The original idea for this story came to me last summer but has morphed overtime to this. It's probably one of the most angst ridden pieces I've ever written but I love it very much and I hope you do too.
This fic is dedicated to Mallorie and Lily, even though they'll never read this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable.
Freezing rain fell from the angry clouds that hung over Bozeman, Montana. Lauren Monroe's red Dodge truck fishtailed as she rounded a curve heading into town to do her weekly grocery shopping. The forecaster on the radio was predicting two inches of freezing rain that would turn solid over night and another four inches of snow on top of that. It was your typical Montanan February. There was already talk of flooding due to melt-off come March.
She was reaching for her cellphone to tell her husband she was running behind and he'd have to pick up their daughter from show choir practice as she hit a patch of black ice. The truck spun in a complete circle as she hit the brakes as hard as she possibly could. The vehicle rocked on two wheels before flipping over completely and breaking through a guardrail before rolling down the embankment and coming to rest against a tree.
Lauren gasped for breath as blood trickled from the wound on her head. She tried to push against the horn but the movement sent an overpowering pain through her entire body. Tears fell from her face as she focused on the picture of her husband and daughter that had fallen from the visor and rest on the dashboard in front of her. She starred intently at the picture as her eyes fluttered shut and she drew a few final ragged breaths.
–
The heels of her boots clapped against the tile floor as she sprinted through the tiled corridor of the New York City Crime Lab. Tears pooled in her tear ducts and she swallowed the lump in her throat to keep them from falling. Her cellphone was clasped tightly in her hand as she rounded the corner and slowed as she entered Mac Taylor's office. He glanced up from where he was filing a report, "What's wrong Lindsay?"
"I've got to go to Montana," She whispered, her voice breaking, "my brother just called they had a real bad ice storm and his wife was in an accident... she died Mac. I've got to get out there and help him and my niece. Please."
"Go," Mac got up and rounded his desk, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, "take as long as you need."
"Thanks," Lindsay ran a ragged hand through her hair, "Danny's staying here with Luce so he'll be able to help cover my shifts." She shook her head, "I have to go."
Mac nodded and pulled her into a hug, "Take care of yourself. We'll see you when you get back."
–
The plane landed at Gallatin Field in Belgrade and Lindsay Messer grabbed the one bag she had checked and headed to the rental car service. As she signed the papers she called Danny to let him know that she had landed okay and to give Lucy hugs for her. She collected the keys to the Ford Taurus and headed home to Bozeman.
Lindsay was the youngest, the only girl with three older brothers. Jake was the oldest; he had been fourteen when Lindsay was born and always protected her. Lindsay had watched Jake fall in love with her sister-in-law and all she had ever wished for was a man to love her like Jake loved Lauren. She had been fifteen when Jake and Lauren's only child was born, Blake Lynn Monroe. Blake was Lindsay's tag-a-long; Lindsay would spend her afternoons babysitting while Jake helped their dad on the ranch and Lauren attended classes at Montana State. Blake would lay on her chest and Lindsay would read her everything from Shakespeare to her Geometry homework.
When Lindsay's friends had been killed in that diner Blake had been the one thing to keep her from falling completely apart. When she had come back to Montana three years ago, Blake was her only sanity. Now, her sixteen year old niece had just lost her mother and Lindsay had to hold her together.
As she drove through Bozeman; past her old high school, the city limit sign, and around the bend, her throat hurt. She blinked back the tears as she saw the taped off side of the road where the guardrail was missing, where her sister-in-law had slid off the road and into the ravine. She stepped harder on the gas pedal and hurried past it, to her parent's ranch at the base of the mountains.
The gravel and snow crunched beneath the tires as she parked in the driveway behind her father's worn down pick-up. She opened the door and breathed in the cold February air. Shouldering her bag, she walked up the icy sidewalk to the front door of her childhood home. Like always, the door was unlocked and she let herself in, wiping her feet on the rug before removing her boots.
"Lindsay." Jake stood up from the couch and walked over to her. Her heart broke, in thirty-one years she had never seen Jake looked so distraught, so lost.
Her arms opened to him and even though he towered nearly a foot over him, she felt like she was bigger than he. Lindsay's arms wrapped around his neck and she stroked his dark brown hair, "Oh, Jake."
"Thanks for coming, Shorty." He whispered as his voice broke, "Blake hasn't spoke since it happened and I just... I need you, Linds."
"I'm here, Jake." She promised, releasing him from the hug and cupping his chin with her cold hand, "I'll take care of Blake. You take care of you, Big Brother."
He nodded, "Mom's in the kitchen and Daddy's out in the barn."
"I'll go say 'hello' to Ma." She squeezed his arm, "Where's Blake?"
"Your old room."
Lindsay nodded and gave him a small smile before shedding her coat and heading to the kitchen. Her mother was stood at the stove working on her homemade soup. Lindsay recalled the routine from fifteen years ago; her mother kept busy in the kitchen, her father spent his time in the barn with the animals, it was how they dealt with the pain. She padded softly across the old oak floor, "Hey Mama."
"Lindsay Elizabeth..." Grace Monroe dropped her hot pad on the counter and turned to great her daughter. Lindsay stepped into her mother's embrace, "It's good that you're here, Baby."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Lindsay whispered, "Danny wanted to come but someone had to cover my shifts and we didn't want Lucy to travel in this weather."
"Of course," Grace nodded, letting go and holding Lindsay at arm's length to take her in, "How are you, Linds? Eating enough? Is Danny doing better?"
"I'm fine, Ma. I'm eating plenty. Danny is doing much better; his back is still hurting but he's walking now." Lindsay promised and pulled out her phone, scrolling through the pictures and then holding it out to her mother, "That's Lucy's most recent picture. She and Danny were rolling on the floor and it was too cute to resist."
"She looks just like Danny, doesn't she?" Grace traced her finger over her granddaughter's face, "She has your chin though."
"That she does." Lindsay grinned, taking her phone back, "I'm gonna go check on Blake. Call us when dinner's ready."
Walking up the back stairs to her old room felt odd. She hadn't lived at home since she was twenty years old and the room was still like she had left it when she'd permanently moved out during college. She rounded the corner and opened the bedroom door to find Blake sitting in the corner, knees drawn to her chest.
The lump in Lindsay's throat returned. She had never seen Blake so upset before; her long blond hair was tangled, brown eyes red from crying, nose sniffling from the tears and the cold. Lindsay cleared her throat as she stepped inside the shrine of her youth. Blake's head drifted up, "Aunt Linds?"
Her voice was thick and rough from crying. She hadn't spoke since the strangled cry she had released when the police officers made notification two days ago. Blake jumped up from her spot on the floor and rushed to her aunt, nearly knocking her over in a fierce hug. Lindsay's arms wrapped around her, "I've got you, Baby. It's okay."
"I hate this." Blake sobbed against Lindsay's shoulder as they sunk to the bedroom floor. Lindsay's hand made it's way through Blake's hair as she rocked her, "It's unfair, I needed her. Why'd God take her, Aunt Linds? I needed her more!"
"I know," She kissed the side of Blake's head, "I know you did, Blake."
A knock came on the door and the youngest of the Monroe brother's stuck his head in, "Girls, sorry to interrupt but everyone's here and dinner is ready."
"Thanks, Eli." Lindsay gave him a small smile and wiped Blake's tears with her thumb, "tell Mama we'll be right down."
"Okay." He nodded and exited.
"I'm not hungry." Blake sniffled and pulled back into herself. Lindsay sighed and took Blake's hand, "Please, don't make me eat."
"I won't make you, Baby," She promised, "but Grandma made her homemade stew and everybody is here. You should at least go down and pick at it. You might surprise yourself."
"Alright." Blake sighed, "I'm gonna go wash my face. Wait for me?"
Lindsay nodded and helped her off the floor. Blake disappeared into the bathroom for a moment; Lindsay listened to the sink run and the sound of Blake blowing her nose on the rough toilet paper. She came back into the room and Lindsay stood, placing a hand on Blake's lower back and guiding her down the stairs to where the family had congregated. Lindsay's other brothers; Riley and Eli had come over with their respective families.
"Hey, B." The corners of Jake's mouth turned up slightly as he held his arms out to his daughter. Blake left Lindsay's side and fell silently into her father's arms. Lindsay gave them a small smile and went to greet her family.
Everyone crowded around the long wooden dinner table with dinner sat in front of them. Aaron Monroe sat at the head of the table and said the blessing before they dug in. Everyone engaged in conversation but Blake sat poking a potato around her bowl silently. Lindsay watched her out of the corner of her eye as Grace encouraged Blake to eat, "Just take a few bites, Honey, you're gonna pass out soon if you don't eat something."
Blake bit her lip as she spooned up some of the broth and brought it to her lips. As the liquid hit her empty stomach, her stomach twisted up and she pushed herself away from the table, sprinting to the bathroom. Lindsay followed after her, getting on her knees beside Blake and holding back her hair as she heaved up her stomach contents. Lindsay wet a rag and held it to the back of Blake's neck as the girl sobbed and she dry heaved, "Breath, Blake. You're hyperventilating."
"Sis?" Riley peaked his head into the room, "She okay?"
"Get a paper bag, Riles." Lindsay instructed as she pulled Blake's back against her chest and wrapped her arms around her niece, "It's okay, Blake. Match my breathing."
Her breathing settled as she slumped against Lindsay, tears streaming down her face because she couldn't hold them in any longer. Lindsay wet the washcloth again and wiped Blake's face with it before she managed to pick up her niece who was almost as tall as her and carry her to her bedroom. She lay her on the bed and climbed in beside her, wrapping an arm around her and watching the snow drift down from the sky outside the window. Her low alto voice sung softly in the dark as Blake's eyes fluttered close. It was an old country song about heaven and heartache that Lindsay had used as a lullaby when Blake was a baby.
When Blake's breathing had evened out and the sun faded completely from the sky, Jake came in to trade places with Lindsay. Lindsay went down to the guest bedroom and changed into her pajamas before going down stairs. Her father was sitting on the couch in the darkened living room lit dimly by a lamp on the end table. His wire rim glasses were sliding down his nose as he read 'To Kill A Mockingbird' for the thousandth time.
"Hey Daddy." Lindsay plopped down on the couch beside him, tucking into his side and drawing her feet under her.
Aaron Monroe smiled and dropped a kiss to the top of his daughter's head, "Hey, Scout." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "How's Blake?"
"Asleep." Lindsay yawned, "Jake's in there with her now." Her head dropped to her father's shoulder and she let the smell of Old Spice and hay comfort her, "Can't this family ever catch a break, Daddy? I don't get it."
"Maybe we aren't supposed to understand, Lindsay." He suggested, closing the book and removing his glasses, "We may never know why you weren't killed with the girls. We may never know why Danny had to get shot. Why your brother's wife was taken from him. We may never know. All we can do is pull up our boots, dust ourselves off and live our lives."
"How is Blake going to move on?" Lindsay tucked a golden lock behind her ear, "It was one thing for me to lose my friends, Daddy, but she lost her mother."
"She has you, Baby Girl." Aaron played with Lindsay's hair, "She has Jake. She has this whole family. We'll get her through this as a family – just like we've always done."
"I," Lindsay sighed, "as selfish as this sounds, I just keep thinking about Lucy. About Danny. What I'd ever do if I lost them. What they'd do if they lost me."
"It's normal." He reassured her, "Go call your husband, Lindsay. Get him to wake Lucy. Tell your daughter that you love her and tell your husband that as much as he makes you crazy you couldn't imagine a day without him."
"I think I will." She smiled, pressing a kiss to her father's cheek, "Night, Daddy. Thanks." She hopped up and walked back up the stairs to the guest room. Laying down on the bed, she grabbed her cellphone from the night stand and pressed the speed dial for Danny."
"H'llo." A tired Bronx accent filled her ear and a smile came to her face. She snuggled down in the bed and wrapped her arms around the spare pillow, "M'tana?"
"Hey, Babe." Lindsay whispered, "Did I wake you?"
"I'd just finished feeding Luce and was heading back to bed." He explained, "How's things going over there? Are your brother and niece alright?"
"Jake's handling it like a typical Monroe." Lindsay explained, "A bomb could go off and he wouldn't blink. Blake's having trouble. She won't talk, won't eat, she spent most of today glued to my side and crying in my arms. I've never seen her so upset, Danny."
"That's to be expected, Baby, she just lost her mom." Danny cleared his throat and she heard him climb into bed, "The funeral is tomorrow right? You should get some sleep, Montana."
"I will," Lindsay promised as she fiddled with her wedding band, "I just wanted to hear your voice. Being here, dealing with this, just makes me realize how easily it could all be gone. I've already come so close to losing you, Danny. If I ever lost you or Lucy.."
"Montana, don't go talkin' like that." His voice was hoarse and scratchy, "You aren't gonna lose me and we aren't gonna let nothin' happen to our baby girl."
She turned on her stomach and wrapped her arm around her pillow, tears sliding down her face, "What if someday something happens to me, Danny? We don't have the safest jobs."
"Nothing is going to happen to you, Lindsay Messer." Danny promised, "We're gonna live til we're eighty."
"Wake Luce for me?" Lindsay sniffled, "I need to hear her, Danny. Please."
"Alright." She heard him get up and pad down the hallway. If she closed her eyes she could see him in his sweats, bare feet moving across the carpet of their hallway and into Lucy's room. She'd wake almost immediately because heaven knows he's like a bull in a china shop. She'd get her sloppy Lucy grin and reach for her Daddy. His voice interrupted her thoughts, "Here she is Babe."
"Hey, Lucy Girl." Lindsay cooed at her daughter.
"Mama," She had spoken her first word just a little over a month prior, now they couldn't get her to stop speaking, "Mama!"
"I love you, Lucy." Lindsay wiped at the tears that slid down her face, "So much, Baby. Always and forever."
"Mama!" Lucy repeated and Lindsay could tell she was getting riled up, probably kicking her heels and staring up at her daddy with big blue eyes.
"Now, go to sleep like a good girl for Daddy. Mama will see you in a few days." Lindsay promised and smacked her lips together in a kissing noise. Lucy made the same noise in the way only a ten month old could.
"Babe?" Danny's voice filled her ears, "she's wide awake now. Give me a second, I'm going to take her to our room so she can watch The Wiggles and I can sleep." She heard him scoop up Lucy and make the trek back to their bedroom. She marveled at how far he had come in a few months; he was back to being her Danny again. She heard the rustle of the covers again, "Alright, we're settled."
"I'm gonna get some sleep. I'll see you two in a few days." Lindsay promised, "I love you, Danny."
"Love you too, Montana. Sleep well." He told her and hung up.
Lindsay snuggled down into the covers, pulling them up to her chin and turned on her side. The snow fell from the sky and encased them in a thick cover of cold. She heard the old furnace kick on and heat emerged from the vent near the baseboard in the corner. Her eyes drifted close as sleep edged out every single thought.