A/N: OK, here's the sequel! Hope ya like it!! Please review:)
CHAPTER 1: PERFECTLY EVIL
Harry was on his computer late one night. It had been many months since he discovered fan fiction and he'd had intense therapy to deal with the things he had seen. Still, he sometimes had nightmares about him and Snape.
So as Harry typed his name into random search engines, he noticed a web site: The potato chip in his hands dropped to the ground and his eyes became round with fear. "There's another one?!?!?!"
Harry looked around shiftily. He had already seen such bad things, nothing on that web site could be worse, right? He clicked it. "Well, this isn't so bad...Looks pretty professional...Can't be under thirteen to register, so hopefully no idiot fan girls...Hey, maybe there'll be some good stuff on here!"
"Don't you do it, Harry!" Hermione said. Harry jumped. "How do you keep getting in here?!" "Don't worry about it. Yeah, seriously, don't read these! Fan fiction is evil!" Hermione insisted. "Oh, don't be so old lady like. It could be fun!" Ron said, for he had come in after Hermione. "Really? More fun then you and Ginny?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow. Ron fainted at the memory.
"Hermione look. This is a really good looking web site. Surely they don't allow stuff that bad!" Harry said, clicking on the romance section. "Of course they do. And don't call me Shirley!" Hermione said, then she looked surprised. "See? I'm already acting weird!"
"Well, I'm reading stories, so bite me," Harry said.
He scrolled down through the huge page of stories. "See? These look alright. No bizarre ships yet"
"Hey, that one looks good," Ron said, pointing to a story called, 'The Amazing Girl Who is Not Voldemort's Daughter.'
"I think I know where this is going," Hermione said dully. Then she saw the author's pen name: HaRrYlUvEr4eVeR. "This is not going to end well."
"Don't be so negative, Hermione. This fics gotten 300 reviews! It must be pretty good," Ron reasoned.
Before Hermione could say anything else about the story, Harry clicked on it.
The fic went like this:
YEAH, KK, IM SICK OF U GUYZ SAYIN DAT MA CHARRIES R ZUES!111 SO JUS 2 PROOVE IT 2 U I'M GONNA MAK HER TA BIGGEST BITCH IN DA WORLD. SO GET A LIFE LOOZERZ!1!!!
"Oh my god," Hermione gasped. "I think this person has suffered a severe head injury! Look at all those simple mistakes"
They read on:
Raven Mirishka Serna Serenity La fey Riddle was da bestest wich in da hole world but she had a sooper dark secret!!!111 she didn't no she was a wich till she waz 16 she came to Hogwardz on a dark and stormy night everyone waz in da great hall eating ron was talkin wit his mouth full an hermy waz bossing everone around and stuff dumbledore waz standin up 'ok peeps, we got dis new stoodent an she is lyk OMG really kwel so be nice 2 her even do she spetchal-
"OK, that's enough!" Hermione sobbed. He was tugging at her hair and crying. "I can't take the stupidity"
"Wow," Ron said. "I can feel my brain cells dieing, one by one"
"That was the worst thing I have ever witnessed, and I was a death eater!" Snape said.
They all turned around when they heard a noise. Footsteps, running up and down the stairs.
"What do you think that is?" Ginny whispered.
"I have no idea, but it doesn't sound good," Dumbledore said.
There was a creaking sound in the attic. More footsteps.
"Something's in the house!" Fred gasped.
"Well, duh!" George said.
"Hi guys!" Voldemort cried.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They all screamed, running for cover.
It was horrible. Voldemort was standing there with…..DONALD TRUMP HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What the hell happened to your head?!?!" Harry shrieked.
"I got sick of you all calling me Baldemort, so I got a hair transplant!" Voldemort announced, running his hands through his hair.
"Good god, Voldemort, that's the most horrible thing you've ever done!" Ron sobbed.
"DADDY!!" Someone on the top of the stairs squealed. A beautiful girl with raven black hair came running to Voldemort and wrapped her arms around him.
"Who the hell are you?" Voldemort asked.
"Don't be silly! I'm your daughter Raven!" Said the girl.
"Oh my god, she's the girl from the fic!!!" Draco screamed.
"That's no girl," Hermione gasped. "That's a MARY SUE!!!!"
"I'm not a Sue! I'm an original character!" Raven cried.
"Your about as original as sliced bread…Or something like that." Hermione said, frowning.
"I'm Raven, too!" Cried another black haired girl. "Me too," "me too," "so am I," "I am too!" said tons of the raven haired girls. They were running up to Voldemort chanting, "Daddy!"
"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!" Dumbledore screamed.
"Ron, get Hermione out of here while I make a brave attempt to save everyone and die heroically in the process!" Harry shouted.
"OK, sounds good!" Ron said, pulling Hermione out the door.
"HIIII YA!!" Snape cried, karate chopping one of the Sues. She kept jumping back up saying, "Severus, I can save you from your lifetime of pain!"
"HELP ME!!!!!" Draco screamed. Tons of bleach blond Mary Sues were swarming in on him, saying "Draco! We're your long lost sister!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He screamed as he was dragged to the ground and disappeared under the wave of Sues.
Ron was trying to bash out a window to escape while Hermione called the police. Harry was busy throwing curses at the Harry'sLongLostSister!Sues and Voldemort was screaming as the Voldemort'sDaughter!Sue's attacked.
"Hi Hermione! I'm your American cousin!" Said a blond Sue.
"Die, bitch!" Hermione screamed, punching the Sue in the face.
Suddenly-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!! NOOOOOO!!" The Sues started running away, abandoning their victims and trying to escape.
Standing in the center of the room was a crazy looking old guy with a net. He was swinging it at the Sues and screaming random threats.
An American!Sue got caught in it. "Help me!" She cried.
"No one's gonna help you now, Sue!" He cackled and destroyed her.
When the last Sue had jumped out a window, he stopped cursing them and put down the net. The old guy looked around at the terrified characters.
"Well? What did you do?" He demanded.
Everyone looked at each other. "Huh?"
"I said what did you do to bring them here? Do you have any idea how dangerous Mary Sues are? You could have all had your souls sucked out! Is that what you want?"
Everyone looked down. "No, crazy old guy. We're sorry."
"Good. My names Syrus Smiter. I'm a bad fan fiction hunter and Mary Sues are about as bad as you can get," the old guy said.
"How did you know they were here?" Hermione asked him.
"I could just tell," Syrus said mysteriously.
"So what did you do with them?" Ron asked.
"I sent them back to the depths of hell, where they belong," Syrus said. "Now, let's see what we're dealing with." He sat down at the computer desk, butterfly net aside. "Ah, Not bad considering some of them I've seen, but evil nonetheless," Syrus squinted at the screen. " 'The Amazing Girl Who is Not Voldemort's Daughter'? You should have known that was a Sue!"
"I tried to tell them!" Hermione said angrily.
"It had 300 reviews, so we thought it would be good!" Ron said.
"Well, let's take a look at some of them, shall we?" Syrus asked, clicking on the reviews button.
'Oh dear god, I actually thought I was going to die when reading that. Never write anything again for the sake of human kind,' read the first review.
'You're the worst writer on the web. Raven is a Sue and you suck.'
'I hate you for this. Learn to spell.'
'Go back to kindergarten and learn how to spell simple words.'
'Wow. How did you get on this web site as a writer when you're so obviously two years old?'
"Oh my god, those reviews are horrible!" Voldemort said.
"Lets leave one!" George said excitedly. He knocked Syrus out of the chair and typed, "I hope you burn in hell for this story. You can't write a good story and you can't spell. Let me put this in words you can understand: OMG!!!11 U lyk, suck!'
"Jeez, George. Your cruel," Ginny said, reading his flame.
"Sometimes it's the only way, missy," Syrus told her sadly. "I've seen my fair share of horrid writers, and let me tell you, there's no getting through to them. They seem to think we're jealous of their abilities."
"You mean the ability to write like a retarded monkey?! I most certainly am not jealous!" Voldemort cried.
"None of us are, but you try telling them that," Syrus said, shaking his head.
"Well, this is horrible. Look, there's a ton of stories that have potential to be Sues!" Harry said desperately, scrolling down the page of romance fics. "Who ever invented romance fics should be subjected to Sues!"
"Fan fiction was invented in the 1970s when people would send their fan stories to Star Trek fan magazines. Also invented in that time was slash, lemons, Mary Sues, and the first Mary Sue parody, written by a women who was sick of seeing perfect OC's," Hermione informed everyone.
Ron rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, Fan Fics, a History?"
"No, Wikipedia."
"But I don't understand, Syrus. Why would people write such horrible things as Mary Sues?" Harry asked.
"That's something we don't know yet. As far as we in the Fic hunting business are concerned, the Suethors are insane," Syrus said.
"OK, now what do fan fic hunters do?" Fred asked.
"We roam from fan web site to fan web site searching for sickening fics and Mary Sues," Syrus explained.
"And what do you do with the bad fics when you've found them?" Dumbledore asked him.
"Oh, we punish the authors severely, destroy the fic, send Sue back to hell, restore characters to IC-ness, the usual," Syrus said.
"You mean there are more things as bad as Sues?!?! Wow, we thought we had seen the worst with typical romance stories!" Hermione gasped.
Syrus laughed bitterly. "Oh, you've seen some bad ones, but you haven't seen the worst of the ships and pairings yet!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!" All the characters screamed.
"Yup."
"But how will we avoid them?" Snape cried.
"You can't avoid them. They're everywhere. All you can do is learn what signs to look for in a story so you don't have to get the full dose of evil," Syrus said.
"Are you going to teach us how?" Hermione asked eagerly.
"If you want me to. I-" Syrus started, but then he frowned and went under the desk.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"Looks like you guys have clicked on the wrong story," Syrus told them. He came back up. "There's a big blue porthole under there. Ya know why?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Because that story opened the porthole from the fiction world to here. This is dangerous. That's how the Sues got here!"
"What can we do?!" Ginny cried.
"I'm on it," Harry said as he pushed Ron in front of the porthole. "See? The problems gone!"
"That's never going to work, you imbecile! Look, Ron's been sucked into the fiction world! Are you happy now?" Snape demanded.
Harry shrugged.
"OK, kids, stop fighting and let's get on with life. Next stop, THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!!" Syrus cried.
"Why are you so weird?"
END OF CHAPTER ONE.
A/N: Next chapter they'll be dealing with OOC-ness! Please review:D