A/N I'm so disappointed that this awesome show that brought us this amazing couple has been canceled. I started writing this after the finale while we were all sharing the petition and crossing our fingers that the show would get picked up by another network or streaming service, unfortunately I had to finish it a bit brokenhearted. Still, #ShayMustStay ... only it'll have to live on in fanfics, fanart, fanvids etc. Here's my contribution to keeping the mountain magic alive... and especially Hasil and Sally Ann.
Mountain Strong
"Y'all c'mon! Dinner's ready!" I shouted to my family, not exactly sure where any of them were. Amos came runnin' in from the back porch, wood shavings stuck in his sweater and hair. "Hey baby, slow your roll… and go wash those hands."
"Yes, Mama."
"Where's your fa?" I called after him, but there was no need. Two strong arms snaked their way around my waist.
"I'm right here, Darlin'." Hasil gave my earlobe a nibble and my butt a pat. "How was your day? Smells good in here!" He walked over to the stove and peeked inside of the various pots and pans while Amos scrambled back into the kitchen like a little tornado, ready to show off his latest carving.
"Look daddy." He passed the wooden figure off to Hasil. "I did the wings better this time. Look."
Hasil sat in a chair and grinned at me before takin' the carving from his boy. He inspected it closely. "Mighty fine. You done a real nice job, but did you mind your mother and wash those hands?"
Amos wiped his wet, but still clearly dirty, hands across his pants. "Yes sir."
"That so? It don't look like it." He gave a nod toward the bathroom. "Go try again with soap this time. And where's your sister?"
Amos gave an evil little grin. "Cryin' in her room."
Hasil looked to me, confused, but all I did was return his expression. "Well what's wrong with her?" he asked.
"She got d-u-m-p dumped!" He shrugged and ran off.
Hasil looked at me again, but this time I avoided his eyes. He stood up. "Sally Ann."
I busied myself over the food, even though it was all done and ready to be served. "Hmm?"
"I got an inklin', but maybe you could clarify for me what exactly he means by 'she got dumped.'"
I laughed to try to ease his worries. "It's nothin' babe. There's this guy… you remember Justin?"
He put his hand on his hip and stared at me. "No. No I don't remember no Justin."
"Hasil you met 'im like three different times."
He raised his eyebrows, at a loss.
I sighed. "Well they had a lil crush, you know?"
Hasil held up his hand and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I got it. So what's Amos mean she got dumped?"
I looked at him out the corner of my eye. "Hasil babe, you know what it means."
"Nah, I must not cuz if she got dumped, that means she had herself a boyfriend and that ain't quite the same as a lil crush—"
"Hasil she's sixteen years old, c'mon now. We've talked about this."
He ignored me and continued. "Also, what kind of foolish idiot does this Jared kid gotta be to dump my baby girl?"
I laughed and gave him a peck on the lips. "It's Justin babe, and he's obviously the extra foolish kind."
"I'm serious."
"I know you are."
"I'm gonna go talk to her," he said.
"No, let me. Teenage girls don't wanna talk to their fa's about boys. Wrangle Amos and y'all go ahead and eat. I'll take some up for Starla."
I knocked on the door to my daughter's room before peekin' my head inside. "Starla baby you okay?" I asked the lump in the middle of her mattress.
I only received sniffles in response, so I opened the door wider and held her plate of food out in front of me. It only took a few seconds for the scent of my roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans to reach her nose. Her pretty lil head popped out from beneath the blankets like a turtle from its shell. "I thought that might do the trick." I put her plate down on her desk and watched as she rolled from her bed and sat in her chair, takin' her whole comforter with her as she did.
"Thanks, Mama."
I smiled at my girl. Treasurin' the way she still called me Mama. The way it took me back to when she was just a lil girl playin' dress up in her daddy's kilt. She started in on her dinner while I sat on her bed and thumbed through one of the many ancient magazines she loved to collect.
"Take the quiz in there," she said.
"Which one?"
"'Does he really love you?' Page sixteen."
I turned to the page. "Sweetheart I don't think a flow chart that starts with the question 'How fast does he text you back?' is gonna give the fairest picture of me and your fa's relationship." She didn't say anything back, so I humored her and took the quiz. I sighed when I finished a few minutes later.
She wiped her mouth on a paper towel and crawled in bed next to me. "What it'd say?" she asked, snugglin' up.
"Well. It says 'This guy hates your guts. Run away. Now. As fast as you can. Save yourself the embarrassment.'" I looked down to find a smilin' face staring up at me behind a tangled mass of curls. "You look pleased. Am I missin' somethin'?"
"You and daddy always beat the odds. Even on stupid quizzes."
I gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. "Do you wanna talk about what happened with Justin?"
She shook her head. "No. He's stupid. I shoulda known better when daddy couldn't ever remember his name."
"Careful with that. There's a good chance your daddy won't remember the name of any boy you bring around."
She laughed into the blankets. "He will Mama. There'll be one, one day, and then I'll know."
"Know what?"
"That he's a good one."
Starla was cuddled up with me, but there was no denyin' that she was a daddy's girl through and through. I wouldn't've wanted it any other way. I was thankful every day that my babies got to have a mom and dad, somethin' neither Hasil nor I ever got to experience.
Starla adjusted herself on the bed, getting comfortable. "Will you tell me a story?"
"Sure baby. What do you wanna hear?"
"Tell me about the time daddy almost died."
"Starla Shay that ain't the kind of story you wanna hear when you're sad. It ain't the kind of story you wanna hear ever."
She smiled up at me again, her big brown eyes, shaped just like Hasil's, shinin'. "You didn't say no."
"I know that."
"I've asked you to tell me the story every few months… ever since Uncle Butch let it slip that Daddy got shot."
"I know that, too."
She laughed. Her laugh was all me. Hasil lived for it. "Mama do you realize he let that slip five years ago? I've been waitin' FIVE. YEARS."
It'd definitely been longer than I'd thought. It felt like yesterday. Hasil had let Starla believe his scar was an extra belly button until a trip to the lake, a curious two-year-old Amos, and a drunken Butch shattered that little tale to pieces. "You're old enough to hear it now, but like I said… it's not a story for when you're sad."
She reached over me, grabbed the magazine I took the quiz in, and waved it in front of my face. "Y'all beat the odds. There's no sad story for you and daddy, not really. Your story is still goin' on and I'm livin' in it and I see it every day and it's a really, really happy story. Hearin' the hard stuff and the bad stuff y'all went through, and knowin' where ya are now… it's not a sad story, not really, Mama."
I rubbed her back. "How'd you get so smart?"
"Not from me," Hasil said from the doorway.
I couldn't help but glare at him a little. Starla usually favored him and I wasn't ready to have him infringin' on our mother-daughter time.
He smiled at me. The way he does. The way he always has. The way that still managed to stir up butterflies in the pit of my stomach. "Don't mind me," he said. "I'm just grabbin' the plate." He picked up the dish, but couldn't help himself on the way out. "Starla darlin' that Joshua boy ain't no good."
"His name is Justin, daddy."
"That's what I said. In fact, you know, there really ain't any good boys for datin' anywhere 'round here so you just keep on to your studies and your writin' and your martial arts."
"Hasil…" I warned, telling him with my eyes to let me handle it.
He held up his hand in apology. "I'm just sayin'."
Starla looked back and forth between me and her father and giggled. "Night Daddy," she said.
"Night darlin'. Mrs. Farrell, I'm gonna go get that wild turkey we call our son ready for bed, wish me luck." Hasil backed out of the room and shut the door.
It was quiet for a few moments. "Did you know your daddy and I had a little apartment together before we moved up to Shay Mountain?" Starla was born on Shay and spent her first four years of life up there while the clans resettled on the far side of the mountain. The side that hadn't been poisoned. We moved back to town when it was time for her to start school. By the time Amos was on the way, we'd saved enough pennies to build us a little home in between both worlds.
"No. I didn't know that."
I smiled, reminiscing. "It was a grungy little studio apartment and we didn't live there long, but it was ours."
"Were you already pregnant with me?"
"Mhmm. We moved in right after I found out. It was the first time Hasil was away from the mountain and his kin for an extended amount of time. It was hard for him."
"But he had you."
"He did, but there was a lot goin' on back then. You know that." Starla and Amos went up the mountain three afternoons a week to receive a traditional Farrell education on top of their public school one. Technically Starla had finished her mountain lessons three years ago, but she enjoyed helpin' cuzin G'Winveer teach and just takin' time to absorb all she could about clan history and culture.
"Yeah I know, it's just that Fa's so happy and silly. I can't really imagine 'im any other way."
"He was still happy and silly back then and has always been the sweetest man I've ever known, but there were things we didn't always see eye to eye on."
"Like what?"
"Well sometimes he'd disappear without warnin' for days—"
Starla sat upright and looked at me, a bit of fire in her eyes. "What?"
I laughed. "Calm down. He hardly even knew what a cell phone was at the time. He'd go off to help his kin with this or that… it was always somethin'. Usually somethin' dangerous or illegal too. I'd only been up the mountain once and honestly, I thought his family was crazy. I didn't get why he was always runnin' off to help them."
"I don't really blame you after what Big Foster did to his hand."
"Actually I didn't even know about that. I thought it was an accident while he was carving or somethin'." I didn't really want Starla to know that ugly truth either, but she was friends with G'Win's daughter Saoirse, whose favorite pastime was gossiping about her crazy ass granddaddy. "Was probably best that I didn't know. I made it really clear that I didn't want him goin' up there. I gave him an ultimatum, actually."
"What'd he do?"
"He chose me and you, but it hurt him. He didn't regret his choice or second guess, but it was hard on him. I could tell that he needed to be with them and I knew they needed his help, but it took me a while to trust that he really loved me and would come back to me. There's a certain amount of insecurity that comes with bein' young and in love and you can't rush it away. Eventually you'll grow up and out of it and if the person means enough to you, you'll work to make sure the relationship survives until you do."
"So when did you grow out of it?"
"Well it doesn't happen all at once, but my first step in that direction was when I told him to leave and go help his kin."
"Was that hard?"
I nodded. "Very. I knew it was dangerous and risky, but I also knew it was time to stop battling him about his family. The crazy part was that that one step forward I took was the reason I ended up takin' about five steps back."
"What happened?"
"Hasil left and it was just me and you. You were no bigger than a plum." I waved her over so she'd come back and snuggle. She laid her head in my lap and I went to work gently removing the tangles from her hair. "I had to distract myself from worryin' over Hasil, so Aunt Frida and I went shoppin' for some things for the apartment. I bought a TV and she stayed over for two days watching old Girlfriends DVDs with me. The mornin' after she left I hooked up the antenna to see what local stations we could pick up and that was the beginning of the scariest times of my life." I gave her head a pat so she'd sit up. "But now it's time for a quick intermission."
"Mama you can't stop right there!"
"I told you I'd tell you, and I will. I just wanna go say goodnight to Amos. I'll be back." I left her room and took a deep breath in the hallway. I did want to say goodnight to Amos, but I also wanted to hug my husband. For Starla, what I was about to tell her was a story. A story with a happy ending. For me, when I lived it, it felt like my whole world was fallin' apart. When I relived it, whether it was a nightmare, or sharin' a snapshot of my life with my daughter, it felt the same.
I followed the sound of laughter to Amos's room. My little boy was already a better reader than his father, and probably gettin' too old for it, but he still liked for Hasil to read him bedtime stories. "What are y'all readin' tonight?" I asked from the doorway.
"Captain Underpants. No girls allowed!" Amos shouted as he continued to crack up.
I put my hands on my hips in mock anger. "Excuse me? Mamas are always allowed!"
"She's right," Hasil said. "And ya know, to be honest, if I 'member correctly. There's some kind of punishment for tryin' to exclude mamas from good times."
I put my hand to my chin, thinkin'. "Yeah. I think you're right, but I can't remember what it is."
Amos was in absolute hysterics as he hid under his covers. He knew exactly what was comin'.
Hasil started pacing around the room. "Wait, I know…. It was two weeks in the box wasn't it?"
"No!" Amos shouted from the center of his bed.
"No?" Hasil asked. "Hmph. Coulda swore that was it."
"No babe, it's a big bowl of spinach for dinner."
Amos fake gagged. "Yuck!"
"Yeah, Sally Ann you're right. It's spinach."
"No it's not spinach," Amos insisted.
"Well what is it then?" Hasil asked.
"Tickle attack!" Amos slapped his hands over his mouth as soon as he realized he'd been duped.
I locked eyes with my husband for a moment before we charged him and tickled him until he was out of breath. I kissed his forehead as he panted. "Time for bed sweet boy." I went into the hall and waited for Hasil to tuck him in.
"How's Starla?" he asked as he exited Amos's room, makin' sure to leave the door cracked.
"She'll be fine. She asked me to tell her about when you got shot."
"She always asks you to tell her 'bout that. She's just curious."
"Well then why doesn't she ever ask you?"
"She did. I just told her I was unconscious through most of it, which ain't exactly a lie so…" he shrugged. "You gon tell her?"
I nodded. "Yeah. She's old enough and she's really interested in our story. It's just… you know I don't really like thinkin' about all that."
He pulled me into a hug. "Go on and tell her," he said into my hair. "I'll get your mind off it when you're done." He kissed me and started down the hall toward our bedroom.
"I won't be long," I called after him.
"I know."
I made myself comfortable on the end of Starla's bed. "Where were we?"
"You were hookin' up the TV antenna after Aunt Frida left."
"Right. I'd found some documentary about alligators that caught my attention. I hadn't been watchin' for more than ten minutes when a Breaking News alert took over the station. A dam had broken, and it was a really big deal. Our water was compromised and some expensive stuff got damaged, but I didn't think much of it until they said there had been reports of gunfire between the coal company security and some unknown group."
"Was it the clan?"
"I was sure it was and I'm sure everyone else knew it too, but any evidence there might have been got washed away when the dam broke."
"What'd you do? After you heard the news report?"
"Well… I remember tryin' to focus on what the anchor was saying. I wanted to hear or see somethin' that would shake the feelin' I had in my belly. I tried to focus as hard as I could but it was like my ears were stuffed with cotton and my eyes were glazed over. I needed to speak to him—"
"Daddy?"
"Yeah. I needed to hear his voice, see him, touch him… something. I made promises to no one that if I could only know that he was alright, I wouldn't fuss at him or ask him to come home or anything. The only thing that mattered was that he was safe. All I wanted was some reassurance. And really… now, lookin' back, that's not even true. What I really wanted was for someone, anyone, to deny what I already knew to be true in some hidden corner of my heart."
"What'd you know?"
"I knew somethin' was wrong. I knew he was hurt. His luck, our luck, had been tested one too many times. I knew he wasn't okay, but I never let it bubble up to the surface. I never let it enter my consciousness. Not 'til I saw him with my own two eyes. If I'd done it any sooner, I might not have ever made it to him."
"You must have been so scared."
"Terrified, but I had to force my way out of it. I couldn't very well walk up the mountain to see if he was okay, but I could check the hospital… see if he ended up there."
"I thought you didn't have a car."
"I didn't. I was runnin' to Butch and Frida's when I saw their car speedin' down the road. They were already on their way to pick me up. Frida had heard the news and knew I'd be worried. I've called her my sister ever since that moment."
"Did I get my uncle Butch that day too?"
I nodded and swallowed down the lump that had formed in my throat. "We hadn't been in the car long when Butch got a phone call. It was Sheriff Houghton. I can't remember anything that anyone said, but I remember their faces. I remember the way my seatbelt tightened against me when Butch hit the gas. I remember the feel of Frida's hand on my knee. I remember hearing sirens from behind us. Butch pulled into the right lane and an ambulance flew by, followed by the sheriff's cruiser. We trailed him all the way to the ambulance entrance of the hospital. Every second felt like an hour. I stumbled gettin' out of the car. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I watched the ambulance doors swing open…" I took another moment to compose myself before continuing. "I didn't have to hear what Wade said to know it was Hasil on the gurney. Still, a piece of me got hopeful when I saw a woman on top of the bloody sheets."
"What? Was it the wrong ambulance?"
"No, and I realized it almost immediately. She was an EMT and she was giving him CPR." I watched Starla's face contort the way it did when she tried to keep from crying. "Do you want to hear the rest?"
She wiped at her eyes. "Elder Krake says it's the responsibility of Farrell youth to know the tales of their kin. If you and daddy can live it, I can hear it. I can learn from it."
I hesitated. She was so smart and so mature, but she was still my baby and I didn't like to see her upset.
"Go on, Mama."
"I tried to run toward him, but Butch wrapped me up. Held me back. The EMT kept doin' compressions and I saw Hasil's arm slip from the side of the gurney, lifeless. That. That was physically painful. There was just hurt, all over my body, like a million needles were pushing their way up through my skin. Like there was an elephant sittin' on my chest. I remember grippin' my belly and tryin' to focus my thoughts on you. You were a piece of him, there inside me, safe and warm." Tears were streaming down Starla's cheeks, but any reluctance I had felt about tellin' the story was gone. There was somethin' cathartic about sittin' there alone with her, lookin' into her eyes, and thinkin' back to that moment when I thought it'd just be the two of us. We made it through that day, and Hasil did too.
"Sheriff Houghton showed us to the waiting room," I said. "There was a lady who kept askin' questions about Hasil that I couldn't answer. When she started to badger me about how he'd gotten shot and how we were gonna pay for the surgery, all three… no… all five of them shooed her off."
"Five?"
"Yeah. Wade's sister Ledda and her friend Polly were there too. Polly was a nurse and had taken care of Hasil all night. It was her decision to call the ambulance. If she hadn't, Hasil would have died on Wade's couch. We were all waitin' there together, waitin' to hear anything. I was so terrified, but there was somethin' else too. I never had many friends, but I looked around at all the faces waitin' there with me. Scared with me. Hopeful with me. Somehow Hasil and I had made connections. We had people… We had people and I felt safe."
"When did you hear about Daddy?"
"Maybe an hour later a doctor came out to talk to us. She said he was still in surgery and would be for a while, but she was confident that all the internal damage could be repaired. The problem was how much blood he had lost."
"But they gave him transfusions, right? So everything was okay?"
"That's what Butch asked, but the doctor said we would have to wait and see. He was in and out of cardiac arrest the whole ride to the hospital. She couldn't make any promises about what kind of toll that did or didn't take on him."
"You mean like his brain?"
I nodded. "It was nighttime before the doctor said he was stable enough in the ICU for visitors. Frida walked down with me, but I went in alone."
"Was he awake?"
"No, but he looked like himself, only a little pale maybe. They had lots of monitors on him and he had a thick layer of dressings on his wound, but he was breathin' on his own. They had oxygen on him to help, but he was doin' all the hard work all by himself."
"He's strong."
"Always has been."
"Did you say anything to him?"
"Only his favorite thing to hear." I looked at my girl and smiled because I knew she'd be able to guess what I'd said.
She smiled back at me. "'I love you, Hasil Farrell.'"
"That's right, baby girl." I took a sip of water from the glass sitting on her desk. "It was almost two whole days before he woke up. I was there in the room with him, restin' my head on the edge of his mattress when I felt his fingertips graze my shoulder. I looked over and saw his eyes open just a slither and I completely burst into tears. I'm talkin' absolute hysterics. I felt bad because I was so sure it was freakin' him out and that only made me cry harder."
The image elicited a laugh from Starla.
"Mhmm. That's exactly how your Fa responded."
"He laughed!?"
"He sure did. Well maybe it was more of a weak chuckle, but still. I woulda hit him if he hadn't just been shot."
"What'd he say?"
"… 'I told you.'"
"Told you what?"
Starla was absolutely captivated, eyes wide, sitting up straight. I felt like a famous person being interviewed by my biggest fan. "He said, 'I told you I'd always come back to ya.'"
She squealed. "Do you think there's a guy like daddy out there for me?"
I stood up and pulled back her blankets so she could get ready to go to bed. "I do, but it ain't Jessie."
She laughed as she got under the sheets. "His name is Jackson, Mama."
"Really? I thought it was Jonathan," I said as I tucked her in. "Or maybe Julian."
"No. I remember now. We're both wrong."
"Yeah? What's his name?"
"Jerk. Pretty sure it's Jerk Jacobs."
"Yeah that's it. That's definitely it." I sat on the corner of her mattress and looked down at her. "There's a good guy for you out there baby girl. Maybe you'll meet 'im tomorrow, maybe you'll meet 'im in thirty years… but you stay focused on the things you can control, like daddy said. You've got too much goin' for ya to worry over silly boys." I kissed her forehead.
"I want to hear more," she said as I walked toward the door. "I have so many questions. I want to hear about the day after daddy woke up, and the day after that, and the day after that."
"Why's that?"
"It's my favorite love story. One day I'm gonna write a book about it."
"Are ya?"
"Mhmm." She snuggled into her blankets. "I'm gonna start takin' notes… and gettin' stories from daddy and Aunt Frida and Uncle Butch. It's gonna be a bestseller. You'll see."
"What will you name it?"
She thought for a moment. "Mountain Strong. A feral love story, by Starla Shay Farrell."
"That's perfect." I turned off her light. "Get some rest. Tomorrow get your Fa to tell you about the night we picked your name."
"I will. Night Mama."
"Night, baby girl." I closed her door and peeked in on Amos before heading to my bedroom. Hasil was sitting on the end of the bed fiddlin' with one of Amos's broken toys. "Took a lil longer than I thought. Didn't expect to find ya awake."
He put the toy on the floor and looked at me. "'Course I'm awake. I promised I'd cheer ya up… 'though you don't look like you need it."
I shook my head. "It wasn't so bad. You know she wants to write a book about me and you?"
He chuckled. "That so?"
"Yep. She's gonna call it Mountain Strong."
"That's a good title. We made some smart babies."
I raised my eyebrows. "We did, but don't look at me like that..."
"Look at ya like what?" he asked, doin' nothin' to attempt to change his naughty little expression.
"Like you wanna make more smart babies!"
He just sat there grinnin' at me.
"Hasil don't."
"I'm gonna. You know I'm gonna so I don't even know why we go through this."
"Hasil you—"
"C'mere."
I sighed. Seventeen years later and hearin' him say that still made me weak in the knees. I started to walk toward him and as soon as I was close enough, he grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the bed so that we were just a big pile of limbs and laughter.
He kissed me and stroked my face. "Sweet Sally Ann."
We really had been through so much together. From the very first day we met it was full speed ahead. Sometimes it was hard and sometimes it was scary, but there wasn't a moment of it that I would change. Not one second. "I love you, Hasil Farrell."
