Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, or the song 'In The End' by Linkin Park.
A/N: I had never really intended on writing a sequel to 'Before He Cheats', I always thought it stood on it's own. But I got some great reviews, (thanks btw) so here it is. PLEASE Review!! I love reviews; they make me happy.
This will make no sense if you haven't read Before He Cheats. it's on my profile. Go there, and read it. Now.
Again, a reminder. i love Bella/Edward. But both this ff and Before He Cheats don't entirely support it. Oh well. :P
I thought it was cool that this was a songfic to a Linkin Park song, when Stephenie Meyer says that it was the rock CD that Bella and Edward both own in Twilight. it's the one she's listening to that she got from Phil. she listens to it when she gets back from La Push, trying not to think about the fact that Edward might be a vampire.
This IS angst guys. Edward's depressed.
This story is... bittersweet I guess. Please review. Even if you hate it. Which you might.
EPOV
Jasper sent me yet another dirty look as we ran. The thirst was multiplied on his end, as he could feel everyone else's as well. And I was thirsty. It just felt much more subdued than usual. Because, today, there was a far greater pain.
I knew Jasper understood this, as he was feeling it, and, like the others, hardly sympathized. It was my decision, he claimed, and it was my fault.
Which was true. That still didn't stop it from being excruciatingly painful.
I knew that I didn't want to go. I knew I would kill myself for this, for leaving once more.
I had seen those images in Alice's head, too. I had seen how very broken and empty Bella had been. How careful, how shattered I had left her. So much worse off than she had been before me. It seemed as though my entire existence was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to ruin a perfect girl's life. I shouldn't.
But I didn't intend to any longer.
It starts with
One thing, I dont know why
It doesnt even mather how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain due time
I knew that it was killing me. I knew that she had saved my life, and that was important. It didn't matter if I saved her life, because I was immortal, impossibly fast and strong, and could read minds. She was just a delicate human being, and she'd saved me.
And now I was walking away.
But it was the right thing to do! I was so impossibly wrong for her, and she didn't even seem to see that!
I could kill her so easily. She was so very breakable, and I was so very not. And it was wrong, and impossible, to be with her.
But I wanted to God Dammit! I wanted to forget thinking, to forget reason, and just be together.
But I had done that once, and I had put her in danger. I had put her in danger so many times, and she'd come out worse each time. I wouldn't do this to her anymore. She deserved so much better than a nightmare, and if I had to lie to get her to go find someone better, then I would.
I had tried so hard before, and I could do it again. I could leave. I had tried to be with her, but I couldn't. It wasn't right; it wasn't sane. I had fallen in love with my food, just as Emmett had kindly pointed out to me. It was insanity.
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down till the end of the day
Clock ticks life away
Time flew when I was with her. She was my everything, and I was leaving her. I could see Satan finally properly punishing me for being this monster.
I remembered my time apart from her and visibly shuddered. It had been the worst part of my life. And before I knew her, it would have been normal.
I ran hard, pushing myself ahead of the others. I couldn't deal with the pain.
I dove on the scent of blood as soon as it hit my nostrils. A deer was measly, but it would tide me over until I was far enough away. Far enough away from her.
And the very thought was killing me.
Its so unreal
You didnt look out below,
Watch the time go right out the window
Tryn to hold on
Didnt even know, I wasted it all
Just to watch you go
I needed to let her go, though, even if she didn't understand. She would be happy to be with a monster – never considering that it was a bad idea; that she could get hurt. Why on earth would she get hurt? She was only dating a vampire.
She never seemed to notice when there was danger in front of her. Half the time I was sure she was blind.
But, nevertheless, I hated lying to her again. I hated that look of acceptance in her eyes, as she was sure I was being honest. Sure the she wasn't good enough for me. Oh, Lord, don't get me started.
Her? Not good enough for me?
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried
It all fell apart
What its meant to be
Will, eventually be,
A memory of a time,
She was perfect. Beautiful, smart, funny, caring. And me? I was a monster. A nightmare. I had no idea what she saw in me.
But I had forgotten all of that. I had loved her, and, foolishly I knew, believed that there was hope. Hope for an angel and a demon. What a twisted story.
But I had somehow believed we were meant to be. I could never stop loving her, and though I convinced myself as best as I could, I doubted she could stop loving me. Soul mates. Except for the fact that one of us didn't have a soul.
All I would ever have were the memories. Her memories would fade – she was only human. But I wasn't. I would always remember her.
And telling her I wouldn't was the most horrible crime I could ever imagine. The very worst sin.
When I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesnt even matter...
I had to fall, to loose it all...
But in the end, it doesnt even matter...
I tried to be with her. I tried to make it work. But how could it? We were opposites. Predator and prey. There was a relationship you didn't see everyday.
But it no longer mattered. She'd forget, and I'd suffer. We were over now, like I had clearly told her. But here I was falling, unable to stop myself. There was nothing to grab onto. I was done for.
I had fallen for her, and thought about losing everything. And here I was, falling into depression, loosing what was really everything. Her. Bella.
Not that it mattered. It was done now, and even if she never knew I was hurting, I still would be. And when her life ended, so would mine. Because, no matter how long I pretended, I could never live in a world where she didn't exist. I had tried. It didn't work.
One thing, I dont know why
It doesnt even mather how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To remind myself
How I tried so hard...
Dispite the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
Im surprised it got so far
Things arent the way they were before
You wouldnt even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end...
And I tried so hard! I tried to be with her. And now I was just trying to keep her safe! Was there ever going to be a time in my life where I could sit back and stop trying? And be happy?
I doubted it.
Monster. Nightmare. Demon. Devil. Filth.
Vampire.
Why me?
Why her?
All I could see in my head was our fight. She wasn't numb or obedient this time. This time, her eyes filled with tears, but her voice was cold and controlled. She'd expected it. She knew it was coming. She knew I would leave.
She had been angry.
The rage and hatred in her eyes had consumed the rest. There was sadness, and numbness, like before, but she just stood there seething. Furious that I was leaving. Again.
She wouldn't believe her eyes if she saw me right now. I was hardly pulled together. I had just destroyed myself, as much as I was sure I had destroyed her. She would never think that this would hurt me. But it hadn't hurt me. It had destroyed me.
It seemed as though she hardly knew me. I had told her I loved her a thousand times. And yet automatically she accepted the fact that 'didn't love her anymore'. Had she never listened to how much I cared about her?
I knew that wasn't it. But I hated seeing the acceptance in her eyes. Again.
You kept everything inside
And even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to be, will
Eventually, be a memory of a time
When I tried so hard,
And got so far,
But in the end, it doesnt even matter
I had to fall, to loose it all
But in the end, it doesnt even matter
I was done hunting. About to leave Forks forever. Leave her forever. Except I already had.
I would never see her beautiful face again. Never see her trip. Never see her blush. Never see her smile.
How was I supposed to live that way?
Ive put my trust in you
Pushed as far, as I can go
For all this
Theres only one thing you should know
Ive put my trust, in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
Theres only one thing you should know...
We ran back, no one commenting on my speed as I dashed ahead of them. Until I stopped abruptly.
Yes, she was here, Edward, I heard Alice say in her mind. And then I was running until I was there, in front of our house.
Alice's ochre eyes were filled with sadness.
I could see it; hear it, in her head. The fury in Bella's eyes as she stood there, baseball bat in hand. The fierce expression on her face as she thrust the bat through the windshield, glass shattering. The rage hardly contained, her lips in a hard line as she engraved her name in the seats.
Slowly I walked over to the wreck of my car. I gazed down at the driver seat and traced the letters carved there. Bella.
I didn't care about what she had done to the car. I cared about what I had done to her.
The regret hit me hard.
In the end, I had always loved her.
In the end, I had never wanted to leave.
In the end, I knew she was never coming back.
I tried so hard,
And got so far,
But in the end, it doesnt even matter
I had to fall, to loose it all,
But in the end, it doesnt even matter