A/N: This story alternates between Vaughn dealing with Sydney's death, and the events that led up it...Lila is pronounced Ly-Luh, Kapera is pronounced Kuh-pair-uh.
He walked down the long,dark hallway in silence, keeping his eyes looking forwards at all times but not really seeing anything at all.
He followed the man in the white lab coat around a corner. The man led him to a door and looked at Vaughn before turning the doorknob.
"Right this way."
They walked into the small, dark room. The doctor flipped a light on, leaving Vaughn frozen at the doorpost. The room was cold, and a shiver ran down Vaughn's sweaty spine. He knew it wasn't from the cold, though. He hadn't even noticed it was cold. It was caused by what layed in front of his eyes.
An inhabited body bag resting on a cool metal table.
He stared at it, his eyes glazed over and hollow.
"You'll need to confirm the identification of the body," the man said emoitionlessly, he started walking to the door, stopping only to wait for Vaughn to make out of his way.
To Vaughn's suprise, his legs snapped into motioned a shuffled forward a little, making room for the doctor.
The man cleared his throat nervously. Or was it sympathetically?
"I'll give you some time."
Vaughn gave a small nod and moments later heard the door close behind him.
He moved closer to the body bag, his entire body now shaking. He didn't need to open it up to know who was inside it.
He had felt it.
They had been over 3000 miles apart, but Vaughn had known the exact moment she was gone...He knew because it meant he was gone, too.
He was now standing beside it.
If anyone had passed by, they would have assumed he was fine - not in a good mood - but fine.
Inside, he felt pain, no fear, no dread, no happiness, no grief, no lonliness. Inside, he nothing. Inside he felt dead. There was no inside anymore. She had been all that he was. All that he would never be again.
He stood staring at the bag, obviouslious to the hour that had just flown past.
Abruptly, Vaughn raised a now steady hand. It was like everything inside had shut off, but physically, nothing had changed.
He touched the bag lightly at first, wondering if the contact would hurt him.
He hardly even felt it.
He easily found the zipper and began easing it open, the soft sound the only noise to be heard in the room.
He placed his hand back at his side and stared at the bag again. It was open now. Why couldn't he smell her? Why couldn't he feel her?
An unwarranted surge of hope ran through him but Vaughn quickly pushed it back down, welcoming the soothing numbness to return.
He raised both hands this time and took ahold of the top of the body bag.
He blinked a couple of times, his breathing silent, and then slowly began to peel it back.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Mamaaaa!"
Sydney stopped cutting the tomato mid slice and turned only her head in the direction the voice had come from.
"I said no yelling in the house Lila!"
Meerly seconds later, a dark-haired little 3 year old came running into the kitchen, spotting her mother quickly.
"Lila don't do that," Sydney said, shaking her leg a little to try and free herself of the little girls tight grasp.
"But Mama! Billy said he was gunna eat my dolly!" The exasperation in her daughters voice quickly brushed away any annoyance Sydney had felt, and she looked down at her daughter laughing.
She wiped her hands on the dishtowel and bent down to pick Lila up.
"Well lets go see what we can do about that!" She said jokingly to her daughter, who nodded emphatically and stuck out a chubby finger to lead the way.
"He's in Wose's woom!"
Sydney nodded, squinting her eyes harshly as they started forward, making Lila giggle.
Sydney stopped walking and did everything she could to suppress a smile.
"Hey little missy!" She said seriously to Lila, causing her to laugh even more. "'Member what I said? We have to be VERY quite!"
Lila nodded again, her long brown hair bobbing up and down with her.
Sydney smiled and put her fingers on her lips. "Shhhh."
Lila imitated her mother immediately, arching her eyebrows down and pressing her own fingers to her lips. "Thhh."
Sydney smiled again, biting her lip lightly to keep from laughing.
They moved a little closer the door with the Rose on it, and Sydney turned to Lila and whispered..."Okay...You ready?"
"Yeah, Yeah!" Lila whispered back, trying to contain her channel her excitment into something other than being loud.
Sydney set her on the ground and put her hand on the knob.
"Okayyyyy," Sydney whispered, huge dimples forming as she saw her little girl hunch into position, clearly ready to lunge forward. "Go!"
Sydney burst open the door, startling her son with their sudden appearance.
Before he had time to respond, Billy was rolling on the ground, trying to escape his mother and sister's torturous tickles. Well his mother's anyway...Lila was just wiggling her fingers on top of is stomach.
"Okay! Okay..." he said breathlessly, lying down for a moment before sitting up and facing his mother. "I give up."
Sydney smiled and ran her hand through Billy's hair.
"Where is it?"
"Where is what?" Billy asked, trying to feign innocence as he resumed playing with the toy he had been using before his attack.
"My dolly!" Lila said, hands on her hips, stomping her foot on the ground.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Billy replied, still looking intently at his toy.
Lila looked to her mother, who was just looked at Billy. "Mamaaa!"
Sydney laughed lightly. She knew only too well Lila had inhereted the impatience gene she herself carried.
"Billy..." She said warningly.
"Mommy! She messed up all my legos!" Billy's eyes looking pleadingly into Sydney's.
Sydney turned to Lila. "That true missy?"
"Nuh-uh, nuh UH!" Lila said, stamping her foot again and shaking her head angrily.
"Yes she did Mommy! I was building a lego tower and she came over and knocked it down! Look!" He pointed to the corner of the room, where a few dozen legos were messily layed out on the floor.
Lila realized there was no way out now, and moved to her mothers lap, wrapping her hands around her neck.
"Mama it was an ass-i-dent," Lila stressed, leaning her neck out as she struggled to say the challening word. Her eyes went wide as she stuck her lower lip out in a pout.
"Oh no no no no." Sydney said, again fighting back a smile as she picked her daughter up off her lap. "That may work with your daddy, but I know better." She wrinkled her nose and pocked her daughters belly gently.
"I jus want my dolly," Lila said quietly and sadly, looking down at the ground and shaking her head slowly.
As much as she tried to resist, Sydney looked at Billy who had obviously expected his mother to fall for his baby sister's innocent act.
"Moommyyy!" He whined. She looked him in the eyes and he knew it was no use. He got up and waddled to the bed, digging his hand underneath it and pulling it out seconds later with a little blonde doll.
"Dolly!" Lila cried gleefully, ripping the doll from her brothers hands and cradeling it into her body.
"Mommy it's not fair!" Billy complained, wrinkling his face up.
"Heyyy...None of that!" Sydney said as she scooped Billy up in her arms and startled tickling him again, stopping once he was out of breath and red in the face.
"Next time come to me and Lila will get into trouble." She played with his hair again. "But you knew we don't use threats in this house." He nodded, understanding.
Sydney smiled. For a 5 year old, Billy was extremely understanding and usually a great listener.
Before the conversation went any further, a voice bellowed through the house as a door slammed shut.
"We're home!"
Sydney smiled and looked at her two kids, whose faces lit up immediately.
"Daddy's here!"
Lila ran out of the room and Billy jumped out of Sydney's arms, following closely behind.
By the time she made her way downstairs, both children had wrapped their little bodies around one of Vaughn's legs, holding on even as he walked over to Sydney.
"Hey," he said smiling, kissing her lighlty on the lips.
She smiled back. "Hey. How was the movie?"
Vaughn looked at Sydney and rolled his eyes, taking off his jacket at the same time.
Sydney laughed. "That bad?"
Vaughn smiled, reaching down and picked up Lila who immediately layed her head down on her father's shoulder. He gripped Billy's head, bending down to kiss the top of it.
"Did the girls like it?"
"Oh, ya they loved it. But you owe me," he added, looking at her seductively.
Sydney laughed again. "We'll see," she said, leaning in to give Vaughn another kiss before reaching down and picked up Billy, who seemed to miss his fathers leg immediately. He started figeting in her arms and both parents laughed, placing him down and following him as he ran to the kitchen.
"Are the girls in their?" Sydney asked as Vaughn linked the arm he wasn't using to hold Lila around Syd's waist.
"Yup. Apparently all that candy and popcorn wasn't enough junk food for one day," he said smiling as they walked to the kitchen.
Rose and Isabelle were sitting at the counter, giggling and eating carrots Sydney had layed out for them before.
She detatched herself from Vaughn, who was moving over to the refrigderator and kissed both girls on their heads.
"The movie good?" She asked, sitting down next to Rose.
"Uh huh!" Rose cried. "There was a talking monkey!" She yelled as if it was the most unbelieveable thing and bursting into a fresh fit of giggles.
She smiled at Rose, and looked at Isabelle who was also smiling.
"That your favorite thing too?" Sydney asked, picking up a carrot and munching on it.
"No..." Isabelle looked down, her cheeks flushing a little.
Sydney looked curiously at Vaughn, but she didn't have to wait long for an answer.
"Her favorite part was the boy! She thought he was cuu-ute!" Rose sang out.
Isabelle slapped her sisters arm lightly. "Rose!"
Vaughn moved to the counter, placing Lila in the booster seat and picking Billy up to sit on his lap. "You should've seen her Syd. Her and Callie were fawning over him the whole time." His smile grew wider as Isabelle sighed in exasperation.
"Were not! We were talking about how good the cheerleaders danced."
"How well," Vaughn corrected. "And don't worry. We're just teasing. You're too young to have crushes anyway."
Sydney laughed as Isabelle placed her head in her hands.
"Boys have cooties!" Lila yelled out, wiggling in her seat.
"Do not!" Billy retorted, feeling the need to defend his sex.
Syd and Vaughn watched as the scene played out for a little while, engaing all the children in an intense discussion about whether or not boys had cooties. Their eyes filled with laughter. Their children always knew how to take the silliest things and make them into an argument.
"Alright, alright, enough." Vaughn cried out after Lila began poking Billy. "I guess it'll always remain a mystery," he added teasingly.
Sydney sat further back in her chair, letting herself relax as the kids fought jokingly with their father, laughter ringing around the room. She looked at Isabelle, who seemed to have forgotten all about the argument she had been having a few minutes ago. She knew Isabelle had started crushing on boys, but it didn't seem real. It seemed like only yesterday she was bringing her first daughter home from the hospital.
Isabelle's birth had been the easiest, mentally and physically. She had been pulled off of active duty 5 months before Isabelle's birth much to Syd's dismay, and worked at a desk in the CIA office. Vaughn had just gotten back from a retrival mission in Bejing when he water broke, and they had rushed to the APO medical unit. Within the next 5 hours, Isabelle was out, healthy and beautiful as ever. They had already chosen the name - Isabelle Frances Vaughn - so they were able to focus solely on the beautiful little creature that had already changed their lives. After that, Sydney found herself hating work - not because she wanted to be in the field - but because she missed her daughter. She had taken 5 months of maternity leave and only worked from 7 to 2 when she returned, but leaving Belle with the babysitter every morning was tearing her apart. It was only when she found out about baby number 2 that she quit APO for good.
Vaughn and Sydney had just began trying again - Isabelle was 1, and they both thought that a two year age difference would be good - and were both deliriously excited when the test came back positive just 3 weeks later. Vaughn had stayed on active duty at APO, but at Sydney's request, usually handled the less dangerous missions and was able to spend more time at home than they had imagined. They both figured Jack had pulled some strings, but they didn't dare to ask, not wanting to mess up how wonderful everything was. Jack was mesmorized by Isabelle. Syd couldn't remember ever seeing her father more gentle and soothing to anyone or anything as when he rocked Belle to sleep - that was until Sydney had gone into labor a month early with the second baby. Vaughn had been on a quick retrival mission and Jack had stopped by to see her and the baby. When he arrived at the house to find no one responding, he let himself in using the key Sydney hid under a loose rock on the walkway and quickly spotted Sydney lying in pain on the floor.
"Dad, it's too early!" She had cried once he had called the hospital and insured Belle was alright. "I still have another month to go! And Vaughn's not here!" Her cries had been cut short by an especially painful contraction.
The ambulance arrived moments later, and the baby was out before they even reached the hospital. They had taken the baby to the NICU immediately, leaving a panicked and distraught Sydney to cry herself asleep, Jack and Isabelle at her side.
Vaughn had returned from his mission in Paris with 2 dozen red roses for Sydney. As soon as he entered the office, he had been told of what happened and rushed to see Sydney.
Luckily, the little baby girl had been alright. She was a tiny one for sure, but aside from needing incubation in the beginning, she was rather healthy. As comforting as this was to Sydney and Vaughn, they were still worried and frustrated. After 3 weeks at the hospital in which either Sydney or Vaughn or both were with her, they were finally allowed to take her home. They had agreed to wait until she was healthy and home to choose a name, which they hadn't thought much about before her birth because she hadn't been due for another month. Sydney had stayed overnight with the baby, and when Vaughn came to pick them both up, he had a new bundle of roses.
She had been overjoyed by his simple gesture. His words touched her even more.
"Roses for you," he had said after kissing her feverishly, breaking away only too look at his beautiful baby. "And how about Rose for her?"
"Rose?" Sydney breathed. She looked down at her daughter. "Are you a Rose? Is that your name?" Vaughn smiled into her neck, thouroughly enjoying her baby talk, even though he knew it was meant for the baby.
"Rose Kapera Vaughn." If possible, her smile had grown wider. "It's beautiful."
"Kapera? Where did that come from?" He asked, adding teasingly "You totally just made that up!"
She laughed, but the smile on her face died quickly.
"5 years ago I went on a mission...for SD6...before, you know..everything. It was supposed to be simple...Go in, plant bug, steal documents, get out..." she sighed, her voice breaking a little. Vaughn cupped her cheek and she nuzzled his hand and closed her eyes before continung. "When I went to the room where the documents were believed to have beenn stored, I saw her. She was...so...This little girl Vaughn...She..." She sighed again, trying unsuccessfully to regain control. "Anyway, I stayed with her...Even so close to death, she had been so full of life." She looked away and let a few tears roll silently down her cheeks. "Ultimately, the internal bleeding and head injuries were too much and she...And...I just always thought if I had another little girl, I could honor her."
Ofcourse Vaughn had been more than willing to except, and they were now satisfied with two perfect little girls.
Billy's birth had been next. Sydney had been monitored very closely to ensure a full-term delivery this time. She made it to 40 weeks, and was induced, bringing handsome William Daniel Vaughn into their lives.
They were both thrilled with 3, but when they found out a year and a half later they were pregnant with a fourth, they couldn't have been more happy. Sydney had chosen the name Lila, simply falling in love with it the minute she heard it. She had also suggested Lila's middle name - Michelle - to honor Michael.
And here they were...6 beautiful people sitting around a kitchen counter, simply made happier by the others company. This was the life - the normalcy - Sydney had always wanted...Always imagined. She continued to revel in the moment, only pulled away by the phone's shrill ring.
"I'll get it," Sydney said happily, tearing herself away from her family to answer the living room phone.
What she didn't know was that when she walked back in, everything would be different.