Set Him Free
By ZenPotter
Desclaimer: I only own TVD in my dreams ;)
It was hard.
It was hard being on the phone with Damon and telling him that I was going back to mystic falls. I tried to explain my reason for going back; I told him that it was not just, because Stefan was there. This was not me choosing Stefan over him but maybe he knew better, he knew than underneath it all I was being vague, trying to spare his feelings and so he asked. He asked that question. If it came down to him and Stefan, who would I chose.
It was a bitter question, one that I had struggled with for the past few weeks. I was selfish, wanting to keep them both by my side so I did not want to think about making a choice. I entertained the thought but I did not think that I would actually be forced into making a decision like that. At least not this soon but the universe was forcing my hand. Both were dying and I could only say goodbye to one face to face. People that loved him, all our friends, surrounded Stefan; he was not going to die alone like Damon was. Once again, I was selfish. I did not have all the time in the world to weight my options, to have a con or pro list for which of the two was the best. They both loved me. I loved them both.
Stefan was like the light that brightens the world, the sun in the day and the moon in the night. Damon was the darkness of the world, the shadows that eclipsed the world even when the light shinned. They both loved with such passion and intensity and I can not deny being drawn to that. Stefan made me want to enjoy the sunlight, and the moon. He made me want to live life and when I was with him, I felt so alive and happy. Damon was like a force that threatened to consume every part of me. I wanted to love them equally, but the heart can never love the same way and the scale in my heart never ceased leaning towards Stefan.
Therefore, when he asked that question, I wanted to lie. I almost lied. He was about to die, I could lie to him and spare him pain in the last hours of his life. After everything, he had done for me, to protect me; because he loved me, I could give him that last gift. Let him cross over to the other side in relative peace; let him believe even in the final moments of his life that the girl he loved, loved him too. However, when I opened my mouth, I could not help the words that came out.
I loved Stefan. I have always loved Stefan; there was never any doubt ever, ever in my mind. Even when he was being a ripper, even when I was scared that he might kill me, I loved him. Even when he did everything in his power to push me away, I loved him. When he drove that car down the bridge where my parents died, and I cried because I had thought in that moment that Stefan was forever lost to me, I loved him. When Stefan told me that I was falling in love with Damon, I loved him. When I considered the fact that I might have feelings for Damon, I loved him. My feelings for him never went away, in all actuality they grew.
It was always Stefan and there was a strong possibility that it would always be Stefan.
Damon repeated the words that I had spoken to him a long time ago; it seemed like such a whole lifetime ago. The pain in his voice broke my heart, and I realized that those simple words that I could not hold back from saying had hurt him. He was about to die and I was crushing him with my honest. I should have lied and since it was not too late, I did.
If only we had met first.
It was the only hope that I could give him, because I could give him nothing else. I could only give him that lie and set him free.