Hey y'all, this is my very first ever fanfic that ive uploaded, so i desperately need and desire, like everybody else on here, comments and constructive criticisim (seriously, this place is like a crackhouse for word geeks), as im trying my best to be a (half decent) writer when i 'grow up', so cha, i thank you for your time, i hope you enjoy this, and please please please, uhm, live long and prosper? lol
Disclaimer: I own nothing bar this story, the parodies of the characters personalities created within it and the laptop and brain cells used to think it all up and write it all down lol. Sqaure Enix and the wonderful people who created the Final Fantasy franchise own everything else, including me if they wish (nobuo uematsu, you hottie!)
PS: Japan rules. On with the show!
The Trials, Tormentation and Tribulations of the Summon
:What goes on when they aren't running about fighting peoples' battles for them?
The summon. Be it the earth shattering powers of Titan, the mighty flare of the legendary Bahamut, or the humble kick of the disgruntled Chocobo, these mystical, magical and magnificent creatures are called upon constantly (especially by n00bs) to combat against sometimes equally mighty foes (usually it's normally just a poor little goblin, that hasn't even attacked yet, just sitting there preparing his little sparkly punch while you summon the most powerful forces in the universe to rip his little goblin body apart atom by atom ). In all cases these universally omnipotent divinities (especially divine in the case of the widely feared Chocobo. He has his own freaking fan club, you have NO chance) save the lives of many an adventurer day in and out, defeat sinister fiends of incalculable power and time and again prevent the universal annihilation of the human (elf, dwarf, bangaa, moogles, fat people etc. included) race at the hands of a maniacal dictator.
But what do these Eidolons, these Aeons, these grand protectors do when they are not pulled away from the duties and chores and social interactions of their homeland? I think I might have an idea...
'LEVIATHAN!'
The roar reverberated throughout every vast chamber and hallway of the palace, travelled round every corner of the Millennium Maze, reached every last nook and cranny of the endless lands of the Land of Summons.
Traveling back, the gargantuan outburst could be traced to an equally over-powering figure. The dense, velvet black of the dragon kings immense frame heaved with quickly escalating anger. He glared intently at the scattered remains of his most prized possession with an intensity that, if the laws of physics could allow (or if he could be bothered to put some actual effort into it), would turn back time before the most horrendous incident had occurred.
'My cup…
That was my Cloud cup...
My favorite cup...
I got it for my 3000th birthday from Chocobo...
...
...
...'
' I really liked that cup.'
As the dragon king pawed at the obliterated pieces of hardened clay that used to be Cloud's face and was deciding whether if he could collect all the pieces he might be able to glue them back together to form some semblance of the beauty it once obtained, the dipsy perpetrator of the aforementioned atrocity spawned back in the room.
'YOOOOOOO! TALL, DARK AND KINGLY! S'UPPPP! I just totally wasted this one eyed Cyclops dude with like 3 heads and like 18 million squiggly tentacle things then I totally washed his ass out with this huge ass wave. It was just so, oh dude, like sooo, just, dude, OMG, DUDE!'
The dark winged lord stared with unending contempt towards the serpentine surfing summon.
' SOOOOOOOO, Bahamut. Mr Overlord, Mr Dark Dominator, what's up?'
'...'
'Heyyyy, what's all that mess on the floor dude, man, you should totally hire a cleaner for this place, it needs such a total make over dude, and there wouldn't be so much crap lying all over the place like that'
Bahamut, maintaining his unamused disposition, picked up a shard depicting most of Clouds face and turned it towards Leviathan.
'OOOOOooooooooohhhhhh, so that's what that is. Yeah, I'm totally sorry about that dude, such bad timing y'know? The hazards of being a divine inter-dimensional savior are many hehah'. He thumped Bahamut on the shoulder with his fin in jest.
Bahamut remained fixed in the sphere of his ever dwindling patience.
'Well, I think I hear another Warrior of Light squealing in terror for my assistance, so I'll just be toddling off, to, y'know...assist…them...'
'...'
'WELLBUHBYENOW! #shnazzlepop!#'. Leviathan promptly disappeared into fat air, not without however whipping his tail out in the process resulting in the face smacking of the Dark Winged King of Summons and sending the small depiction of Clouds face flying from his hand, past the balcony and into the infinite depths of the Dark Abyss below.
Bahamut, composing himself and devising an innumerable variety of ways to torture and degrade Leviathan once he returned for the loss of his holy grail of refreshment, paced slowly towards the edge of the balcony and keened over.
'...
...
...
...'
'I really liked that cup.'