Okay, so I felt like writing something uplifting and this is one of my favorite Erika Jo songs. It really fits about how I feel about my life and it definitely hit me as a Lindsay song. And it really inspired this piece. I'd always wondered about how Lindsay came to her decision to move to NY, so here.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
What if, what if I fail,
What if chasing my dream's,
Just chasing my tail,
Do I listen to the voice telling me to stay,
Or do I listen to the voice that's screaming out
Go, just go,
Go with your heart,
Go with the flow,
There's only one way,
you're ever gonna know,
Go
-Erika Jo's 'Go'
It was just a piece of paper but it held so much importance that it felt like an anvil was sitting in her hands. The half drunk bottle of Bud sat on the coffee table as she stared at the letter that was post-marked New York City. She had applied to a half dozen of the best labs in the states with the intent on getting out of Montana and seeing the world. She had lived in Bozeman her entire life; she'd even gone to Montana State, she'd gotten a job with the Montana State Police and lived in an apartment in the center of town.
Bozeman was safe; she was Aaron Monroe's daughter, the survivor of the worst crime in Bozeman history, the prom queen, the local trick roping champion, she'd babysat for what felt like every kid in town. She had a handful of friends, a few good ol' boys who would buy her drinks and take her dancing. She could stay in Montana for the rest of her life or she could take a chance and go to New York.
Laying on her stomach, she rested her head on the arm of her couch in her one bedroom apartment. The air conditioning was broken and the window was open so she could smell the storm rolling in off the wheat fields. The picture on her end table caught her eye; her and the girls at Girl Scout camp in their swimsuits, sunburned skin and arms tossed around each other. She picked up the framed picture and looked at their faces; they had talked about the big city long ago.
Ashley was going to be a Broadway star, Makenna was going to be a writer, Hannah was going to do something with politics and Lindsay had been so unsure of what she was going to do. She hadn't realized then that a summer later would define the rest of her life. They had decided her future and she couldn't even tell them 'thank you'. She was twenty-six now and she still missed them every single day. Turning over and laying on her back, she tucked her arm behind her head and spoke to the picture, "What should I do guys?"
"I know you guys would tell me to go," She sniffled as thunder boomed in the distance, "I'm scared. I don't want to leave here and I'm still ready to run. No one knows me there, no one knows you guys there. I don't know if I can do it, make it in New York without you." She hadn't allowed herself to cry for them in years, she knew that they'd tell her to buck it up and get back on her horse. The thought of leaving the place that held so many memories – memories that had them – scared her.
"I'm going, right?" Lindsay asked the heavens. She sat up, "I have to go. I'll kick myself forever if I don't try."
"Win or lose, Baby, you always go down swinging." Was the advice her father had given her when she played LOB ball. The words came echoing back as the storm began outside. That was really it, she had to go, she had to try. Even if she was just chasing ghosts she'd at least know that she gave it a shot.
Picking up the phone, she dialed the number written on the paper, "Detective Taylor? This is Lindsay Monroe from the Bozeman. I'd like to take you up on your job offer..."