Author's Note: Alright, this is my first LWD story. It's only the second chapter I've ever written of fanfiction, so please view my writing as a work in progress. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated, but no flames please. I haven't decided whether I will continue this story or not, it depends on whether I feel after reviews that it's worth it.
She was perfect. She was so perfect. She was the only thing I wanted. And the only thing I couldn't have. It wasn't that she was beautiful. She was, but there was more to it than that. This was an attraction that was beyond physical. It was even deeper than emotional. On some level, this was spiritual. That's the only way I can describe her: an angel. She was so good. She never put herself first. She cared more about her family, except for me of course, than anyone I've ever met. She was fiercely loyal. She was passionate, kind, intelligent, witty, and too perfect for words. Except she never saw it. She never saw any of it.
I don't know when I fell in love with her. It wasn't a sudden thing. It was gradual. I won't deny that when she first moved in I disliked her. It wasn't because of her though. It was me. She was the perfect child that my father had never had. I was the screw-up. She got the perfect grades. I was jealous. And so, I resolved to hate her. I tried to convince myself that I did. It never worked though. I was kidding myself. I don't know when I started feeling more than indifference and even annoyance though. At one point I started accepting her quirks. I even liked them. But I needed to suppress these feelings. So I tortured her. I actually deceived myself into thinking that I hated her. Until Sam started liking her.
Then it changed. Suddenly I couldn't hide my jealousy anymore. I tried convincing myself that it was merely being protective of a family member. I was kidding myself. Casey wasn't family. And it wasn't being protective. I loved her. And then I started being even crueler to her. On some level it was because I needed to hide my newfound feelings. On another it was because I wanted her to notice me. Only she never did. At least not in the way I wanted. I started getting sleepless nights. I even cried myself to bed. Yes, you heard right, I cried. Over a girl. But I couldn't help it. At one point, I understood that I needed to change. I started laying off a bit. And when Sam cheated on her, I was the one who stood by her. I was her shoulder to cry on for hours at night. I would sit there, stroking her hair, telling her that it was ok, that she would love again. That she was too good for him. She was too good for anyone, much too good for me, but I never voiced that. I knew I couldn't hurt her when she was so vulnerable.
So I was kind. We had less fights around the house. We would watch movies together. I even stopped dating. It felt like betrayal. And we even became friends. Friends. That was the problem. Through all of this, I could see that Casey liked the new me better. But, I know that's all I will ever be to her. A stepbrother, a friend. And that's what hurts so much. That she could never love me back. It's the reason I can't tell her. It's not because of what Dad and Nora would think. It's not because of what everyone at school would think. It's because of what Casey would think. She would hate me. She would never share popcorn while sitting in front of the tv with me on Saturday again. She would tell me that it could never be, tell me to date different people, to forget this. She would forget it ever happened. She would ignore me. And somehow, that would be even worse than this current role of being solely her friend. And that's why I can never tell her. Maybe these feelings will fade eventually. I wouldn't know how long love lasts, I've never been in love before. Maybe, I'll forget about her. But I know I won't. But I can never tell her.