Vulnerability

This vignette is a twin to Power, which is the same story told from Rinoa's point of view. I used a line which my good friend Shaxx made up, I hope you don't mind! It was just so fitting...

I watched her from inside. Selphie was chattering to me, she reminded me of a little yellow canary. Vibrant, bursting with musical sounds, irrepressible. I didn't mind, although I had in the past. Now I found a certain comfort in the unstoppable flow of words from her mouth, that rosy aperture which was never, ever closed. She was lit up from the inside with an inextinguishable light, which gave her an air of invincibility. But the girl was tiny, and looked almost frail as she was so slim. But as with most of my friends, her appearance was deceiving. Selphie was strong, she used a difficult weapon, and as a result of her ceaseless training, her muscles were toned and well developed, without becoming obvious. I had grown to love her as a little sister, although in reality she is older than I am, albeit a matter of weeks.

We were drinking champagne, as we celebrated our triumphant return to Garden. It was summer, and the evening was warm, the scent of the ocean drifted in through the doors to the balcony, making the long chiffon curtains rustle was they swept the marble floor. Beyond those, was the stone balcony, the starry sky. Indigo, a reflection of the ocean, but adorned with jewels. But the most stunning object beyond the curtains, was Rinoa.

I could tell, just by the way she stood, that she was depressed. I hadn't wanted to leave her out there, the wind was turning chill, and I didn't want her to think too much. Because I knew she was worried, and I didn't want anything to ruin tonight. I took a sip of my drink, gazing at her, half listening to what Selphie was talking about. Rinoa...I couldn't get her off my mind. I wanted to hold her close, to protect her from the harsh world which wouldn't treat her like Rinoa, but as a Sorceress. I would give anything to remove that power from her.

Selphie appeared to notice that she didn't have my full attention. "Squall?" she said gently. I looked at her, and saw a tiny smile playing on her lips.

"Sorry, Selphie," I said, wondering what she had been talking about. She waved a hand, dismissing my apology as unnecessary.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. I was surprised. Selphie never usually acted as a counsellor, one of her faults was that she chose to ignore difficulties, preferring it when everything was good. I looked down at the floor, pretending that I didn't hear her. I wasn't in the mood to answer questions. She understood, which made me feel almost guilty. It was always a shock to discover how well my friends actually did know me, and that they knew exactly how to treat me.

Rinoa turned, and I watched her keenly. Her hair was blowing in the wind, and made her look every inch the supernatural being she was. Not for the first time, I noticed the angel wings on her back, and realised how well they suited her. She looked up into the sky, and I wondered whether she was looking for a shooting star. There was apparently none, and she looked down towards the ocean, her shoulders hunched. She looked sad, and I wanted to go to her, but I realised she wanted to be left alone. Rinoa...she wasn't a child, and I couldn't protect her from everything. Certainly not her own mind.

But it seemed such an injustice, that at seventeen, we should be forced to endure this. Others didn't, the students in Garden blindly followed orders, accepted missions, received their share of Gil, often divided based on how high the body count was. The people of the world, they thought it was noble that I and my friends had saved them all, and we had brought honour to SeeD, already respected, but now even more so. But they didn't realise what had happened to us. We could no longer be normal teenagers, we couldn't have normal lives. Rinoa would forever be a Sorceress, I would forever be her Knight. And what that meant was isolation for both of us.

I didn't care. The honour of Garden, it's significance was lost on me. I didn't care about the glory, or the elevated status being a SeeD brought to me. I had never cared. Now, I simply wanted to have Rinoa. And, to a lesser extent, my friends. Selphie, Irvine, Quistis Zell, I needed them all as well. I didn't like admitting it, but I loved them. They were loyal to me, they accepted me as their leader. They knew when to comfort me, and when to leave me alone. And I needed that, desperately. Sometimes, I could share things with my friends I couldn't with Rinoa. Because, I had grown up with them, they knew what it was like to have no background, no support. They had endured the same training as I had, the same lessons in death. Rinoa hadn't, and I was glad for that. She couldn't kill without guilt like we could.

I looked out to her again. She seemed to sense my eyes on her, and turned, walking towards me. Her eyes sparkled as she walked towards me, and I felt lost in them, dark pools illuminated by amber flecks, like scattered pollen. I loved her eyes...they always revealed so much about what she was feeling. Unlike my own. Maybe that is why we are so perfect together, we both contradict the other. I am a mercenary, I fight for cold Gil. She fights for her own cause, for no money. But all the same, we fitted together like two halves of a whole. I gave Selphie my drink, and walked over to her.

"Do you want me to walk you to your room?" I asked with difficulty. The beautiful vision in front of me smiled. She began to speak to me, her head slightly tilted, her hair falling in a cascade down her back, over her shoulders, ruffled by the wind. I didn't hear her words at first, I was too obsessed with her mouth, her rose petal lips, the smile she wore. Eventually, the words got through to me.

She sighed. "Squall, I want you to do something for me." she said. I frowned, but it was just a natural reflex, for me anyway.

"Leave Garden. Tonight." she whispered. I felt a coldness in my chest. Did she mean that? Thoughts rushed through my head, why, what had happened, was she unhappy here...But then I realised. She had hinted at it earlier...because she was a Sorceress, she was unwelcome among SeeD's. At least she thought so. I too worried for her safety. Even though we had saved the Garden, there were those here who would do anything to ensure the success of SeeD. Even Cid, had ordered the assassination of his own wife. I couldn't let that happen to Rinoa. But I was unable to say it out loud. I simply nodded.

"I promised..." I began. I must remind her, to let he know I'm not angry, let her know I am in agreement on this...

"If you became the worlds enemy, I'd be your Knight." I said. The words caught in my throat. I meant them, with all my hear, but it was hard to imagine she would become a detested Sorceress. I wouldn't care though, I would continue loving her until I died protecting her. I saw her nod, and I saw the emotion in those beautiful almond shaped eyes, her lashes drooping as she appeared to fight tears. I wanted to dry her tears for her, kiss away her doubts. But my nature stopped me. I wasn't the kind to offer comfort on impulse, it was foreign to me, never having received any. So I simply watched her.

"I...I am the world's enemy. It won't be long, Squall, before they decide to act on that." she said, her voice desperately sad. I wanted to comfort her, to draw her to me in a tight embrace, but I couldn't. Damn, I wanted to show her so much that I loved her, and that as long as I was alive she had nothing to fear, but I couldn't. I just froze up.

"Then we'd better get going." I said. The words came out cold, I didn't mean them that way. I saw the hurt in her eyes as soon as the words left my lips. I turned away and she faltered.

"Squall! You...don't have to. But I can't stay here." she said, her voice saddened. No! I thought. I will follow you anywhere...Rinoa, please don't think my love for you is anything less than perfect. I didn't trust my voice to answer her. Instead, I held out a gloved hand. She took it, and I saw the thanks, and relief in her gaze.

Together, we left the ballroom, walking silently down the winding corridors of Garden for the last time. I felt a sense of urgency, as if we were being chased. But I didn't let it get to me, and we remained calm as we quickly walked through the dark, sleeping Garden. Out in the fresh night air, Rinoa glanced up at the moon, and I saw a smile curve on her lips. I didn't know where we would go, but I knew it would be fine, as long as we were together.

The end

Please send comments to Selphie_Leonhart@day-dream.co.uk

Visit my site for FF8/FF7 fanfic at: www.RinoaLeonhartFF8.homestead.com