Prologue
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It is no fear and no dread that brought us to each other, no common interests and not the different fronts on which we are fighting for. It is not lust, nor chastity.
No one should cry, no one should laugh. Who laughs too much, is silly, who cries too much, is weak. Too much sun burns you, too much snow freezes you. Too much of everything kills you.
No one should hate too much. Hate doesn't just kill you.
And what happens when you love too much? And I don't mean a morbid obsession, that's not love.
But what happens if there is too much of honest love?
Is it then also deadly?
Irony. Isn't it pure irony when I just write, that too much of everything kills and then put in question, whether too much of honest love can kill at all? I am primitive, I am human. I cry, I laugh, I burn myself and I can freeze too. I hate.
And I love.
I love clearly and unequivocally, I love with full honesty. My love is as clear as cold waters from the deepest springs of our earth, as pure as the soul of a newborn.
There are only two mistakes. The first sounds so insignificant, the other incredibly dramatic. Associated, it unfortunately sounds very cliched.
I love too much.
I love the wrong.
How can someone just love too much of something so wrong? How can someone ever love something wrong? Isn't this love right, from the moment you feel the first drops of love on your tongue, notice the first trembling in your heart? Is it still wrong then?
It is not our destiny to be together. We were not meant to ever touch. And yet we do.
And it creates magic.
And the most powerful, unearthly, endless love of our time.
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Chapter 1
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There are people, when you see them, you immediately think of Quidditch and not just because of that person's stature. Seeker should be smaller than the rest of the team. Smaller, nimbler, faster. Keeper should be a bit taller, a little wider. They all should have good reflexes. So no one could say of the stature alone whether the person in front of you played or directed or judged Quidditch.
Hermione could see it in Ron's face though, she did not know why. When she looked at him, a bludger formed in front of her eyes.
"Ron, when I think about you, I see a bludger." she whispered to herself.
Hermione ran her fingertips over the parchment, rough and dry.
The candlelight would be burnout in a few minutes.
She closed her eyes, breathing deep and long. She was tired, incredibly tired. The chair she was sitting on was probably not as comfortable as she felt right now. Not that it mattered to her. She leaned her hands on the wooden table and tried to stand up. It was strange how her body felt. How her weak legs almost gave up when they had to carry the weight of her body. She was a witch and yet there was nothing to charm away her drowsiness.
The large window that stretched up to the high ceiling stood only ajar, yet a cool breeze blew through the dark room. The flame of the almost burned out candle danced the waltz with the wind, the shadows that covered the stone walls of the room swung back and forth. Brown eyes drifted into the distance, out of the room, out of the window, far away over the mountains, which the girl could barely locate in the darkness of the evening.
It was not that she was grieving, but Hermione really wanted to be outside. As the flames danced, she wanted to glide over the woods and dance in the sky.
The little flame gave its last breath after a final dance.
Hermione got used to the darkness very quickly. And she wanted to go to bed and nowhere else.
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"Well then, thank you very much, Miss Booth, for the detailed explanation of your homework. However, I would like to point out that you have made some mistakes. Just by the wrong interpretation of one of the numbers one can change the whole divination. I would like you to not only concentrate on completing your homework, but to handle it with a certain degree of precision. The special values ... "
Hogwarts students in their black robes were sitting in the classroom. Professor Vector talked a lot that day, Hermione realized that the teacher's mood seemed to be good.
And Hermione's wasn't.
Actually.
The sixth year had not gone as she had imagined it be. Hermione sighed and looked at her watch. Another two minutes, then she had to go into the great hall, Ginny would wait for her there. She had promised to help her with her homework.
"... and think about what we're going to do next. In our next lesson, you can look forward to what I've planned for you. You are dismissed."
The noise of the class skyrocketed as students began to pack their schoolbags and marched out of the room. Hermione did the same, swinging her packed bag over her shoulders and almost sinking under the weight.
Today was Monday.
A cloudy, rainy Monday.
Not that Hermione mattered, she spent her time in the library anyway. There was nothing to see outside, no friends she could talk to or practice magic.
No Harry, no Ron, with whom she could have spend time in their common room and watch them playing magic games. It was a sad school year actually.
The great hall was full, it was lunchtime. Hermione let her eyes wander around.
She felt left alone.
Despite the crowd she was in, she was the loneliest person in the world.
"Hermione, here!"
Ginny's bright voice ripped her out of her thoughts. As she turned around, she could see the redhead walking towards her, smiling and waving.
"Ginny, how was potions going?"
"Thanks to you, it was great! I've been paying attention to everything you've told me. In the end I really had a good feeling about it. Thanks again, Hermione, you really save my life."
Ginny hugged the older girl and on Hermione's smiled.
No, Hermione was not alone, she had the lively Ginny. And she had a lot to teach her.
"I'm proud of you, Ginny, are we going to the library?"
"Yeah..."
Ginny looked down at the floor, her happiness giving way to her sadness and Hermione knew exactly why. Ginny was missing two very special people. But she also knew that she could not do anything about it at the moment.
"Alright then, come on." Hermione took her hand and smiled.
It should be fine soon. She knew that all this would end soon. It would not be long before Harry and Ron were back, and until then the two remaining had no choice but to wait and hope.
Ginny raised her head again and as Hermione lightly squeezed her hand she looked into her eyes, hope rose again. Her smile came back to her face.
"You can go ahead. I'm very hungry and would like to eat something. I'll come after you, okay?"
"Of course. See you."
"See you."
As the younger made her way to the Gryffindors' table, Hermione turned and made her way to the library. It was nice to study with Ginny and she was a lot of fun teaching. But it was even more fun to correct Harry and Ron. And much more, to keep up with the little fights she had with Ron.
The walls of the corridors sometimes overwhelmed Hermione. Sometimes the huge Hogwarts seemed so small to her, she sometimes just wanted to go away, just break out, and yet she stayed here, in the safe walls of the Magic School.
When she arrived at library, Hermione nodded to the Madame Pince and headed straight for the depths of the book labyrinth. She and Ginny had their regular place somewhere at the end of the big corridor and usually met there. When she arrived there, she shook her bag off her shoulders and settled on one of the wooden chairs.
It was normal that no one was in the library at lunchtime. All the more surprised she was when she suddenly heard footsteps approaching her. She was even more surprised, or rather confused, when she saw blond hair behind the shelves.
Malfoy.
The last person she wanted to see in this and all other moments of her life. Hermione huffed and sank a little deeper into her chair. Malfoy rushed past her without detours, even without noticing her. The brown-haired girl was more irritated when she heard him stopping after a few steps and start running up and down the next hall. She heard his clothes rustling and his hands seemingly searching for a book.
What book was Malfoy looking for at this unusual time in the library?
An uneasy feeling came over Hermione. She leaned out of her chair and sought him out with her eyes. She saw him picking up a book and opening it, flipping through it and putting it back down. He repeated that many times. His eyebrows narrowed each time he put a book back into the shelve and each time the books were closed firmer. It made him seem angry that he did not find what he was looking for.
His frustration aroused her curiosity.
It definitely had to be something important he was searching for.
But what?
Hermione got up from her chair without making a noise and went to the bookshelves in her hallway and the direction in which Malfoy searched his book. Being careful not to attract attention, she began to take a random book off the shelf. Minutes passed and Hermione was sure he was in the potions department.
Suddenly the rustle of his robe and the clack of his shoes stopped. Malfoy had apparently found something. Hermione saw his eyes widen as he held a book with one hand and searched something to sit with the other. When he found a chair he sat down without even looking up from the book.
"I'm there. What are you doing?"
"Pssshhht!"
Hermione turned and slapped her hand on Ginny's mouth.
"Ginny," she whispered, "Malfoy is looking for a potion over there."
"Mmh.. okay and why do we care?"
Ginny whispered back as she pulled the other's hand away from her mouth.
"It has to be something important!"
The eyes of the younger one got bigger.
"How do you know?"
"Because he just rushed like crazy and has been looking for it since I've been here."
"Strange."
"Yes."
The two witches turned again in the direction in which Malfoy sat on his chair and read. Apparently he had not noticed her. And that even though they were not really quiet. He was still staring at the book in his hands.
"What's he looking for?" Ginny whispered to Hermione.
"No idea. But it seems that he found what he was looking for."
"Yes, it looks like that."
And then Malfoy looked up, right into Hermione's eyes.
Light gray staring in brown.
For seconds.
An eternity.
His gaze darkened abruptly and he did not take his eyes off Hermione's face as he got up, closed the book, pressed it to his chest, and hurried away.
Just as he had come he walked hastily along the corridor towards the exit. But then he stopped in his path. The two witches, who had haunted him with huge eyes until then, held their breaths, eager to see what he would do. And then they heard his quiet and somehow different sounding voice.
"Granger?"
"Malfoy?"
The blond wizard turned in his place and watched for a few seconds into Hermione's eyes. His face reflected no hatred. There was something else. Something Hermione could not read in that moment.
"Don't be so curious and" his look changed again, got a little harder "and stay away from me."
And then he turned around and left the library and two confused witches behind him.
"What was that?" Ginny gasped after she awoke from her stupor.
"No idea. But something must have happened."
Hermione was confused. Something very, very important had to happen. Otherwise, Malfoy would not behave like that. So different than usual. So odd, strange and somehow scary.
"I have to find out what kind of book that was, Ginny. Rather, what kind of potion he is looking for. I'm pretty sure he's up to something again."
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That damn mudblood, every time she got in his way, she did not shy away from making his life hell on every occasion. Whether in the classroom or in his free time. This smartass was always there to spy on him.
But he, Draco Malfoy, wouldn't let him be spied on, neither in the classroom nor in his free time.
Draco was annoyed, wanted to go to his room and finally read what was in the book.
Where had he stopped?
Oh yes, sunflower seeds.
How the hell was he supposed to find sunflower seeds? Unbelievable that he needed something for this damned potion, which only grew in the Muggle world.
Draco snorted.
He had imagined it easier. He had imagined everything much easier. Just everything. Everything had been fine until he got that letter a week ago. The letter from his father. The letter that had made his life hell ever since he read it. Even more than Granger, if that was possible
He knew it would have to happen. At some point the time would have come, he had always known that. But he would not even have dreamed that it would happen so soon. It was too early. He was not ready yet. He could feel and think that. And yet he could not help it. His thoughts were centered around the one thing. Only one dark mark that would grace his own arm soon.
Draco dropped his tired body to his bed and closed his eyes.
It was not right.
It was just not right what his father demanded of him. Draco was uncertain, he could barely see his father kill or torture muggles and mudbloods. It just was not right for him and had never been right. But it had to be right when such a powerful family as his believed in the Purebloods superior place in this world. It just had to be right and true.
So he decided to brew a potion that would throw all his doubts overboard and make his faith in the purebloods and you-know-who restore.
Draco's thoughts wandered off. A day came to his mind. A day he had experienced during the summer holidays. A day he better should have never experienced.
Blood.
So much blood and screams.
Too much blood and too many screams.
Disgusted, he narrowed his eyes and tried to think of something else when suddenly Granger appeared in his head.
No, all of this could not be right.
Or could it be?
Abruptly Draco got up and wanted to put an end to his thoughts. He had to brew this potion as fast as possible, otherwise he would not be able to sleep for a long, very long time. He picked up the book lying on the bed beside him and opened it.
Sunflower seeds.
What the hell should sunflower seeds actually do? Angry that he did not know where to get those damned seeds he got up and walked up and down his room.
He was the Slytherin Prince. He was the god in his house.
The stupid thing was that he did not care about mudbloods or mudblood acquaintance. Besides, he definitely could not tell anyone for what he needed that damned seeds. He had to get it in some other way. It would probably be best if he'd force a short-age first-grader, preferably a mudblood from Hufflepuff to bring him some of that damned seeds.
Draco just wanted to be able to sleep again.
And so he decided to crawl back into his bed and try to sleep.
Although he knew that he would not be able to do that.
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"Hey, you there!"
Just minutes after trying to fall asleep, Draco had decided to put his plan into action immediately. He could not sleep, not when he had such crazy thoughts. But he needed sleep, he needed sleep so bad.
The, he assumed, first year turned around. It was pure coincidence that apparently the little guy got lost in the dungeons. What else did a oh-so-dear Hufflepuff want down here? Draco saw the fear in the boy's eyes.
Jackpot.
"Y-yes?" he answered with a high, shaking voice.
"Do you know what sunflower seeds are?"
"Yes."
"You'll get me a handful by tomorrow."
"Why?"
Oho, the kid even had the guts to ask him why. Maybe he would have fit better in Gryffindor.
"Because I fucking tell you. And what do we have here?"
Draco walked over to the little brown-haired boy and tore the piece of parchment from his hands.
"Hey!"
The Slytherin scanned the paper and ignored the boy. It was his homework.
His homework for potions.
Draco started to grin.
"Listen, Graham. Either you get me sunflower seeds until tomorrow or you can not get these homework back. And you don't want to know what will happen if I hear that you are losing a word about our arrangement, do you understand me? And no questions. We'll meet here again at six o'clock tomorrow."
The little boy had tears in his eyes. A miracle that he had not started crying yet. Clearly more Gryffindor than Hufflepuff.
When Draco realized he was nodding lightly and shakily, he put the boy's parchment scroll in his pocket and went back to his room. Now he had to wait, he would steal the remaining ingredients from Snape tomorrow.
All he had to do now was to wait and try to sleep.
A headache.
Draco really had an incredible headache.
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A/N:
Hey there,
I hope you liked the Prologue and Chapter 1. English is unfortunately not my first language, and I'm so sorry for errors. I don't have a Beta-reader, so if you would like to be my Beta-reader, just write me a PM, I'd be very happy.
I am constantly trying to make this story better, so please don't wonder if you see some changes after some time. As I said I don't have a Beta reader, it would be great if you could write me in reviews if there are mistakes. I want to get better to write much greater chapters for you.
Thank you so so much for reading, please leave me a comment.
Leah