Gintama Pairings (base on me)

by rinoaterra

As the title say so, I made a list of Gintama pairings base on me. Some may be against these pairings, but some are quite popular. Anyways, the story shows the reaction of the Gintama cast when I gave them the list. This is my first fanfic story, please tell me if I need to change anything or if you want to give an idea to the story. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. Gintama belongs to our awesome Hideaki Sorachi-sensei

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Gintama pairings (base on me)

Okita Sougo x Kagura

Gintoki x Tsukuyo

Kondo x Tae

Hijikata x Mitsuba

Kamui x Nobume

Zenzou x Sarutobi

Zura x Ikumatsu

Sakamoto x Mutsu

Well let's give this list of parings to the Gintama cast and see their reacti-

"BOOM!" (Bazooka rocket almost hit me)

"Hey! Watch where you're shooting!"

"Tch, missed." someone said with a deadpanned voice.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MISSED? SO YOU REALLY WANTED TO KILL M-"

(A kunai hit my head, then came a flying kick in a face)

"(Dizzy…) argghh, (trying to open my eyes)", i said while I was trying to open my eyes.

"Ha! You deserve that for pairing me with that ugly, sadist-aru!", a girl with two twin buns said.

"You're the one who is ugly China, besides who would want to be a pair with a sukonbu-freak like you?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" (engages a battle with Okita)

"Ahhahaha! Hahahaha! Kintoki let's drink!" A curly haired, brunette captain said.

"Oi! Why did you pair me up with this blondie, amazon, girl? If you're going to pair me up, then pair me up with Ketsuno Ana, oi!", Gin said ignoring Sakamoto

(Tsukuyo throws a dozen of kunais to Gin)

"Liste-" I tried to explain, but I was interrupted again

(In captain katsura outfit) "Zura ja nai, Katsura da!"

"As I was sayii-"

"Author-san, (smiles creepily) why did you pair me up with this gorilla-stalker?" A pony-tailed brunette said while approaching me.

"Uhhh…."

"AUTHOR-SAN, THANK YOU FOR PAIRING ME UP WITH OTAE-CHAN!" (receives an upper-cut by Tae)

(smiles creepily and walks towards me) "Do you want to receive my reaction through my fist author-san?"

"Ahhhhh!" (runs away)

"BOOM!"(shoots another bazooka rocket at me)

"OI!"

"Tch, missed again." (Holds bazooka while dodging attack from Kagura)

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"That was for pairing aneue with that nicotine-mayonnaise freak."

"OI, WHAT DID YOU JUST CALLED ME?"

"Hijibaka."

"TEME!"

"Hnn"(Grins creepily) "Author-san, who is this Nobume that you paired up with me?"Kamui said while grinning and approaching me.

"Uhhh, ummm…she is—"

(Meanwhile in the Miwarigumi…)

(eats donuts while reading my list of pairings)"Hmm? Who is this Kamu-"(shock at the realization that Kamui was the enemy that Sasaki ordered for her to investigate on)

Back in Edo:

"BAKAAANNNIII!" Kagura shouts as she kicks Kamui.

(dodges flying kick from Kagura) Ahh, imouto-chan! (continues to smile)

"Author-san, why did you pair me up with this hemorrhoid ninja? Pair me up with Gin-san~" (attempts to hug Gin, but received a punch in the head instead)"Gin-san wants to play~"

"Who wants to play with you? Oi, author-san will you explain why I am not paired up with Ketsuno Ana? OI!"

(sigh…)"As I was about to say, I was going to change the pairings…"

(everyone stopped and listened to me)

(gives other part of the pairing list)

(But since Mitsuba died, I will change the pairings…)

Instead of Hijikata x Mitsuba, it can be Hijikata x Tae and instead of Kondo x Tae, it will be Kondo x Sarutobi (since both of them are stalkers, teehee) and Zenzou x Wakikaoru (the rose-girl ninja). As for Shinpachi, I don't know what will happen to him. He is quite loyal to Otsuu although he often gets distracted by other girls too, (like in Train Samurai arc and Correspondence arc)

Well, actually, I think I love Gintama the way it is without pairings. I can't imagine Gintama, with these pairings in the story and yet continue to be funny w/o any romance genre. I'm not a pair-hater or what, but I love animes that are in the humor/adventure/action genre w/o romance.

Well let's give this list of parings to the Gintama cast and see their reacti-

(shoots bazooka at me)-by you know who.

(sends a double flying kick at me)-from the yato siblings.

(throws a dozen kunais at me)

(punches an upper-cut at me)

(cries in the corner of the room, growing mushrooms)-gorilla stalker

(Continues to eat his Hijikata special)

(continues to pick his nose and read his JUMP)

(playing M)

(in the hospital)-Zenzou

(inviting Gin to join the Joui organization) "Zura ja nai, katsura da!"

(Elizabeth came to the rescue and pushed me so that I won't receive the blows) "Ttthannk youuu, Elizaabethhh-sann." I said still catching my breath from what happend.

(raises a signboard) No problem.

"Ano, you know minna, a lot of fans are in favor of these pairings…especially the OkiKagu pair…"

"Oi, If I will be paired with someone it will be with the prince of sukonbu planet or the king of the food mountain-aru!"

"AS LONG AS IT IS ABOUT FOOD YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT?"

"Oh, megane, poor you, forever a virgin-aru…"

"DON'T CALL ME MEGANE!"

"Don't worry Kagura, he will be forever married with his glasses. Be careful not to lose your glasses or else you will be just like any ordinary character, megane."

"OI! STOP CALLING ME MEGANE!"

" I do not have any plans on pairing up with someone, especially with that China-monkey."

"Who are you calling monkey, sadistic prince?" (punches okita)

(dodges Kagura's punch) "That's a compliment you know, besides after I kill Hijibaka, I plan to rule Edo…no the whole planet!" (sadistic grin)

(angry vein popped out)"TEME, WHO ARE YOU CALLING BAKA?!"

(faces Hijikata) "Shut up, Mayora-aru!" (faces Okita)"Tehe, you want to rule Edo huh? You must first pass me, the queen of Kabuki-chou-aru!"

(more angrt marks appeared)"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MAYORA?!"

(Angry mark appeared)"Die Hijibaka/Mayora!",the OkiKagu pair said in unison,(shoots bazooka/umbrella in unison)

(sigh…)"That's why there are a lot of OkiKagu fans…." I said.

(gets up from his lazy position, throws his booger away, and puts his JUMP down) "Oi! I don't care at the other pairings, but next time you write a fan fic, pair me up with Ketsuno Ana!"

"And please let Hijibaka die in your story and let me be the vice-commander." Okita said with a deadpanned face.

"TEME! YOU'RE REALLY MAKING ME ANGRY!"

"I don't mind if Mayora dies, just make me the unbeatable queen of Kabuki district and make me rich so I can eat whatever I want-aru. Oh and make me pretty, wait I am already pretty-aru."

"You're ugly China. You're a gluttonous, ugly, monkey."

(vein popping)"YOU WANT TO START A FIGHT, uh-huh?"

"Bring it on"(Okita and Kagura starts to brawl)

"Author-san, I don't mind being paired up with Gin-san~"

(disgusted face then turns to me)"As I said you MUST pair me up with Ketsuno Ana."

(grins creepily)"And let me destroy Edo and reign in your story okay?"Kamui said with a creepy smile in his face again.

"Uhhh…."

"Author-san, please make me rich in your story okay? Here an advance thank-you gift for you."(Opens bento box and dark matter is seen)

(Everyone stopped with an "oh-no face")

"As long as you pair me with Otae-chan, I'll be fine!" (turns to Tae and sees the dark matter) "Oh, did you cook this Otae-chan?" (grabs dark matter, eats it and faints.)

(SHOCKED)"Well…I paired you with Tae-san because I actually pity you. But since Mitsuba died, I think Tae can be paired up with Hijikata…" I said as i was trying to escape from the torture.

Taichou! (The whole Shinsengumi rushes to Kondo)

"Oh yeah, I forgot to pair up Tama with someone…although she's a robot so it's quite impossible..."

(Yamazaki turns to me blushing)"No Author-san, it's okay…(timidly asks) if you want, you can partner me with her…"

"Uhhh…"

"Oh, Yamazaki-san you were here? Want some?"Otae offered while grinning.

"Hyieee!" (sweats)

"Tae-sama, according to my data, Yamazaki-san is an anpan lover so (vomits anpan) here you go, Yamazaki-san.

(watery eyes) "Tama-chaann!"

" But it would be a waste to leave leftovers, ne Author-san, please eat the remaining food." (gives bento box to me)

(I looked down at the bento box and gulps)

"Eat it, it was meant for you in the first place right?" Okita told me with a sadistic grin.

"Eat it and feel everyone's reactions towards your pairing list, uh-huh."(sadistic grin)

"EAT IT!" everyone said in unison.

"Oh wait", (squeezes mayonnaise in dark matter) "there you go."

"And put some natto too!" (puts natto in dark matter)

"And some sweet bean"s (puts sweet beans in the dark matter) (sadistic grin)

"And some sukonbu" (puts sukonbu in the dark matter) (sadistic grin)

" And lastly, some tabasco sauce" (squeezes Tabasco sauce in the *vomits* dark matter) (sadistic grin)

(gulps down and sweats)

"Say 'ahhh'"

(SWEATS) "AHHHH!" (Closes eyes, gulps down the *vomits* dark matter,and faints)

-THE END-

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Sorry for the weird story, minna!

And thanks for the reminder Anon. I edited it, hope it's okay now. :)