EDIT: I saw a few mistakes that I felt I needed to fix in the story, especially in the ending. It's not too noticeable, but it just kept bothering me. That's kinda what you get for rushing a story to have it out by Christmas. ^^U
Disclaimer: The series Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me.
The Fading Memories
He held a white rose high up in the air. "Remember? Remember that time so long ago when I gave you a flower?" he smiled, peering at the blossom in his hand. "It was just for the sake of friendship, but I'm glad that you accepted anyway."
"Yes... yes," she laughed. "Thank you..."
He placed the rose on the counter, and waited for the woman clerk to wrap it up in a piece of clear plastic. As they stood there, he turned to look around. "This was a nice stroll," he commented lightly. "I guess that we'll be meeting up with everybody else back at the park, right?"
She nodded her head. "When... when are you going to be leaving again?" she whispered, the tone of happiness fading away with each word that she said from that question.
"In a week or so."
"Oh... okay then."
The woman then interrupted, asking for him to pay. After he did, he took the rose from the counter, and the two started to walk again. A while later, he handed it her, surprising her. "I... t-this is for me?" she managed to stammer.
"Yes."
"I thought it was for Kaho... or somebody else."
"No," he smiled. "It's for you."
Taking it from his delicate hand, she looked at it's pale white petals. "It reminds me of snow..." she murmured, and then looked up at him with a grin upon her face. "Thank you... Thank you so much!" She continued to smile at him, but it faded away as soon as it had appeared. "I'm going to miss you..." she told him softly, again in the serious tone.
"And I'll miss you, too..."
*~*~*~*~*~* If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you
The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are liftin'
The mornin' light steals across my windowpane
Where webs of snow are driftin'
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
And to be once again with you
-"Song For A Winter's Night"
*~*~*~*~*~*
"I am..."
"Ahhh... here it is," she laughed, running through the park where the penguin slide had resided ever since she could remember. Sakura crouched down as she was still moving, and brought up a large amount of snow into the grasp of her hands. Throwing it into the air, she twirled around, dancing as they glittered in the light of the sun that sparkled down upon her. The eighteen-year-old girl continued to giggle by herself. Her warm pale gloves were brought back down to the ground to feel the freezing snow beneath her as she kneeled.
"I am going back, because..."
She sighed for a moment, closing her eyes as she recalled where everybody else were. Chiharu was holding a party that she should've gone to about fifteen minutes ago, with Rika, Yamazaki, Naoko, Syaoran, Meiling, and everybody else there. "Merry Christmas..." Sakura whispered, letting her eyelids drop slightly. Her brother Touya and Yukito were spending the day doing... something. Whatever it was, they're probably having fun. And in more than one way, Sakura grinned inwardly. Of course, she and Touya had spent the morning with her father, but he insisted for them to enjoy the day with they're friends. They opened presents, said the greetings, hugs and kisses, and that was that.
"...because I suppose..."
"I am going to go see Tomoyo's mother, maybe have a small chat with her," he explained lightly.
Her father and Tomoyo's mother have practically made amends, though Daidouji-san would rather choke herself than to admit to such a thing. Sakura shook her head, a smile upon her face. All they ever did when they see each other was to talk about Sakura's departed mother. Then Daidouji-san would go back to how it was allllll otoosan's fault and stomp off in a hissy fit. Oh, those two adults were definitely amended.
"...that we're... linked in such a way."
Breathing into the air, Sakura watched as white puffs appeared out of her mouth, and then faded away along with the gentle, ice-cold wind. She wrapped her arms around her coat, hugging herself tightly as if to keep the warmth from escaping away from her. From her kneeling position, Sakura moved to sit on the snow as she looked up at the clear blue sky.
"That's why I've gone to marry..."
Rika and their fifth-grade teacher were promised by now, Sakura remembered. They would probably announce their engagement soon, and a wedding date would be set. Yamazaki and Chiharu, on the other hand, were still just playing around. In fact, Yamazaki's stories have gotten much more complicated and long as the years have gone by. Obviously, becoming older, for him, meant expanding his imagination to its limit, and probably going beyond that.
"...gone to marry..."
Yue and Cerberus have not left her yet, thank God. Touya and her father practically know everything, though Kero's still trying to hide his obvious moving form as well as he can. Sometimes, Sakura can recall when her father peeks in to watch Kero eat, and then seeing him quickly freeze up, just for the heck of laughing at the situation. Sakura does not say a word, but that is because it is not really needed.
"...I've gone back to marry Meiling..."
Going down the list of her reminiscing, Sakura thought back to when Syaoran proclaimed his engagement to Meiling. Syaoran and Sakura had broken up about two years ago, for reasons unknown. Then, he had gone back to his home over the summer about a year and a half after that, and brought Meiling back. Somehow, something happened during that absence, and Sakura had not wanted to intrude by asking. She already knew how much Meiling cared for Syaoran, and in a way, she was finally content at having him return his feelings to her. But, she also had to admit to herself how much it hurt her having separated from him.
Sakura placed her chin on her knees when she wrapped her around her legs, hugging them to her. A puzzled look upon her face, she thought, Maybe Syaoran and I weren't even really meant to be for those years. We were happy, but he could never really read my thoughts. It was always Tomoyo who hinted in to him as to how to treat me or what to do to make me feel better. Of course, he thought I was oblivious to that, too. And I remember when Tomoyo told me that Syaoran's already felt that way about me for a long time before I even noticed. In fact, Syaoran had to confess his feelings to me before I noticed. If he didn't... I would have continued gone on thinking that we were just really good friends. So... maybe he and I just weren't... like that.
Shaking her head, Sakura tried to take away those thoughts. She should have gone to Chiharu's house by now, but instead, she got up, shook most of the snow off of her, and ran around in the park once more. Sakura's hair had grown down to about shoulder-length. Any longer and she would not have been able to bear it. Kicking her feet into the air, Sakura laughed as she thought back to the images of the couples in her mind.
Chiharu and Yamazaki...
Rika and Terada...
Touya and Yukito...
Syaoran and... Meiling...
Her smile faltered when she imagined an isolated picture of herself, standing in the middle of a dark and endless room. She reached for her magic key, biting her bottom lip in slight sadness. Everything would be fine, she attempted to convince herself. Everything would be just fine. She was just feeling a slight bit lonely, but that would soon pass. Then again, she has been trying to force this to leave her for the past three years, and it was still there, living inside of her.
Sakura turned her head to look at the penguin slide, staring at it for a long moment. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders and walked towards it. Taking a few seconds to climb to the top, Sakura smiled, remembering the many times this poor slide had gone through so much damage. There was the time when the power card flipped it over. And when it was drowned in snow. And... oh, poor slide, Sakura laughed. Many of her card captures had taken place in this playground. Sakura stood on the top with a sense of pride. Taking out her key, she held it in front of her, mumbling the memorized chant with it ending in, "Release..." She stared at her transformed wand, remembering how it had changed.
About a year ago, Sakura was practicing her magic, and when she had her key transform, a new look was taken upon it. Instead of holding only a star, it was embraced by a crescent moon, which was then surrounded by the sun. The staff itself also grew in length, and the small wings had diminished and disappeared. She then asked Yue in her confusion as to why it happened.
"Your wand grows with you, Sakura..."
So in other words, it matures along with her. But she did not remember anything that would have made her mature so much during that time. The only thing that happened was... when Eriol came to visit, and then left a month later, Sakura evoked. I miss him a lot, too... Eriol, former Clow Reed, had come back during that time for a visit. Sakura did not remember much that happened, only that he came, and he left. There was probably something that happened during that time, but Sakura did not want to think about it. Yet with that thought, something tugged inside of her, and she quickly pushed it back down.
Sakura fished inside the pockets of her coat before she found the snow card. She threw it in the air, and when it obediently came back down to her, she shouted her command, "Let it snow lightly! Release!" Pointing her staff straight at the card, Sakura watched as the Snow herself came out, and smiled down at her master.
"Merry Christmas..." Snow whispered, and then flew up high above.
Sakura nodded. "Yes... merry..." she murmured as she watched the first flake descending upon Tomoeda. As if her cards heard the distress in her voice, they automatically started to float out of the pocket of her coat, and encircled her in a beautiful rotation. Sakura started to develop a small smile on her face, feeling her emotions well up within her. "Thanks... Thank you all... so much." I think that it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself, she scolded herself as she allowed her wand to de-transform and placed the necklace back around her neck. She watched her cards expand their rotation until they were circling the entire slide. I think I'll spend the rest of the day... "HAVING FUN~~!!" she laughed, and slid off the slide.
It was a short ride, much shorter than when she was a little child. But, she was also a much more shorter kid when she was young, too. Sakura repeatedly did this, watching her cards as they watched her. Then, deciding that she had enough, and wanted more height to see, Sakura darted off towards a tree, gesturing for her cards to follow her. The snow as still coming down calmly. She placed her glove hand on one branch, and pulled herself up. Then, Sakura kept climbing the tree until she reached a great deal above the ground.
Finally, Sakura signaled for her cards to return to her, and one by one, they piled up. Sakura walked on a branch, balancing carefully until she got close enough to the pile, and reached for it. Suddenly, she felt her shoes skid on the slippery and slim wood surface. Giving a shriek, Sakura found herself falling as she got a strong grip on her cards in her hand.
"AHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~!!!!"
Falling, she could feel the cold, harsh wind blowing against her. She shut her eyes tight, not even thinking about whether she had enough time to take out her wand or not...
When she felt a collision.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Sakura could feel the rush of air storming its way back into her lungs as her eyes shot open. She ended up coughing, and saw the reason as to why she had not been splattered onto the snowy grounds. There, holding her entire body in his two arms, stood... "Eriol!" She felt another short tug inside of her, and ignored it, placing it down as something else.
Strands of his deep blue hair hung in front of his face as he stared down at her. Her hands were clasped together in front of her, holding the cards in her hands, her emerald eyes wide with probably disbelief. "How have you been, Sakura?" he asked, his voice deep and soft, filled with amusement, yet unusually casual at the same moment. "If I'm correct - and I am very sure that I am - you were supposed to be at Chiharu's party about forty-five minutes ago." Slowly, he bent down to allow her to get off of his grasp.
Sakura averted her eyes as she unconsciously shoved her cards back into any pocket she came up with first. "I... wanted to reminisce," she mumbled.
"It's Christmas, Sakura. Go reminisce with your friends there," he suggested. "I am very sure that they would like to have fun talking with you about such things as well."
Feeling skeptical and curious, Sakura looked up at her old friend. He was about half a head taller than her, and was wearing a white vest over a knitted, sky-blue shirt. He still wore glasses, and he held a more refined face than she could last recall. He comfortably placed his hands into the pockets of his pants, and smiled at her. "What are you doing here?" she asked flatly.
Eriol's own eyes widened at the nerve of tone in Sakura's voice, and laughed, throwing his head back. The tiny drops of snow were still coming down as they stood there. Those that had rested on his head sparkled in the afternoon light as they departed from his hair. "I came to visit, Sakura. Like the last time."
Sakura nodded her head and gave him a small hug before saying, "I... don't remember much of last time. Did you have fun?"
"I enjoyed my stay," he replied. "So... you should get going, you know that? Your cards are great companions, yes, but they can't replace what others give you."
Yet instead of walking off out of the park, Sakura decided to stroll over to the swings, and she sat down there, acting as if Eriol would not have anything against that at all. She started to swing back and forth lightly, staring at the whitened ground beneath her. She could hear Eriol walking towards her once more and taking a seat next to her own. "Thank you," she said, "for saving me at first. I guess I would've broken my neck and died if you didn't. Thank you..."
Eriol nodded his head. Then, after long moments, he spoke. "It still hurts for you, doesn't it? After two years... Wasn't it exactly this day when you two decided to break it off?"
Sakura felt her throat constrict at those words and forced herself to nod her head. "It was today," she said in a voice hardly above a whisper. "Actually, give it a few more hours, because it happened during the night."
There was not anything said for a while after she spoke. Eriol was the one to later break the silence again.
"Why?" he asked. "Why did you two decide that?"
"Because," she answered, "it just... didn't feel right."
"Do you think it would feel right again, then, if you two started once more?"
"No," she answered. Why was she answering his questions? Why did she feel like doing so? Sakura frowned. Was... Is Eriol... doing something to me???
"I'm not causing this to forcefully happen, Sakura," he told her. "I'm just curious, and I'm grateful that you're telling me these things of your own free will. And why do you think it won't feel right again?"
"Because I still think it doesn't feel right," she said softly, feeling her grief starting to increase.
"So, now," he said slowly, "you know that it is not Syaoran himself that is making you sad."
Sakura gasped, seeing the realization in that. "Oh, my God..." she whispered, halting in her swinging. That's TRUE. All this time, I knew already that I didn't feel right with Syaoran. But, all this time, I kept blaming him for my feeling sad, when it stopped from being his fault a long time ago... "I... never knew that, Eriol. So I had been blaming him for this, when the real source is from somewhere else."
Eriol nodded his head, and reached over to touch Sakura's arm. "It's okay, Sakura. So, stop feeling so hostile around him and Meiling," he consoled her. "They chose to be together, as you and Syaoran chose to not be. Being around them shouldn't have to hurt."
Those words should have done something to Sakura. But they did not. Sakura felt herself continue to sink into darkness, and she wanted for it to stop. "But it does hurt, Eriol."
Tilting his head to one side, Eriol's eyebrows furrowed. Then, he got up, and walked to stand in front of her. Taking her face into his hands, he kneeled down to stare into her eyes. "When does it hurt as well? It can't just only be in front of them. There are probably many other times when it happens, only it intensifies when you especially see Syaoran and Meiling." Sakura just squinted her eyes as she stared at him, not answering for a while. Eriol moved his thumb, stroking her cheek in encouragement. "Tell me, Sakura... That's what I'm here for as your friend."
Sakura took in a staggering breath, feeling herself started to break. It was starting to become too much for her to shove back down beneath her. "I-it hurts... when I see Rika and Terada together," she choked. "It hurts. To see Chiharu and Yamazaki teasing one another. And it especially hurts to see Syaoran and Meiling, happy and together, engaged."
Eriol sighed. "Okay, then, Sakura. We're getting somewhere-"
"But," she continued, bowing her head down so that he couldn't see her face, "it hurts the most..."
She clenched her hands into fists.
"It hurts the most..."
She took in a breath.
"Now."
Eriol's eyes widened.
"Now. When... I see you."
*~*~*~*~*~*
He backed away from her, the unexpected answer still ringing within his ears. A part of him wanted to reply back with the desired answer that would run away with his lips, but another told him to stop. Eriol bit his lip, getting up as he staggered to gain control back in his legs. He started to rake his fingers through his hair, but stopped, clenching a side of his face. "W-what?!" he whispered.
Sakura looked up at him, finally gaining the courage to say to him what she felt this entire time. "It hurts now, seeing you again. I don't understand why, but it aches inside, and I can't seem to be able to keep it down anymore. I can't see to be able to bring myself to hold it all inside, and keep it from rushing out." With each word she said, her voice got louder, and she got up from her swing, but did not move closer to him anymore than that. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. To see the shocked and incredulous expression on Eriol's face was exactly what was needed to make them start to slowly move down her cheek. "I don't understand why! I don't want this!!!" she shouted, shaking her head violently as she shut her eyes, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.
"Sakura..." Eriol murmured, his eyes softening. When he started to walk towards her again, she held a hand up, receding away from him, just letting the tears stream out.
"I remember now..." she whispered, opening her eyes as she stared at the ground in front of her. "I remember why I couldn't recall anything about that time you came to visit... You said you were only going to stay for a while, so that meant you'd be leaving again. I saw you almost everyday, and we... laughed and played, along with Syaoran, Tomoyo, and everybody else. But, a part of me couldn't laugh all that time." Sakura continued to back up, until she found herself going past the swings, and her back was touching a tree. "I couldn't laugh, not with me knowing the fact that you'd leave... again. Just like before. Just like how Syaoran left me once. Just like how my mother left me.
"So I forgot after you got on that plane and waved good-bye to us. I forgot as quickly as I could, only remembering that you were there for a month." Sakura bit her lip, trying to take in breaths, but ended up as convulsive sobs as she collapsed onto the bitter freezing ground. "Why did you have to come back?" she asked brokenly, her hands covering her face. "Why did you have to make me remember?! To feel this hurt-"
She stopped in mid-sentence when she felt an arm quickly wrapping around her, the other placed on the side of her head, resting on the bark of the tree. "I'm sorry. I... never knew. I came back, Sakura," he whispered, his face next to her own as he spoke into her ear, "because I felt that you were hurt... and I wanted to help. I wanted to come back, knowing that I made you feel better, and that I would have a place inside of your memories as you continue to live your life, and I live my own...
"But I never knew that you'd feel so emotional about me, Sakura. I'm... sorry that I caused this..."
Sakura's eyes widened as her own confessions and tears that she made before started to make the real point stand out. "I... I don't understand this," she said slowly. "So I've felt this way about Eriol for so long now. For over a year now..." That's too long to have Eriol to only be considered as a friend.
"Please don't hate me, Sakura," he pleaded, burying his face into her hair as he leaned in closer to her. "Just forget about Chiharu and Yamazaki. Forget about Rika and Terada," he said, moving one hand down to clasp onto her own. "Forget about Meiling and Syaoran. Forget about Touya and Yukito. Forget about them... and just think about me right now. Let me have this one selfish wish..." He then brought both of their hands up to be placed on his chest. "Let me have this to be able to dream for an eternity."
Sakura stared past him, at the snow, the swings, the slide, and everything else that held a history within her as well. "Why?" she asked.
"Because I love you."
And he said it as easily as that.
"I love you, Sakura... and knowing that I can make such emotions emerge from you causes me a large amount of pleasure, and a large amount of anguish. But I love you, and I have known that for too long to keep it silenced any longer."
He loves me? The tears halted. She moved away from his face to stare up at him. "You... love me? Me?"
Eriol smiled softly, giving a short nod of his head as he admitted once more, releasing her from his advancing form. He then retreated more steps away from her, a look of hopelessness on his face. "I thank you... for that one moment, Sakura. And I know that you'll never feel this way about me, so...
"Good-bye." He turned around, walking away as he left Sakura to stand there by herself.
She found herself shaking violently, unable to hold the tremors from her body. Needing a release, Sakura charged up at the blue-haired boy before he could even react. Angrily, she started to hit his back, causing the former Clow Reed to be held in shock as he turned to attempt to stop her from anymore attacks. "Sakura - wait! Why-"
"You IDIOT~~!!" she shouted, squeezing her eyes shut as she attempted to lash out when he grabbed both of her wrists to prevent her from damaging him again. "This time, you come for one day, confess such a thing to me, and leave again?! You keep repeating the same actions, making me feel grief once more!" With those words, she wrung her hands free and moved to him to wrap them around his neck, clinging herself to him. "I don't want you to go! I don't want you to leave!"
Eriol didn't say anything after that, as he stood there with Sakura in his arms. The two of them give way to their weak legs as they sat on the ground, Sakura moving to hold onto his waist as he stroked her hair. There, she felt herself slowly going to sleep.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When Sakura opened her eyes again, she found herself in a bed, and quickly moved to get up. Her coat had been taken off and placed on a chair next to the bed. There was a window right next to her, and she turned to watch as the snow was piling up casually. Her cards knew how to do their work well, she noted.
"Ah! Sakura, you're finally awake!" someone squealed. Jerking her head around, Sakura found herself staring at Chiharu. "Oh, I told Fujitaka-san that it would take a while for you to go home, and he was okay with that."
She blinked once. Twice. Then tilted her head to one side. "I... your party, Chiharu..."
"There's still people here," she smiled, waving her hand in a beckoning way to tell Sakura to not worry about a thing. "You were brought in here, so everybody saw you, including Syaoran, Rika, Naoko, and everybody else. They felt a bit worried, and I think they'll be staying until you go dow-"
*Knock knock!*
"I wonder who that is," Chiharu muttered, getting up to open the door. When she peered at who was on the other side, Chiharu smiled. "Ah! Eriol-kun! I suppose that you'd want to talk to Sakura by yourself, so I'll come back and check up on her later, okay? And it's nice to have you here once more. Welcome back."
"Thank you," Eriol replied. "I appreciate that." With those words, Chiharu left, and Eriol closed the door behind him. He turned to look at Sakura, who was staring right into his eyes. "Sakura, I-" he started after he sat down next to her.
"So when are you leaving, now?" she asked, her voice cracking. "I'll make sure I'll be there to... say... good-bye."
Instead of replying to that statement, Eriol held his hand up, where in it, he was gently grasping onto something with the tips of his fingers. Turning to look at it, Sakura's eyes widened.
It was a single white rose, wrapped nicely in clear plastic. Just like... just like... "This is for me?" she could only manage to ask.
"Remember? Remember that time so long ago when I gave you a flower? It was just for the sake of friendship, but I'm glad that you accepted anyway."
He nodded his head, a soft smile upon his face. "Yes. I went rushing around to get one, and was glad to see that it was ironically still from the same shop. The lady doesn't remember me, but I still remember her. I came back as quickly as I could, and... It's for you. Not for Kaho. Not for Nakuru. Not for Tomoyo. Not for Chiharu. It's not for anybody else, except for you." He then grinned. "Which, I can same the say for me as well." He was babbling a slight bit, and she hardly took any of those words in.
But also, he was holding in his hands a long, golden chain. Hooked onto it, to Sakura's surprise, was a stone in the symbol of her staff after it was transformed. The star was right in the middle of the crescent moon and sun, just as she knew it would look like. Staring at it, her expression grew even more confusing. "What is that?" she questioned.
His expression softening, Eriol held it up higher for her to gaze upon. "Look at the sun, Sakura..." he suggested. "See what I have seen for all this time."
She continued to stare at it, at how the rays were uneven, shooting out. They... resemble the way Eriol's staff looks like! And yet, in mine, there holds a star... and a moon. A moon that carries the star to the sun. A sun which surrounds the moon and the star, keeping them safe. That... that is how Eriol and I are connected. That is how we are supposed to be, from the start. This is what we are.
"Your wand grows with you, Sakura..."
I've known this already, but I denied such a fact from my own eyes. I understood my connection. My magic understood my connection. And now, it is time for me to let it surface into whatever form it will take.
"Yes, Sakura. This is why... I'm kinda going to be here from now," he told her, almost as if each and every time, he could read anything that was going through her mind.
Sakura quickly looked up at his face, her lips parted slightly as she stared at him silently. "You're staying?" she finally inquired.
Eriol moved his other hand up to her face to shift some of her hair behind her ear. "Yes, Sakura. That was another reason for my coming back: to see if I could have one more chance, I suppose, for my own guilty hopes and desires."
Discovering that her lips were curling up to a smile, she reached for the flower, and took it from his hands. He leaned in closer to wrap his arms around her, letting her lay her head on his shoulder. The two of them watched the snow through the window, and listened to the muffled, loud and happy voices outside. "Happy holidays?" he asked.
She nodded. "Happy holidays. I love you..."
"I love you, too," he whispered. "I now have a reason to be here, to be by your side."
Sakura closed her eyes, taking in his scent, the smile still playing on her lips as she murmured her response back to him.
"You always did..."
::*~*Merry Christmas*~*::