"I'm sorry I lead you one" those words haunted Clare for the past hour.
Those were the words that broke her already damaged heart into a million pieces. It was like the break up with KC all over again, but with more pain. When KC left me, she didn't really cry or feel sorry. Maybe a little upset but no real pain. She didn't love him after all. But, with Eli. It was a new kind of pain, the pain you know that will never go away. The one that will taunt you until you find a solution.
Clare Edwards had fallen hard for him and this was a low blow.
Even the thought of him brought her to pieces all over again. Eli. He was the one that made her forget about her parents and her past. Everything that happened with Darcy had disappeared the moment that Eli came into her life. And just like that he was gone. Like everyone else in her life, he was gone.
Its like cupid liked to play games on her and she always ended up getting burned in the end. The one with all the scars and pain was her.
Clare took this as a sign and did the one thing that she never dreamed of doing.
She slowly stood up from her bed and went to the bathroom. She took on good look in the mirror and started to laugh. Not the good kind of laugh, cause they was nothing to laugh about. It was the kind of laugh that made chills go down your back and made you shiver and freeze in your seat.
Clare slowly leaned into the sink and got real close to the mirror. Her crystal blue eyes were puffy and red from crying, her snow pale icy skin wore black mascara down her cheeks and her chin. Her short auburn hair was a mess and around her face. Clare Edwards was a mess.
She baked away and titled her head to the side.
"Look at what you've become" she slowly whispered to her reflection.
"Crying over a boy. Crying over how messed up your life is. I pity you. But you're me. So I pity myself". Hatred was in every word that she said.
Clare slowly opened the black cabinet on the side and took the one thing that automatically caught her eye. The razor. A total cliché thing to use for first cut, but it was the one way out for Clare Edwards.
She slowly pulled the razor to her face and examined it. It didn't look dangerous or like it can do any harm at all. But it was worth a try. And Clare HAD to try. She lowered the razor to her wrist and brought her sleeves up.
As the razor came in contact with her veins, Clare Edwards collapsed. A thump was heared around the house as her body collided to the bathroom floor.
Good thing her parents weren't home because right there Clare Edwards started to sob.
She cried for Eli, and kc. She cried for Darcy and how fucked up her parents were. She cried for Adam and all the pain he went through. She cried for her stupidity the most. She was so naïve and innocent.
As she was clouded with memories, she put more pleasure on the razor in her wrist.
She remembered the time her and Darcy were learning how to swim and she started to drown. Darcy didn't even try to save her she just laughed and pointed. A woman that worked in the pool had to save her life.
She remembered when she was trying to tell her parents that she had gotten an A in her first assignment for Ms. Dawes. They completely ignored her and continued to argue about Darcy and how they shouldn't have given her permission to leave them because she wasn't coming back. They hadn't even acknowledged her presence until the hearded her bedroom door slam shut.
Then the most recent memory flowed into her mind. The conversation between her and Eli. He had totally ignored her after their kiss for Ms. Dawes project. He blew her off like a bug. He was working on Morty, his hearse when she approached him. When he said the words "I'm sorry I lead you on" they were filled with hatred and anger. He wasn't happy that she liked him that was what ran through her mind.
She came back to reality when everything around her began to spin and her body went limp against the floor. The last thing she saw was blood all around her and the razor still in her wrist. Then everything went black and still.
"Clare! Clare! Honey wake up"
"Clare! Are you okay"
"Oh my god! Clare"
"She'll be okay. We stopped the bleeding on time".
All these voices filled Clare's mind as she started to wake up. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and took the scene around her. It was a hospital and she was sure of it. The walls were pale white just like her skin. There were flower curtains in the windows and two chairs by her bed. There were machines everywhere around her. There was a heart monitor next to her and wires all around her body. There was an IV tube connected to the wrist, the one that wasn't cut anyway.
She tried to get up, but her body went limp and in pain. Her whole body was sore and aching in every muscle. Then something hit her.
She was alive. She was still breathing and in this painful world.
She hadn't achieved what she wanted.
She wanted to be gone forever. Out of this place she called world. She wanted her pain and suffering to be over. She wanted to be at peace and not hear a sound or shout for once. Clare Edwards wanted to be dead and gone at last.
As sleep over took her again, she spoke one more thing.
"I guess Ill have to try harder next time"