This is an A/U fic, a lot of it is canon and a lot is my imagination. This was a joy to write. I hope you enjoy reading it! I do not have a beta so any mistakes are mine. Feedback is always appreciated. I do not own or profit from Star Trek.
A Brother's Love
Part 1
Sarek decided it would be logical to walk home from the Embassy. His day had not provided any reprieve, and he felt it necessary to take the time to sort his thoughts before returning to his dwelling, where his human wife Amanda and young son Spock, who was eleven earth years of age, awaited his arrival. He used this time alone to collect his thoughts and channel his emotions. He had been called from his duties at the Embassy that day to pick up Spock from school, who had physically fought one of his classmates. Sarek thought about the conversation that he had with his son upon meeting him.
"They called you a traitor," Spock said, trying to justify his emotional outburst.
Sarek took a seat next to him. "Emotions run deep within our race… in many ways more deeply than in humans. Logic offers a serenity that humans seldom experience. The control of feelings… so that they do not control you."
He was somewhat caught off guard by Spock's next statement. "You suggest that I should be completely Vulcan… and yet you married a human."
"As ambassador to Earth it is my duty to observe and understand human behavior. Marrying your mother was… logical."
It was not a lie; but it was not the whole truth, either. Sarek thought about his wife Amanda as he walked. He loved her dearly, as illogical as it was, and he loved his son. It was the only emotion that he found himself to have little to no control over.
As he walked and pondered the day's events, something above him in the sky caught his attention. At first it was only a small dot in the sky, but as it grew larger and a parachute deployed from it, he recognized it as an escape pod of some kind. He walked briskly toward the capsule as it landed, knowing that whoever was in it would likely need assistance.
He approached the pod cautiously, not recognizing it as part of either a Vulcan or human ship. When he pulled the release and the hatch opened he was unprepared for what lay inside it. It's contents were unexpected, but he quickly reigned in his shock and thought of the most logical way to deal with the situation. Inside the pod lay a small, female child with pointed ears and wide, terrified, human looking eyes. She looked no more than six or seven earth years of age, and was clearly exhausted by her journey.
"I am called Sarek. Do not be frightened, child. I wish to help you. What is your name?"
"Silesia," came her whispered reply.
Sarek was again taken aback. It was not a Vulcan or human name, but a Romulan name.
"Silesia, may I help you out of the pod?" he asked softly and she nodded her consent. He gripped her under the arms, pulled her out of the pod, and tried standing her on her feet. She was too tired, however and her legs simply gave way. He picked her back up and held her in one arm as he grabbed the small bag of belongings that were stuffed into the pod with her. He slung the bag over his shoulder and then looked at the child in his arms. She looked into his eyes and studied his face intently. He was again shocked when she raised her hand and placed her fingers next to his temple. Surely this child was not trying to meld with him?! It was believed that Romulans had lost that ability a millennia ago.
"May I…" she asked tentatively, "It is logical for me to know your intentions." Her name was Romulan but she spoke like a Vulcan.
Sarek swallowed hard and then nodded his consent. "You may proceed."
He closed his eyes as she touched his face, and she did indeed enter his thoughts. She searched him to find out about his home life and intentions. He felt her great fear and apprehension as she began, but felt it subside through each passing moment of the meld. Sarek wanted to search her thoughts as well, but waited until he could ask her permission.
After only a minute or two, she let her hand drop away and sighed with relief. "You are safe. You are a logical person, but also kind," she said quietly and then rested her head on his shoulder, the meld taking the last of her energy.
"Come, Silesia," Sarek said, "You require sustenance. We will go to my dwelling, and then figure out where you belong."
Her head shot up and he saw the panic in her eyes. "I belong here, Sarek! On Vulcan! You cannot send me back to Romulus! They will kill me for the sins of my father!" She started to cry and her body trembled in his arms.
Sarek did not try to control the compassion that he felt for her, for compassion was one of the few logical emotions. "Do not fear, little one, I will not send you back to Romulus. You will be safe with me and my family for now."
This time Sarek raised his hand to her face, "May I have your thoughts?"
She nodded her agreement and then closed her eyes as Sarek began to search her mind. Sarek was horrified by what he saw. Her human mother was publicly executed on Romulus, accused of being a spy. Her father took her into hiding. He was a revolutionary on Romulus. Sarek saw him speaking to a large crowd, telling them that the only way that they could truly be free and have peace was to embrace the logic of their Vulcan ancestors. Telling them that they did not have to completely purge their emotions but learn to control them, and that logic would lead to serenity that was unknown to them. He was branded as a traitor and hunted by the Romulan authorities to be executed, along with his half breed child. When he knew that the authorities were closing in on them he packed a small bag for his daughter. Sarek felt grief wash over him as he watched the scene play out in his mind. "Silesia, my precious child, it is no longer safe for you to be with me. We are special, my child, because we we're born with the telepathy of our Vulcan ancestors. Romulans fear change. They fear that which they do not understand. It is easier for them to kill us. I taught you all I know of the teachings of Surak. I've taught you to mind meld and you've learned the benefits of meditation. You know that it is only logical for you to go now. There is a cargo ship waiting to take you to Vulcan. On Vulcan, they will want to mind meld with you, and it is logical that you let them. You are too young to articulate everything that is happening. But do not be afraid to ask for their thoughts as well. You must be able to discern their intentions."
"I do not wish to leave you, father," Silesia said as her tears flowed.
"I know, my daughter, but it is the only way. I cannot hide from the authorities forever and when they find me they will kill me. Go to Vulcan. Learn their ways and the teachings of Surak. Maybe someday things on Romulus will change, and you can return to teach the others." He pulled his daughter to him for one last hug. "I do love you, my child." He pulled away from her and raised his hand in a Vulcan salute, "Live long and prosper, Silesia."
Sarek gasped as he pulled his hand away and felt the tears running down his cheeks. Silesia reached up and wiped them off of his face. "Father said that emotions are sometimes transferred during a mind meld. I am sorry for making you cry, Sarek."
Sarek shook his head, "It is unnecessary for you to apologize. I am sorry for your loss, and for the hardship that you have endured. Come now. Let us go to my dwelling. My wife Amanda and son Spock are no doubt concerned of my absence."
"Amanda? Is she…?"
"Human?" Sarek finished, "Yes. My son Spock is half human, like you."
She looked relieved at his statement, but said no more. Sarek secured her bag on his shoulder and also remained silent as she rested her head on him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sarek quietly sung her an old Vulcan lullaby as he walked, and soon she was soundly asleep in his arms.
As Sarek entered his dwelling, he heard his wife call to him from the kitchen, "Sarek, you're late! I was beginning to worry!" She came out into the common area and gasped when she saw the small, dusty child in his arms. "Sarek, my goodness, is she alright? Who does she belong to?"
"I will explain everything to you, my cherished one, but first I must lay her down to rest. Where is Spock?"
"He's in his room meditating."
"Fetch him, please. We will convene in the kitchen to discuss the situation." Sarek laid the sleeping child on the couch in the common area, then took her bag into the kitchen. He sat at the table and waited until Amanda and Spock joined him. He told them of Silesia, how he recovered her from the escape capsule, and the information that he'd obtained from the joining of their minds.
"The poor dear," Amanda said as she opened the small bag of the child's belongings and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She opened it and scanned over it silently, her eyes getting wide. "Sarek, look at this."
Sarek took the paper from her and started reading it aloud, so that Spock and Amanda could also learn it's contents. It said,
"Greetings to you, my Vulcan brothers and sisters. If you are reading this then my daughter Silesia has made it to Vulcan. It was no longer safe to keep her on Romulus. If you have joined your mind to hers, then you already know of my intentions. It is my dying wish that my daughter remains on Vulcan, to learn the Vulcan ways and the teachings of Surak. She was born a touch telepath, as was I, and knows meditation and the basic teachings of Surak. I would like her to continue her Vulcan studies that began on Romulus. Romulus is changing. The people grow weary of war and conquering, and many are beginning to embrace the Vulcan way. It is dangerous, as Vulcan teachings have been outlawed here. It is illogical, however, as Romulans and Vulcans are one people who have simply grown apart. It is my wish to see Vulcans and Romulans reunited as one, but I'm afraid it will not happen in my lifetime. Please care for my daughter. Teach her the Vulcan way. However, while I wish for her to find serenity in logic, I cannot ignore the fact that she is half human. Do not shield her from humans. Teach her as a Vulcan, but do not shun her human side. Simply teach her to control it. I do not wish for her to obtain Kolinahr, and purge all of her emotion. I want her to be aware of it, in control of it and to learn from it. I believe that humans and Vulcans are both extremists, and that perfect serenity lies in between the extremes of both. I know this is a lot to ask. If you cannot fulfill my wishes for my child, I pray that you will find someone who can. One thing that I've always admired about Vulcan's is the teaching that compassion is indeed a logical emotion. Have compassion for my child. Her struggles have been numerous. In her bag you will find her record of birth and a few of her belongings. Live long and prosper, my Vulcan brothers and sisters, so that my Silesia may also live long and prosper. Gratefully,
S'TLai Cretak of Romulus"
After a moment of silence, Spock began to speak, addressing his father. "Sa-mekh, may I offer my opinion on the situation?"
"Your opinion is important in this matter, Spock. You may speak."
"It seems… It seems logical that she remain here, with us. We are in the best position to truly fulfill her father's wishes. Your wife, my mother is human. We live on Vulcan. She can learn the teachings of Surak and still have a human to relate to. As I am also half human, it is only logical that I step into the role of her brother. I understand the difficulties she will face and I am in the best position to prepare her for her Vulcan studies as a being that is not fully Vulcan. Perhaps... she can help me to better channel my emotion as well. We can learn from one another."
Amanda smiled at her son and brushed her thumb across his cheek. "Out of the mouth of babes," she said quietly, and Sarek nodded his agreement, understanding the old, Terran saying.
Sarek looked at Spock and said, "My son, you are still young, only a few years older than the child in the common area, but your logic is flawless in your assessment. We are indeed in the best position to care for her. If we all agree, I will make the arrangements for her to be permanently placed into our family."
"I agree, sa-mekh," Spock said quietly.
"Of course, Sarek," Amanda said.
"My family honors me with their generosity," Sarek replied, and touched his hand to Amanda's for a Vulcan kiss.
Before they could excuse themselves from the table, they heard a small voice from the kitchen doorway. "Sarek?" Silesia called sleepily, rubbing her eyes.
"Silesia, come. Meet my family," Sarek called to her. She nervously went and stood beside Sarek, leaning into his side for comfort.
"This is my wife, Amanda, and my son, Spock."
"Hi," she whispered and Amanda smiled.
"Welcome to our home. It is nice to have you."
"Greetings, Silesia," Spock said.
Sarek then stood and spoke to his family, "My wife, would you draw a bath for the little one? Spock, finish preparing our meal, I will go to the shop to acquire her new clothes. We can discuss more when we sit down together for our meal."
Once she was bathed and dressed, Silesia sat to eat with the rest of the family. It was tradition on Vulcan to eat meals in silence, but as this was not a fully Vulcan home, they did not adhere to that particular custom.
"Silesia, I have discussed your situation with my family," Sarek said. "We have agreed that it would be logical for you to permanently join our family. As we are a household comprised of both humans and Vulcans, we are in the best position to fulfill your father's wishes."
Silesia sighed with relief and her whole body relaxed. Her lip started to tremble but suddenly she sat up straight and schooled her features.
"Sarek, Amanda, Spock, I thank you for your generosity and for honoring my father's wishes," she said cordially, but her lip still trembled.
Amanda put down her utensils, pushed her chair back and opened her arms, "Silesia, sweetheart, come here," she said.
Silesia jumped up from her chair, ran into Amanda's arms and sobbed. Amanda held her and rocked her as she cried, "Everything is going to be OK. You're safe with us and we're happy you're here." Amanda stood, still holding the crying little girl. "You two finish eating. I will take care of this," she said to Sarek and Spock and then took her out of the kitchen.
Once they were alone, Spock looked at his father. "Why does she cry, sa-mekh? Is she not pleased to be with us? We will fulfill her father's wishes. Her tears are… illogical."
Sarek wiped his mouth and put his napkin down. "Spock… this may be difficult for you to understand, but her tears are indeed logical."
"But you have taught me that crying is illogical," Spock responded, and Sarek continued.
"As Vulcans we are trained from birth to control our emotions, and let logic dictate our thoughts and actions. Her father taught her the teachings of Surak, meditation and melding, but on Romulus she was not in a position to openly practice what she was taught. She has been through trial and hardship greater than many of us can understand. She has travelled to Vulcan alone and was fortunate enough to find a family that could raise her in accordance with her father's wishes. She is experiencing relief, and most certainly anxiety, grief and anguish over what she has experienced. Those emotions would be difficult for even a full Vulcan to control. They are no doubt overwhelming, which is why her tears are logical. Sometimes, for those who have not been fully disciplined in logic, the best way to purge emotion is to cry. I know that, on occasion, your mother has allowed you to cry in private, with her. That display of emotion made it easier for you to control them later, did it not?"
Spock looked shocked for a moment then looked down at his lap, "I was… unaware that you knew of that. When I feel overwhelmed, it does help to release those emotions by crying. How did you become aware of that? Do you feel that I dishonor you in that way?"
"Your mother and I do not keep things from each other. You do not dishonor me, my son. You are half human. It will be more difficult for you to control your emotions than it would for a fully Vulcan child. It is logical that you have an outlet for your emotion when you are feeling overwhelmed. But that should be kept private. You must practice keeping your emotions in control, especially among your peers, even though it is then that it is the most difficult. If you can master that practice, then you will be worthy of the Kolinahr, regardless of the pureness of your blood."
"Forgive me, father, but I do not think I will ever be disciplined enough to obtain Kolinahr. My emotion is great sometimes. I do not know if I will ever be able to fully purge it."
"Spock, even the most disciplined Vulcan, who has obtained Kolinahr, is not free of emotion."
Spock raised an eyebrow, "I do not understand. Kolinahr is the ritual in which all emotion is purged, is it not?"
"It is indeed a ritual Spock, but it's intention should not be taken literally. As we discussed earlier, emotions run deep within our race. We have them, it is written in our DNA. It is impossible to fully purge them, but quite possible to fully control them. That is what the Kolinahr truly represents. Having complete control of emotions, not being completely void of them."
"There is much for me to learn," Spock replied, pondering his father's words.
"You are still young, Spock. In time, I have no doubt that you will master control of your emotions. Some emotions are more difficult to control than others, like anger. Some, like compassion, are illogical to control. Others are impossible to control."
Again Spock raised an eyebrow, "All emotions are controllable, are they not?"
"Spock…" Sarek replied with a thoughtful look on his face, "you asked me this morning why I married your mother. I married her because I love her."
Spock nodded, looking as if he was having an epiphany, and then stood from the table, "You honor me with your wisdom. I will return to my room to contemplate your words and meditate."
"And you honor me with your intelligence and understanding, my son. You may be excused."
Sarek remained at the table and pondered the conversation that he had with his son. It was logical that Spock know the truth. He had seen other Vulcan parents raise their children to believe that it was possible to completely purge their emotion. Many were left confused and felt like they had brought shame and dishonor to their families when their emotions remained, regardless of how perfectly controlled they were. Sarek did not wish those feelings on his son. He looked up and saw his wife smiling at him from the doorway.
"How is the little one?" He asked as she sat across from him at the table.
"She is sleeping. Sarek, you are an honorable and wise man, and you are a wonderful father. I love and cherish you my husband."
"I cherish you also, my wife."
Late that night, Spock lay awake in his room, pondering the conversation that he had with his father. He was surprised to hear a soft knock at his door.
"Enter," he said. He watched as Silesia came in and quietly closed the door behind her.
"I apologize for waking you," she said nervously, "I had a nightmare."
Spock sat up in his bed, "Sleep is escaping me this evening. You did not wake me. Come," He patted the bed next to him and she jumped up and sat next to him.
"Did you have a bad dream too, Spock?" she asked and he shook his head.
"No. I just cannot sleep. Thankfully there is no school tomorrow so we can sleep in a little. What did you dream about?"
She shivered suddenly, pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I do not think it is logical to talk about it," she replied.
Spock got up, pulled out an extra blanket, and wrapped her in it before getting back into bed. He pulled his covers over himself but remained sitting, leaning against the wall. "You have been through much hardship," Spock said quietly, "It is understandable that you will have bad dreams. My mother says that even though it might not be logical, it helps to talk about such things."
"I do not wish to talk about it," she said as a tear dropped down her cheek.
Spock thought for a moment about what his father said about her tears being logical. "It is logical for you to cry, Silesia. I cry sometimes, when father is not home. My mother says that it can help you control your emotions later."
Silesia nodded and wiped her eyes, and Spock reached up and grabbed a book off of his nightstand. "This book has been in my mother's family for many generations," he said quietly, running his hand over the bright red cover, "It is called 'The Story of Ferdinand', would you like me to read it?"
The little one nodded, pulled the covers tightly around her shoulders and snuggled up next to her new brother. Both children fell asleep before he finished the story, Spock with the book still in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Silesia, whose head was resting on his chest.
Amanda woke early, as she always did, and put on coffee before going to check on the children. She quietly opened the door to Spock's room and was nearly brought to tears at the sight of the children together, her old book still in Spock's hand. She quickly grabbed her camera and snapped an image. Sarek came out of his room and raised his eyebrow at the sight of the children.
"We should not allow this to become a habit, Amanda."
"Oh, Sarek, it was her first night! The poor dear was scared and probably couldn't sleep. Spock was just reading her a story. Was it not logical for him to offer comfort in her time of need?"
Sarek closed the door, allowing the children to sleep and pulled Amanda into his arms. "My wife," he said with a faint hint of a smile on his face, "I find that my logic is uncertain where you and our children are concerned."