notes: I tried a different approach to the angst/romance type thing. & I tried to keep the characters as in-character to the anime as I could; something that could correspond to it realistically and could actually happen if any romance was ever to be present in between them, especially with Sakura and her Sasuke-obsession in this. So yes, lots of angst, no fluff. But nonetheless, enjoy. :) And thank you to MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA (I think that's the right amount of ha's) who pointed out a mistake.
of daffodils and reincarnations.
.
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She was a very persistent girl.
But only to him.
Even after years of rejection in their youth, his chosen willing departure in search for more power for almost half a decade, two deadly attempts of striking her with the sheer intent to kill and the cold shoulder given to her in the whole duration of ever knowing him, she was definitely and hopelessly in love with him.
It seemed so clear and straight forward as to why she 'loved' him back in her youth; his looks, his coolness, his dark and mysterious aura and his sleek shinobi skill. But now, looking at him from a distance, nothing came to mind when she asked herself what she saw in him.
When he left Konoha for Orochimaru, she prided herself to become stronger to be able to protect the people she cared most about, and to be able to bring him back. During the process did she realise that she wasn't only physically getting stronger, but her mental wellbeing and womanhood was too. The heartbreak that she was left with when Sasuke left killed her from the inside out, but very slowly did it unconsciously heal, day by day, night after night. The pictures that seemed to replay in her mind tenfold, gradually lessened. Each punch and successful surgery she underwent gave her strength, and maybe even hope. Hope that one day she'll become the finest kunoichi she wished to be, and that strong independent woman she wanted to be.
But that all went downhill the second Uchiha Sasuke set foot back into the village next to her blonde teammate. One look, one whiff of his scent sent her back into that hellhole she was so close to escaping from.
She chuckled dryly to herself. Yeah, Uchiha Sasuke could do that, and he wasn't even trying.
Now, all she wanted to be was happy and the most important person in his life. Even if she had had the thought of killing him once, which was only because she could see him losing his way and going deeper into vengeance and malevolence. And at that time even Naruto couldn't bring his humanity back. But even so, when she tried to kill him out of love, she failed. She always failed.
It was probably just an excuse to make herself feel better but, Sasuke was definitely not in his right mind when he had the intent to kill in the two encounters they have had in the past four years. He could not see what was wrong and what was right anymore; his morals had changed, because of that retched old snake bastard. It became another reason why, that she could forgive him. She always did.
Naturally, being the medic in charge at the hospital since Shizune was on maternity leave, Sakura was appointed to being the medical caretaker of Sasuke, the ex-rogue.
The first time she tried to give him a physical, when the mere tip of her finger touched the bare skin on top of his cervical spine, it made him tense perceptibly. She held a breath in, was there was not a drop of trust in him towards her? Where did it all go?
"Relax," she told him.
That session lasted for an hour. Sakura didn't realise her hand was still on his skin. Only when he moved forward which caused her hand to fall, did she snap out of her trance. She apologised immediately.
In the next hour, she was at the café she was highly fond of. They served the freshest of coffees and the most authentic genuine ice cream there was in all of the Fire Country. Although it was a bit pricey, it was nothing her kunoichi butt couldn't handle.
"Hey, thought I'd catch you here."
Sakura set her glass cup of butterscotch icecream down before looking at the man who sat himself in the once empty seat opposite her.
She half-forced a smile to her features, "Hey Shika."
"How are you coping? It's been two days," he said as he placed his elbow on the table. He slightly slouches as he lazily leans his head on his hand.
This time, she genuinely smiled. Ever since Ino accepted a mission that required an on-and-off four year commitment (this was the third year), her partner managed to actually finely fill in her place to be somewhat of an advisor and best of a friend. This also meant that she could trust him enough to be completely honest with her feelings.
"Not very well…" She spoke with an edgy voice, "… I'm finding these memories and negative feelings of unwanted-ness and rejection that I thought were suppressed long ago. That day he set foot in the village was the same day these same feelings unburied themselves." She wanted to say more, her mouth was open but no sound came out. She had a feeling her weak twelve year old self would take over and let the tears that she managed to hold back for years to stream out.
Shikamaru seemed to be able to make that out from the look on her face because he asked no more questions.
She stuffed one last mouthful of ice cream in her now salted-feeling mouth before getting up from her seat, looking at Shikamaru to do the same.
"This is the only topic my strategizing ability cannot overcome – because it's troublesome –, so I don't," Shikamaru paused, "I don't know what to say. But Ino once mentioned that girls are very emotional during this period of time and are not in their right minds, so they may do rash things. So all I will say is, don't do anything reckless." Sakura only stared at him, "And I'm here for you, always. Ino too."
Sakura smiled, "I was waiting for you to say that." She looked down at the grass and picked at it. They were on a hill on the outskirts of Konoha, almost the whole village could be seen from where they were sitting. "And," she whispered, "I know. You both always were."
"And always will."
Her next day was spent quite nicely despite the main matter at hand for her. Because of her duty to care-take Sasuke, her usual 15 hour daily shifts were shortened to 9 hour shifts, which gave her so much time available on her hands. She slept in – for the first time in two years – and both her parents weren't in town so she wouldn't be called over to their house to spend the day picking rugs – like she always ended up doing when she had free time – with them.
She had lied in bed until for what seemed to be, late midday. Reluctantly getting out of the comfort zone of her bed, she performed her morning routine and before leaving the house, she stared back at the emerald eyes in the mirror. Was she not… pretty enough for him? Was that it? Was that the problem?
Upon opening the door of her office, she almost stepped on the paper that seemed to be slid under. It was the results. The physical she had given him proved that he was suffering from a chronic case of the flu – even if it didn't seem like it at all –, muscle fibre tears, minor fractures of the tibia, both scapulae and humerus, vitamin C deficiency and an almost life-threatening low blood count. After thoroughly re-reading the paper to memorise it, she placed it on her desk.
"Your results came in." She refrained herself from saying his name, and the suffix that was sure to follow. Her emerald eyes watched him as he bookmarked the page he was on. He shut his book close.
She told him the details of the sicknesses he bore and the way she planned to fix them and nurse him back into health. He seemed to agree, even if his answer was just a curt 'Aa'. She bidded her goodbye – and much to her dismay he didn't return it – and left the hospital room, smiling in acknowledgement to the ANBU guard outside the door. Sasuke was already on parole, spending only a night, unbelievably, in the Konoha prison for the reason being that he never posed any direct or portentous harm on the village and slayed a number of wanted shinobi in the bingo book.
The next few days were spent with minimum words exchanged between them. There was uneasy tension between them, but by the fourth day it was gone. That was when she decided to finally talk and be her bubbly self, even if it was going to be one-sided. She thought it would make some way in, but still, to her disappointment, she couldn't get him to speak. Maybe he was still getting used things.
Then she realised it was just her, because at Ichiraku's, Naruto was always telling her and Sai about the things Sasuke had done during his Oto days before he slayed the snake master. Meaning Sasuke was willing to talk to Naruto. And not her.
Deep down, she always felt like an outcast with her boys as a youth. Naruto and Sasuke had a brotherly rival-relationship, Naruto got along with everyone being the respectable knuckle head he was and the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi was a lot of strictly based teaching and training. Where was her place in all of that?
Before her daily visit to the hospital, she decided to stop by the Yamanaka florist shop. She politely greeted and bowed at Ino's mother before purchasing a daffodil. After making small talk, she left the shop and headed to the hospital.
She nonchalantly greeted Sasuke upon entering the room, and as usual no reply was given, and filled the clear, medium-sized vase she attained from the hospital storage room with water from the tap inside the bathroom of the room. She gently took the single daffodil from its wrapping and gently placed it inside the vase.
Placing it on the window sill, she caressed one of the soft petals. Daffodils symbolised a new beginning did they not?
"What's with the daffodil?"
Sakura almost plucked the petal with her fingers. It was the first time he had spoke to her – besides the needed answers when she asked if she was hurting him during rehabilitation. When he said the word 'daffodil', it painfully reminded her of the time she brought one in when he was in hospital four years ago, after the battle with Gaara. Back when he was more… Innocent, if that was the word. Before the snake bastard corrupted his way of thinking.
She could feel his stare in her direction before she remembered he was expecting an answer. "I-I thought it'd be nice to lighten up," she slightly faltered in her words, "This room… Why? Do you not want it here?" She wasn't sure if she hid the distress in her voice well enough.
"No, leave it."
Sakura sat on the foot of the bed, looking out the window at the beautiful, clear blue sky. "Rehab is almost complete, you'll be discharged out of the hospital by the end of this week. But you're still on parole." Sometimes, it felt like she was talking to an imaginary Sasuke, or at least just talking to herself. Because he never responded, or commented. But for some reason, she somehow knew he was listening to the things that came out of her mouth. She guessed it was good enough, coming from Sasuke.
"Did you ever… Think of Konoha when you were in Oto…?" The words left her lips before she realised she had spoken aloud her thoughts. She opened her mouth to dismiss his reply but then she closed it; what was the point, he wouldn't reply anyway.
And she was right, he didn't.
"You seem uglier than usual today."
Sakura diverted her solemn gaze from the medical textbook in front of her to the pale man standing beside her. He sat down as he placed the book he was reading on the table. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
"Well I see you've finally attained a good taste in books."
"I read the original last week. I really liked it and opted for other versions, in this one Alice is trapped in Wonderland forever. And after years of being stuck, she discovers she's in love with the Mad Hatter," Sai didn't finish his sentence, and only smiled. Sakura couldn't distinguish if it was real or not because although it did have some emotion to it, it wasn't something entirely positive.
Then she notices that he was staring at her in a certain way. "What? Is there something on my face?"
"No, Ugly. While observing and studying human social behaviours from experience, I've grown to learn that when the person is not himself/herself and does not respond and react to things like they normally would, then something is heavily bothering them." Sai prided himself at his words, "Normally when I address you as 'Ugly', your left eyebrow twitches, and you occasionally give a punch, which leads me to conclude that something is bothering you," he paused. "Either that, or you woke up on the wrong side of the bed," he continued, using the same phrase he heard at the bar a few nights ago.
Sakura could almost smile. Sai was the best at being straightforward, blunt and honest to the bone. "Well, I guess your observation skills are at high standards because yes, you are right."
"If I am not wrong, is the thing bothering you relating to Sasuke-san?"
Was it that obvious?
They spoke for a while longer before sauntering off together for a wordless stroll. They had dinner together at Ichiraku's, Naruto's presence absent due to his duties required at the Hokage tower. He was appointed as one of the official Hokage candidates, and although his contenders did not have such heroism and high-reputation in their names as much as he did, the paperwork did outweigh his choices and options.
As if on cue, an ANBU officer summoned for Sai and so they separated. Sakura returned to the hospital for her shift.
Five life threatening surgical cases later, Sakura returned to her apartment in the dead of the night and fell asleep almost instaneously. Her chakra was almost completely drained, so sleep came ever-so easily to her that night. But nightmares of losing Sasuke again still roamed her mind all night.
Days passed by actually pretty quickly, she thought. Nothing different or out of the ordinary happened; she would see Sasuke, provide him with medication and/or give a chakra healing session for his muscles and then re-water and provide plant food and nutrients to the daffodil before leaving. Of course extra or unnecessary words didn't come out of his mouth, as much as she would have liked. But she did make many efforts and attempts to keep a conversation going, including asking him out on pointless dates, to which he predictively turned down. She didn't know why she asked him, she knew what the answer was going to be… But… It all seemed like a routine to her, and so she kept to it. It didn't hurt her anymore when he turned her offers down, she was used to it; if she didn't expect anything from him, she couldn't get hurt.
Today was the end of the week, which meant Sasuke would be discharged when she signed into the hospital. Conceding to herself, she wasn't really looking forward to it; these rehabilitation sessions were the only times she saw him.
When she entered the room, she found the less of his belongings packed in the plain black overnight bag that the hospital provided. Things in the hospital room seemed emptier than empty except for the daffodil that remained on the window sill. She inwardly smiled; she took care of the flower pretty well. It had been a week since it was cut at the Yamanaka's florist shop yet there was not a sign that it was going to wither soon.
The flower was well, but the new beginning she wished for in the daffodil wasn't well. It didn't come true.
"You're not taking the daffodil?" She asked.
Sasuke picked up his bag, signalling that he was ready to leave. "I shouldn't, I won't take care of it. It'll wither," he said in his smooth, sleek voice. Sakura didn't move, trapped in her own world again. Did he have to reject everything of hers? Why wouldn't he accept anything of hers; her love, gifts and affection? Why wouldn't he just accept her?
Being the type of person who always thought the glass was half full, Sakura opted for another try to continue the conversation. "Well, do you want to plant it somewhere where it can grow and take care of itself… Together? We'll do it at the training grounds so you'll be able to train afterwards... Only if you want." Sakura bit her lip at her lame of an excuse invitation to spend time together.
She inwardly sighed and opened the door, cocking her head motioning for him to follow her. Instead of hearing the answer of silence, she heard a curt 'okay' from behind.
Her heart fluttered.
They were at the training grounds after Sakura informed the Fifth Hokage that she would take parole duty on Sasuke for the rest of the day (normally Tsunade wouldn't allow something like that to occur, but Sakura was her dear pupil). It was the same exact training grounds that they performed the bell test on four years ago. The bell test that was the sealed the first step of the making of Team Seven. Sakura watched as Sasuke keenly studied the terrain. It must've felt really nostalgic to him.
They planted the daffodil on the outskirts of a cosmos flower bed – rather she planted and he watched – and when Sasuke headed to the mouth of the lake just metres away from them to practice his fire jutsus, Sakura decided to lie down. She watched the sky change slowly from blue to purple, to pink, to orange and millions of white dots begin to appear. It wasn't a full moon tonight; the moon was rather very crescent-like in shape.
She took one last glance at Sasuke and vast balls of flames before her eyes fluttered close at the calmness of the atmosphere. She was with Sasuke alone on the field, and the setting was just beautiful.
When her eyes met the sight of the millions of stars staring back at her, she immediately freaked before abruptly sitting up right. How long had they stayed at the training grounds for? She frantically searched for the mystical orange light she should've been seeing from the direction of the lake. Did Sasuke change his decision to stay in Konoha? Where was h-
Sakura felt his familiar, almost warm chakra signature just a metre away from her. His eyes were closed and his breathing pattern slow and calm.
This was the first time she could easily study and take in his beautiful features without any awkwardness happen. He seemed so serene when he was asleep. She almost giggled in a fangirl-type way. But she leaned back down as soon as she did.
How could he make her feel like that. He had the power to change her feelings and mood in a split second. And he wasn't even awake.
She was smitten by him. Yes she was.
Sasuke seemed to have woke in the next minute or two for he had reached to his bag to reach out a canteen bottle and take a drink out of it.
"Ne, Sasuke-kun," she managed to strongly say his name, "Do you believe in reincarnation?"
She was sure Sasuke was at least the little bit confused of her random question out of the blue, but nonetheless he did reply. "Yes, I do."
"Well then.." Sakura's insides bubbled almost pleasantly, "Do you think we could've been together in a past life, or we could be together in another life yet to come?"
A dozen of minutes passed and Sakura felt so low – lower than low. Not because of what she asked Sasuke – she always asked things like this - but because she let herself actually believe that this time, there would be a miraculous chance that he would show any sign of affection whatsoever. Because she expected something from him, and now she was going to get hurt for having an expectation.
She tilted her head towards him, a little annoyed that she couldn't see his facial expression. She began to feel as though he fell asleep again. Did she really mean that little to him? She looked back at the millions of beautiful stars glancing down upon them. This was the perfect date, except for the part where they weren't on a date.
"Would it be enough but?"
Her eyes widened as she held in a gasp, hearting beating wildly – that meant a yes. The muscles of her lips and cheeks slowly managed to curve upwards, "Yes, Sasuke-kun."
It was only something theoretical, something that would never be associated to her in this life she lived, but for some reason, her spirit felt beyond happy and content. And that was when she realised, she could actually be happy even if he would never feel the same way as she did to him. Just as long as she could be by his side, even if she wasn't the most important person in his life.
The daffodil danced with the wind. This could be a new beginning, she was happy.
He knew what he was saying. He wasn't raising her hopes up, but he did let her know – in a way – that he did care for her. Cared enough to let her go. She reminded him a lot of his mother, which was why he couldn't reciprocate her feelings in this life.
.
.
End.
thoughts, comments, criticism all welcome guise. :)