Chapter 1

I'm woken up by his shifting in the bed. He rolls over so that his left shoulder traps the right half of my body under his weight, his conscious effort to keep me from slipping away as he acted like he was not awake. He was always creative with how he went about this. Last time he got his arm tangled up in my hair. It didn't matter anymore though, this would be the last time we would sleep together.

I fawned after him for about two years until he finally noticed me. We went to the same high school but we never talked until my junior year when I was scheduled for the same advanced classes as him. We became pretty close and even came up with a plan that we would go to university and get our own off campus apartment to cut the costs until we could find other arrangements. I would say that as soon as he paid attention to me sexuall and romantically that that's when things went sour.I couldn't romanticize his stupidity or handle his neediness anymore because then that became too real, they became issues that affected me. We've been together for a little less than two months but I'm so tired of dealing with him. He needs someone who is tender and it takes too much energy for me to constantly have to worry about whether I have stroked the back of his hand enough times or if I'm supposed to find his kisses sexy, does he want sex?

I bend my my right arm to shove him off with more force than I intended to. I slide out from under the covers and head to the bathroom. Slipping off my pullover,shirt,underwear, and fleece pants, my personal guard against having to have sex with him, I step inside the shower. I turn the faucet until the water is so hot my skin turns a flaming red. I lather up the washcloth and scrub away everywhere that I could feel his touch. I feel him step in the shower and he wraps his arms around me from behind me.

"You're up." I say as I untangle myself from his grasp.

"How could I not be? Nearly knocked me off the bed."

"Sorry." I say out of reflex, not remorse.

"Shit this water's hot. You're as red as tomato" he says as he turns the cold water on. The temperature change causes my nipples to harden while it relaxes his slender body.

"Want me to scrub your back?" I accept as it's the only place on my body where I haven't been able to clean off his touch but it didn't really matter since he would be touching me all over again. I relax under the repetitious motion of the rough cloth against my back.

"Marius…"

"What?"

"I don't want to do this anymore" I feel his stance shift as he nervously laughs out

"Scrubbing your back? I can stop" I turn around and face him

"No. The relationship. I don't want it."

"What the hell do you mean 'you don't want it'? Like you're returning a shirt?"

"I just don't think it's working out."

"It's only been two months, how can it already not be 'working out?'"

"It just isn't ok. We're very different. It's better to end it now before it gets any deeper."

"I should have seen this coming" I don't say anything because he really should have, I tried to drop him enough hints so that even someone as dense as him wouldn't be so shocked when the time came. My lips wouldn't reciprocate his kisses, I didn't get wet from his touch anymore. He often found me masturbating in the room even though I told him I was never in the mood. A part of me wished that he would break it off before I did, leaving me without responsibility. But no, he was too loyal for that. Or maybe he just liked the sex. I could never really tell.

"Look it doesn't have to be all that bad. I still want us to be friends and I'm not just saying that as a break up courtesy, I really mean it. We can just go back to how it was before."

He gets out of the shower leaving me alone to wash myself off. I go to the bedroom and find him scrambling to find a shirt to wear for the day while he also tries to gather up his things. I calmly head towards my dresser put on my bra and panties and eye him until he looks up at me.

"What are you doing?" I ask as I grab the shirt that I've worn three times in a row this week and put it on over my jeans.

"What does it look like? Leaving" He says in a biting tone.

"Please don't do this now. We both have class soon and where will you take it all? I don't want you living out your car. You don't even have to move." I say this as I head towards the kitchen.

"You just walk away. You don't even fucking care about me. I might not be as emotionally 'complex' as you think you are but I can see that you're pushing me away just like you push away all your other partners. It's like you don't have the capacity to feel anything once sex becomes involved. You cold,frigid..."

"And there it fucking is! Look this break up is for both of us. You don't actually like me! You're only upset because you're supposed to be. There is no real intimacy between us. These last couple of months have been miserable for the both of us. I know we can make each other happy but not like this, only as friends."

"So why did we ever hook up?" He asks as he sits down on the couch in the living room looking at me in the kitchen.

"Because I thought it would be different with you. You're so kind hearted that I thought your kindness could rub off on me. I thought I really liked you in a lasting kind of way but it was just infatuation or maybe horniness. I thought you could be my fix all." I say with a sigh. A few minutes go by with me making and eating my sandwich while marius just stares up at the ceiling thinking about what I just said.

"I have to get to class. We'll talk about this some more later. I left you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the counter." I say as I grab my bag heading for the door.

"Have a good day Ep." He breathes in a defeated tone right before I close the door. At least that's a good sign