Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize from the Stephanie Plum books belong to Janet Evanovich.

A/N: Hey there. I'm in the middle of writing the sequel to A Life Worth Loving and needed a little break so I thought to give you all a little Christmas present. This will be a short story, just a few chapters, but I hope I'll make the Babes happy. Merry Christmas to everybody!

This story isn't beta'ed and something tells me that it's not my best work grammar-wise so please be gracious and bear with me.

The second chance

Chapter 1

December 23rd, two o'clock in the afternoon

Steph looked out of her living room window and sighed deeply. The rooftops of the surrounding houses, the trees, the cars in the parking lot, the street, everything was covered with snow. And we're not talking slush here. It was the real thing, a firm layer of solid white frosty magic. And to top it off, thick snowflakes were silently floating through the air towards the ground adding to the winter wonderland impression. Every other year she would have felt giddy over the opportunity of a white Christmas. She'd spend her time at the mall doing her Christmas shopping and would drive over to Val to help her nieces decorate Christmas cookies. She'd meet with friends, mooch dinners at her parent's, and spread the Christmas spirit at Rangeman. This year, however, she felt a heavy weight on her shoulders. No joy or anticipation was filling her; every day it was a new challenge to stand up, shower and tackle the day. Sixteen days. That's how long Ranger had been gone. Sixteen days and nights filled with dread and anxiety that he might not return.

"This one will be tough, Babe. I want you to know that, no matter the qualifier, I love you, always have, always will, and should something happen to me I made sure in my last will and testament that you'll be financially cared of and won't have to worry about a thing for the rest of your life."

"Ranger, what are you talking about? Of course you'll come back. You are batman."

She remembered him chuckling as he was sitting on the edge of her bed and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face.

"As much as I've always loved you seeing me as some kind of superhero, I'm not. I'm just a man, Babe, and I'm mortal."

His words had frightened her. There was so much absoluteness, so much closure to them. As though Ranger had already made peace with the fact that he won't return. When he finally leaned down and kissed her tenderly on her lips it didn't help with the dread growing in her. The kiss had been sweet and filled with love, sorrow and sadness. It had been a kiss goodbye.

Wiping away the tear that had stolen its way down her cheek, Steph came back to her task at hand. She needed to light a new candle for Ranger. She had promised him to always keep a light on for him so should he get lost, all he had to do was looking for the candle burning in her window and he'd find his way home. Of course it was meant figuratively, but it was her hope that he'd draw strength from the thought in the dark days and nights ahead of him. Pulling the small stump of the still burning candle from the big lantern on the window sill, she lit a new one and placed it on the plate in the middle before closing the glass door. It would burn nonstop for three days and nights until it was time to replace it with another one. Not one second would her window be without the warming flickering of a candle flame. Letting it go out, even if it was just for a moment, would feel like letting Ranger down, giving him a reason to give up on himself. He had to come back or she'd be forever lost. She was in love with him, had been for a long time, but he couldn't or wouldn't reciprocate her feelings, always keeping himself on the frindge of her life. It didn't matter. You couldn't control whom your heart fell for and she would take whatever Ranger was willing to offer her. Turning around to the ringing of her phone in the kitchen, Steph blew out the flame of the stump in her hand and walked over to where her cell phone lay.

"Hello?"

"Hey Steph, this is Conny. Business is slow so Lula and I just decided that we are in the mood for some Christmas shopping at the mall. Do you want to join us?"

In the background Steph could hear Lula shouting something about her better getting her ass over to them or else they would come and drag her out of her apartment.

"Thanks Conny, but I'm really not in the mood."

"Steph, what's going on? You never say no when there's a chance to hit Macy's. For the past two weeks you've been mopey. You're coming to the office every day to bring donuts, but it's as though you aren't really with us."

"It's nothing, Conny. I'm just in a funk because Ranger is in the wind."

"All the more reason to come with us. You need a change of scenery."

There was the sound of a scuffle and suddenly Lula was on the phone.

"Yo, skinny ass white girl. Yo better gonna get yo ass up and come over here. Now. Yo need Christmas spirit and Lula knows 'xactly what to do."

"Listen Lula, I know you and Conny mean well, but I'm really not in the mood-"

"Nonsense," Lula interrupted her. "We go shopping and yo feel better."

"No. Lula, I'm serious. I won't go," Steph bit back with her temper flaring. "Why can't you just once accept my decision? Now give me Conny."

"Geez, no need to get huffy with yo friends."

Lula sounded miffed, but there wasn't much that Steph could do about it. She was off her game and for the first time meeting with her friends didn't sound like something she could handle.

"Steph? This is Conny again."

"Listen, I'm sorry for letting you two down but as I tried to tell Lula I really don't feel like leaving my apartment."

"It's okay, honey. Just call if you need a little company and we'll come over to you."

Steph promised to do that and then said goodbye. She'd just laid her phone back down on the kitchen counter when it rang again. A look at the display had the corners of her mouth twitch up into a small smile.

"Hey Tank."

"Little girl. It's so good to hear your voice. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Nah, don't lie to me, Steph. The times you've been over here since Ranger left I can count on one hand and when you were here, you looked sad and lost. Tell me what's going on, little girl. We all miss having you here and we are worried that something might be wrong."

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Steph bit down to fight the tears that were threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"Ranger came to me the night he left for his mission," she finally whispered. "He said things, Tank. Things that have me full of fear."

"What did he tell you, little girl?"

"He said that he'd leave for a mission and he didn't know whether he'd come back. That this time was different and that the odds weren't just stacked against him but that his survival was deemed unlikely. He told me that he wanted to see me a last time to have the picture of me in my bed edged into his memory and that if it came to the worst and he didn't return that he made sure I'm taken care of. It was more than he'd ever told me, Tank, and he seemed so defeated. That's not the right state of mind to leave for a mission. I'm scared, Tank."

On the other end of the line she could hear a sigh before Tank spoke up and his deep baritone filled the line.

"He told you more than he was allowed to, little girl, but you have to stop worrying. Ranger is the best of the best for a reason. The moment he boarded his plane bringing him to who knows where he had his mind straightened out. Leaving you and all the missed chances behind might have made him sad and filled him with regret, but the moment the mission started he put all that out of his head. Be sure about that."

"What if he doesn't come back, Tank? How am I supposed to go on then?"

"He will return, Steph. Never doubt that. You have to be strong and believe in his success, you owe him that much. If we give up on him, how is he supposed to keep going?"

In his office at Rangeman, Tank pinched the bridge of his nose when he heard the unmistakable sound of a sob at the other end of the line. How could Ranger do that to her? He must have had a really weak moment to divulge so much information. Why couldn't he finally admit the feelings he had for his Babe, put a ring on her finger and be done with it. He was such a fool.

"Tell me, little girl. Have you ever told him how much you love him?"

"He doesn't do relationships and stupid things like kids and marriage, Tank. He was up front about that. His love doesn't come with a ring, but a condom might come in handy."

"WHAT? Don't tell me he gave you these shitty lines."

"It's okay. He's always been honest with me. That's more than I can say about the other men in my life."

"No, it's not okay, little girl, because I know for a fact that this man loves you with all his heart. I don't know what his problem is aside from the fact that he has his head up his ass."

That made Steph chuckle as she wiped at her cheeks slick with tears. "I'm not sure he'd approve of you talking about him like that, Tank."

"Well, he can kiss my ass, thank you very much. Steph, he might be my friend, probably my best friend though we don't really socialize, but you are my friend, too, and I care for you deeply. You are utmost important to me. Standing order at Rangeman is to protect you from any harm and hurt no matter what. For me, that also implicates any pain he might cause you. The contrast between his words and his actions hurt you and left you in an emotional limbo and for that he'll have to answer me when he returns."

"I love him, Tank."

It was the first time Steph admitted that out loud and it felt good, like a little weight was taken from her heart.

"I know. Believe me I know. I can see it in your eyes, in every gesture, every smile, but you have to tell him that, Steph, in clear words."

"I'm not much of a talker when it comes to emotions."

"I know, but for your own emotional health you have to tell him once and for all how you feel about him and what you want from him. He might be too much of a chicken shit to act on it, but then you have a chance for closure and moving on. It pains me to watch you suffering under his stubbornness."

"You know what?" Steph replied with a sniff. "You are right, Tank. It's time to stand up for myself. Perhaps I'll write him a letter that he can read once he's back."

"Now, that's a good idea. That way he can think about it in peace before he has to react. I know you think of him as batman, but he's just a man, Steph; a man that is easily scared by emotional stuff and shuts down instead of opening his heart even if he'd never admit to it."

"I guess with all the heroic things you do on a daily basis, it's easy to forget that you all are just men and not the Justice League," Steph smiled into the phone.

"That's so you, little girl," Tank laughed on the other end. "Only you can see anything heroic in our jobs while the rest of the world deems us thugs. So, joking aside, will you come over and visit with us? No searches, just fun. We all miss you and Ella promised us fresh Christmas cookies this afternoon. The vultures are already circling the break room."

"No, Tank. Not today. I think I will sit down and write my letter to Ranger. I can't get my mind off him anyway."

"Okay, but tomorrow you'll come over, even if it is just for an hour. Promised? Don't make me send someone over to get you."

"Okay, big guy. Tomorrow I'll come."

After they said their goodbyes, Steph once more laid her cell phone down on the kitchen counter, turned around and looked over to the window where the candle shone in the twenty inch high lantern.

Please Ranger, if you hear me, come back to me. I love you and it's time that you learn how deep my feelings are running.

Sighing, Steph went to the fridge, grabbed a baby carrot and dropped it in Rex' cage. It was time to face the music and the talk with Tank had given her a new strength that she had missed for quite a while. With her newfound resolve she walked over to her bureau, grabbed her stationery and her best pen and then said down at her dining table. For a moment she struggled with what to write, but then she just let her mind run free and the words flowed out onto the paper.

Dear Ranger,

When you read this it means that you are back from your mission. At least I hope you are. It would pain me to no end if I had to realize that I'm too late and missed my chance to tell you what you really mean to me. We are both not good at talking about emotions. That's why I'm doing this via paper – to give me the time to think over my words, and to give you the time to let them sink in.

Ranger, I love you. And I don't talk about an infatuation or some crush. I'm in love with you. Your stubbornness and one-word-answers are driving me insane and yet they are part of what I love most about you. When your blank face slams down and you withdraw from me I could climb up walls, yet it draws me to you because I want to be the one to challenge you, to pull you out of your comfort zone and drink in the rampancy of an uncontrolled life. I love that you take me serious, that you support me no matter what, and that I know I can always count on you to be there for me and pick me up when I struggle. I want to offer you the same.

You are my best friend, but my feelings are running so much deeper. When the corner of your lip turns up and your blank face melts away, it makes my day and the sound of your laughter is the most wonderful music in my ears. You challenge me and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Sometimes I wished you wouldn't let me get away with so much, but then again it just proves how deep your feelings for me run that you can't withstand my charm (smile).

I know you told me your life doesn't lend itself to relationships and if that is your last word I have no other choice but accept your decision, but I hope that before you shut down and ban any thought of us ever being together that you'll pause for a moment to think about the following. You deserve to be happy. No matter what you've done in your past, your soul ain't tainted. You are a wonderful man, a good dad, an even better friend. Your past doesn't dictate who you are or what you deserve in life. As for your missions, I've proven in the past and I'm proving right now that I can deal with them. Yes, I'm sad when you are gone and I feel a little lost, but that's normal if the one you love is risking his life at the other end of the world. Us being just friends or in a relationship doesn't change the loss I'd feel if you didn't come back. It would be the same for me. I realized that much when the Scrog mess went down. With Rangeman I have a building full of friends I can count on to pick me up and make me feel better. The guys have been so wonderful to me these past two weeks. Just before I started to write this letter, Tank called to check in with me and convinced me to come over to them tomorrow for a little chat and socializing. You see I'm taken care of emotionally. The danger coming from your enemies is of course another story. There's nothing I can say to make that disappear. It's a threat that is looming over my head as your friend and it would probably just intensify as your spouse. But it's a threat I'm willing to accept because it would be worth a life by your side and don't I have a say in this matter? It's my life we are talking about so it should be my decision. If we'd sit down and discuss the possible danger openly without one of us insisting on their point of view, I'm sure we could come up with a way to make me safer. You have no clue to what lengths I'd be willing to go for the chance at a relationship with you. I really want this, Ranger, want us. I have for a long time and believe me when I say that I thought it through and looked at it from every angle. The bottom line? You are the man I want to spend my life with, as long as fate will give us the chance to be together.

All this being said, please know that no matter what you decide, I'm your friend and will always be. A life without you in it is unthinkable for me and I take you in any capacity that I can, but I thought it was time to tell you how I really feel and what I think about your concerns.

Feel loved and hugged. I'll always be yours,

Stephanie

Steph read the letter one more time before carefully folding it and tucking it into an envelope. The thought of giving it to Ranger made her uncomfortable because baring her feelings scared her, but she had made up her mind and it was time. Enough of all those innuendos, stolen kisses and dancing around each other; it was time to grow up and stand up for what she wanted in life. Labelling the envelope with Ranger's name she put it next to her answering machine. She'd take it with her tomorrow when she'd drive over to Rangeman, fob her way up in Ranger's apartment and set it out for him to read once he was home. It wasn't lost on her how much lighter she felt now that she had all her thoughts written down on paper.

Outside darkness started to take over and the candle in her window spread a soft light in the room. Her apartment was warm and cozy and Steph decided a hot cocoa, a warm blanket and The Princess Bride was how she wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon. The last time she had seen the movie she'd snuggled in Ranger's arms a few days before he left and she would think of him watching it now.

~ Thank you for reading and reviewing ~