Because sometimes we have to make stupid decisions before we can really know what the right thing to do is...

For Grace -

My Castle fangirling buddy

Her chest ached. Each heart beat was a throb of pain. Her eyes stung and her cheeks were still damp from crying for the past few hours. She continued driving despite this, trying to force her attention to remain on the road rather than letting it play over the events of the past seventy-two hours for the umpteenth time.

The hours had passed like seconds. Stack had given her the number and her life had seemingly snowballed out of her control. She had called, flown down for an interview, was back within the day and twenty-four hours later she had a job offer. She had been hesitant at first. She had been a homicide detective for well over five years now and she had never doubted that this was her calling, her place in the world.

Stack's words had rooted themselves deep into her mind though, watered by long ago dreams and unrealized desires. She thought she'd be a detective until the day she lay down her badge for good. She had once or twice given notion to moving up the ladder but there was no drive within her to do so. It would only serve to take her away from her purpose.

When she had first made detective it had been a means to an end. She could go through her mother's case and one day see it solved. The day to day of the job had caught her too though. It had brought her a greater purpose in life: finding justice for families, giving them the closure she couldn't find for herself.

Then Castle had come along. He had thrown her into a tailspin at first. He had followed her around, behaving like a world-class jackass and then had the gall to open up her mother's murder case behind her back. Somewhere along the way though, he'd grown endearing and sweet, and then behold, he had solved the case she had built her life upon. He had fallen for her in the process, or perhaps the process began because he had already fallen long beforehand. She wasn't sure. In any event, she had fallen for him too.

She had hurt him with this choice though. His face had contorted into anguish for only a second after she told him before he forced himself to maintain a neutral expression. She thought nothing could be worse than that empty look until he opened his mouth to speak.

"You're taking the job in D.C.." His voice was calm and resigned but his eyes burned with angry betrayal.

"It's almost a year. Do you realize that Kate? We've made it almost a whole year and I'll be damned if this hasn't been the best year of my life. I'm not ready for this to end but if you take this job, where does that leave us?"

"I love you." Her voice cracked even as she said it. She had no other reply.

"Then stay. Stay here with me. I don't want to give you an ultimatum Kate but we're not in college. This is not a long-distance relationship."

"I know." It was almost a whisper and she looked at the ground as she said it, a long tear rolling down her cheek.

"Kate." He sighed out, closing his eyes as she looked up at him.

"Please, Rick." She begged, though she wasn't sure what she was begging for.

"I… I think you should go. You've got a lot to pack." She nodded, drew in a shaky breath and turned to head for the doorway, defeated, with nothing else to say.

"When do you leave?" He asked just as she touched the handle.

"Day after tomorrow." She answered somberly.

He nodded his acceptance and for a moment they just stared at each other before Kate turned back towards the door and slipped out.

"I love you too." She heard him whisper as she leaned against the closed door, letting the onslaught of tears flood her vision for just a moment before wiping them away as best she could and making her way home.

That was two days ago and now here she was, opening a new chapter of her life, of her career. This was not what she had in mind when she had asked Castle where they were going a few weeks ago. The tears still leaked down her face in a brutal act of betrayal against her will. She shook her head to refocus herself and with a deep breath that was more of a hiccup she took the exit off the 95 to D.C..

The hotel room where she was staying was quaint, almost dingy. The bedspread had a hideous floral pattern and the yellow walls hadn't received a coat of paint since the 70's. She set her duffel bag on the bed and sat down next to it, taking in the small room that was to be her home for the next few weeks, at least until she could find a place to rent.

Her head was pounding; her face was stiff with dry tears. She needed a shower, a glass of whatever alcohol they had in the mini bar, and a good night's sleep. She was to report for duty tomorrow morning.

Standing up she rolled her shoulders, trying to work out the kinks in her back simultaneously ignoring the part of her brain that automatically told her to ask Castle for a massage. She turned to the duffel on the bed and pulled the zip open, fishing out some old sweats and a t-shirt. With her clothes in one hand, and the other running through her hair, she headed into the bathroom and turned the shower on, only using the hot tap. She wanted the water to burn the pain away. She scrubbed herself autonomously, not noticing how the water burned her skin or how the repeated rubs of the harsh wash cloth were turning her skin raw. She washed her face under the scolding water. Let the falling stream disguise some more of her tears before forcing herself to stop and get out of the shower.

She dried off quickly and slid into her clothes before returning to the bed via the mini-fridge. All she'd managed to find were two small bottles of scotch and another of vodka. She had taken them with her; they would serve their purpose well enough.

She climbed into the bed and wriggled over to the middle ensuring she was not choosing a side to sleep on. She was just about to throw the duffel bag off the bed and onto the floor when something unfamiliar caught her eye.

She had packed this bag precisely, even making a list of the essentials she would need and she was fairly certain that little blue box was not on that list, or even one of her belongings. With over exaggerated care she picked up the box, handling it like it was made of glass. She had not packed this and surely, he hadn't either. He wouldn't have had the time, surely. And more to the point, what would possess him to put this in her bag? As she convinced herself it wasn't what she thought it was she cautiously untied the ribbons. With slow, precise movements she pushed away the satin thread and lifted the lid.

She was so taken aback that she dropped the box onto the bed, covering her gaping mouth with her hands. Staring back at her from the hideous comforter was what could only be described as an engagement ring.

The tears were back, a steady river down her face, as she gingerly picked up the box and pulled out the delicate ring. It was beautiful. A simple platinum band with six claws at the top holding the most beautiful diamond she had ever seen. It wasn't big and flashy but nor was it sedate. It was perfect. Without even thinking about it she carefully slid the ring onto her left hand, letting it slide into place on her fourth finger. Through the haze of her tears she held her hand out to examine it until she could no longer see through the downpour.

With a sudden burst of adrenalin she shot up from the bed. She grabbed her phone and hit speed dial one. She waited impatiently with the phone to her ear as it rang out before it clicked over to his pre-recorded message. She tried again. And once more. Then she grabbed her bag and her keys, and ran out the door. She all but threw the room keys to reception, telling them to charge the room for tonight and letting them know she no longer needed it long term. In a mad dash she ran to her car and turned the engine.

She tried not to break every traffic law on her hasty drive back to New York but she was fairly certain she only missed a few. What had taken her four hours originally now took less than three. The three hours seemed to drone on though, a sharp contrast to the past few days. The cars weren't going quick enough; the road wasn't passing under her fast enough.

By the time she pulled up outside his building she was gasping for air. Her lungs were empty from excitement and nerves both.

She knocked on the door. Two; three; four times and waited for the tell tale sign of feet shuffling across the floor. After hearing nothing for two minutes she checked her watch. It was close to one in the morning. He was probably asleep. With urgency she fumbled in her pocket, pulling out her key ring and isolating her desired prize with clumsy fingers. It took her two goes to get the key into the hole and another three to remove it before closing the door quietly behind her.

She all but ran through his study and into the all too familiar bedroom but paused in the doorway, taken aback. He was sprawled on her side of the bed; her pillow clutched against his chest, face mashed into one of her old sleep shirts. She felt her heart shatter like glass into a million tiny pieces.

She walked cautiously up to the bed and knelt down beside it her face as close to his as possible. Reaching up her newly adorned hand she stroked her fingers through his messy hair. He murmured and nuzzled deeper into the shirt. She repeated the motion, this time bringing her hand down his neck, reaching her thumb out to brush his lips. She watched with baited breath as his eyelids slowly fluttered open.

"Kate." His voice was husky, still mostly asleep. Kate was torn between a wide smile and a sobbing gasp.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was an idiot. An utter moron. To think that leaving you for stupid job was a good idea was total bullshit. I'm sorry." The words poured out of her mouth as he continued to blink into consciousness.

"Kate." This time when he said her name it was with caution.

"I'm so sorry Rick. Please forgive me. I can't… I was stupid."

Castle pushed himself up in the bed, leaning back against the headboard. Kate rose from her position on her knees to sit by his hip. She went to take the hand that was resting in his lap, hesitated, then completed the action, drawing it into her own lap.

"I… what are you doing here Kate?" He asked. His tone was bitter but he hadn't reclaimed his hand.

"I don't need a new job in D.C. to make my life worthwhile. I'm so stupid for not know that straight up Rick. You know that running from relationships is what I do best and you know that I make stupid decision when it comes to love Rick; when it comes to you. But I don't want to run anymore. I don't want a fancy job in the nation's capitol. I just… I just want you." Her grip on his hand was like a vice, she was sure she was crushing his bones. He didn't seem to be phased by it.

He took a moment of silence to let her words wash over him. Looking down at their joined hand he saw a glimmer.

"You found it." His tone was lighter now but all had not been forgiven yet.

Kate looked down at the ring.

"Ah yeah. Is it okay… I mean… I'm wearing it but… if that's not where we are right now I can give it back." Hastily she brought her right hand to left, looking to pry the band from her finger. Castle's free hand fell over hers and stopped her.

"No. I think you should ah, leave it there. It looks good." Slowly Kate looked up, a cautious smile spreading across her face. It was mirrored in Rick's.

"So, are you going to ask?" Kate queried, tongue in cheek.

"Do you want me to?" Kate only nodded, the grin on her face getting wider. "Then you're going to have to release my hand so I can move." She did so reluctantly and shifted over so that Castle could stand.

He knelt beside the bed and reclaimed her hands.

"Kate, we have a lot to talk about. We have a lot of issues we need to sort out." He paused and Kate waited for him to continue. "All that can wait for tomorrow though. Kate Beckett, will you marry me?"

Her answer of yes was felt more than heard as she practically fell into his lap and pressed her lips to his.

Everything was not perfect; the morning would hold a lengthy discussion about the past few days' events, but for now, all was forgiven.

A/N: I know that I haven't updated Play Dates in over 6 months. I'm getting there. Life got in the way, as it so often does. Please know that I have the next chapter almost written and once I am on holidays I will be finishing off the story. It is not fully abandoned.

Thanks for reading!

Sacha x0x