Everything looks so beautiful when you're about to jump. Your mind's last, desperate- albeit feeble- attempt to pull you back onto the safety of the pavement from which you pushed off to scramble, all limbs, to the concrete wall that frames the body of water. The current does not look strong, but rather intoxicatingly intricate as veins of light reflecting waves dance in the cloud filtered shine from the moon. The urge to jump is stronger here. Enchantingly so.
The serenity of looking down into the unbroken surface is only going to last so much longer. Kurt doesn't imagine jumping into burningly cold water will make him feel as calm and collected as he is now, prepared to stop breathing. The effect of one jump.
He's going to be dragged under, flipped and turned so that even if he does wish to break the surface and take one last gulp of salty air he'll be unable to. He could be ploughed into the concrete edge, possibly even collide with it head on. It would be a quick death, that way. Or it could drag on, leave his lungs burning inside him until finally, he'll go limp and become the water's puppet.
He can still hear Rachel's words ringing between his ears, bouncing around in his brain until the sound blocks out the rippling noise of the wind against him, 'Kurt, everything is going to get so much better, trust me. You've been on the bottom rung for so long, but you're going to be right at the top soon. I promise.'
She's said that in a variant of different words since they were in their junior year of high school. That was when his dad had a heart attack and died in the hospital a few days later. Rachel babbled on about how proud his dad would be of him, and how his parents would watch over him for the rest of his life. He was still too kind, back then, to point out that she was talking utter bollocks.
He was bullied relentlessly after his father passed away, a gay orphan who sang was too great an opportunity to pass up. The worst day was when he returned to school after having a few days off to 'cope'. It wasn't even the guys, that time, which made it worse. Getting beaten up and shoved into lockers and thrown into dumpsters was nothing compared to a group of girls laughing at his tear stained complexion, and following him down the corridors with chants of 'hey, at least daddy doesn't have to lie about loving his gay son anymore', and 'it's not a shock really, did you see how fat he was?'.
The next day, after sobbing into his pillow all night he decided not to take any shit from anyone. Instead of shrugging off his designer jacket to preserve it before being thrown into a dumpster, he fought back with every ounce of strength in his body. He still thinks it was because the jocks were surprised that he managed to get away with it, but Karofsky sported a black eye for the remainder of the week.
Of course, Kurt was called into Principal Figgins' office because violence was not tolerated, as he explained in his thick accent. Kurt was suspended when he argued back, with language that he had never used before. Swear words that felt good as he shouted them, leaning over the wooden desk threateningly.
It was about a month before he was kicked out of school for good for punching Will Shuester in the face.
He never finished high school, never got into a college, never did anything with his life.
He straightens his back and dangles his arms by his sides.
One last deep breath before he jumps, it's cold and crisp and makes his throat burn slightly.
His eyes slide shut, and he bends his knees slightly to jump.
Mommy, daddy, I'll see you soon.
Swallowing that last little bit of doubt, he leans forward and smiles.
A hand closes around his and pulls him back.
A/N: I'm thinking of doing an advent type thing, so that each day in December I will upload a oneshot or a chapter of a fic that I'm working on, and I'd just like to know if anyone would be interested in this? This is something I'd like to work on because it's really fun to write, even if it is difficult, and I also have some previously unpublished fic that I'm going to polish up a bit, but if you like the idea and have any prompts for me to consider doing then please do leave them in a review or send them to my Tumblr (kurtthereisamoment).
As always, thank you so much for reading, I hope to have something else up soon and reviews make me super happy!