This is just a mini drabble without plot that is mostly to help myself sort through my feelings that strike me out of nowhere and I've found writing helps a little bit, so who better to channel my negative feelings than one Alec Lightwood.
It was ridiculous, Alec knew this and yet he was unable to change how he felt. The anxiety bubbled up inside him in mere seconds. His heart beat faster, his breathing became faster and shallow, his hands became sweaty and his every thought was consumed by what ifs. It was stupid, useless and completely unneccessary. He told himself this, out loud in front of the mirror, as if saying it to his own reflection would actually work.
It didn't.
He hated it. Hated being like this. Different, insecure, a failure, a disappointment. Even though Jace and Izzy and Angel forbid even Clary Fray told him otherwise, it wouldn't stick. It never did. Only one person had ever come close to convincing him he was none of those things, that he was important and worth fighting for.
That had been Magnus. He understood Alec better than anyone else, even his parabatai couldn't completely fathom him out. Maybe that was because Jace was braver than him, or just more reckless. Jace just jumped into action no matter what it was, a demon fight, a scolding from their parents, a boring meeting in the institute, training. He just dove in, no worries until after it was done, whereas Alec himself worried before, during and after. It was exhausting.
But Magnus was different. Sometimes he knew what was bothering Alec before he was even aware he was upset. Magnus made him feel safe, warm, comfortable. Happy. That was the word he was searching for. For the first time in his life he was truly happy, the kind with no strings attached, just happy. And it was all because of Magnus.
As he thought about why that was, he found himself smiling despite his still churning anxiety.
He was in love with Magnus Bane.
This will probably become one big drabble fest with every chapter a different drabble whenever the mood or my anxiety strikes me and I write to get it out of my system, try to at least.
So technically this story/drabble collection will never be finished?
Anyway, thanks for reading and hope it didn't burn out your eyes :)