Hello everyone, this is my new story, i pulled an old one off for revamp and this is the one i am replacing it with at this second, if you don't like it half way through at least finish it and read my AN at the end then judge it. I am not saying anyone is gay but i did add Kawrou in there so you know it will come up, just read my notes at the end. Anyways thank you please read and enjoy. -Helpa

Discalmier: I do not own the company or any related beings or persons or groups or memebers of family or friends of said people above that make Neon Genisises Evangelion.

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You know when you are close to death that your body starts to see things, things that has happned, is happing, and will happen. You start to see things in a whole new way, a way that changes the way you and others may think. My visions are starting around now and i see faces; faces that i have seen and will never see again and faces that i don't even know. My name is Shinji and this is my story.

Here i am now laying on the floor, blood slowly draning out of my viens. My heart is racing and i am starting to get dizzy. The scarlet blood pools around my body wich is laying on the floor. The pain in my heart is still greater then that of the pain in my wrist. Thats how i ened up here, on this cold wooden floor in the middle of a hotel room. I don't know and i don't care if i see another face again. The pain in my heart i want it all to go away and this is the only way i know how after the accidenit. It is starting to get cold in the room and i am starting to get cold. My brain is starting to loose blood and i can see death watting, beconing to me. My brain is starting to make me see faces; faces of everyone and everything. The first face that i saw was Mitisto. Here and the purple hair that is always messy from never shampooing it and the parites and the flipping in that she does in her sleep. I started to remember how it all begain, how everything went all right then all wrong in almost and instant.

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His groggy, red dry eyes opened to the new day. Normally he is not that tired but Mistito decided that it would be fun to have a bash with some of her old drinking buddies. The loud music that played out into most of the night in which kept him up all night long. Not that he didn't stay up but his nights have been mostly sleepless and the one night it felt like he could get sleep was the one night that she had to go and screw it up. Well of course he would never say that to her face because he had a deep care. You see for most of his life he had spent with her, her ways just became normal for him.

He slowly rose up from the makeshift bed, the clock read 6:30, which ment it was time for hime to get up and get ready for school or he would be late. Not that it mattered because it seemed like no one really noticed him, proabbly not even the teacher. It often wonered that if killed himself, if anyone other then Misito would notice that he is dead.

But he didn't know that the hands of fate had plans for him, big plans. But you also must remember that just because plans are big does not always mean that there good ones. Fate would remind him that there are things worth living and dieing for.

He slowly slipped his underwear to reveal a small tight ass. He turned on the hot water all the way up with just a slight bit of a cold water. The steam slowly raised from the shower and the steam started to roll off the ceiling. He smiled as he stepped into the steaming hot shower and started to bath himself. The hot water loosed up all the mussuciles in his body. After washing his hair, he got out and started to dry himself from head to toe. He slowly slipped a black shirt on and then some underwear and finally pants that were a little thight for him. Misito was a great woman but sometimes she forgot about his cloths, so instead of getting fresh clean cloths, he got plain cloths, maybe even some a little to small due to the forgetfulness of her to buy some for her, or at least till he got the time to clean some.

He walked out into the hall way and past the rang sour smell of beer coming from Misito's room. He went into the living room and picked up his book bag. The living room was in perfect shape, the only reason that it was clean was that he had took the pride of cleaning it up, besides it isn't as if he had anything better to do. You see he had almost no friends at all. Well if you call Auska and Rei friends then he had a few but they shouldn't count. Auska was a bitch stright up plain and simple. As for Rei she hardly speaks but to say things that hardly make any sence.

Shinji pressed the button for the front door to open and he steped out and checked his pockets to make sure that he had his key in his pocket. He often like to think about things, anything really, on his way to school he often looked for things to that made his mind bend and think. It often filled the pain he felt in his heart and killed the time through the bouring classes in the day.

He started to walk to the elevators to go down, but just then a deep huffing came from the stairs. It was a deep husk of a huff, not just panting but it sounded like the person was truely out of breath. Shinji decided to stay and see who this person was, he was intrested in who would take the stairs, the elvators were in clear working order because he could see the numbers going up and down as they were reaching there floors. It also might be that he had a five mintue walk to the train then another ten mintiues to wait for the train and only a five mintue walk to school and he still had fourty-five mintues to wait. Besides that wasn't the only train he could always catch the next one to if he missed the first.

The stair doors opened and a blound hair figure came out. The person wore blue jeans and a white t-shirt and sandals. The person was dirty from head to toe, grease stains and oil stains were all over the cloths and the persons arms wore black in some spots from the dirt and grim that they had somehow got. The person looked up to Shinji and smiled and sighed. The person was a girl with blue eyes and a black smuge on her nose from the rest of the dirt she got. He blounde hair went down a little past her shoulders and it was a straw blound. She began to speak in a very light, slighty high, airy tone, "Oh, Hello, did i stardel you? Sorry i just like going up the stairs but i have been at work all day... or well night; But any way, sorry, the name is Scarlet, whats yours?"

Shinji thought for a second it had been a very long time sense he had found someone he could really trust. He very queitly said in a unsure tone, "My name is Shinji." And after he picked up the nerve a little more he went on to say, "I live here do you? I am also in the 10th grade, what grade are you in?"

Scarlet smiled and said, "Hold up, i see your new at this, well normally i would go to school, but today i am resting from work today, well i guess really last night. Tommarow i think i will see you, in school that is. Yes, i live here and yes i am in the 10th grade. Come by my place 4:30 and we will talk more then."

Shinji blushed, he hardly got invited to girls house. Scarlet then smiled a little bit more and right then shinji noticed she was a little flat chested. Scarlet added, "So you won't get confused or the wrong idea, i am a guy." Of course this statment really gave something for shinji to think about for the rest of the day, because before he had a second to even say another word he had already walked off and was entering the key code on one of the doors. You see the electronic doors had two diffrent ways to get in, either key or key code, of course you could disconnect the elctronic key lock have it only manual, wich was what misito had to do because it was a part of the requerments of section five that guarded the Nerv memebers.

Shinji slipped into his own little world as he often did on the way to school listen to his cd player on both of the walks and the train ride to school. He was kind of atracted by Scarlet. He couldn't shake the feeling off. He thought to himself was it wrong for him to thing he was hot. The voices started to argue in his head. 'Well you didn't know he was guy till the last second' 'But now that he knows he still has the feeling' 'Well its just he can't shake the feeling, he does look like a girl' 'but he still feels the feeling and he knows he is a guy know.' Shinji sighed to himself, thats all he need to find out about himself that he was gay. But, he did like how Rei and even Auska looked, so this must mean he wasn't gay right?

He arvied early to school like always, and took his seat at the back of the class like always, and took out the thrid book in his bag, History, like always, so how come it didn't feel like it was going to be a day like always. Of course he didn't know it yet but the feeling yeilded true it wasn't going to be a new day like always.

Like always the people started to come in at there normal times, the teacher first then Rei and all the other students till, like always, Auska came in last just as the bell was ringing. Like always the teacher came in and bowed and greeted us and told us to stand and say the pledge. Also like always, Auska didn't because she didn't like Japan. But not like always the teacher began to speak and said, "We have a new student his name is Kawru and we should all be nice to him. He moved from up north." That is the exact moment is when the begining of the end was when the pale boy walked in and layed eyes first on Shinji with a slight smile. That is how it got all the way to the very begining of the story but for now we must tell the details first, speaking of for now, for now we must split ways and end this chapter, we will see each other soon with the next segment of story.

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A small note about how to get more chapters:

Hello all of the people who read my story. If you wish for a new chapter then you must review, if you don't then it dosn't matter to me i can just write the story and keep it on my computer, i will only put up another chapter after three points, so if you like it tell it to a friend so that they can read it and review. Okay this is how it works, each review counts a point and flames are no points, you can only earn a point for the chapter once and then the other reviews are just reviews no ponts added, points do not roll over so each chapter must have three new reviews for another chapter. Say Author A reviews for chapter 1 and earns a point for chapter one does not mean that they can not earn a point for chapter two just not for chapter 1 anymore. Thats the system i work on, sorry but it is more organized plus if no one likes it why write more of it. Also if i get enough points i might relase two chapters at once or something like that. Remember i am subjectable to human nature of not being able to get on and check points everyday and maybe even skip a week for human reasons, plus i should have the story wirten but sometimes i won't so if i say that i am wating for me to get done then you know i am not done, but i am working on it. You are free to pm me, i love talking. Plus also i am open to wirter blocks as well but i will put up a chapter saying if i hit a wirter block or not. Good coments and real error spoters not just flamers may review all flames will be disreguarded. Thank-you!

OKAY THE REAL INTERVIEW AND (AN) BHIND THE CHAPTER:

Okay it didn't take me as long as i thought it would to finish this and it is not as long as i had hoped but just hold on i will write longer ones, just have faith in me. I am doing this on a laptop, a cheap laptop my uncle has so some of the keys stick so that is it if you see repeating letters but feel free to pm me or review me it is alright. I kind of took one story down to make this, which isn't unusal of me, i took down a lot of my work, i would say this is the best yet, but hey you should be one of the ones to deside that. I wanted to go through the difculties of teenage years with this story, and it is only AU in some parts i don't like or forgot. But i wanted to show that suicide could happen to anyone and that the difficulties that teenagers go through with love and for all finding there sexuality, this does not mean that Shinji is gay, i havn't desided yet. Just were ever the story takes me and we will cross that bridge when we come to it, it really is up to the reviewers and me. The reviewers make me reflect on my story were we can't so there oppion can move me one way or the other. NOW i did not say that there would not be encounters, Kawrou is going to try and get Shinji, as well as Auska, but that is how my story goes sorry if you don't like it. Tough cookie, if you don't like it review me and tell me so. But more then likely that is how it is so there will be some sexual encounters on both sides of the sex, nothing over pg of this moment, so deal with it or review me and deal with it or move on. It was hard to nail down some of the details and some elements of the story because i haven't got time to go back and check all the story. Scarlet was added because Scarlet is like my incarnation but much better, the reason why Scarlet was dirrty was because i had to work today and i thought it would be funny to add that in there so Kawrou and Scarlet wouldn't be in there at the same time and so that Shinji would get a chance to talk to Kawrou before deeping roots with Scarlet, Not saying Scarlet is gay just that he is a very good easy person to get a long with and that if Shinji deepens roots to much with Scarlet and ingnores Kawrou then we wouldn't have a story. I am not sure how long the story is going to be but it will be longer then seven chapters so rest easy you will have plennty to read and when i put them out is up to you. (see above) I normally won't go this long into the AN at the end but i had some time to kill so i thought i would let you into my mind. The reason i switched point of views is that i am making it sound like someone is telling the story because present Shinji is remembering things and see things that he didn't know happened, about that i will add to the story line latter. As for my fellow readers and reviews from my other story i took down, do not worry i will put it up latter but i need to revamp a lot of it so i hope you enjoy this one for the time being. Auska is not living with shinji, but there are still angels to fight, but not till the end of the story, a little sneak peak that there is going to be a fight. I was trying to make this story reflect on some elements in my life and the constant battle in me with out straying to far from the story line, i hope all of you like it and i hope you enjoyed the insight into my head and the inner workings of me and my brain and the story. Review and pm, i like talking, so till next time... i am siging off now.

-Helpa