MISSING
It had been two weeks since the party and the mood round the mansion had been decidedly less gloomy. Seeing the children , and especially the babies that they had rescued had meant a great deal to his men. They could now see a reason to fight the war and that they were indeed making a difference to peoples lives, and seeing the children had brought home to them how much they were needed. They realized how different those lives would have been if they had been left in the hands of the Germans. If they had not brought them back to find new homes, and the loving parents they had met that day. They had already received some photos of the children and they were propped up on the shelf in their room, a reminder every day of what they had accomplished, and the letters they received with them only helped to brighten there spirits. It was something that they had to look forward too on dismal days, and they spent a lot of time bragging to each other about who's baby had grown the most , or who's had the most teeth, as if they were their own children. As he listened to the laughter that came out of their room after one of these letters arrived he thanked God again that Angel had managed to pull off the visit, and give his men back the peace that they had been missing in their lives over the past few weeks. Things at last were beginning to get back to normal.
They had two missions in the last weeks and both had gone off without a hitch ,as his men were now focused once more on the jobs they needed to do. And now with only one week to go too Christmas he had been told that their missions were over for the next two weeks and they could all relax and enjoy some time together . He had a three day pass for each of them so they could leave in the morning for London and any Christmas shopping they wanted to do , and still have time for a trip to the orphanage if they wanted to deliver the presents they had bought and made , personally, which was something he knew Chief especially would want to do , and he suspected that the others would just buy as many toys and treats as they could find to make sure that everyone at the house had a great Christmas. One thing he was certain of , at least now they would be smiles all round this Christmas.
Well almost.
While life for his men were getting better ,the same could not be said for Angel , she was definitely was not her usual happy self. She came to the mansion, did her work and then always had some excuse why she had to leave as soon as she had finished. They did not sit and talk like they used too ,or have coffee together anymore and she never seemed to stay in his office alone with him any longer than she had too. He had asked her what was wrong but she insisted that everything was fine, something which he did not believe for one minute.
He walked into the library later that day and found Actor sitting reading.
`Good morning Lt.` Actor said as he looked up from his book.
`Morning `,Craig said as he sat down.
Actor looked at him.
`You all right Warden ? He asked
Craig said nothing and just looked at the floor.
`Something you want to talk about? He asked
Craig looked uncomfortably at Actor.
`I wondered if you had any idea what's wrong with Angel `, he asked. `Things just aren't right, and when I ask her what's wrong , she just says everything's fine and then leaves, She won't talk to me, and I don't know why`. He said
`Yes you do`, Actor said seriously, `She knows how you feel about her, she's confused and a little frightened ,she doesn't know how to behave when she's with you anymore, you need to talk to her, reassure her, because if you don't you could lose her, and none of us want that`,
Craig ran his fingers through his hair. `Wouldn't know where to start to explain`. He said
`You have to try Warden, make her understand that you have these feelings under control, that you don't want or expect things to change between you, that you just want her back, want things back the way they were. You need to take the pressure off her. She is afraid to touch you now in case you take it as a sign of affection that is more than a sisterly hug. Rather than do the wrong thing she stays away, which is not necessarily the right thing because it just adds to the confusion that she feels right now. She loves you , but at the present moment in time she is afraid to show you , she has put up a barrier that you have to break down if you want her back. You have to tell her exactly how you feel and then sit down together and decide what you want to do about it.. It's the only way you're ever going to sort this out`. Actor told him.
`You're right Actor, I do have to sort this out, I just don't know where to start.` he said
`Just tell her the truth, let her make the final decision on what she wants to happen , it's the only thing you can do`, Actor said
`Thanks Actor , talking it through has helped , all I have to do now is find the nerve to talk to her`.
He got up and walked to the door.
`Let me know how you get on won't you? Asked Actor, `And good luck.
Craig nodded and quietly closed the door behind him.
He sat in his office wondering whether to call her or just wait until she arrived that afternoon. He knew that she loved David, and always would, right now all he wanted was the return of the closeness that they had shared, for that was something that he truly missed . He needed to be able to talk to her , discuss things with her that he would not talk about to the others. Needed someone to tell him he was wrong sometimes, or tell him how to put things right when he screwed up. She could do that , and was always there to watch his back , he missed her and wanted her back , and he had no idea at all how to even start to tell her that. But tomorrow he was going to try, while they were away he was going to sit her down and talk to her , and try to get back the sister he loved so much.
He watched them leave and listened to the hullabaloo die down as they drove away from the mansion. As always it would be quiet without them, but this time it was a relief that he would be able to wrap the gifts he had bought for them without having to wonder which one of them was standing behind him trying to find out what they were . This time he was one step ahead of them though and had given all the gifts to Mary to keep for him , and it had infuriated Goniff that he hadn't been able to find at least one present in the mansion no-matter how hard he tried .So now all he had to do was get over to Mary's and then having wrapped his presents get them to Angel so she could hide them in the cottage until Christmas Day .He smiled to himself as he realized that this year they would spend Christmas together again, but this time it would be a truly family Christmas. Angel had been sent presents from both Casino and Goniff's families as a surprise for them both , and she had already hidden them so they could be put them under the tree , after the guys had come back and decorated it. Angel had given them permission to do whatever they wanted this year, and even if they wouldn't admit it he knew they were really looking forward to putting up the trimmings and decorating the tree, and he knew it would make them feel more at home if they spent the day with her at the cottage rather than trying to decorate the mansions huge room. Yes , he thought , this should be a great Christmas.
He was in his office twenty minutes later when Angel came in with the coffee.
`Why so quiet? She asked
`Given them a three day pass`, he smiled, `Told me they had shopping to do`.
`I hate it when it's this quiet , kinda get used to them being around , don't you? She asked
He laughed `Know just what you mean`, he said
He looked down at the paperwork on his desk and then back to her
`We need to talk`. He said quietly
`About what? She asked him as she poured out the coffee.
He looked at her ,`You know what about Angel`, he said,
She stood up and walked to the window
`What do you want to do ? She asked `I'll leave if it will make things easier for you `, she said sadly.
He walked up behind her ,
`What on earth makes you think that my life would be better without you ? He asked.
He saw the tears in her eyes reflected in the window,
`I'm so very sorry,` he said `Please , please don't cry`.
He turned her to face him.
`I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't , and I won't lie and tell you that I didn't mean it because I would give anything for you to love me the way you loved David, but I also know that it's never going to happen.` he said sadly`, it's something I've always known and accepted since the day we first met, you have to believe that`,
She just looked at the floor unable to look at him.
`But what I want most in the world right now is to have my sister back`. He told her.
`Catherine please look at me`, He said
She raised her head.
`I will deal with the feelings I have , put them aside and never mention it again, I promise you that , and you need to try and forget I ever said anything, put it down to recklessness, you have to know I would never have said anything to you if it hadn't been for the fever , I really didn't know what I was saying you know. but please don't let it affect the way you feel about me , don't let it change anything, I need my sister back in my life, need her more than anything , and if that's all I can ever have then that is more than enough for me , I'll take whatever you are prepared to give me Catherine, just please don't walk away , I was lost without you after Sarah died and I don't ever want to feel that way again`, he finished.
`I don't want to be alone either, but I don't know whether I can be here every day knowing the way you feel, it just doesn't seem right `. She said. `It meant the world to me to be able to come in here and just sit with you , talk to you, give you a hug you when we both needed a friend, but now I don't feel right doing that in case you read something into it that isn't there, and honestly Craig, that scares me a little`.
He looked at her, `I'm sorry I made you feel that way, this was never meant to happen, you were never supposed to find out, it was and still is my problem, and I'll deal with it`, he said` I accepted that nothing would ever happen between us a long time ago, knew that David was the only one you would ever love, I was just glad that you let me into your life , let me be a part of your family , I can't lose that Catherine, I just can't`, he said ,` please let's try and get back what we had, it was so very important to me. You are the only one that I trust totally and completely, and it's not just me, it's better for all of us when you're here. Please lets just try and go on like before for all our sakes. We can't lose everything because I made one stupid mistake when I wasn't even thinking straight . Please Catherine , Please, don't give up on us now, we took to long to get back what we lost the last time , we can't go through all that again, we need each other , please tell me you will at least give it a try`, he begged.
She looked at him and sighed,
How can we go back to the way we were when I know that your feelings have changed towards me? She asked
`They never changed Catherine, that's my point, I've always felt this way , it's just that you never knew. In my heart I knew that you would only ever be my sister , but so long as I can be a part of your life that's ok. We can do this Catherine , we can and we need too, we are family and we belong together. Please let's at least try , if you find it's not working we can always talk things out again and decide what to do.`
She looked at him and saw the anguish on his face.
`Do you really think we can go back to the way things were between us? She asked
`I only know that my life changed the day you and David let me be a part of your family , and with David and Sarah gone we are all that is left of that family, and I will do anything to keep us together. Anything you want, just please stay and give us a chance to put things right, please`. He said.
She smiled sadly. `I just wish I could be sure we would be alright, that my staying would be the right thing to do`, she said. `Oh I don't know Craig I just don't know`.
`Think things through until the New Year , let's at least give them the Christmas we promised them , we both owe them that much`. he said.
`Alright , that much I will do , for their sakes and then I'll do what I think is best for the both of us , ok? She asked him.
`I will abide with whatever you decide to do `, he said. `Just remember that you are the most precious thing I have and I love you so very much, and I will do whatever it takes to keep you in my life, whatever you want, all you have to do is ask`, ok.?
`All right`, she said smiling at him, `and just so you know I love you too , have from the first day I met you, you mean everything to me too, especially now that David and Sarah are gone . I'm sorry that I can't give you the kind of love you want, that I can't love you that way I love David, will always love David, but don't you see ,that's the problem, it would be as if I were trying to replace him, and that wouldn't be right, or possible . Please believe me when I tell you that I will always say no, only because I love you too much to say yes`, she said,` There is someone waiting for you that will love you as much as I love David , and you owe it to yourself to find her, only then will you really understand .With me you would only ever be second best and you deserve so much more than that , so very much more. You are far more special than you give yourself credit for.`
She smiled at him
`Does any of that make any sense to you at all? She asked
He sighed with relief and smiled back at her.
`Actually in a weird way it does, he said
`She smiled at him, and felt the tension between them ease.
Believe it or not I have missed you, and I need you, kinda like having a little brother in my life, ` she said smiling
He laughed at her
`Would it be in order for a brother to hug a sister ? He asked her.
She laughed too , `Oh I think that I would like that very much`, she said, `It's one of the things I have missed most over the last few weeks`.
As he hugged her he knew that even if she could never love him the way he loved her , she would always be a very special part of his life. He would just have to accept that sisterly love was all that she could give him , and hope that she was right , and that somewhere there was someone who would love him as much as he knew he would always love her.
They arrived back at the mansion on time, well at least three of them did.
Chief was no-where to be seen and the others had no idea where he was. They had separated to do their Christmas shopping and had arranged to meet at the pub for lunch and although they had stayed for over three hours Chief had still not arrived to meet them. They went to the places that he had said he was going and each had said he had been there and left, so none of them had any idea where he was now, so had headed back to the estate assuming that he had come back on his own. Now after finding that he was nor there they were starting to worry , for it was unlike Chief to be late back without at least giving a good reason to the Warden.
`You don't suppose he got caught in the air raid do you`? Asked Goniff.
`Didn't you think to look for him? Asked Craig.
`We wouldn't know where to start Warden , he could be anywhere`, said Goniff.
`We all went to the nearest shelter when the raid started , but by that time Chief had already left us`, said Actor.
`Right , well we'll let the Sgt Major know what's going on, in case Chief turns up here, and then we'll head straight back to London and retrace Chief's steps and this time hope that someone remembers him, and check out the shelters near where he was supposed to be.
`I'm sure the Indjuns ok`, said Casino, `If anyone can take care of himself it's Chief , he's probably just lost track of time of something`.
`I'm worried about him too Casino, ` Craig said, `And we both know Chief knows exactly what time it is , better than any one of us`.
`Let's just get back to London and start trying to find him before we assume the worst has happened to him, shall we? Asked Actor. `It might be best if we split up, we can cover more ground that way and arrange to meet after an hour at the same pub, just in case he turned up there at last`, he said.
`Good idea Actor,` said Craig. `Now I'll go and find the Sgt Major and you go and get the jeep and I'll meet you out front in ten minutes , ok?
They all nodded , each of them wondering what had kept Chief from meeting them as he should have .and all of them hoping that he wasn't in too much trouble, without them to watch his back.