hear giggling behind me. Gun still in hand I turn toward the sounds to see three women not more than 100 paces from where I stand. Beyond confused, wondering how they approached so quickly without my knowledge, I walk towards them. Although I feel slightly anxious at their sudden appearance I holster my weapon, not wanting to frighten them.
I tip my hat in greeting, "Ladies." As I get closer I notice that all three women are beyond beautiful, two blondes and a brunette in the middle. Although I have only ever been attracted to men, well Edward anyhow, I find myself drifting closer still. Knowing I'd remember seeing them during the evacuation I deduce that they have been away and do not know of the troops headed our way. "Ladies, it's awful dangerous for y'all to be out here on your own. You are to head east as your town has been evacuated." The blondes giggle and the brunette sneers.
One blonde addresses the brunette,"Maria, he is perfect and he smells divine. You must take him for I fear I will not be able to stop." I slowly come to the realization that not only have these women not addressed me directly but I am beginning to feel like I am the one in danger. I don't know where it comes from but I know is that in this moment my life will cease to exist and all that comes to my mind is him. Edward, I love you.
The battle is raging and I am simultaneously projecting fear and resignation while ripping limbs and heads from torsos, hurtling them towards the fire blazing on the edge of the battle field. A force crashes into me from behind but before I rip the head off the offender I notice that it is Peter and remain back to back with him taking on opponents to our front. I'm nearly consumed by the anger and the fear, it's tangible and almost brings me to my knees.
When the battle is over, the territory claimed as ours once again, I head North. Peter grabs my arm and gives me a knowing look. "Is our existence not difficult enough? Why must you torture yourself, brother?" I say nothing, turn and run.
I approach the all too familiar lake and feel the serenity I have always felt when coming here. It's been five years to the day since I left and two since I was here last. He was here the last time but I was too wary to come too close to him fearing I would not be able to control my thirst and take him. Even with my enhanced vision I was not close enough to see the gleam in his eyes. I did however notice the aging of his features. Soft lines around his mouth and eyes. A dusting of facial hair. From my perch in a distant tree, I longed to be under his gaze, to feel his warm breath on my skin.
As he sat near the shore, skimming rocks, he was quiet aside from humming a familiar tune. When I first heard him humming that melody I asked him what it was as I had never heard it before. He simply answered, "It's our song."
I fled when I felt I wouldn't be able to control myself for much longer.
This time I made sure to feed sufficiently so I can get closer. My guess is that he comes here every year on the same day. The last day he saw me. I lie in the grass, the same spot where he lounged that last time I saw him until I hear him approaching. I scramble up a nearby tree and hold my breath. As he emerges from the trees I'm overwhelmed with relief at seeing his face again. He scans the vicinity as if searching for my presence.
When he realizes I will not emerge his shoulders slump and he crumples to the ground a look of anguish marring his exquisite face. I choke on sob at seeing his agony and war with my body not to run to him. Instead I project to him placidity and a bit of my love for him. With that he sighs and lies back closing his eyes with a small smile gracing his beautiful lips.
Soon he is asleep, his soft snores an indication that I can move closer. I need to be closer. I silently approach until I am just few feet away, knowing that if I take a breath his aroma will be too tempting.
Out of the cover of the trees I glare at the sun as it alights my disgusting skin, reminding me that I am a monster and should not be here. Still, I have to touch him, feel his silky hair against my fingers. Just one touch, light enough that he won't even notice. I kneel next to him ghosting my hand over his cheek, forehead, lips. I lightly touch the silky strands of his hair, barely touching it with the same force as a gentle breeze. As if feeling my proximity, Edward smiles in his slumber coaxing a smile from my own lips. I trace his lips lightly, longing to feel them against my own, they are so warm and soft. My body leans closer, seemingly of it's own accord and I find myself inches from his mouth.
I reckon I am already this close I can surely kiss him lightly without him knowing. I descend further until I feel the soft warmth against me. I move my lips back and forth against his, reveling in the feel of my lips touching his once again. I love you, I mouth silently. I want to cry and laugh and rage as all the emotions clash inside me. I sob and the air gushes out of my lungs and onto Edward's face. He gasps and bolts up to a sitting position.
By the time he opens his eyes I am already in my tree kicking myself for being so foolish. I watch as he touches his fingers to his lips as if knowing mine were there only seconds ago. He then fists his hands into his hair and sobs as he rocks back and forth. My heart breaks a thousand more times as I watch him grieve for the man he loves, the man who no longer exists.
I flee when I can no longer listen to his anguished cries.
I don't return to the lake for five years.
As I near the lake I smell him and immediately stop breathing. I silently ascend my tree and spot him sitting near the shore, tossing stones into the water. As he moves his arm I notice a gold band gleaming from his ring finger. I can barely hold back the scream that wants to escape. No!
Inadvertently, I project my misery and his head snaps up scanning the vicinity a pained look on his face.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry", he whispers.
I pull at my hair in aggravation that I cannot go to him. I can't be angry at him for getting married. His Jasper is long dead. I am merely his ghost, a wraith who haunts the place we once called our sanctuary.