Reasons to Believe by Sofia.
"I love you."
"Why?" Seriously. The first word out of her mouth had to be a stupid question? This was probably one of the most romantic moments of her entire life and she had to ask the stupid question! Seriously!
"Excuse me?" Mark says slowly. He wasn't expecting this. He was expecting her to swoon at his feet and return the grand gesture. He just told her he loves her! Wasn't that what all girls wanted? Wasn't that what all girls dreamed of? He set up the whole evening just to tell her how he felt and he wasn't even ready for a simple question.
Meredith was surprised; he wasn't going to tell her a speech why? This was usually the moment he would shower her with compliments, not that she was expecting her ego being filled up. She knew Mark wasn't the one to talk about his deepest, innermost feelings but he could at least try! "You heard me. Why?"
She was feisty, but not this feisty. What did she want from him? He had no idea what to say. He got together blind sighted, quickly gaining vision on what her life was like, it was like going back to the beginning all over again. The beginning, ah, she was the oversexed, overworked intern who just had her heart broken by his ex-best friend. He was a man who was physically, but not emotionally available. So of course, they screwed. "Whaaa-?" Mark definitely wasn't prepared. He wasn't prepared. He wasn't fond of the over the top grand gestures, and of the months he knew her, she wasn't either.
"Why are you in love with me? There must be a reason." She shrugged. In her head thoughts were spinning. Sure, she wasn't one who needed to see something more than the surface, but the last time she opened up to someone closed, when he finally opened up, tada! She was granted a secret wife who looked like Isabella-freakin- Rossellini.
"I just am? Must there be a reason?" Uh oh. Mark immediately regretted saying that. He knew she wouldn't take things lightly, with all the abandonment issues they both had he knew she needed something deeper, more concrete.
"If you're in love with me it wouldn't be this hard to think why, Mark!" She huffs. "I can't just tell you I love you back because this might not be even real to you! I don't even know what you think of me or what you know about me! That's why I need a reason because I let everyone in. I let everyone in the door of the life of Meredith Grey and you know what I get?" She shouts. The anger inside her is already burning up, if it was him on the outside, Mark would have laughed at the sight of his angry girlfriend. "Do you know what I get?!"
"Uhh. No." Mark shakes his head, he's now aware on how loud her voice is. Luckily, they're in his hotel room where the rooms are sound-proof for purposes such as this one.
"I get trampled on! I get stepped on! I'm like the doormat nobody sees, but they don't even freaking care! Because they think that's my only purpose to be the one the wipe all your dirt and filth away. I'm sick and tired of that Mark!" She fumes, he tries to calm her down but her rant is far from over. Once it's started, he doesn't know when it will end. "I want to be someone who is seen. I want to be someone who is actually cared about!"
"I care about you! Don't I matter?" Mark cuts in, slightly offended. She acts like he's not there. Like it's him who doesn't freaking matter! "I just told you I loved you and now you're saying that the world just trampled on your…"
"Doormat." She quickly supplies. She surprised by his sudden outburst. She thought she was the one who was supposed to scream. She thought she was the one who was the one victim here, she was wrong.
"Yeah, doormat. I'm here. I'm ready. I'm giving you something I haven't ever given anyone. I'm not leaving Meredith. I'm not going to run when things go bad. You've got to believe that. In fact, I wasn't the one who even opened that door! You were. You invited me in your life. You were the one who decided to move on from the freaking Shepherds. Not me. You." He breathes out, his heart is thumping from his chest and the tension in the room is palpable. He looks up at her glowing face, the way she sucks in every word quickly processing the meaning in her head. After thinking deeply, she's still not satisfied with his answer.
"Then why won't you tell me why? I asked you thrice already! You won't tell me why I'm worth staying around for! Because here I am, thinking that maybe I did something wrong to cause all the people in my life to leave. You haven't given me everything yet. You haven't given me a reason to believe you're actually going to stay." She says quietly at the end. He grabs for her hands and holds them tightly. She looks up at him with big eyes and a frown.
"Because it's hard for me! You're acting like it was just you who experienced these awful things. I had crappy parents too. Both of the girls I loved were one way or another in love with my best friend! I'm sorry you had to go through these god awful experiences Meredith. I truly am. But take it on faith. Just have faith that I won't leave!" He explains. "You're worth everything Meredith. You've got to believe that." He pushes away the hair that has fallen in Meredith's face but she quickly swats his hands away.
"Then why? Why am I worth staying for? Why do you love me?" She asks softly, crossing her arms and sighing. She needs a deeper reason. She needs proof that he's not like the others, he's not going to leave.
After a moment Mark finally summed up his answer. "Because you remind me of the rain." He says softly looking at her. Her eyes are filled with confusion right now, wondering whether to be delighted or furious.
"The rain?" She asks skeptically. She doesn't understand. She doesn't feel like that's a good thing.
Mark nods. They were now sitting on his hotel room bed, hoping that he would explain. "You remind me of the rain. Everything about you, the fact you live in Seattle , the dark and twisty life you've led, everything Meredith. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, of course not."
Meredith nods too. She can't say anything. His dark blue eyes meet her grey ones searching for some kind of acknowledgement that she loves him all the same.
"You act like wiping away all the filth is a bad thing. It's not. You've got to open your eyes to that one. When I'm with you, you wash away my problems in a second. You make me feel like I've got nothing to worry about, just as long as I'm with you. You make me feel like I'm an okay guy---" He is interrupted by her loud voice.
"You are an okay guy, Mark!" She exclaims. "Don't ever think otherwise." She says and puts her hands on his cheeks. He puts his on top of hers. He sighs, he doesn't want it to be known to her some of the horrible things he's done. He was a womanizer and he was proud of it. He took advantage of every friend he's had. He slept with his best friend's wife and lost the only family he's ever known because of his selfishness.
"Listen Meredith, I've done a lot of stuff I regret, a lot of stuff that I really wish I could take back. When I was in New York, I did some pretty bad things. Before I met you, before you changed me, I was a bad guy." He sighs. "Will you let me continue now?" He says softly, rubbing their hands together as if to form a fire. Meredith nods hesitantly, the truth was, she knew. She knew that he did things he wasn't proud of, but that doesn't make him different from everyone else.
"Now I feel like I want to change. I feel like I want to be the better guy for you. I want to be the man that everyone can count on. I've never felt that in my entire life Meredith. I've never felt this way about myself, much less someone else." He sighs. Her face breaks out into a huge beam but he can only offer her a small smile. "Also, like the rain, you calm me down. You make me feel like the times when I curl my fist into a ball isn't necessary. You just take away all the anger, all the fear Meredith." He smiles. She lifts her feet up on the bed. She feels like she's the luckiest person in the world right now.
The feeling inside her heart was different, every time she heard him speak, it gave a small jump. The butterflies in her stomach that existed the moment she met him never left. She was quite sure his was still there. She looked at him questioningly, why he stopped speaking. "Mark?"
"Yes?" He asks, as if coming back from a distant place. "Oh yeah. Sorry. You're beautiful Meredith. Even though the rain is sad? It never ceases to amaze me. So do you." He says softly. "You're beautiful both inside and out." He doesn't believe he's ever told her that. He used to only care about their looks, more specifically, their chest. "It's just…" He sighs. "Watching you move, it's the most amazing thing." Meredith's cheeks turn a deep shade of red. She's sure he notices it. She's probably sure he enjoys it! That freak!
"You're not to bad yourself." She laughs nervously hitting him in the chest. Her arms go around his neck as he pulls her closer. Woah. Her heart's flipping again.
"You smell good too. One more reason." He whispers huskily in her ear. She giggles slightly. He pushes her away. Humph. He's never done that before, Meredith thinks. "I'm not done yet." He chuckles at the look of disappointment on the face of his girlfriend.
"You remind me that through all the pain and the anger and all the hurt, you're there. You remind me that sometimes, I've got it better than others. That the situation I'm in, compared to the one others are going through? It's nothing. You're my hope. You're my guide. The first time you and I agreed to see each other, I told you this was a start over. Then you told me that no one, no one can start from the beginning, but everyone can start from where they are and work the way to our happy ending. You told me that. That was when I knew that you were different. That was when I knew you weren't just someone I was going to sleep with." He chuckles. Tears were now forming in her eyes. She clasped her hands over her mouth and breathed. Mark smiled at her and continued.
"You're unpredictable. Sometimes, it's goddamn frustrating not knowing what you're going to do next but you manage to surprise me, you manage to amaze me Meredith Grey. You're different. You're…" He sighs. Her eyes were filled with tears, she continued to try and wipe them away but she didn't stop listening to his amazing words. "I can't live without you. I don't know what I would do Mer. These past months, they're one of the best days of my life and it would kill me if someone took that away from me, it would kill me if someone took you away from me. I have no idea…"
He was cut off abruptly by Meredith throwing herself on to him and kissing him profusely. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you Mark." She whispers into his ear. His hands wrap around her waist into a hug, she snuggles further into her grasp. Once her head was on his chest and he twirled her hair around his finger, she looked up at him. "Are you going to ask?" She grins.
"No" He whispers softly. He kisses her forehead tenderly and embraces her. He wasn't going to trade this moment for anything. It was perfection to him. Meredith sighed, she was going to give this relationship. She wasn't going to hold back. She wasn't going to wonder about how to live, she was going to do things her own way.
The rain was pouring outside their window. It was cleansing, it was inspiring, it was beautiful, it was unpredictable, but most of all? The rain was impossible to live without. Mark and Meredith were oblivious to the wonder right then. They were wrapped around in their own moment. A moment they wished would last.
"Love isn't how much you can get, but how much you can give. It's not about giving up, but holding on. It's not about how you say 'I Love You' but how you prove it's true." - Anonymous