I woke up this morning and saw I her. Mater. I jumped out of my bed and ran up to her giving her the biggest hug I could. My little arms wrapped around her legs, squeezing and holding on for dear life.
"Good Morning Camilla darling." Mater said proudly before pulling me up for a tighter hug then placing me back on the ground. "What should we do today? A walk around the gardens, maybe we can start knitting daddy his new jumper or you could have a try at riding your bike?"
"My bike please mummy" I said looking up at her, watching her coming down to my level.
"Camilla, your mummy loves you so much, you know do that right?"
I nodded my head at her making my smile as wide as possible.
"Good, right let's go and get some breakfast" She put out her hand and I grabbed it with my little hand, we walked out of my childhood bedroom, hand in hand.
As the door shut, everything went blank, then I woke up, I actually woke up.
I was in my bed, it had been a dream. I picked up my glasses from the side. I could hear Peter and Freddie playing in the living room, their voices echoed from downstairs. One of things I love about Peter is how much of great dad he is. I know I am biased as his wife but really he is a great father. Like when I was in hospital after having Freddie. He was so hands on, making sure both he and I were safe and healthy. And now at one of the lowest point of my life, just weeks after losing Mater. While I am trying get through each day, taking each day as it comes, he is doing full shifts at work then coming home to look after both of us and the house.
After about 5 minutes of just lying there I got out of bed. I went downstairs to see what my boys were up to. As I got to the bottom of the stairs I could see Peter and Freddie sitting on the sofa, Peter was reading him a book.
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after." Peter read as he flicked through the pages.
I moved off of the stairs and walked into the living room. "Room for one more?" I asked them. "Of course" Peter replied with a smile. 'Mama!' Added Freddie.
I sat down next to Peter. He passed me Freddie and I sat him on my lap.
"How did you sleep?" Asked Peter
"Better" I said "And you?"
"okay, although you were kicking all night again." He said jokingly.
"I'm so sorry Peter all you're trying to is..."
" Hey, hey, it's okay" He said interrupting me. "Don't worry!"
There was pause. I kissed little Freddie's forehead and I ran my hand through his golden hair.
"Are you sure want to go back to work tomorrow?" peter asked me
"Yes I need my life back!" I said. "With Mater gone, I know she would want me to pick myself up and get back to work plus it would be nice to see the sisters and the girls"
That day went by so quickly, just as life does sometimes, but now its the best time of day. Freddie's bedtime.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How we wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky" I sang to Freddie as I watched him doze, all snuggled up in his little cot. I couldn't help but think about Mater, how could she just let another women do this every night? How did she not want to spend as much time with her baby as possible?
"Night night Freddie mummy loves you" I said as I walked out of his bedroom.
Next morning, I was walking up to Nonnatus house, the early morning sun was just beginning to shine. A wintery breeze made the streets cold. It was so nice to back at work. I put my coat and hat on my peg and walked into the kitchen I could hear Trixie talking about her date with Cynthia.
"Then he took me down to the river and then we." She stopped as soon as I walked into room. "Chummy.. how are you?"
"I wish people would stop saying that, Its been four very long weeks, but I am happy, I am back at work, now one has more to focus on, I can't stay moping around the house." I replied
There was silence in the room. Then Patsy came in the room.
"Oh that bally bicycle will be the death of me" She stopped dead, as soon as she clocked me, just as Trixie had done before.
"I used to think that, when I started, the bicycles were not my friends" I replied.
Sister Evangelina walked into the room ready to give out today's orders. "Right ladies, Mrs Royal's Husband called, seems she's in the first stages of labour. So, who's on first call?" She looked at the list of names on board in her hand, "Nurse Noakes"
All the eyes in the room fell on me.
"I better be off, poor women will be cursing me " I said bravely.
"Are you sure you want to do this Nurse?" she asked me
"yes, I'm nurse and a midwife, I am here to work, I'm not here to be part of the furniture." With that I walked out the kitchen. I grabbed my coat and hat off my peg and set off for Mrs Royal's house.
As I rode on down street, the ride began to feel very therapeutic. Feeling the wind blowing thought my hair and the feeling of fresh air touching my skin.
As I turn in to the Royal's road, I could see Mr Royal looking out for me.
"nurse...nurse" He ran up to me. So I slowed down my pedalling. "Are you the midwife?"
"I am." I answered, slightly out of breath.
"She's up stairs on the bed, will she be okay nurse?"
"of course, birth is the most natural thing in life Mr Royal she will be absolutely fine." I reassured him before following him to the house and up to their bedroom. Where I found the young lady sprawled out on the bed with her mother to the side.
"Mum, I can't do this" Daisy called out.
"Yes you can my lovely" Her mother whispered trying to reassure and encourage the worn out soul that led before her.
That is when I walked into the room.
"Daisy Royal?" I blurted out, she nodded "Good, good I'm nurse Noakes and I will be your midwife today." I chuckled, hoping to lift the tension from the room.
"And this is my mother Mary" She cried in between contractions, her mother looked down, kissed her forehead and smiled proudly.
"Hello" I said, trying to ignore my mother's voice that echoed through my mind. I got on my kneels to check over Daisy's tummy when I heard
"Camilla, do not cry."
"Mater?" I said as I turned around, half expectant to see her stood behind me.
"I should be used to this after staying at your house, but this house, well it's another story. How can people live like this?" There she was, Mater, she was stood in the doorway plain as day.
"How can I hear you? Why can I see you? You're dead!" I sobbed.
"I'm in your head and I'm here to stay. Look at your hands shaking, are you sure you were ready to go back to work? You help these women because you feel you fail as a mother ! You thrive the excitement of each delivery but you missed the birth of your own baby!'
"I was ill, I would have given nothing more to give birth to Freddie. I hate that I didn't see Freddie come in the world. I cry because I wasn't the person to give him his first cuddle. I didn't want the operation, I'm nothing like you."
"Camilla, the apple doesn't fall far the tree. All them feeling you have, had toward me will ruin your life and that boy's as well."
"His name is Freddie." I shouted. "Freddie, he's my little boy, my baby and I love him." her figure still stood there, looking me with her famous look of disapproval. I turned back towards the bed. Banishing all thoughts of her from my mind, focusing on the task at hand.
"Nurse is there something wrong?" Daisy asked, placing her hand on top of mine.
"No I am just going to examine you Daisy." I said back to her.
I got off my knees. I started to walk to the end of the bed but my vision became blurry.
"Are you alright nurse?" Mary asked me.
"yes I am quie..."