Author Notes: I do not Xiaolin Showdown. This is my first fic of this series so please be nice. If not well…Uhm, eat more pink cookies!

Chivalry Is Dead

Chapter One

"Chuck Norris does not become the water, the water becomes Chuck Norris."

(My Brother in Law)

To the world it began in 1542, when the Duke of Dire Field took his sister's necklace and ate it.

To Molly Osborne it was going to begin in fifteen minutes after she got kidnapped. She just didn't know it yet…

2:43 p.m. Fort Myers, Florida

Molly

I wasn't particularly in the kidnapping kind of mood that day. Quite frankly I wasn't in any kind of mood unless they have an emotion for 'I'm going to screw Andrew's brains out the moment he gets back from Dana's house.'

(Some people might take that the wrong way. To clear things up: no, I was not horny.)

(Not completely anyway.)

It was then, while I sat in my room, doing a whole lot of NOTHING (except contemplating Andrew's death), that Jack Spicer crashed through my window and hit the opposite wall. Except, I didn't know it was Jack Spicer. Not at the time. I thought it was a large, mutant crow with its head on fire. I know. Large mutant crow? Who would think it was a large, mutant crow? Well whose first guess it would be a robo-holic, nerd genius bent on taking over the world?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

"Who are you?" I asked.

The boy—not crow—got up and dusted himself off. "I am Jack Spicer: Evil boy genius!" He announced proudly.

Ooooook. SOMEONE has issues.

"Your parents must be proud," I muttered dryly.

The boy opened his mouth to retort, but something appeared through his head. A floating purple octopus thing. (Ok, you can't stand here and tell me you WOULD guess it was an evil, obnoxious witch!)

"Forget about it, Jack!" She hissed. "Get the Shen-Gan-Wu!"

"Shen-Gan-Wu," I said. "Right. And that's supposed to be…?"

"Don't play games!" Boy genius shrieked (he couldn't yell, poor thing). "Tell us where it is!"

"It," I pondered. "So I'm guessing you don't want my virginity?"

Evil boy genius stared. Evil boy genius turned pale.

Evil boy genius passed out. OK. What ELSE was I supposed to think it was? A country?

Octopus woman growled. "I know it's here! I sense it! But…where?"

She floated up to my face, and breathed. Hard. Dear GOD. It was bad enough to tranquilize a horse. Moreover, me.

Where am I again…?

2:50 p.m. Fort Myers, Florida

Wuya and Jack

"Most peculiar…" Wuya mused over the girl's unconscious body.

Jack stirred. "What…what happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened!" Wuya snapped. "You've spent so much time with female robots that whenever a real girl even MENTIONS anything about the birds and the bees you freeze up like a sniveling coward!"

"I do not!" Jack shouted defensively.

There was a long silence. Then, very bluntly, Wuya said, "Make out."

Jack shrieked and held both hands over his face. The heylin witch sighed. "Just as I feared," she said. "We will never be able to obtain this Shen-Gan-Wu."

Jack was confused. "Why? Where is it?"

"You're looking at her," Wuya said warily pointing. "That girl IS the Shen-Gan-Wu."

"No way!" Jack laughed. "That's impossible!"

"Oh but it's not," Wuya said. "We must take her back to your lair and figure out how this happened."

"Can't we do it here?" Jack asked. Wuya glared, which was answer enough. Sighing, Jack gathered the girl up and, with the witch, flew her back to his home.

Xiaolin Temple 5:23 p.m.

Dragon Warriors

"I don't get it!" Raimundo huffed. "We searched that apartment inside out and we didn't find a trace of the Shen-Gan-Wu! Are you sure you were right, Dojo?"

"Absolutely!" the dragon nodded.

Omi sighed. "This is most troubling."

Kimiko looked up from her laptop. "Maybe not," she said. "I did a web search on the Bracelet of Fortune. It says that in 1542 a Duke ate his sister's bracelet out of spite. It had the following charms—a pig, a lily, a frog, and a Sakura."

"That's it!" Dojo exclaimed. "The fulfillment of a pig, the serenity of a lily, the happiness of a bounding frog, and the abundance of the Sakura! That's the bracelet! And a mouthful."

"But do we round it up?" Clay asked.

Master Fung had the answer. "The energies of the bracelet must have transferred themselves from generation to generation. When the Shen-Gan-Wu reveled itself, it did through a person, the earliest heir."

"Who would that be, Master Fung?" Omi asked.

Kimiko had that answer. "Molly Osborne. Age 15. She lived in the apartment but was currently kidnapped."

"Spicer," Raimundo muttered unnecessarily.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Clay whooped. "Let's round this bull!"

"Not so fast Dragons," Master Fung said. "Getting the Wu from her will not be as simple as seeking her out."

"What must we do, master?" Omi asked.

Master Fung gulped. This would not be easy.

"One of you must…"

"Yes?" They all inquired.

"…Kiss her."

And that's where I leave you! I'll update ASAP, if you like it, so tell me! Loves, Wandering Mind