Betsy's Birthday
"So, I mean, do you have feelings for me or what?"
"What?"
"I don't know what happens it that weird little head of yours but…" Shrugging, she placed her hand on her hip. "It doesn't seem like I'm totally off in asking if you have feelings for me."
Danny's response was a sigh. He shook his head pointedly, irritated at the questions. "You're being conceited."
"No I'm not. If I were being conceited I'd provide you with a list of why you should have feelings for me. I'm just asking if, on your own accord, you've somehow come into some feelings for me."
"I'm not having this conversation."
"Don't just walk away from me, man." Mindy followed a bolting Danny down the hall in Betsy's apartment. It was a tiny hallway; dingy, cramped, with one overhead light.
"Move, I want to get my jacket." He'd left it on the bed in Betsy's room. Mindy blocked the door.
"You can't just leave."
"Uhh," Danny gripped her arm to drag her out of the way. His grip wasn't rough; his effort to move Mindy was half-hearted. "You can't just tell me what to do."
"Okay, okay. This is escalating to some pretty pathetic schoolyard banter. Danny, come on. Why can't we have this conversation? We're grown-ass adults."
His sigh was heavy. Biting his lip, Danny rooted his hands on his hips, his stance defiant. "Fine. I like you. Is that what you wanted to hear?" He watched her foul reaction. The instant her forehead creased and her mouth turned down in disgust, he reached forward for the knob of Betsy's bedroom door. "Please let me get my jacket so I can leave."
"What? Danny, no. God." She pushed his hand away. "Nice phrasing. It's not 'what I what I wanted to hear', okay?"
"I know. I know it's not. That's why I haven't told you." He pressed forward once more, his eyes avoiding hers, to the doorknob.
"God, stop trying to open this door. I am sturdier then you think."
Danny stepped back. He continued to avoid eye contact. Mindy said nothing until, wearily sighing, Danny finally looked up at her. Her face had softened from the creased-brow frown. "How come you never told me?" Her pressing was gentle.
Danny responded to this soft demeanor, easing back, trying to regain clarity. He wanted this conversation, if it had to happen right now, to unfold with reason. He didn't want to yell at her. He didn't want to talk about it right now. But he was going to be kind about it. Danny hadn't had the intention to avoid this conversation with Mindy forever.
He articulated his preference for a particular time and place with: "I don't know."
"This doesn't have to be that painful, Danny."
"Well what? What do you want me to say? I never told because the time never felt good, okay? It never felt like something you wanted to hear, so why would I tell you?"
Danny's entire demeanor changed at Mindy's slow, nervous "I've never said I didn't want to hear it."
"What? Really?"
"Well, come on, Danny. I dragged you away from a birthday party to talk about it. You don't think I had an ending that I ultimately wanted to hear?" Danny's eyes widened at her frankness. Silence fell over them, neither one quite sure how to navigate this high-energy exchange of honesty. Mindy continued first, cautiously, like she if she said the wrong thing, Danny would take back what he said. "So how long have you been …in…to me? Like, as a romantic prospect."
Danny's palmed his forehead, exasperated. "Does it really matter?"
"Well, yeah."
"Why?"
"Because, Danny. I have to know if this is some kind of bucket list you have, or if we're soul mates. You know, Things To Do Before I Turn Forty? Sleep with an Indian woman?"
Disgusted, Danny asked: "Does it have to be one or the other? Why do you make things into such extremes?"
Mindy's disbelief with Danny's avoidance infuriated her. "Uhh, are you kidding me? This from the guy who two seconds ago looked like he was in physical pain admitting that he had feelings for me."
Silence fell over them again. Mindy's refusal to say anything more, to coax out of a Danny a sweet declaration of love was incentive enough for Danny to speak. "Look," He began, shifting his weight. They were each leaning on opposite sides of the walls, surprisingly standoffish for two people in love. "If you want some sort of measure…" He took a deep breath, like what he was about to say was so buried inside of him that he needed to brace himself. "When Christina read that stupid letter that Morgan mailed… that's why she came back. She said she'd made a mistake, wanted to talk to me about what it meant, yadda yadda."
"Okay you're yadda-yadda-ing over the best party I think, but continue."
"She apologized. And she asked me if I wanted to try again."
"Oh my god."
"Yeah."
"So…"
"So what do you think?" His voice softened slightly and he fixed his eyes firmly onto Mindy. "I told her no." At this, Mindy's firm, intent face softened with heartfelt disbelief.
"Because of me?" Her voice rattled with shock. "You refused a second shot at repairing your marriage to the woman you literally won't stop talking about because you have feelings for me?"
Mindy's statement slightly stiffened Danny's tender posture. "Okay, well I don't not stop talking about her. I was confiding my personal insecurities in you, didn't that come across?"
"Danny that's huge. I mean, that's like, you're not joking around here, are you? With this?" She motioned back and forth between them, like their feelings for one another were a separate entity that existed in the space between their bodies.
"I'm not joking around."
She smiled softly. Shyly, Danny smiled back at her. Mindy took an emboldened step toward Danny, coyly, nervously testing the width of hallway between them to see if he would retreat. He didn't, but they both looked like they felt the unsettling weight of what to do next hang over them. Perhaps unfortunately, Mindy broke the eye contact with what was likely going to be a sweet, perfect first kiss in Betsy's poorly light hallway with a question: "Are we soul mates?"
Danny appeared visibly irritated by this and stepped forward to open the door to Betsy's bedroom.
"Whoa, what? Are you going to ravage me on Betsy's bed?"
Danny looked annoyed. He searched through the pile of jackets on the bed for the two that belonged to them. First handing Mindy her bright yellow trench coat, Danny slipped on his light jacket and turned sharply out the door. Dumbfounded, Mindy stomped after him, snaking one arm through the arm of her coat. "Where are you going?"
Danny paused at the end of the hallway, the buzz of the party guests getting louder as they abandoned their private solace in the hallway. "Come on," He held his arm out for her to walk ahead of him and when she did walk confusedly to the door of Betsy's apartment, he held his hand lightly on the small of her back, guiding her.
They walked down the wet street, the moist, damp spell of spring in New York nipping their cheeks. Danny hadn't really said much as they exited Betsy's apartment, just coolly saying "Let's get out of here" like he was some slick hot shot extra from The Public Enemy. Mindy half-expected him to call her doll.
Wanting their conversation to veer back to the topic of where she ranked for him in the scheme of now until eternity, Mindy silently calculated how best to revisit this subject. Danny must have been thinking along the same lines because he interrupted her internal monologue with a very solemn, serious declaration: "Listen, I just don't like the term soul mate."
"God, I feel like we've run the course of a long-term relationship in like, twenty minutes."
"No, I mean, I just don't think that it means anything. How are you supposed to know if two people are meant to be together forever?" He paused a beat, like he was waiting for Mindy to answer. It turns out his question was rhetorical, because he carried on his well-intentioned rant. "You don't. Everyone always thinks, the minute they start having feelings for someone new, that this person is their soul mate, that this person understands them like no one ever has, that they're going to change the way they think about love forever."
"Yeah, Danny, that's why soul mates are awesome. It's called having hope."
"No, no it doesn't work like that. That definition is totally bogus. The only way the word soul mate would ever be appropriate is in hindsight, on your deathbed, looking back at your life."
"So you don't think that there is anything that draws people together? That it's just like, well, I'll catch the next one because nothing about you is special to me."
"That's not what I said."
"If you don't think that there's anything special about two people being interested in one another, then why did you make such a big deal about not wanting have this conversation? If it's just contextual for you, and not about something bigger, then why are you being such a pain?"
Danny halted their walk by lightly grabbing Mindy's arm, forcing her to turn around and face him. "Look, fine, you're right. This is special." He took a second to enjoy the way Mindy's annoyed demeanor faded once more into moved, albeit apprehensive, interest. "You can have feelings for someone that are meaningful but to put some sort of soul mate label onto it? Nah, that's garbage."
Mindy stayed silent to indicate that she wanted him to continue.
"It's scary to claim eternity with someone, okay?"
Mindy could see terrified vulnerability on Danny's face and in his body language. She had no sass in her to counter what he said. He was taking a risk by being so honest with her and Mindy felt warmed by this. His dark, almost boyish gaze at her indicated his sincerity and earnestness. He liked her, but he wasn't going to offer her some stock line from a movie to try to prove his intentions. The warm feeling spread across Mindy's chest, out to her hands, flushing her face. For a second she actually worried she might cry.
She didn't, though. Thank god. Instead she just gave him a small nod, trying to convey her understanding, and whispered: "You're right."
A relieved grin spread across Danny's face, and he took four or five long strides ahead of her to a street vendor. Amused, she walked up to him, questioning what he was doing. He looked at her, his lopsided smile a startling mix of cocky and sincere. "Look, I'm not going to put up with years of you berating me for us not having a proper first date." He paid the sweaty vendor, receiving two paper-wrapped hot dogs in exchange. Danny handed one to Mindy.
She smiled widely, unwrapping the hot dog. "This is a date?" Mindy squired mustard onto her hot dog, waiting for Danny's answer.
"That okay with you?"
They started to walk away from the food cart, falling into a slow, steady sync with one another. "Yeah, that's okay with me."
Danny grinned at her as he unwrapped his own hot dog. "Ew, Danny, you eat hot dogs plain? At least put some ketchup on." He laughed at this. Mindy was pleased with his reaction. They kept walking, eating silently, both their mouths curved upward into satisfied smiles.
Fin.