Prankapolooza
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade
Summary: Boredom and a very intelligent semi-psychotic red headed Russian, a good match it does not make. What chaos shall ensue?
Warning: Lots of swearing
'blah, blah, blah' stands for thinking
It was a quiet day in the Blitzkrieg Boy abode, a surprising feat in itself really but a certain red headed Russian blader couldn't care less at the moment. It was their day off from training so Ian was off in his room tinkering with God knows what and Tala could hear the obnoxiously loud rock music playing in Ian's room from his location all the way from the other side of the compound in one of the mansion's many living rooms. Bryan was no doubt harassing some poor soul in the streets of Japan (without him), Spencer was at the grocery store and Kai was busy with the Bladebrats; a fate worse than death in Tala's opinion.
One would think to ask why Spencer had to go grocery shopping when they had butlers and maids at their disposal. Said servants were absent at the moment as it seemed to Tala that Voltaire had passed on his paranoia to his grandson. Kai didn't trust people he didn't know in his home so they were only used for maintenance of the compound. But with five destructive Russian residents they might have well have been hired as live in helpers.
All in all this was a very boring day for Tala who was all by his lonesome in one of Kai's many mansions with absolutely nothing to do having already repaired Wolborg and finished his daily exercises. This was a situation in which Tala usually sought to remedy with his usual brand of creativity which resulted in the wolf marching upstairs to ensnare his first prey for the day. His brain already churning out schemes, the Russian chuckled softly to himself thinking what a fun day this would turn out to be. Whatever chaos would ensue was his team mates' own fault since they forgot what a total menace their captain could be under the influence of boredom.
Tala barged through the closed door slamming it to gain his indigo haired team mate's attention.
Ian jumped and immediately spun around blocking Tala's view of the computer. Narrowed magenta eyes focused on the red haired Russian, "How the hell did you get in here, the door was locked!"
Tala shook his head in mock disappointment; Ian of all people should know that locks of any sort were useless against a former Abbey student. Ignoring the question Tala turned off the stereo system and marched on with his plans step one of which involved getting rid of the room's occupant, "Ian I demand sustenance."
The little guy only scoffed returning to whatever he was doing before the sudden intrusion, "What the hell do you want me to do about it oh lord and master?" Most normal people upon hearing the obvious sarcasm would take this as a sign to leave and go mind their own business. Keyword being 'normal' so of course this went straight over Tala's head. Well, it was more or less frozen under the cold intensity of the wolf's icy stare and died a frigid, miserable death.
"As captain of this illustrious team I demand you cater to my needs!"
"I ain't your damn maid, get it yourself!"
Tala being captain of the Blitzkrieg Boys was used to getting his way and was not one for being ignored. He placed a hand on his hip and activated his trade mark 'prepare to be annihilated' glare at the back of Ian's neck knowing the half-pint would sense his intent. All the Blitzkrieg Boys knew his stance coupled with the glare meant bad news for the recipient.
The combo was met with a sigh then Ian marched to the door mumbling something along the lines of 'stupid slave driving bossy effeminate boys'
"I resent that!"
The door slamming shut with a resounding echo was Ian's only reply.
A few minutes later the snake returned with a bowl of popcorn roughly shoving it at the red head.
Icy blue eyes stared at the offering, "I wanted Baklava."
"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAY SO BEFORE!"
"You never asked." The answer was simply really, the stress (named Tala) must be getting to the poor boy.
The indigo haired boy growled and muttered a few Russian curses then tossed the whole bowl of popcorn into the air sending the buttery cornels flying as he stomped out the door.
"Bring me some iced tea as well!"
"Go howl at the moon why don't yah!"
The wolf snickered then returned to his previous activity, snooping through Ian's stuff; the trap was already laid so all that was need was bait. 'Well look at what I found!' The red head was glued to the computer screen on what looked like a chat room, the wolf skimmed through the messages and saw that Ian was talking to some supposed chick named empress4eva. Upon closer inspection Tala saw that they were arranging to meet somewhere. It was then and there that he decided that he couldn't have his youngest team mate exposed to possible danger but granted that they'd been exposed to much worse at the Abbey, being a Blitzkrieg Boy meant that he was more than capable of whooping ass but that was beside the point. For all he knew empress4eva could be a forty year old dude named Earl sitting in a dark room with his dick hanging out or some crazed fan person. He could annoy the hell out of the little guy without qualms but he wouldn't let Ian be taken advantage of; he just couldn't.
While Ian was gone Tala got rid of empress4eva and when Ian re-entered the room the red head was sprawled across the bed busily skimming through one of the discarded magazines.
"Here!" the snake hissed practically shoving the food at Tala who eyed the offerings skeptically and made a mental note to dispose of the food in the nearest trash can; knowing Ian he probably spat in it.
Not wanting to antagonize the little guy any longer (for now) the red head took his leave. "Enjoy your day."
Ian only grunted.
Ian's POV
Ian Papov was not a happy camper. Well he was never happy about anything but it didn't help that his captain was being a nuisance. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Tala was plotting something but he wasn't sure what. Magenta eyes scanned the room for any anomalies but everything seemed to be in place. Returning to the computer he noticed something, empress4eva had logged out and was now blocking him. 'What the fuck had Tala done?' Sitting on the swivel chair Ian went over the previous messages and by the time he was done he had Tala's murder, burial site, funeral and eulogy all planned out. 'That red headed wolf was so dead; in fact he was beyond dead. He was gonna be in fucking purgatory when I'm done with him!'
Over the couple of minutes of reading the indigo haired boy had leaned forward in outrage which caused the loosened screw in the chair to wiggle out of its binding which of course sent the snake flying to the ground; the ground of which was covered with a sticky substance. Cursing Tala's existence until the end of time Ian stretched forward grabbing the drawer to pull himself up. Tala being a genius planned for this of course and said action resulted in the drawer flying forward releasing its contents on the shocked and beyond irritated blader. Rising on wobbly feet the snake glimpsed the mirror hanging on the wall in his peripheral and saw that condoms, thankfully unused ones, where stuck everywhere possible. Pulling said condoms only resulted in painful red areas from which they were removed causing Ian to narrow his eyes in anger, Tala's fate being already decided there was only one question remaining; swift and painful or slow and even more painful? Ian marched to the door only to realize that the door was also rigged. Not only did it not open but the handle spewed ink when pulled. 'Yep, it was definitely slow and really painful!'
Mean while…
If most people knew what a freak Spencer could be about dirt his reputation as a hulking menace would be shot to shit, unfortunately for the whale Tala knew this little fact all too well. Spencer would normally take a shower whenever he came in from the outdoors, got sweaty from blading or just because the wind blew his hair in the wrong direction. Okay so, Spencer didn't really take a bath for the last reason, not that it would stop him if thought had ever occurred.
Spencer's love affair with the liquidy substance all started years ago when Boris thought it was a good idea to let Spencer become one with the water to better understand Seaborg and therefore a better blader (read: mindless soldier). Spencer's love of water arose from one of the many experiments at Biovolt which was surprisingly the only thing that didn't have any negative repercussions, unless one counted high water bills but we're rich so it doesn't count. Anyways, that was why this was the perfect prank the wolf would inflict upon the whale; something simple but effective.
Tala was just securing the cap onto the shampoo bottle when he heard the front door slam shut, 'Showtime!'
By the time Spencer had deposited the groceries in their correct place, Tala was casually channel surfing with a stoically nonchalant expression on his face. As planned the whale was making his way to the wild blue yonder, a.k.a. the bathroom grunting his greeting without breaking his stride. A loud thump sounded from the direction of Ian's room followed by a loud slew of Russian curses with a few Japanese thrown in, for a little guy he sure was loud; pausing mid-stride Spencer quirked up a blond eyebrow in silent question.
Seemingly clueless, Tala merely shrugged saying a quiet, "heck if I know".
Spencer took his captain's word as law and wasn't really worried about the snake, because despite his stature he was as tough as they came. So the whale continued on like a slave to the water's call, much to Tala's delight. Needless to say he was already plotting for his next prank for the poor unfortunate soul went by the mortal name of Bryan. Since the wolf knew that Kai normally spent the whole day with the Bladebrats and Tala couldn't help thinking that the phoenix's sanity was a lot less stable than he thought, he was sure that the person walking through that door would be a certain gray haired falcon.
Bryan Kuznetsov hated big cities. There too many smells, mostly unpleasant ones of smog and even worse the people. This brought him to the second reason he hated big cities, too many people crammed into one space, but that was Japan for yah. Someone had bumped into him and there in lay the reason why he in such a good mood when he arrived home. The falcon had taken great pleasure in bumping back harder. The guy had the nerve to glare back, that is, until he realized who he was glaring at. Just because he wasn't Boris' mindless soldier anymore didn't mean he no longer found intimidating people funny.
The wolf was disappearing into a cab by the time the falcon was walking up the driveway. The walk back home was calming enough and he managed to maintain his good mood a lot longer that is until he walked through the front door. Bryan only stood stalk still for about a full minute when his brain registered what had happened; somehow a cream pie had managed to attach itself to his face.
Snarling the falcon made his way to the closest source of water which was the kitchen sink but unfortunately for Bryan the wolf was far from finished with him. Upon entering the kitchen the gray haired blader promptly slipped on the floor sliding straight into the waiting trash can. 'Someone was really begging for death' while trying (and failing miserably) to get to his feet, the falcon caught a whiff of the slippery substance, 'Butter? The whole floor was covered in the stuff!'
Finally Bryan managed to get off the ground and stagger out the room leaving a destroyed kitchen in his wake, an upturned trash can, demolished cabinets etc. The falcon made his way to his room pausing to stare at the defacement of said room. Pictures of Tyson's deranged grandfather in those Speedos he wore to the beach were plastered all over his room and a life-size cutout of the man was sprawled across his bed. One name repeatedly sounded in his head, 'Ian, Ian, Ian, must kill Ian'
Surprisingly, the snake was the only one other than Kai to willingly interact with the walking magnets for trouble, a.k.a. the Bladebreakers. Ergo he would be the only one to have that picture.
Unbeknownst to Bryan it was actually Tala who had taken said picture; the wolf was mildly surprised that the camera lens hadn't broken upon focusing on the elder as several children had gone blind on that horrendous day at the beach. The red haired blader had planned to sell the picture to Ripley's Believe It Or Not but held on to it thinking that it could benefit him in some way.
"Where the hell is that little shit?" The falcon was half way to Ian's room when he paused to stare at Spencer who was on his way to the kitchen. The falcon couldn't put his finger on it but something was definitely wrong with the whale but then finally it clicked, "Spence, what the fuck is up with that hair job? You look like that pink thing that attaches itself to Kon."
A bright pink eyebrow was quirked up and Spencer made his way to a mirror.
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"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!"
While Spencer was having a heart attack, Bryan was coming quickly to the conclusion that maybe Ian wasn't responsible. The little guy was brave pranking them like this but he wasn't stupid in actually sticking around to see his plans coming to fruition. Come to think of it Tala was looking kinda smug on his way out the door; his speculations were confirmed in the next couple of minutes.
"TALA!" the duo looked up to see a very disheveled-looking, irate and ink covered Ian running down the staircase with what looked like a bunch of condoms were glued to his, well, everywhere!
The little guy skidded to a halt between Bryan and Spencer, "Where is he? I'll kick his pale butt so hard the wolves all the way in Siberia will feel it!"
Suddenly the door slammed shut and the trio turned in the direction of the dual haired Russian's footsteps. Ruby eyes flitted across the room taking in everything from Spencer's pink hair to Ian and Bryan's bedraggled appearance to the state of his kitchen. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN!"
Thankfully despite his questionable reasoning for setting off all four of his team mates in one day, the red head was smart enough to deduce that his self preservation depended on the widening gap between him and said pissed off team mates, which was why he was half way to one of Japan's airports with a ticket to Tahiti by the time they caught on that he was the culprit. Oh well at least he was no longer bored!
redsky100: well that's it for this one; be sure to lookout for the sequel, 'Revenge Is Sweet' oh and please review!