Hello lovely readers! I'm back with more fanfiction!
I got this idea randomly last night and just got really inspired, so I hope y'all like it.
BTW: I'm sorry for not writing at all recently, I'm awful, I know. I won't even try to make excuses.
Note: for those reading my chaptered story: I'm not abandoning it, I will finish it… someday. I just have no inspiration at all and I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: This is by no means real. This is fiction. I do not in any shape, way or form own Dan nor Phil. I only own the plot of this story.
Warnings: Potentially triggering, it's not bad, but I wanna be careful, so this is your warning! (It's mainly just depressing thoughts, soooo ya)
This one-shot is also gonna be a little cliche, ugh, I'm so sorry.
BTW: The opinions that everyone thinks of themselves is OBVIOUSLY not my opinion on them, again this is all fiction. I love Dan and Phil so much, they're so amazing.
Okay, I'm all insecure about my story again… sorry, sorry...
Onto Phan wonderfulness!
Dan's POV- italicized is Dan's thoughts
Black, tremendous waves towered menacingly over my sinking body. Night-colored water rushed over me, pouring over my broad shoulders, rapidly rising to my mouth. The black death lapped over my mouth, then finally made its way to my nostrils, drowning me in its endless torment. I can't breathe. I-I can't break free. Cold tendrils of the black water crushed my wrists, dragging me further into it's abyss. Everywhere I felt agony; my lungs were screaming, burning. Help. I'm going to die.
Maybe death will be better. Maybe then, I'll be free from all this torment.
No, but what will everyone else think if I was gone? What would Phil think?
But… why would Phil really care? I'm more a burden to him than someone worthwhile. He'd be fine, maybe even better off.
No that's not true, I mean, he needs me… I…
I… I… I mean nothing to him, I'm utterly worthless. He doesn't need me. No one needs me. I'm just here, with absolutely no significance to this pointless existence.
At this point, the water had overflowed into my lungs, effectively suffocating me. I can't do it anymore, living… my existence is just meaningless.
The dark tendrils crushing my wrists pulled me completely under, and dragged me down. As I looked up, all light was fading, being crushed by the black. There was going to be no light to return to.
All I could do was close my eyes and wait for the end.
"Dan!" A melodious voice rang in my ear. "C'mon, Dan, snap out of it, it'll be okay. Whatever it is, it'll be okay, I swear it." His voice drew me towards him like a moth to a light.
Slowly, I began to drag myself through the thick black tar I was suffocating in. My legs trudged, my arms desperately trying to push the thick black away to free myself. But, the more I pushed, the more it grabbed at me. Tendrils crawled around my wrist, creeping up my spine causing cold shivers to rack my body. Slithering up me like a thousand snakes, they began consuming me once again, this time strangling my neck, causing tears to liberate themselves from the dull brown things people call my eyes.
You're insignificant to the world.
He doesn't need you, Dan. Phil would be happier without you.
You're also fat, taking up more valuable space for someone of greater worth than you.
Just end it, it's not like anything can get better, you're weak, worthless, and a waste of oxygen.
Get out of here, you don't belong. No one actually wants you, they just pretend to spare you.
"C'mon, Dan, it's okay. Please snap out of it." His voice quivered.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
Cold and slippery like ice, the black tar tendrils curled ever so tight around my neck, promising to break for good. My mind was hazy, everything felt numb and fuzzy. Flashing like stars, spots danced at the edge of my vision, my eyes began rolling back, eyelids closing softly...
As my eyelids drifted shut for their final time, a blue light sparked in the corner of my eye. Moving on its own accord, my hand desperately reached for it… for the last glimmer of hope. Suddenly, he was there, hand grasping for mine hastily, pulling me forcefully.
The black tendrils hissed and snapped, lashed and yanked, looking for any way to hold me their, to keep me trapped in the cage of self-despair hurricaning in my brain. Almost, they pulled me back, my grip slid from Phil's warm hand, my legs being pulled into the icy black.
"Phil!" I screeched, my other arm whipping out, desperately trying to find him.
The black closed over me, squeezing me in its agony once again. No, help me, please.
Worthless.
Insignificant.
Fat.
Ugly.
Waste of Phil's time and effort.
Every thought was like a battering ram, pounding away at the remains of my head- my sanity.
Brighter than a thousand suns, the blue light flashed again. Melting away the black, dissipating it from my body, leaving bright white to decorate my surroundings, with Phil standing before me, glowing blue, radiating his brilliant, pearly white smile at me. He looked as divine as a god. Tall and muscular, he, even though an inch shorter than me, appeared to slightly hover over me. His midnight fringe was swept to the side of his face, allowing for view of his piercing laser blue eyes. Gently, he reached for me, arms sliding across mine, wrapping around my body, pulling me flush against him. My eyes fluttered shut, embracing the feeling. Think of a big cuddly teddy bear with the scent of vanilla snug around you like the softest quilt blanketing over you, protecting you from the cold, scary outside world. It was so warm and sweet.
"Are you okay, Dan? I'm so sorry, I… I should have used it sooner, I let you suffer, I'm so sorry, will you forgive me?" Phil whimpered. My eyes opened. I was back in the safety of my room, curled in Phil's arms on my bed.
He pulls me from the deep depths of self-despair of my own mind and he's apologizing? I sigh lightly… happily. What did I do to deserve a best friend as adorable and loving as Phil? Lazily, my eyes flow to look into the piercing blue I call Phil's eyes. Smiling, I grip him slightly tighter and breathe out "Thank you so much, Phil. Thank you. Thank you."
His eyes crinkle, his mouth forms into a soft, loving smile that sends heat rushing to my cheeks.
One thing I love about Phil, everything with him is just warm.
"I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad I found you when I did or who knows what would've happened." He smiles, although his voice quakes slightly with worry he trying to desperately suppress for my sake.
His strong arms cuddle me closer, pushing my face into his neck, his soft hair tickling my head. Delicately, his hands finger and sift through my chocolate-brown hair. His cheek pushes into my hair, nuzzling me slightly. Sending shivers of pleasure down my spine, his hot breath graced my neck and ear.
Both drained from the ordeal, we fall asleep, cuddled close.
Sunlight streamed into my window, tugging at my sleepy brain to wake up. I felt cold, but that was due to the fact I was missing my human teddy-bear, Phil. Once my senses woke up a bit more, my nose caught a whiff of pancakes that Phil must have gotten up early to make. Smiling, I hopped out of bed, getting dressed.
This was how it always was after an episode like last night. Every time Phil used his healing ability, I was always happy for a long amount of time.
For those confused, let me explain:
See, Phil has this ability to heal other people of any ailment, completely eradicating injuries and healing diseases, whether parasitic or mental, to a point where they're bearable, with, from what he's said, no backlash on him minus extreme fatigue. Sometimes I have my suspicions that the "no backlash" is false, but, even if that is true, Phil always uses it to help mainly me. Everytime my mind decides to consume me, Phil's always there to pull me back.
I appreciate more than you could imagine, and, although I love him for other reasons, the fact he's willing to use it so often and unselfishly on me just makes my heart beat a little faster for him all the more.
He's a one-of-a-kind loving soul, and I'm glad he's there for me as the best best friend anyone could ever have.
Soon, I hear a distinct, "Daaaaan, unless you want me to come in there and tickle you like crazy, come eat breakfast with meeeee!" in a cheery, happy voice. A grin overtakes my face, and I dash to the kitchen area of our flat, desperate to avoid another tickle-war.
Turns out, even if you run to the kitchen area of your flat, eat and thoroughly compliment your friend's homemade pancakes, and watch their favorite anime with them, that doesn't prevent said tickle-war.
My body was curled gently against Phil's side, his hand gently carding through my hair, and everything felt so peaceful… so perfect.
Eventually, Phil removed his hand from my hair, earning a sad sigh from me, and wrapped it over my shoulders protectively. Dangling and swaying gently, his hand was centimeters from my side, and soon enough, it was lightly gracing my side, teasing and prodding, hoping for a reaction.
Soon enough, a bubble of a laugh echoed from my throat.
It was over from there.
Seconds later, Phil had flipped, legs straddling mine, hips hovering over mine, and his mouth smirking a devilish grin. His arms trapped me, forcing my back to the couch. Piercing blue met my dull brown eyes and I shuddered lightly, excitement leaking into my veins from this precarious position Phil put us in. Suddenly, he attacked.
Delicate and fluttery, his fingers prodded, poked, and ran across my sides, sending bubbles of laughter escaping from my throat. Squiggling and squirming, I tried to wriggle from his grasp, desperate to free myself from the endless assault. His bright laughter echoed with mine and he pulled back for a second to let me catch his breath. Big mistake Phil.
Like a leopard pouncing on his prey, I lunged at Phil, scooped him into my arms and tipped him over onto the couch. Gasping in surprise, Phil's face flushed red and he started pushing me back, eyes laced with excitement, fear, and something else I couldn't put my finger on. My fingers danced over his sides, poking, prodding his soft flesh, feeling how soft and smooth it was under my touch. His arms and legs curled up, shaping him into a giggly ball. My eyes glanced at his gorgeous face, savoring the look of his flushed red cheeks, his crinkled eyes, and laughing face. He's so adorable… kinda like a kitten. Kinda wish I could have him under me more often in a different, more intimate situation.
Wait, Dan, where did that come from? I know I love Phil, but, like that?
My eyes found their way back to the strong, unselfish man who was currently curled up, laughing cutely, filling my ears with its lovely sound, and had his cheeks flushed red… He's just so Phil…
And I love it.
I love him.
I LOVE him.
Racing, my heart shot blood up to my cheeks, making them burn from the thought of being in love with my best friend.
However, in my distracted thinking, Phil took this opportunity to lunge at me, dragging me to the floor. Strong arms straddled my shoulders, and long, sexy legs straddled my thighs. Unceremoniously and unknowingly, Phil plopped his arse right onto my crotch area, causing my cheeks to flush brighter red, and my body to begin squirming under him, slightly desperate to free myself from this precarious position. Phil, however, took no notice and continued to tickle my sides, laughing his laugh that always made me feel happier.
After some exciting moments, Phil stopped, bent over and stared deep into my eyes, beaming. His smile will be the death of me, I swear. Soon enough, I became aware of just him. His vanilla aroma wafted into my nostrils, where his body made contact with mine left light little tingles of pleasure, and his breath tickled my cheeks and nose. Gripping me lightly, his left hand was at my side, his thumb rubbing over a bit of exposed flesh gently. Currently, his right arm was elongated, hand curled around my wrists, trapping my arms above my head. Smiling, his face hovered inches from mine, his black fringe barely brushing forehead, his nose centimeters from mine. Breath hitching and heart racing, I felt vulnerable, dominated by Phil… yet I liked it, and I simply took this opportunity to savor the heart-warming, butterflies-in-stomach-inducing feeling.
"Dan…?" Phil whispered gently, his minty breath tickling my mouth.
"Yeah?" I managed to squeak.
His eyes light up even more, his mouth curling into a cheshire-cat smile, "I win!"
If this is how it gets to be when you win, I'll let you win every time.
It's happening again. Please, no, don't come back…
Fat.
Ugly.
Insignificant.
Worthless.
Waste of Phil's time.
Why do you even bother trying, no one actually likes you, you're just a worthless piece of nothing.
Tugging my hair, I desperately tried to stop the relentless thoughts. Eventually, my hands found their way to my ears, pushing against them. My knees met my chest, my forehead met my knees, and I began shaking uncontrollably. Go away...please…
Stupid.
Worthless.
Waste of space, of water, of oxygen.
Just do everyone a favor and end it.
My hands gripped at the opposite forearm and I desperately dug my nails into the rough flesh, hoping the pain there would take away the pain hammering in my head. Stop. Stop. Please. Stop. I can't take it. Why? Why does this keep happening?
Useless.
Pointless existence.
Phil will never want a sorry excuse for a person like you. Give up.
Suddenly, a warm, sturdy arm blanketed across my back, gently pulling me and turning me so that my back was flush against something strong and warm. Warms sensations began to course through my veins, clearing my head, sapping away the pain like a drug. Phil…
Thank you.
His nose pushed into the sensitive spot under my ear, his other arm curling around me as well. Sighing lightly, he began whispering sweet, soothing phrases into my neck.
Never have I felt so safe and secure. In Phil's arms, nothing bad can get to me.
He's so funny and cheery and unselfish. Everything he does is adorable, and all he does is care about others. I love him. I love him so much.
The next morning something was wrong.
It started out really nice, I mean, I personally love waking up cuddled next to Phil.
But, Phil was off.
His smile could never quite reach his eyes, his adorable innocent actions were less enthusiastic, and he just seemed so tired. My eyes met his and no spark of amusement or joy filled his now dull blue eyes, they just swirled like pools, all cloudy. Reserved and quiet, Phil was just huddled into himself most of the day, not even addressing any social media or anything. Nothing I seemed to say managed to snap him out of his funk.
It drove me crazy. He's always there and able to help me when I need him. Why is it I can't help him?
Because you're worthless.
An insignificant fool that just burdens Phil.
Nothing.
My eyes clenched tight, hands instinctively ripping at my hair. Instinctively, my feet carried me to my bed, I curled into a ball, hoping the thoughts would just leave me alone. Please, Phil needs me, I can't fall into this.
The thoughts stopped, however not because of my astounding new found self-control:
Phil had come to my aid yet again.
The familiar warmth filled me up, and relieved everything. I turned to thank Phil.
Curled in a ball, lightly shaking, Phil mirrored how I usually look during the vicious attacks.
My heart dropped, tears threatened to spill over, slightly blurring my vision. Anger and sadness coursed through my veins, causing me to shake violently. No, Phil, what are you doing to yourself?
And then, it hit me harder than any torturous thought has ever managed to, nearly sending me back into a frenzy. There is a side effect to him healing someone…
He steals their pain, and has to endure it instead.
My hands grip his shoulders, clawing at them desperately, hoping to pull him back from the tortures I'VE given him.
"Phil, I'm so sorry, please come back, Phil, please." Tears rush down my face like waterfalls.
Shaking, his trembling hand wobbles and reaches for my left hand. Gripping gently, he drags his head up, looking at me with dull eyes. He whispers "It's okay, Dan, I'll be okay." But, his head drops again, his hand slips from mine.
I don't know what to do. What do I do? Someone, help!
No, no I need to be strong, I have to help Phil, he needs me.
Delicately, I scoop up the precious boy in front of me and pull him into my arms, nuzzling his face into my chest. My hands card into his hair, pulling softly. Trying to be the blanket of protection he is for me, I begin whispering sweet nothings into his ear, rocking him lightly. My thumbs caress his soft skin, going in small circles in what I hope is a soothing motion. Slowly and deliberately, I bring my lips to the top of his head, his midnight black hair gently caressing my face like soft, lush grass. "It'll be okay Phil, I'm here. I will keep you safe. I will never let anything happen to you."
"Thank you, Dan." He lets out in a shaky whisper, smiling softly against my chest, causing heat to rush to my cheeks, my heart to race.
"Anything for you, Phil. I… I...I love you." I whisper, closing my eyes softly, waiting for his reaction, and hoping he'll just be okay.
"I love you too, Dan." He lifts his face up, eyes twinkling, cheeks glowing, and gently nudges his mouth against mine.
Time stops and everything is warm, fuzzy, happy, and
Perfect.
A/n: Did you like it? Please Review and let me know what you think. Please, every review means so much to me, you don't even know.
Love you all, sorry again for not writing recently, hope this makes up for it slightly.
I don't love the end, but oh well.
PS: Sorry if there are errors- I checked it, but I was so excited to post it that some might have slipped by- let me know if you see any so I can fix them.
Thank you! Hope you enjoyed the story!
~Mars~