Logan's Adventures as a Single Dad: Demons in the Dark
Logan's Adventures as a Single Dad: Demons in the Dark
WARNING: Incestuous theme
I was still new to fatherhood and wasn't always sure what was acceptable or not. Quite often Harvest fell asleep on my chest as we lay on the couch at the end of a long day, the rhythm of her breathing matching mine.
Some might say it was not appropriate for a girl her age, but she was still so needy, I was not going to be rejectful of a girl who had just lost her mother. Besides, I took her to bed at the end of the evening and tucked her in. She still needed to be babied, or at least wanted to be.
One Friday after a particularly hard day at school we nodded off to TV as usual. Tonight felt different. Dreams began to swirl around in my head as I drifted off into the nether region of consciousness.
Her breath on my neck, lying fully against me began to arouse feelings I did not want, physical sensations I could not control.
"I love you Daddy," she said.
"I love you too," I replied.
With that she kissed me all over my face. And then my lips. And then again, more slowly. Perhaps I should have stopped her there, but maybe I was starved for love myself.
She unbuttoned my shirt more and ran her hand down my chest, breathing in as if I was oxygen itself. It felt as if my morality was slowly, quietly, slipping away. I was stiff-all of me. Oh God please don't feel it. Tell me you're too young to know what that is.
She straddled me, rocking back and forth a little, her chest rising. She began to undo my belt…I sprang to life not a moment too soon.
"Harvest! What are you doing?"
"Nothing".
"Of course you were doing something. Who taught you to do that??"
"Nobody!"
Tell me how did you know to do that?!
"I can't!"
"Why?! Has someone threatened you?"
"No. But I won't be able to babysit anymore."
"Babysit?!" She had a roster of clients in the building but I had no clue.
"The man down the hall" she said, grudgingly.
"Maddie's father?"
"Yes."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Uh…a few months."
"A few months?? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I don't want to lose her.
"Why didn't you come to me?" I practically shouted, still unable to believe what I was hearing.
"I don't know… I just got…use to it. He said it's how you make a man love you. He didn't make me touch him, just said a lot of things. And grabbed me a few times. I told Maddie I would always take care of her!"
"Honey your safety is more important than babysitting! He could be doing this to her! At least when she grows up!"
"I guess you're right. I was just thinking of… now…."
"So am I!"
"Open up! Police! Fist hit jaw.
"Cuff him and take him away." It was the one punch no one could blame me for.
Later at the station.
"I don't get it Goren. How could she not come to me with this?"
"It's a very sensitive subject. She could be conditioned into thinking this is how all men act."
"I've tried to be a good father in the short time I've been one."
"I'm sure you have."
"But there is something else. I felt something."
"What?"
"Aroused."
"That's not so unusual. Men sometimes respond to things they can't control."
"But to my own daughter?" What does that make me?"
"A man. It's not unheard of. Just don't put yourself in that situation again or you may find yourself with even more feelings you don't want, or have less control over."
I weakly nodded; still unsure and knowing I would have to talk to my daughter.
Later that night.
I came into her room and stood.
"Listen to me. You don't have to use your body to have value to a man."
"Isn't that the way you were when you were younger?"
A moment of truth. "I had girlfriends. And then there were times I just had fun. But you never have to degrade yourself."
"What about the time you lost the keys to your handcuffs and you had to go with that lady on her meter maid route?"
And then another. "That was different. I was concerned about her safety," I said, not too convincingly.
"The point is I love you and I want you to come to me if someone hurts you. But we can't love each other that way."
"How could you? I just dropped into your life."
"So? That doesn't mean you're not wanted. "
"I don't see how."
"Well SEE," as I put my hand on her shoulder, still too awkard to hug her considering what had gone on, and what could go on in the future. But we would get through it, as parent and child.