SHEVERUS WAS PISSHED AGAIN. It was all the boys fault. Three entire generations of Potters trying to fuck with him was a good enough excuse to get completely sloshed. Perhaps his judgement was a bit hazy, because he definitely should not have been sneaking into the Headmaster's office, and he most definitely should not have been holding the Sorting Hat in one hand and his knob in the other. But he needed revenge for what the hat had done, and at the moment his Slytherin intellect was clouded by the four, no five, fine, the eight glasses of fire whiskey he had consumed after the sorting ceremony. Severus was planning on peeing on the Headmaster's desk, for surely the old meddler had put the hat up to it, and he intended the hat to watch the act and feel threatened. Wait that didn't make sense. Maybe he would just take a nap under the Headmaster's desk and call it a night until he could take more sensible action. Suddenly, Severus had other ideas as the last of the fire whiskey entered his bladder. Fuck it, with his knob already out Severus peed into the Sorting Hat and suppressed a giggle as the brim of the hat opened in shock and began gurgling on his piss.

After shaking out the last few golden drops, Severus retrieved his flask and with a grand gesture towards the Headmaster's desks he toasted: "TO ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER, THE NEWEST ADDITION TO SLYTHERIN, OUR NEW CELEBRITY, AND A ROYAL THORN UP MY GREASY ASS! HERE IS TO THE NEXT 7 YEARS!"

Using the last of his energy Severus collapsed over top of the Headmaster's desk with his cock still in hand and the sorting hat loudly weeping in song.

"Ah, he is so cute when he is sleeping, don't you think Minerva?"

"I've seen quite enough! Cut the nonsense Albus, let's wake him up and deal with this mess. How you continue to tolerate this behaviour from him is beyond me. He is not a boy anymore!"

"I trust Severus, and I trust that he will emerge from this as dignified as ever. Besides, this school needs a scary potions master or it just wouldn't be a magical school!"

"Albus not this argument again."

With her back facing Severus, Minerva pointed her wand over her shoulder and cast rennervate multiple times hoping to hit the potions master without having to see his pork sword again. She had seen enough wang in her sixty years as Head of Gryffindor that the sight of one would make her gag this early in the morning.

Across the room on the Headmaster's desk, Severus began to stir as Dumbledore skipped around the room opening curtains and allowing the morning light to reflect with a sparkle off the urine soaked floor.

"Good morning Severus! Might I suggest you straighten yourself out and join me for a tea and a lemon drop?"

Dumbledore eyed his lemon drops suspiciously noting how they clumped together and illuminated a certain dampness.

"Or perhaps not…"

Severus winced at the gleeful and cheeky tone from the old bastard. His head was pounding as he struggled to piece together how he had ended up in the Headmaster's office.

"Who peed on me?"

Continuing to have her back towards him, Minerva responded: "Scourgify. Scourgify! I have had quite enough of your behaviour Severus! The Headmaster may find your behaviour amusing but I won't stand for this unprofessionalism. Albus something must be done! Even the Weasley twins in their time would not have demonstrated such blatant disrespect for a magical artifact."

Suddenly serious, Dumbledore sank into his chair whilst carefully checking for more traces of Severus' night.

"I agree with Minerva, Severus. The state that you left the Sorting Hat in was unacceptable. I seldom resort to obliviation on such objects but it was necessary. I cannot predict the consequences such a spell will have on the hat. We won't know until the next sorting. I trust that you will be able to move on from this incident and continue teaching, but I do agree that disciplinary action is called for. I think it would be reasonable to request that you make an effort to welcome Albus Severus properly into the Slytherin house. He carries your name after all! It might do you well to get to know the boy."

Severus could not believe what he was hearing. Hopefully he was still plastered and would wake up from this nightmare very soon. He pinched his arm. Nothing happened. He slapped himself full on in the face. Nothing happened. Perhaps the pain was not severe enough to pull him out of this state. He punched himself in his exposed bollocks and immediately vomited on the marble floor. THIS WAS FUCKING REALITY. Resigning to his situation, Severus pulled himself up and tried to radiate his usual authority, purposefully ignoring the soup of his bodily fluids on the floor.

"Headmaster I cannot."

Ignoring the absurdity of what she had just seen, Minerva continued: "Severus the Headmaster is being more than reasonable! Exceptionally lax… If it were up to me… No. Regardless, none of us can take another repeat of your behaviour with Mr. Potter! This needs to stop."

Severus covered his face with his hands, pressing his fingers into his eyes willing himself to concentrate. A repeat of his time with Potter. No wonder he had gotten so drunk last night, the idea was almost impossibly infuriating to entertain.

"Headmaster there must be something else. Anything, I'll do anything."

"He has her eyes Severus. If you ever truly loved her…"

"Oh not this bullshit again! I won't do it Albus! I would sooner live as a muggle."

"Oh Severus I think that is a marvellous idea! Embracing your half-blood heritage, doing a bit of soul searching, it is very sweet! How could I not honour this request?"

Dumbledore twiddled his moustache, did a little jig, clicked his heels in the air, and jabbed his wand in the air whilst screaming ABRACADABRA! The room went deathly quiet after this show of madness. But there was also a certain absence to be felt...

"What have you done you old fool!" Severus bellowed.

A single tear feel from Dumbledore's ever twinkling eyes.

"I'm sorry to have done it Severus, but it was necessary. We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy. For you, it was easier to have walked out on the wizarding world than to face your past. I hope that in time you will be given the opportunity to choose again, and at that time we may meet again."