There is no excuse for this awful piece of writing but it's done so I figured I may as well post it up. Hopefully someone will like it. Hah.
This was written with a major hangover & a clingy cat sat on my stomach trying to steal all my attention. Yup, these are my lame excuses for my bad writing skills... I like blaming other things :D
Seriously though. I totally woke up like Drunk!Blaine this morning. "Where am I?" - thankfully it was my mate's flat.. not some random street corner :')
Yup, yup. Anyway. This is written after the Rachel/Blaine/Kurt scene at the end of Blame It On The Alcohol.
Why are all my Klaine fics based around this episode?
Anyway. If anyone enjoys this: I LOVE YOU! 3
I'd also like to add - Thank you so much! for the reviews & faves I get. Every single one is appreciated. Every time I get an email telling me I have either, I do a little fist pump to myself.
I don't own Glee. Kurt and Blaine aren't my creation but they are totally locked in my cupboard.
100% gay – that's what I said.
The moment Rachel had publicly kissed me; I just froze… then freaked out. Hopefully she didn't think I was going off to vomit… I just couldn't bear to see her reaction… Okay, so I did wash my lips a little but I wasn't intending on ever revealing that to anyone.
Why had she been there waiting for me anyway? Had she clocked my daily routine? I had behaved so awfully towards her. Why had she surprise attacked me like that though? I had gone on a date with her but it was just one date! For all I knew of Rachel Berry, she could possibly be an extremely forward girl. What an idiot I was! I couldn't kiss her that night either – I should have realised then!
We had so much common that I guess I mistook friendship for attraction. That was the last time I was ever going to get that drunk! I'm gay, I've always been so sure of that but damn alcohol for clouding up my mind!
I knew I now owed some apologies. One to Rachel for my behaviour just now and one to Kurt, he had been right… but a part of me was still disappointed by his lack of support to fully apologize. After all that we had been through together concerning Kurt's problems with Karofsky, I assumed he would be more understanding. Yes, it was flattering to know he thought so highly of me but I wasn't the perfect being he had created in his mind. I try so hard to make out that I am and that everything's fine but at the end of the day I'm still only human.
Frowning at my reflection in the mirror, I could feel the familiar self loathing spark up. Why did I always screw things up? Kurt and I weren't speaking and I had undoubtedly ruined any sort of friendship with Rachel now too.
Hearing the door open behind me, I quickly wiped my lips dry. I needed to go back out and check if Rachel was still there waiting for me although if I were in her shoes, I would have definitely stormed out by now.
I was surprised to find the person who stepped into view from the mirror was in fact Kurt. Pretending that I hadn't seen him, I began checking my hair, making sure none of my curls had escaped. How pathetic was I?
"Rachel's gone by the way." He informed me coldly.
From what I could see he was leaning against the wall without any intention of actually using the toilet.
"Oh…" Was all I could mumble. Had he seen what had happened? How? Where had he been sitting? With Rachel before I had arrived?
"She's not hurt, quite the opposite. She's using her experience of dating a gay guy to help her song writing inspiration for Regionals."
I flinched slightly at his emphasis on the word 'gay', he was clearly still annoyed by our last conversation, but I still couldn't bring myself to muster up any sort of apology.
Turning around to face him finally, I released what came out to be an extremely awkward laugh. "Well at least she's alright then…"
Kurt scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Good to know you care about someone's feelings."
My eyes narrowed. Judging by the icy atmosphere this scene wasn't going to end pleasantly. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What about my feelings, Blaine?" He spat out, "How could you do that to me? Especially after I admitted my feelings for you…" His speech was broken by a loud sigh; this was clearly something he had wanted to get off his chest for the past few days. All I could do was stand there with a pathetically guilty expression. "Rachel is my friend! You obviously don't return my feelings, fine, but did you have to go after someone I was close to? Anyone else…"
Things were slowly piecing together. This wasn't about me thinking I was bisexual; this was about his feelings. "Kurt… I…"
"Please, Blaine." He interrupted, "I'm not going to accept the 'I'm bad at relationships' excuse again – you knew my feelings and blatantly chose to ignore them."
"There you go again…" I grumbled, unable to stop my self.
"Excuse me?" Kurt's eyes flashed dangerously but I continued.
"You never let me explain. I'm not perfect! I was so confused, scared… I've always known I was gay, I was so confident about it; it wasn't something I wanted to hide from the world. I was bullied for it, making me feel like I was wrong and dirty. They made me feel ashamed for simply being myself. I left my old life behind because of them then suddenly I thought I had feelings for Rachel. Do you know how that felt, Kurt? Being so sure of something, knowing that it caused you grief but continuing to carry on, and then suddenly doubting it? It made me feel lost. I… didn't understand these feelings, and even though they did turn out to be imaginary – I needed someone there for me, someone who I could talk to who wouldn't judge me."
It's funny how stubborn we both were, neither of us wanted to apologize although I was close to cracking and judging by Kurt's saddened expression so was he.
"What made you fall for Rachel?" He quietly asked, dropping his hard stare and focusing on a particularly grubby corner of the restroom.
How was I to answer that? I didn't even have feelings for her! "I didn't fall for her. I just liked kissing her when I was drunk, assumed I would enjoy it sober but I was wrong…"
"You like her as a person though?"
"Yeah, of course…"
"Well… why?"
Jeez, what to say…? "I admire her determination to get what she wants; she's bold and always speaks her mind… I also enjoy a diva." I joked, trying to lighten the mood, it didn't work.
"Blaine, I'm all of those things… so why have you never had feelings for me?"
Man, this was awkward. Love and feelings had never been my strong point, probably down to my lack of experience. It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for Kurt; it was just too soon… Kurt was suffering, I was his closest friend at Dalton but also the first openly gay person his own age that he had met. I wanted him to see more of the world, meet new people before he decided on his feelings for me.
The cracks in my perfect façade were slipping and the more he saw of the real me, the less admiration he would have. If we were together, I wanted it to be as equals, not Kurt mistaking idolisation for love.
"I do care about you, Kurt." I had said this before but felt the need to express such words again. What else could I say? I didn't want to push him away but I couldn't accept his feelings yet either.
"If you care for me so much why did you do all that with Rachel?"
"Because I was confused!" I shouted, accidentally letting my anger explode, rounding on Kurt, "Where were you anyway? You didn't help me!"
"I'm not talking to you when you're like this…" Kurt muttered underneath my accusation, backing towards the door and away from the conversation with tears in his eyes.
"No, we're talking right now! I tried to help you as much as I could through your problems, why didn't you do the same? I needed you!"
The door then opened. Falling silent, I watched as a large, balding man with heavy stubble wondered in obviously unaware of the argument he had stepped into. With his finger stuck up his nose, he casually headed to the urinals beside Kurt.
I was taken aback to see that Kurt remained still; it was the perfect opportunity for him to leave after all - I wasn't willing to argue in front of this man.
Kurt's eyes followed the man slyly but he was quickly caught out. Giving Kurt a suggestive wink, he then proceeded to carry out his business rather loudly. It would be a lie to say that this moment wasn't awkward in the slightest, quite the opposite. This man was truly disgusting.
Seeing a mixture of shock and horror etched across Kurt's face made it difficult for me to suppress the laughter threatening to escape. I had to control myself however; the last thing I wanted was to be on the receiving end of abuse from this male, or worse - Kurt.
At last the man finished. Zipping up his jeans, he took a good look at the both of us before grumbling; "Hope you enjoyed the show, faggots." and left the room, without washing his hands.
Usually I would be highly offended by his obnoxious comment but I was so sickened by his behaviour that all I was able to do was burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It wasn't long for Kurt's face to finally shift and he whole-heartedly joined in with my unreasonable giggles.
Why was I even laughing? I wasn't sure and I doubted that Kurt knew either but the fact that we were no longer quarrelling reassured me. Maybe this laughter was what we needed. It certainly made me realise as I watched Kurt's face glowing with happiness that regardless on who had been right or wrong, I didn't want to argue with him anymore.
Stopping only once my cheeks and sides protested with pain, I watched Kurt still attempt to calm himself.
"He had to be the vilest person to ever walk this planet!" Kurt panted, wiping laughter tears from his eyes.
"Your face was priceless…" I chuckled before silence fell between us again, both of us wearing fairly sheepish expressions.
"I'm sorry…" Kurt whispered, looking just about anywhere but at me. A warm smile grew on my lips as I watched him pull at the sleeves of his rather expensive looking jacket. Adorable was definitely a word that sprung to mind.
"I'm sorry too," I replied quietly with a quick nod.
"Can we… put this behind us?" He then asked his voice still small as his blue eyes flickered up to study my reaction – which made my heart skip a few beats.
"Deal," I grinned, trying to look unphased by his unintentional cuteness, holding out my hand for him to shake.
There was no use being angry anymore. Kurt was in my life now and I wasn't willing to loose him over some fight. The more time we spent together, the more I realised that I needed him just as much as he had once needed me.
Taking my hand, he shook it, his beautiful smile returning.
"Now shall we go order something?" I suggested lightly.
"Yeah, my drink has probably gone cold and no doubt my muffin has either been eaten or thrown in the trash…" Kurt explained sounding a little bitter – probably over the fact he had wasted his money.
"Well we can't have that!" I decided with a smirk, "I guess I'll just have to order you another and pay for it myself!"
"No way, Blaine Anderson! I'm not letting you pay for me again!"
Continuing to hold tightly onto Kurt's hand, we left the toilets together, acting normal once again - almost like we had completely forgotten anything had ever happened. I realised that this fight hadn't ruined our relationship; in the long run it would make us stronger.