Summary: She had hoped for a fine day today, but apparently it was not to be. Contains S6E1 SPOILERS.
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey.
A/N: SPOILERS FOR S6E1. This story is based on several spoilers we've seen and heard for the coming episode as it relates to Anna and Bates. I'm sure Fellowes will deliver something more eloquent and detailed, but this is my take before I see the upcoming episode.
A cold wind blew clouds overhead, gloomy darkness which brought with it a dreary day of unending rain. Anna glanced out the window of Lady Mary's bedroom, taking note of the weather. She had hoped for a fine day today, but apparently it was not to be.
The storm clouds suited her mood anyway.
Anna grimaced as she stooped to pick up a pillow which had fallen off her mistress' bed, careful not to let the woman see her pain. Perhaps she should have gone home sick that morning as Mrs. Hughes had suggested.
"At least the hunt is over," Mary commented, oblivious to the physical discomfort of her lady's maid. "Although I do find riding in trousers to be much more comfortable."
Said trousers had been as dirty as any of her riding skirts, so the change made little difference to Anna. But she nodded in appreciation of the woman's progressiveness even if she herself did not share it. She could not imagine wearing trousers, and in that moment, Anna felt rather glad for the looseness of her black dress and the lack of a corset.
"I suppose I should ride more often to stay in the habit of it, but who has time these days?"
The reminder of time nearly brought Anna to tears. Time was going by so quickly. She was getting old, older by the day, older by the second. Was she too old to have the child she and Mr. Bates so desperately wanted? Was that the problem, or was she simply not worthy of carrying his child, especially after...
Outwardly, she forced her face into composure, but Lady Mary noticed something amiss.
"You're awfully quiet this morning."
"I'm sorry, milady. I didn't sleep well is all."
The cramps had woken her in the early hours, although by dawn she'd realized the problem. There was nothing to be done about it, not now. But her dreams had died again just like the child she hadn't even been sure she was carrying until it was no more.
Anna blinked rapidly to fight back her tears, and for once she was grateful for Lady Mary's lack of observance.
"Perhaps you should take today off?" the other woman suggested, although her attention was focused on her own image in the mirror as she applied cream to her face and a touch of rouge.
"I'd just as soon work, milady," Anna responded.
If she went home to the cottage, Mr. Bates would worry and ask questions. The last thing she wanted was for him to be concerned about her, not now that he'd finally seemed to relax again after her time spent in prison.
"Well, don't work too hard."
Mary glanced up at her, and Anna suddenly realized by the look in her employer's eyes that she was not unobservant at all. With a soft expression, she took in Anna's figure and her lips pressed together. In another life, she might have stood and taken the used clothes from Anna's hands and wrapped her arms around the lady's maid to console her. But too much separated them, too many conventions and social mores.
Anna forced a smile. "I'll try not to."
So consumed was she in her own worries that she did not see the hidden fear in Lady Mary's eyes, one which had been there since the previous day's hunt.
The day proved long and tiring as the rain brought with it a soggy mess at the thresholds for those who needed to venture out and gloomy moods to those who did not. Anna heard about the happenings of others in bits and pieces. Daisy was to visit the farm on Saturday as Mr. Mason wished to talk with her. Andy, the new footman, was settling in well enough. Upstairs rumblings suggested that Thomas might be out of a job soon, something Anna knew her husband would not regret. And of course, the most conversation-dominating topic proved the upcoming nuptials of the household's butler and housekeeper.
Anna was glad for them, of course, but she could not bring herself to talk about her own troubles with Mrs. Hughes while the woman was so engrossed in planning her happy affair. Besides, what would Mrs. Hughes know about miscarriage anyway? For the same reason, she shied away from talking to any of the others. As the only married female servant, Anna could not discuss the issue with them. They wouldn't understand.
But it pressed at her, the grief and the disappointment. For whole minutes filled with busy activity she could forget about it and focus on the present. But when she slowed down, it all came rushing back, along with the tenderness of her body.
In a way, she relished the discomfort. It reminded her that this life had existed, even if briefly. It kept her hope of one day holding a child in her arms, although the flame of that hope had admittedly burned quite low.
By late evening, Anna thought she had mastered her swell of emotions. While she longed for the comfort and quiet of the cottage, she did not relish the walk back in the rain, nor was she looking forward to telling her husband the truth about her condition. And after much consideration, she realized she had to tell him. Keeping secrets had led to nothing but trouble for them. Plus she hadn't told him before and the guilt of it consumed her.
"I've hardly seen you today," Mr. Bates said as he entered the boot room.
Anna looked up and smiled at him, her husband's presence automatically making her feel a bit better. His quiet reserve gave her strength, the comforting size of the man driving back the shadows whenever she might think of what had happened to her in that room.
When she did not answer him, he dropped his voice a bit lower, more concerned, and added, "Mister Carson told me that he's had a call from the police station. Sergeant Willis is on his way over with some news."
Fear raced through her as though she'd been struck by lightening and a flood of coldness followed, leaving the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. But her husband's voice had been remarkably calm as he delivered this news, so Anna stayed in place, waiting for more.
She did not need to point out that she was still on bail, that the police still suspected her in Green's murder. A trial date had not been set due to the wavering of the one witness who claimed to have seen her in Piccadilly. But all of that could change at any moment. Sergeant Willis could be on his way to re-arrest her and take her back to the prison in York.
Or he could be coming to arrest Mr. Bates in her place. When her husband returned to Downton at Christmas, the police had threatened him with charges of making a false confession, but Mr. Murray had negotiated to have the charges dropped in light of the evidence in his favor. But if Anna knew anything it was that innocent men and women could be taken in at any time, their lives ruined and their dignity left in shreds.
And prison was no place to be, not considering last time-
Anna stopped herself, remember that there was no chance of that, not now, not if she was taken. Her horrible morning had made short work of any hope on that score, and now with Sergeant Willis coming...
"It will be all right, Anna."
Mister Bates stepped close to her, his presence an undeniable shelter for the coming storm. But she could no longer force back the tears which had been threatening all day. They burst forth like a broken dam, and she sobbed, "You don't know that. You can't know that."
"I do know it, Anna. I told you before, I won't let any harm come to you again. They won't take you."
But harm had already come to her, in the form of her own body losing the life which chance had finally entrusted to it. The ache from that morning had finally begun to ease, but the psychological pain from it nearly overwhelmed her.
"Please tell me, Anna..."
His heart-felt appeal reminded her that she was not alone in her feelings. He felt her agony just as keenly for her sake - and perhaps even more considering that he blamed himself for anything dark which touched her.
He deserved much better than a weeping, broken woman such as herself. He deserved someone who could give him a family and children and a quiet life away from police investigations. Her tears renewed as these recriminations plagued her, and Mr. Bates moved closer to take her in his arms. But she took a step back, keeping him at arm's length so that she could see his face and he hers.
It was time to be truthful. If Sergeant Willis was coming to take her away, she needed him to know.
"I thought I was pregnant," she sobbed, and then looked away. It was too hard. "And then this morning..."
A shuddering breath did nothing to make the statement easier. The reality of it still hurt.
"Well, anyway, now I'm not."
His face contorted in anguish at her abrupt news, and for a brief moment Anna regretted confiding this tragedy in him. Was it worth it to subject him to such bad tidings so that he could comfort her, or was that pure selfishness on her part?
Taking a moment to compose himself and banish the tears from his own eyes, M. Bates said finally, "Darling, I wish you'd told me sooner."
His hands on her arms brought her closer and he wrapped her in a cocoon of warmth, settling her gently against his chest as she relaxed into him and continued to cry. Somehow, she always felt better in her husband's arms, even when the pain and disappointment seemed never ending, the sharp and jagged edges leaving her raw and weak. He held her up. He gave her strength, this amazing man, with his seemingly endless capacity for tenderness and sympathy. Anna often wondered if she would ever find the end of it, her husband's kindness and love, but he always had more to give.
"I'm here," he whispered, his lips just above her ear. "I'll always be here, Anna."
He held her until her tears were dry and a delicate thread of faith restored.
Mrs. Patmore and Daisy had arranged a small surprise party to celebrate Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes' coming wedding. While the butler seemed perturbed that they'd dare move the servants' hall table to one side to make room for dancing, he could not find fault with it, not when his fiancee was beaming so happily.
Anna stood with her husband off to one side. While her tears had dried and the swelling around her eyes had gone down, she had little energy to celebrate with others.
"You enjoy dancing," Mr. Bates reminded her.
"I also enjoy your company," she pointed out.
Like the dark cloud which had been hovering over the countryside all day, Sergeant Willis' entrance cast a damper on the festivities. The kindly police officer frowned in apology as he stepped into the servants' hall and all eyes turned to him.
"We can speak in my pantry," Mr. Carson told him, moving towards the door to intercept the man.
But Sergeant Willis said quickly, "Actually, I've come with good news, and I think everyone might like to hear." He waited until Mr. Carson made a gesture for him to continue. "After an extensive investigation, I'm prepared to state that both Mister and Mrs. Bates have been cleared of any wrong-doing in the death of Alex Green. All charges have been dropped..." He paused to meet Anna's eyes as he added softly, "...with my personal apologies."
"But this is excellent news," Mr. Carson declared, looking back at the lady's maid and valet.
Anna could not deny that her heart lightened tenfold at the declaration. She was free now, truly free. Her husband would not hang, nor would she lose him if taken to prison again. Perhaps they could now move on and heal from the whole sordid mess.
"I apologize for the lateness of the hour and interrupting," Willis said with a smile, "but I thought you would like to hear the news right away."
"Thank you kindly, Sergeant," Mrs. Hughes told him before turning to her future husband. "And I'm sure you'd like to stay for a piece of cake."
Somewhere in the background, Anna heard Mrs. Patmore say something about the police officer eating all the cake he could stand, but her attention was focused on Mr. Bates.
"I think this is the best news I've ever heard," she told him, smiling despite herself. Whereas an hour before she'd been in the depths of despair over that morning's loss, now it almost seemed as though anything might be possible.
"It certainly takes a load off of my mind," he agreed.
She took his free hand in hers even as he leaned down to kiss her softly. The press of their lips was chaste and quick as they were in front of everyone, but Anna beamed at him with newfound joy. For once, the moisture which pressed at the corners of her eyes was made up of happy tears.
Behind them, one of the hall boys had begun playing the piano and some of the other servants had begun to dance. Anna giggled as she saw Mrs. Patmore drag a very surprised Sergeant Willis into the mix, but he did not refuse the cook. If anything, the officer looked as relieved at the news as the rest of them.
They still did not know who killed Green, but Anna did not care. Whether it was an accident or one of his other victims which brought about his untimely death, she was glad to know that man would not bring down either her or her husband for one more minute.
Across the room, Mrs. Hughes smiled at her and Anna grinned back. It was a new chapter opened this night, one with a hopeful future for all of them.
fin