I'm thinking about what other movies I could do another Nostalgia Critic fanfic on, but for the time being, I thought I'd write one for another cinema comedy show. I decided to do one for CinemaSins on a movie series I think they'll probably never do. I thought it'd be fun to do it on a film series that I've loved for as long as I can remember, and know like the back of my hand. So I'm starting with everything wrong with my favorite animated movie of all time.
Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time
In 5 minutes or less
Spoilers!
(duh)
"Once upon this same earth...in the time of the dinosaurs."
That's not what the Bible says. (ding)
Newborn knows the word 'momma' cliche. (ding)
"Some of the young seemed born without fear."
Good example, showing us a hatchling who has absolutely no fear of lightning. (ding)
That is one flexible egg shell. (ding)
"Yet, even hatching could be dangerous."
Why? Do the egg stealing dinosaurs only try to steal eggs at the moment they begin to hatch? I'd try and snatch them 30 days earlier. (ding)
The egg shell is both super flexible and super tough. (ding)
And the award for the most unintentionally slow head turn goes to...Littlefoot's mother. (ding)
Cera goes through the same movement she did when chasing the insect. (ding)
"Mother, what's a longneck?"
A neck that is long, Littlefoot. You answered your own question. (ding)
"We all keep to our own kind. The threehorns, the spiketails, the swimmers, the flyers."
Littlefoot's mother coincidentally lists off every species that Littlefoot befriends by the end of this movie. (ding)
How can apatosaurs sleep like ostriches? (ding)
Tyrannosaurs can't jump like that. (ding)
What time period is this anyway? Evolutionists say that apatosaurus lived in the Jurassic Period, and tyrannosaurus and triceratops lived in the Cretaceous. (ding)
That doesn't really look like a mark from the bite of a t-rex. (ding)
The earthquake occurs at the moment that the t-rex attacks. Damn, forget about coincidental convenience; this is coincidental inconvenience. (ding)
Littlefoot's mother turns her head really slowly, but can move it forward fast enough to save Littlefoot and Cera when they start to fall from a cliff. (ding)
"Mother! Mother, where are you?"
We interrupt this prehistoric kids movie to bring you Bambi. (ding)
"Mother...mother..."
I'm sorry, I just...I...ah, s*it. Remove 5 sins. (five reversed dings)
"Why did I wander so far from home?"
Where was home? You've been journeying to the Great Valley ever since you hatched. (ding)
"That too will go in time, little fella. Only in time."
And I will leave just like that in no time. (ding)
"I'm am not a longneck. I am a big mouth."
Ducky would be good at CinemaSins. (ding)
"Don't step on a crack, or you'll fall and break your back."
Actually, the phrase is "You'll break your mother's back", but we don't want any reminders of what happened before. (ding)
"The tree is talking."
Is it a pea tree? (ding)
The t-rex didn't die from the fall. (ding)
"You're tearing my treestar!"
"It is very special. Very. His mother gave it to him."
How did Ducky know that? Littlefoot didn't mention it to her before meeting Petrie. Did I miss a scene? (ding)
(Ducky falls into the area where Spike's egg is)
"Ducky!"
Wow. That was good paying attention to detail with hearing Littlefoot call Ducky's name. (reversed ding)
"I smell...I smell...hmm. Ducky."
That was rude. (ding)
"I smell water."
How do you smell fresh water? (ding)
(Petrie squeezes his entire body really thin for a brief second)
"Me hungry all the way to the top."
Quite literally. (ding)
"Many things cannot fly. Rocks, trees, sticks, Spike."
Ducky gives examples of everything within their sight. (ding)
(Petrie's teeth chatter)
Uh, pteranodon means "winged and toothless". (ding)
One member of the gang is fat and loves to eat cliche. (ding)
Every single scrap of food is suddenly down in a single cut. (ding)
"I can get my own green food."
Wasn't the tree that the other climbed the only one around that had leaves on it? (ding)
Okay, yeah, I guess it's about time. Cera is a brat. (ding)
"Sharptooth."
"Cera, stop it!"
How can Littlefoot not hear those roars? Sure, his ears are miniscule, but so are Cera's. (ding)
The t-rex is a dick to Littlefoot's treestar. (ding)
The t-rex makes the same bulls*it jump he did when he leapt out of the thorns. (ding)
"The rock that looks like a longneck."
I wouldn't count on it, Littlefoot. The tail is missing. (ding)
Good detail with the longneck rock in the background, but the wall that saved them from the t-rex is missing. (ding)
Fastest deceasing winds ever. (ding)
That sounded like an eagle screech. Are they evolving already? (ding)
What's with cubic shape of those rocks? (ding)
Tar Monster Ex Machina. (ding)
How did they get out of the tar pit, anyway? (ding)
"Cera was still too proud to admit that she'd gone the wrong way."
Hello, we can see that. F*cking narrators. (ding)
(the t-rex appears from behind Ducky while she saw him leave in front of her)
Where'd he come from? (ding)
The t-rex wipes his nose in the same way that he did when he rose out of the thorns. (ding)
"Cera! You're back!"
Littlefoot's mouth didn't move when he said that. (ding)
It looks like a character is dead...oh wait, he's not cliche. (ding)
I know this is because this scene was originally meant to come earlier in the movie, but that rock is still there. (ding)
(Cera runs to her father)
Cera goes through the same motion she did twice at the beginning of the movie. (ding)
(Credits: The Land Before Time Directed by Don Bluth)
Congratulations, Don. You really got me. (two reversed dings)
Movie Sin Tally: 42
Sentence: A Hike with Cera