Title: Foolish Games
Chapter Title: Foolish Games
Summary: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Sub-Disclaimer: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Jewel, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Foolish Games. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

Pairing: 1x2, and 1x2x1x3x4x5 mentioning *quirks brow* yeah, I had fun with this one.
Spoiler Warning: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

Alternate Warnings: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

Author's Note: Hi, readers. I wrote Foolish Games a few years ago, and even if I have grown quite a bit as a writer since I wrote this, it still remains one of my favorites. When I compiled Foolish Games, I decided to play with a new style of narrative. New for me, anyway. What evolved was a story of about fifteen chapters where every chapter would be inspired by the lyrics of a song and written in first person by a different character. So, in a sense, we maneuver through the story while being able to hear different perceptions. It was the first time, as a fanfiction writer, that I ventured away from fandom clichés and took risks. If it seemed bizarre, or scary, or too deep, I went for it. All things considered, as a whole story, there are a few things that I know now that I should have changed to make it a better work. However, it remains dear to me because it marks a turning point in my skills as a writer. I continue to grow, which is why I continue to post and to write. I hope you enjoy Foolish Games as much and more as I did writing it. And thank you very much for reading.

This chapter is written from Heero's POV, and the song is Foolish Games, by Jewel.

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

Foolish Games

Chapter One

Foolish Games

...You took your coat off…

…and stood in the rain...

Duo came running into the office we shared here at the Preventer Office in New York City dripping rainwater everywhere. I raised my brows at him and he shrugged, a nearly mile-wide grin threatening to split his face.

"It's raining," I comment.

Duo paused right before plopping down into his chair behind the desk on the other side of the office, wearing that slightly incredulous look he bore so easily. Trying, but failing, to disguise the residual malice from our argument last night. "You know, Heero? I hadn't noticed."

With that, my some-times lover fell into his chair with an audible sigh and a squelching noise.

...You're always crazy like that...

Duo had moved here to New York a year before I had. Because we had worked together before, during the colony wars, Noin thought that it would only make sense for us to pair up and run the Preventer Base here in the city that never sleeps. Surprisingly, it was bland enough work and barely held our interests.

Eventually, Duo and I had decided to move into the same apartment. To save money, obviously. However, our boredom sometimes got the better of us.

I had nearly lost count of the variety of women that Duo brought home every night. Sometimes we shared them, sometimes at the same time, sometimes one of us merely watched. It became a strange sort of game. And eventually we became bored with that too.

And, honestly, I don't remember who initiated it first. I do remember Duo coming home by himself more regularly. I remember getting drunk together every night of the week for about a month. Then, eventually, we began sleeping together.

It wasn't sex, not at first. We'd wake up, staring at each other, thinking about it, but being too afraid to make the move.

I remember thinking, 'Well, why the hell not?' But there were plenty of reasons. Too many. And I remember them all now.

For one, we worked together. If Une ever found out...I don't even want to think about. This is the only job available that I'm actually good at. I mean, I could be a computer specialist somewhere, but I think I'd lose my mind if I didn't have something to blow up every once and while. If Une fired me, I don't know what I'd do. And for me, not knowing what's next is the scariest thing I can think of.

Secondly, it's Duo.

He's my best friend, my comrade in arms, my confidante. I've stolen from him, bled with him, fought with him, relied on him, asked him for help when I thought I couldn't do it myself. I've nearly died with him.

There are things we know about each other that no one should. Things that aren't glorious or heroic, even though that's the pretty picture people like to draw of us former gundam pilots. Things that are whispered in the night before a battle you don't expect to survive. Things that are screamed when you're trying to hold a friend's intestines in their belly but no matter how hard you push it's not enough to save them. Things that are said in silence. Communication that needs no words. And knowing what each other's fear tastes like.

Lovers are supposed help you forget, not make you remember.

And it's Duo.

The one I'd always had trouble looking at--because if I stared too long, my eyes would burn. The one who smiled so easily. The one who could befriend people with a crook of his finger. The one who respected Death and regarded Life with wonder.

The one who had everything I didn't.

The one who was everything I wasn't.

...and I watched from my window...

...It always felt I was outside...

...looking in upon you...

The one who laughed when I frowned, whose voice could pull the faintest of smiles from my lips, whose mind was quick and clever and always going a mile a minute.

The one with eyes the color of amethyst. Some describe his eyes as violet, and it angers me. His eyes are brilliant shades of every color imaginable, refracting light regardless of how dim it is, that can only be described as transparent quartz in the lovely, somewhat dark, shade of amethyst. Shifting, in constant motion, the darkest brilliance imaginable.

And, God, his hair. Before the times where we shared a bed in our tiny apartment, I had only been able to touch it once. I'd been wrapping Duo's shoulder. We were fifteen and the war was alive and bloody all around us. It was a mission gone terribly wrong and Duo was gritting his teeth as I pushed his shoulder joints back into place. After the initial crack, Duo had gasped and his body sagged against mine as he fought against the pain. And the tail end of his beautiful, chestnut, and always unruly braid brushed my forearm as I tried to keep Duo upright.

I'll never forget that moment. I'm not sure I ever will. It was sublimely surreal, marveling at the thousands of hues that were encapsulated in the hair of Duo's braid while a series of landmines were going off thirty feet from us.

And after all this, I've never figured him out. Duo Maxwell, former pilot of the gundam Deathscythe, former Sweeper, former street rat, and the most beautiful man I have ever seen, I think, will always be an enigma to me.

...You're always the mysterious one…

…with dark eyes and careless hair...

Surprisingly, we were sober the first time. Duo called it 'Grade A Fucking.' I didn't know what to call it. It was amazing...and terrifying. How long could this possibly last?

For some reason, this seemed to settle us into a state of normalcy. The women became fewer and fewer now that we had found we could be sexually satisfied with each other. Sometimes former pilots and comrades Trowa Barton, Quatre Rabbaba Winner, and Chang Wufei came to visit. And sometimes they joined in on the activities. This would always make Duo very happy. His eyes would brighten and look almost feverish. But then they'd leave and go back to their normal lives and Duo's eyes would darken again.

And so this continued for six months and I thought, maybe, this could last forever. But I was wrong and it was foolish for me to think otherwise.

Duo began bringing women home again a week ago.

And then, in what seems the first time since the colony wars, we began to argue.

Over stupid things, really. About curfews and needing sleep and about all the noise Duo was making with his women in the next room. About the dishes, about the laundry, about how Duo is ALWAYS late for work and it looks unprofessional. About the TV, and how there's always too much salt in the mashed potatoes, and about the damn hair I always find in the drain of our bathtub and not even knowing if it's Duo's or one of the tramps that parade through my home on a nightly basis.

And we fight over the need to fight.

That one was last night. He had barked the question after he promptly excused his guest and told her to go home after we immediately started arguing over...over...I can't even remember. It's not like me to forget. And I was so angry. And we went back and forth, trying to justify why we're right and the other is wrong and I can't help thinking how stupid this all is.

We are grown adults, and yet, we acted more mature when we were fifteen and fighting for our lives on a battlefield.

And I remember why I didn't want to sleep with Duo in the first place. It complicates things.

And Duo said it shouldn't.

I sighed and, with one last look over my laptop at the drenched Duo, I went back to my work.

~*~

"Are you going tonight?" It was an innocent enough question but Duo glared at me anyway.

He looked downright sexy. Jeans riding low over his slender hips, a black shirt beneath a black button-down that had no buttons buttoned, and his braid loose, allowing long tendrils of hair to escape and whisper against his cheek and shadow those beautiful, angry eyes.

...You're fashionably sensitive

But too cool to care...

A dozen Preventer employees had conspired and were throwing a party tonight at the Unit. Two weeks ago, Duo and I had been looking forward to it. Now it seems like another reason to fight.

I stood unperturbed under his withering glare. "It was just a question, Duo."

"I forget when I had to run everything by you, Heero," Duo snapped at me.

And I forget when his nitpickings actually began to hurt my feelings. God, I hate it when he talks to me like this.

"Well," I say slowly, trying to keep my temper in check. "I was asking because we'd save gas if we carpooled."

His eyes softened a bit but he looked away. "I'm bringing a date tonight, Heero."

Strangely, I didn't lose my temper. I believe I would've yesterday. Or maybe the day before. But today...I'm just too tired to argue. And what for?

That's when it happened. My head became very heavy and all my thoughts quieted. My body went very still and I felt numb. Truly numb. I opened my mouth to say something, and then I closed it. My mouth was dry and something was burning behind my eyes. I rubbed the back of my neck before turning and walking into my room.

I stood there. That's it. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. It's a wonder that the body remembers to breathe on its own. And I knew I was feeling a hurt rage I had never known before. And my body was refusing it. I swallowed, pushing the anger aside, and tried to think.

I turned when I heard a soft knock at my door.

Duo stood there in all his stark beauty. His features hidden in the shadows because the hallway was lit and my room wasn't. And, I swear, those eyes were fairly glowing in the growing twilight.

We stood like that, staring at one another, for a long time. A silence falling thick between.

"Look," Duo said, startling me with his voice. "It's raining out. Maybe I'll stay in tonight."

...You stood in my doorway...

...with nothing to say...

...besides some comment on the weather...

I still said nothing. I watched him watch me. We used to play this game all the time when we were fifteen. I would pretend to be this uptight, stonehearted asshole, and Duo would do or say things, sometimes very bizarre things, and then stand still and watch me for a reaction. At first it had angered me. I felt like his little experiment. Then, I decided to confide in him, as friends do, and offer him my respect, as comrades do, and he no longer felt the need to pester me anymore. At least, not all the time.

And now, of all times, he's actually taking the time to watch me, to notice what's going on with me. I made my face a placid mask. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting. Heero Yuy doesn't get his feelings hurt.

...In case you failed to notice

In case you failed see...

But the burning behind my eyes became so intense I had to blink. Suddenly, hot water began leaking past my furiously blinking lids. I touched my cheek and caught a drop of water as it rolled down my cheek.

...this is my heart...

...bleeding before you...

Fuck.

I'm crying.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I turned my face away but Duo caught my chin with three of his slender fingers. I don't remember when Duo had gotten so close and I can't help thinking how shameful this is to be crying and having no clue why as my eyes dragged themselves up to Duo's. Those amethyst eyes searched and searched mine before he lowered his mouth to mine.

Instantly, I felt the rush of anger flood back into my senses. With a growl, I grabbed his upper arms and threw him onto my bed.

Those fearless haunting eyes gaze back up at me and I find no answers there. Only more questions. And I hope Duo understands what I need right now.

...This is me down on my knees...

I crawled on top of him and he pushed me off. He rolled on top of me and hooks his legs around my hips. Then I'm up and tearing his shirt off and biting his shoulder and gods I don't know how quickly we managed to get naked but we're wrestling for the upper hand now.

Always this dance. Always this battle for the top. Always. Except there was no tenderness here. We're still fighting, still arguing, and I still feel like we're dancing around what it is that we're really arguing about. I rake my nails down his back and my arousal twitches as I hear him hiss. I grab his hair and he slaps my hand away. We're rolling and I'm on top now. He uses both hands to grab the back of my head and crushes his lips to mine. I bite his lower lip and taste blood. Then spots are dancing in my gaze because he's punched me in the jaw and now he's on top and, Christ, he's giving me head. He's grabbing my balls a little too roughly and grazing his teeth a little too often and I'm close, I'm so close.

Then I growl and he's on his back and without preparing him I push in. He makes an angry noise in the back of his throat but he watches me and this scares me because I know he likes it. I keep thrusting until he's stretched and my balls are slapping his ass. I grab his dick and tug on it in time with my thrusts, and he's moaning now. With my other hand, I grab a fistful of his hair and brace myself above him as I move deeper and faster within him. And he's writhing and he's watching.

...And these foolish games

Are tearing me apart...

And, for the first time since we'd been sleeping together, we cum at the same time. I collapse above him and I know he's still staring at me. I know I must've hurt him so I get up and run warm water over a paper towel and come back. I kneel next his limp form and begin washing away the blood and semen.

"Leave it," he says and I want to cry again.

"Duo..."

"Leave it," he repeats, sitting up with a wince. He stares at me for a moment longer before getting off the bed and walking out of my room.

...and your thoughtless words...

...are breaking my heart...

I stare at nothing as I hear the sound of the showerhead coming on. And then later the sound of Duo going to bed. In his own bed.

And I don't understand what's happening between us.

All I know is that my chest hurts like hell and I don't like it.

...you're breaking my heart...

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of rain, and the smell of coffee and cigarettes. I wonder when it'll stop raining. It's been raining for days now.

I pull on a shirt and boxers and Duo is already eating a bowl of cereal when I join him at the breakfast table.

He looks at me and there is no malice there, only now his eyes are darkened with something more akin to sadness.

"Good morning," he murmurs.

...You're always brilliant in the morning...

...smoking your cigarettes...

...and talking over coffee...

I sit down and pour a cup coffee. "Is it?" I ask, and I know I'm merely provoking because I'm scared.

Duo frowns and begins to speak. Softly, ever so softly.

"I've never really thought of myself as smart guy," Duo says. "I mean, not really. Sure I'm street smart and a fair pilot, but there's nothin' special here. I'm a pretty face and good for a laugh, but I really think that the time when I was truly needed has already passed. I fought my war; I did my good deed, and now what? Where does that leave people like you and me? If I don't work for the Preventers, my scrap yard goes to shit, and I'm back on the street. And then what? Where does that leave me, Heero? Right here."

...If the philosophies are not for your mood

Do you love Mozart?...

"I don't know what the hell happened," he goes on saying, "But you and I...we've always had chemistry. Everyone thinks so. That's why the guys weren't surprised when they found out we were fucking."

I knew by 'guys' he meant Barton, Winner, and Chang.

"But, I always thought it'd be something, I don't know, special. I think we fell short somewhere, Heero. I don't want to end it this like this. Just thinking that you were a good lay.

"And don't think that's all. I mean, I tried. I had no idea where you were until you showed up here two years ago. I thought we were great as friends, you know. Fuck, man, I didn't want to screw that up. But I can't have anything good without screwing it up. So I fucked us up too, Heero."

...and you'd speak of your loved ones

...as I clumsily strummed my guitar...

He laughed a hollow laugh and shook his head. "I really fucked us up."

...Well, excuse me!

I narrowed my eyes, the anger and pain boiling up in my chest again. "So where does that leave us?" I bit out.

...guess I've mistaken you for somebody else...

He was quiet a moment, looking somewhere past me. And when he looked back at me, his once beautiful iridescent eyes were now a dusty shade of grayish-purple.

"Nowhere," he whispered.

...somebody who gave a damn...

"But what if--" I stammered out, an unexpected wave of panic crawling up my throat and making it raw.

Duo shook his head, stopping my protest in its tracks.

...somebody more like myself...

And he is watching me again. And now I'm so angry I can't speak the thoughts thundering through my head. And I feel like he's testing me and don't know what the right answer is. And my fingernails are biting into the flesh of my palms.

...And these foolish games...

And he's still watching me and no words are forthcoming and I'm trembling but I don't know what to do.

...Are tearing me...

He's going to leave me. The sudden thought seizes me and I felt more frozen than before. And, God, I'm watching him do it and I don't know how to stop him, or what say, or even if I should...

...tearing me...

I put my head in my hands and clutch at my hair. My eyes are tightly shut I'm trying to remember if Dr. J had any advice for this sort of thing...

...You're tearing me apart...

"So," he says softly, rising to his feet. "I'll see you on Monday."

He says it with such finality all I can do is raise my head to stare at him.

...And your thoughtless words...

And I could feel my whole world crashing down around me. And I've never felt so fucking helpless.

...Are breaking my heart...

I can't make him stay, I realize as I watch him put on his coat and grab his car keys. Duo Maxwell was always the one person I couldn't make do anything.

Duo Maxwell, my shining, laughing, beautiful friend. My best friend. And I'm trying, frantically, to remember the last time I saw him truly smile, or heard him truly laugh without those hard white lines of tension stretching around his mouth.

I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. What the hell did I do?

And I hear the door close. Suddenly, I'm up and running to the window. I watch him take off his jacket and throw it into the car, the rain falling in sheets around him.

He looks up and we're staring at one another through the rain and the window.

And then he gets in his car and drives away.

Then, that damn hot water leaks past my eyes again and I'm sobbing and I can't stop it.

...You took your coat off...

...And stood in the rain...

...You're always crazy like that...